The One Where I Totally Give Maya Angelou the Smackdown
T-minus 2 hours, 36 minutes till laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaney
and now for an essay for english class
In recent years, cultural commentators have decried the decline in interest in contemporary poetry. They point to low sales for poetry volumes and students’ near-universal rejection of poetry units in English classes. However, poetry is a unique and vital art form that deserves appreciation and attention from the youth if it wants to survive.
Now, the first major problem we encounter is on the ‘supply’ side of the equation. Every year there are fewer and fewer new poets that excite any sort of interest from the public. The reason is simple. Back in ‘the day’, people flocked to poetry as a profession for the same reason they become rock stars: to pick up chicks (except, of course, for Walt Whitman). However, in our modern-day hustle-and-bustle world, chicks, for no scientifically valid reason, flock towards men with jobs that pay. Indeed, ‘poet’ has long been replaced on the ‘sexiest occupations’ list by such previously unattractive trades as fireman, hobo, root beer taste tester and serf.
On the other hand, consumers are increasingly likely to say that poetry has no relevance to their lives. How did this impression form? Let’s take an example from a contemporary poet, which I stumbled upon during my regular Google search for “maya angelou” and “turd”:
The mastodon, the dinosaur,
Who left dried tokens
Of Their sojourn here
On our planet floor…
Now it may seem incredible that the average American would not find this passage about fossilized poop immediately applicable to their daily lives. However, the pernicious influence of one group is to blame here: evolutionists. How are we supposed to relate to creatures that ‘evolved’ millions of years ago? Angelou’s poem has just that much more ‘oomph’ for people who believe that Noah had a pet triceratops.
But of course, it would be irresponsible to neglect poetry’s worst enemy: schools. As anybody who ever watched The Wonder Years knows, the only reason teachers bring poetry into the classroom is to prove how hip and anti-authoritarian they are, which inevitably leads to their dismissal by the white bread school board, nevertheless inspiring her charges to take a stand against authority. (The other thing I learned from that show: If you steal a sex manual and your mom finds out, it’s OK if it turns out she has one too.)
It is increasingly evident that school is the wrong place for poetry to be taught. This is obvious from the evolution of the greeting card. Christmas was originally the only time of year that cards of any type were exchanged. However, ever since the 1950’s, the growth of the Hallmark company has paralleled the growth of the public school system, and in that time we have witnessed an explosion in the number of greeting cards available: “Get Well Soon”, “Happy Second Marriage!”, and the ever-popular “Congratulations on Your Successful Dental Procedure.” Is anyone surprised that schools have made our children turn to a rack in CVS for emotional solace?
In short, if poetry is to survive as an art form, all aspects of its production and distribution need to be reassessed. Although I cannot offer a definitive solution, perhaps we need to go back to epic poems in Ancient Greek. The next best thing after that is “YO! MTV Poems!”
and now for an essay for english class
In recent years, cultural commentators have decried the decline in interest in contemporary poetry. They point to low sales for poetry volumes and students’ near-universal rejection of poetry units in English classes. However, poetry is a unique and vital art form that deserves appreciation and attention from the youth if it wants to survive.
Now, the first major problem we encounter is on the ‘supply’ side of the equation. Every year there are fewer and fewer new poets that excite any sort of interest from the public. The reason is simple. Back in ‘the day’, people flocked to poetry as a profession for the same reason they become rock stars: to pick up chicks (except, of course, for Walt Whitman). However, in our modern-day hustle-and-bustle world, chicks, for no scientifically valid reason, flock towards men with jobs that pay. Indeed, ‘poet’ has long been replaced on the ‘sexiest occupations’ list by such previously unattractive trades as fireman, hobo, root beer taste tester and serf.
On the other hand, consumers are increasingly likely to say that poetry has no relevance to their lives. How did this impression form? Let’s take an example from a contemporary poet, which I stumbled upon during my regular Google search for “maya angelou” and “turd”:
The mastodon, the dinosaur,
Who left dried tokens
Of Their sojourn here
On our planet floor…
Now it may seem incredible that the average American would not find this passage about fossilized poop immediately applicable to their daily lives. However, the pernicious influence of one group is to blame here: evolutionists. How are we supposed to relate to creatures that ‘evolved’ millions of years ago? Angelou’s poem has just that much more ‘oomph’ for people who believe that Noah had a pet triceratops.
But of course, it would be irresponsible to neglect poetry’s worst enemy: schools. As anybody who ever watched The Wonder Years knows, the only reason teachers bring poetry into the classroom is to prove how hip and anti-authoritarian they are, which inevitably leads to their dismissal by the white bread school board, nevertheless inspiring her charges to take a stand against authority. (The other thing I learned from that show: If you steal a sex manual and your mom finds out, it’s OK if it turns out she has one too.)
It is increasingly evident that school is the wrong place for poetry to be taught. This is obvious from the evolution of the greeting card. Christmas was originally the only time of year that cards of any type were exchanged. However, ever since the 1950’s, the growth of the Hallmark company has paralleled the growth of the public school system, and in that time we have witnessed an explosion in the number of greeting cards available: “Get Well Soon”, “Happy Second Marriage!”, and the ever-popular “Congratulations on Your Successful Dental Procedure.” Is anyone surprised that schools have made our children turn to a rack in CVS for emotional solace?
In short, if poetry is to survive as an art form, all aspects of its production and distribution need to be reassessed. Although I cannot offer a definitive solution, perhaps we need to go back to epic poems in Ancient Greek. The next best thing after that is “YO! MTV Poems!”