You know we always had each other, baby...I guess that wasn't enough.
Jesus.
Im so sick of this shit. But its like, fuckin karma or somthin. Maybe its the world payin me back for what i did to Blake...i dont know. Dont want to know. But...jesus fuck. 'History never repaets', huh? My ass it dosnt. It fuckin loops right the fuck around and then back again.
This is, what, the 3rd time? Yeah. Erin. Luci. Sakura.
Somhow, i think Sakura was the worst. Erin got nocked up by somone else, but it was Blake. We were practical brothers, practical the same person. And we were all close. It wasnt relly that suprsing. Luci...Luci told me she was goin to. She gave me the choice (not that it was much of a choise; i loved her. Like i was gonna walk away from her...no way) and i knew what was goin on. And it wasnt that she didnt love me back, she jut culdnt be held down like that. Fine.
But Sakura...i thoght id given her everything. I thought...well, i guess i thught wrong. Some random guy pops up, and bam! Everythins gone.
Well, it was gone before that. Fuckin Bryn. Shoulda killed him when i had the chance. But nooo, Sakura got in the way.
Maybe its my falt, anyway. If it keeps happenin like this...gotta be somthin to do with me. Wish i could figure out what.
Why cant i let them go? Its like havin three more voices in my head, thirds of me that have all run off in diferent directins and left me behind. Theres never an explanation that makes sense. I wonder why. Maybe i just dont want to understand it. And every time it happens, i swear that ill never let it happen again. Heh. Yeah, right. You cant stop somthin like that, Naruto. Lifes gonna happen wether you want it to or not. And then i go off and fall in love again, still holdin on to the ones before. Fuckin stupid. Its like cluthing razorblades, or fire.
I tried to finish that song today, but everythin i come up with is...wrong. Wrong for me. Dark. I dont want to be dark. Ive seen what that looks like, inside and out. Dont wanna go back again.
Writing sucks. Thinkin hurts. Maybe ill skip songwritin til im feelin better. Maybe im just tired from work. Fuckin Tsunade...Coco had to give me a pay advance just so i could buy food this week. Works been slow on the...fuck, i feel violated. Heh. Well, not relly - could be worse! - but somtimes...
I wanna go home. But i dont know were home is anymore. Luci's back in El Paso now. Erin, Blake, Andrea, Sid, T...all my family. Exept now ive got family up here. I dont think i can leave them. Sass, Hina, Anko, Tem, Pops...even Zaku, Haku and Neji.
And Sakura...god. Everywhere theres Sakura. Fuckin damn. Tequila is tempting, but Sid didnt send me any. Wonder if Anko's been gosiping? He knows better than to send that my way if he thinks im gonna need it. Not after Mama's funeril. Fuck. I havent felt that bad since TJ.
Ferd, keep this safe for me, buddy. Ill burn it with the last memories of Mama and Pa. Until then, its yours.
Im so sick of this shit. But its like, fuckin karma or somthin. Maybe its the world payin me back for what i did to Blake...i dont know. Dont want to know. But...jesus fuck. 'History never repaets', huh? My ass it dosnt. It fuckin loops right the fuck around and then back again.
This is, what, the 3rd time? Yeah. Erin. Luci. Sakura.
Somhow, i think Sakura was the worst. Erin got nocked up by somone else, but it was Blake. We were practical brothers, practical the same person. And we were all close. It wasnt relly that suprsing. Luci...Luci told me she was goin to. She gave me the choice (not that it was much of a choise; i loved her. Like i was gonna walk away from her...no way) and i knew what was goin on. And it wasnt that she didnt love me back, she jut culdnt be held down like that. Fine.
But Sakura...i thoght id given her everything. I thought...well, i guess i thught wrong. Some random guy pops up, and bam! Everythins gone.
Well, it was gone before that. Fuckin Bryn. Shoulda killed him when i had the chance. But nooo, Sakura got in the way.
Maybe its my falt, anyway. If it keeps happenin like this...gotta be somthin to do with me. Wish i could figure out what.
Why cant i let them go? Its like havin three more voices in my head, thirds of me that have all run off in diferent directins and left me behind. Theres never an explanation that makes sense. I wonder why. Maybe i just dont want to understand it. And every time it happens, i swear that ill never let it happen again. Heh. Yeah, right. You cant stop somthin like that, Naruto. Lifes gonna happen wether you want it to or not. And then i go off and fall in love again, still holdin on to the ones before. Fuckin stupid. Its like cluthing razorblades, or fire.
I tried to finish that song today, but everythin i come up with is...wrong. Wrong for me. Dark. I dont want to be dark. Ive seen what that looks like, inside and out. Dont wanna go back again.
Writing sucks. Thinkin hurts. Maybe ill skip songwritin til im feelin better. Maybe im just tired from work. Fuckin Tsunade...Coco had to give me a pay advance just so i could buy food this week. Works been slow on the...fuck, i feel violated. Heh. Well, not relly - could be worse! - but somtimes...
I wanna go home. But i dont know were home is anymore. Luci's back in El Paso now. Erin, Blake, Andrea, Sid, T...all my family. Exept now ive got family up here. I dont think i can leave them. Sass, Hina, Anko, Tem, Pops...even Zaku, Haku and Neji.
And Sakura...god. Everywhere theres Sakura. Fuckin damn. Tequila is tempting, but Sid didnt send me any. Wonder if Anko's been gosiping? He knows better than to send that my way if he thinks im gonna need it. Not after Mama's funeril. Fuck. I havent felt that bad since TJ.
Ferd, keep this safe for me, buddy. Ill burn it with the last memories of Mama and Pa. Until then, its yours.