Unforgivable
Title: Unforgivable
Author: orangedcgirl
Pairing: Kangin/Leeteuk
Rating: PG
Genre: Angst
Summary: "Hyung," said Ryeowook, voice wavering slightly. "I don't think we're the ones you should be apologizing to right now."
A/N: So this is just a little bit depressing. I think we all know what it's about. Stupid Kangin.
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Fumbling his key in the lock, Kangin took a deep breath before finally pushing the door open. He stepped quietly through, head down, and locked it behind him.
Donghae looked up from the kitchen table. "Oh," he said, and nothing else. Kyuhyun sauntered in, talking on his cell phone, and stopped abruptly when he spotted Kangin. He paused, murmuring something into his phone before snapping it shut.
"Well," he said. "You're back."
Kangin said nothing. He didn't even look up.
Donghae fidgeted at the table, uncomfortable. He stood and moved next to Kyuhyun, gripping the younger man's arm lightly. He didn't like confrontations.
Kyuhyun kept a level gaze on Kangin. "Is there anything you want to say?" He spoke calmly, but there was an undertone of anger that Kangin had rarely heard.
"Will anybody listen?" said Kangin quietly. He heard a quiet gasp and turned to see Ryeowook in the doorway, Sungmin standing behind him, looking uneasy.
"Depends on what you have to say," said Kyuhyun, his face stony. Donghae gripped his arm a little harder.
"...I'm sorry," said Kangin quietly, not making eye contact. "I really, truly am. I don't..." he sighed wearily and rubbed his face. "I don't know what I was thinking."
Kyuhyun snorted. "You weren't, obviously," he said, his tone scathing.
Kangin's jaw tightened slightly, and he opened his mouth to say something back when Ryeowook cleared his throat. All eyes turned to him.
"Hyung," he said, voice wavering slightly. Sungmin's hand tightened on his shoulder. "I don't think we're the ones you should be apologizing to right now."
Kangin finally looked up, and noticed who was missing. "...Where is he?"
Kyuhyun's gaze dropped. "His room," he said quietly. "He locked himself in when we got the call. I don't think he's stopped crying since."
Heart wrenching in his chest at the words, Kangin swallowed the lump in his throat and started towards the hallway. Ryeowook and Sungmin stepped aside wordlessly to let him through.
No one followed him.
He stopped outside one of the bedroom doors, and pressed his ear against the hard wood. He could hear, very faintly, the sound of someone crying on the other side, and he almost lost his nerve right there. But knowing that the other members would never let him back in the dorm otherwise, he slowly raised one hand and knocked twice in the center of the door.
The sounds from inside stopped, but there was nothing else.
"Jungsu," Kangin muttered against the door after a moment. "It's me."
There was a long pause. Kangin pressed his forehead against the smooth wood and closed his eyes. "Jungsu, please. Can I come in?"
Another long stretch of silence. He was about to turn away when all of a sudden the door swung open, and Kangin stumbled inside. He righted himself quickly as Leeteuk snapped the door shut behind him.
Leeteuk didn't say a word. He simply stared at Kangin expectantly, arms crossed over his chest, face red and puffy from crying. That was his fault, Kangin thought. He had done that to Leeteuk. To his Jungsu.
He took a deep breath. "Jungsu," he began, but was startled into silence when a fist suddenly connected with his chest. He stumbled backwards, more out of surprise than anything. Leeteuk was staring at him with fury in his eyes, fists clenched.
"You IDIOT!" he yelled, tears streaming down his cheeks. "How could you do something like this? Again? You are the most idiotic, selfish, good-for-nothing person I have EVER had the misfortune of meeting!" he sobbed, punctuating each word with a solid thump to Kangin's chest.
He ended his tirade with one last half-hearted slap, breathing heavily. Kangin caught his wrists in an attempt to pull him closer, but Leeteuk wrenched his hands away in anger. When Kangin moved forward to try and hug him, Leeteuk backed away.
"Don't touch me," he said, his voice low and dangerous. The harsh tone hurt Kangin more than the weak punches ever could.
Leeteuk sniffed and wiped his eyes furiously on his sleeve. After a moment of catching his breath he continued, his voice broken and pleading.
"How could you," he said quietly, his shoulders shaking. Kangin would have given anything to hold him, but was afraid of Leeteuk rejecting him again.
"You're so selfish, Youngwoon," Leeteuk continued, his eyes wide and shiny with tears. Kangin had to look away. "Don't you get it? This isn't just about you. You're hurting us." He hugged himself tightly, looking as though he were ready to burst into tears once again. "And I don't just mean the group," he added softly.
There was nothing Kangin could say to remedy the situation, and Leeteuk knew that. The silence pressed in on them for a long moment, until it was finally broken by Leeteuk's sniffling. This time, he didn't pull away when Kangin stepped forward and carefully wrapped his arms around the slender, shaking figure.
"I'm sorry," he whispered, his cheek pressed to Leeteuk's hair. The older man gripped the front of Kangin's shirt desperately. "I am so, so sorry."
Leeteuk was silent, but Kangin could tell by the heaving of his chest that he was crying again. He held onto him tightly for a long time, until the sobs had died away and Leeteuk slumped against him, exhausted.
"You should sleep," Kangin murmured at last, stroking the back of Leeteuk's neck. Leeteuk sighed, then pulled away gently and nodded.
He refused to look up, but brushed his long, slender fingers against Kangin's own. "What time do you have to be in court tomorrow?"
"Two."
Leeteuk nodded again, and let Kangin's hand drop. "You should probably leave."
Kangin swallowed, but agreed. What he wanted to do was hold onto Leeteuk and never let go, to take back everything he did wrong and smooth the lines in Leeteuk's forehead, the worry creases that seemed to get worse every time Kangin saw him.
But he knew he could never take back what he had done, or the pain he had caused.
"I love you," Kangin whispered, kissing Leeteuk softly on the cheek.
Leeteuk said nothing, and Kangin left.
Leeteuk locked the door behind him, and cried himself to sleep.