SMOSH FIC: What It Was Before (Chapter 2)
Title: What It Was Before (Chapter 2)
Ratng: PG-13 (NC-17 later chapters)
Pairings: Ian/Anthony, Anthony/OC
Genre/Warnings: Angst, OOC
Summary: Ian comes out of a coma caused by a car accident to find himself feeling like a stranger in his own life. Anthony struggles with the idea that his best friend had almost died
Chapter 1
When Ian woke up, he noticed two things. The first was that Anthony’s breath stung his eyes. The second was that his pants were much too tight.
They were lying on their sides and of all mornings, with the sun filtering through dusty blinds and making the white of the hospital look yellow, Ian’s body decided to jump start the day with a huge erection. He groaned, his hand itching to slide down and under the waistband of his pants but Anthony was so close; too close.
Last night had felt like a dream. He hadn’t seen Anthony laugh besides the times his memories sneaked up on him but those things were always blurry and distant; like it had come from another lifetime. Anthony hadn’t laughed nearly as much as he did making the awkward video for Ian is Bored. It made Ian feel normal and less alienated, as if he was the old Ian and not some broken replicate.
He was pulled out of his thoughts when Anthony shifted closer; adjusting his head on the pillow they were sharing. The bed was much too small and Ian found his good side going numb because he was so used to sleeping on his back for the past five weeks. His good right foot lay between Anthony’s shins with his casted arm heavy on his side and he wanted to move it but Ian was too tired to feel pain this early.
Anthony was so close that Ian could see the small lines near his mouth through the morning bleariness. His cheeks were flushed a bright hue of pink and his breaths came out in small puffs that warmed Ian’s cold face. Despite the dark bags under Anthony’s closed eyes, Ian liked this view of Anthony more than the one that was awake and usually too concerned. He found himself unconsciously reaching his own hand into his pants and tentatively stroking the ache. Ian closed his eyes and tried to breathe evenly as he went faster and faster. He was lost and so hard as he curled nearer to Anthony’s warmth.
Ian opened his eyes, catching Anthony’s mouth close and open slowly as he murmured in his sleep. Ian bit his lip and tried to tighten his grip on his own cock, but his fingers shook. Too excited or too weak from his trauma Ian didn’t know but it frustrated him that he couldn’t even jerk himself off.
Shit, he thought, stilling his spasms and letting go of his cock. He breathed heavily, desire and too hot fury welling up in his entire body. He tried to buck his hips to lessen his problem but it only resulted in shooting pains from his broken bones. Ian squeezed his eyes and fist tight, forcing himself not to scream. He couldn’t even get off by himself. How pathetic was that?
Just then, Anthony’s knuckles moved below him, grazing innocently the exposed skin right above Ian’s waist. He cringed, tension and pleasure stinging him tense. Anthony shifted even closer and now Ian’s hand was caught between his pants and Anthony’s own bulge. Ian sucked in a breath, afraid Anthony would open his eyes and find Ian red-faced and red-handed. He struggled to slide his hand out that shook the whole way even after the waistband of his pants snapped hard against his stomach. But as soon as his hand was out, Anthony pressed closer and now they were cock to cock.
Ian didn’t know what to do. He was too shocked to move but the friction caused by two hard erections sliding even underneath fabric stirred molten in Ian’s stomach. Ian only stared in fascination as Anthony thrust his hips against Ian. He closed his eyes. White ecstasy danced behind his eyes.
He was nervous and so afraid but he couldn’t bring it upon himself to put these warning signs in the forefront of his mind. He had never been so turned on his life and Ian vaguely remembered the times when his ex-girlfriend had given him a handjob or when they had sex. He imagined it was her that was grinding up against him, moving agonizingly slow but when Anthony grunted, Ian could not pretend anymore. He found it so hot that it was Anthony and the wrongness of the situation only heightened the mood of having his frustrated erection being taken care of. He knew he should stop this; end this but pleasure rafted his body away from common sense. So Ian opted to pretend to be asleep and blame his actions as a result of dreams that made him do things unconsciously. If Anthony could do it, he could too.
Anthony picked up momentum and Ian was having the struggle of his life not to scream as Anthony moaned and moved against him faster. Ian was close very soon and when he came, he had to bite hard on his tongue to stop his cry of release. Anthony continued to thrust up against Ian with a razor grip on his side and Ian’s own cock twitched with leftover laces of hunger. Anthony’s face was scrunched up and mouth wide open with breaths that came out quick and hard. Ian felt himself growing hot again despite the recent stickiness that had moistened his pyjamas. He found himself cross eyed and staring longingly at Anthony’s neck that had a slight gleam of sweat.
Suddenly a sharp knock pierced straight through Ian’s blurry passion and sent Anthony sprawling with the sheets to the floor as the other boy jumped about a foot in the air. Ian managed to crush himself face first into the mattress to hide his soiled clothes.
“Good morning... ah, I’m sorry, did I wake you?” A nurse stood at the doorway with his hands in his pockets. He didn’t phase at the fact that Anthony was on the floor or that Ian was in a position that would not be recommended for a patient of his status. The nurse walked in, a small smirk playing at his lips that made Ian want to smack him. Anthony stumbled in the tangled sheets and got out of them with the help of the nurse. Ian still had not moved.
Judging from the looks of it, Anthony’s erection was completely gone and Ian prayed his friend would not recall their little rub off, dismissing it as a wet dream that felt real but could never be possible in real life. Ian bit his lip, the reality of the situation slowly coming to his senses
“Had a good sleep?” the nurse asked after Anthony resigned to the chair in the corner. Ian couldn’t see Anthony from his angle but he found reassurance in thinking Anthony would be tomato faced with his head down and mouth shut tight and as terrified as Ian was.
“I-I’m good,” Ian managed to say, his words muffled by the pillow. “Slept like a baby.”
“Great.” the nurse took new sheets from the cupboard and fanned it over Ian’s backside. “Try not to move too much or you'll find yourself worse than before. Do you need me to help you onto your back?"
Ian said "No!" the same time Anthony blurted out, "I can do that!"
The nurse didn't find their frantic faces odd and just said, "Alright. That makes things easy for me. I'll check up on you in an hour, Ian."
When he left, Anthony and Ian were silent for a few moments. Ian was still wondering how he should get onto his back on his own with only one side of his body working relatively good. He was so embarrassed and his face started to heat up again and sweat dribbled down his spine. He scrunched his eyes shut when Anthony came near. He could not believe what had just happened.
“S-So… uh, here. I’ll grab your left side,” Anthony said awkwardly and Ian’s eyes flew open the moment fingers wrapped around his side. He gulped, remembering that just moments before, those same fingers had been holding on to him for support as Anthony - Ian blew the thought out of his mind. They had somehow turned Ian onto his back with the blanket conveniently covering the lower half of him. He didn’t notice his face was still crumpled up until Anthony asked if moving him had hurt too much.
“N-Nah,‘s okay.” Ian stammered, avoiding Anthony’s gaze.
It was a miracle because Anthony nodded then offered enthusiastically to go get breakfast, stating that he was too hungry to wait for the nurse. Before Ian could make up an excuse as to why his pants were wet in case Anthony noticed, his friend was out the door.
Anthony could not believe what he had done.
He was walking down the hospital hallway, only minimally aware of his surroundings and mumbling to himself all the while gesturing with his hands to his inner monologue.
How could he have done that? Especially to Ian. He didn’t know what had come over him. Anthony must have gone crazy and Makayla was right. He shouldn’t be there all the time. All this worrying about Ian was making him neglect everything else that was important in his own life and it seems he had been neglecting his own needs. Anthony will admit to caring too much about Ian but ever since the accident, he had become too attached, up to a point of abnormality. He shouldn’t be doing those things to Ian.
He had seen Ian’s hard erection with unfocussed eyes, let his hand graze in that expanse of milky skin, wanting to know where that trail of light brown hair lead to. He had seen through half-closed lids how much Ian wanted release, even in his sleep. So Anthony thought, in between his curiosity and concern, that maybe if he just touched Ian, it would be enough.
But he didn’t know that his own body was already reacting even before they were touching. And it sent a frenzy of thoughts that made no sense but in the haze of sleep and want, made perfect sense. It was fucking hot with Ian whimpering and breathing heavy. And when Ian came, the shudder that hummed between their cocks was amazing. It was all unreal until he was punched right in the gut with the knock on the door.
“God, I’m disgusting,” Anthony said to himself, entering the elevator doors and letting his head knock back against the harsh metal. “Fuck!”
The next time the doors opened, Makayla was there. “Anthony!”
“Oh, hey, Makayla,” Anthony stuttered, got off guard. They embraced and she planted a chaste kiss on his lips. Her fingers found his while she stared up at him with a smile. “You’re here pretty early”
“Well, I was just going up there to surprise Ian,” she explained, “And I was hoping to see you, too.”
Anthony smiled at her, feeling guilty to be with her after the events of the morning. How could he have done that not only to Ian but to Makayla as well? Anthony cringed mentally, heat sweeping the back of his neck.
“Oh yeah,” he said, leading them towards the cafeteria. “I gotta get some breakfast for him. He really hates eating what the nurses give him.”
“I bet,” she laughed, going ahead to pick up a tray. The cafeteria was empty at seven in the morning with only the grim-looking servers behind the counter, filling the pans with food. They offered half-hearted smiles that left Anthony feeling obliged to smile back but his insides were bubbling with too much worry and shame.
He sighed, barely listening as Makayla rambled on about one thing or another. Anthony grabbed a muffin for himself and started to stack on food Ian might want to eat. Ian didn’t eat much with the drugs taking away his appetite and for the fact that he always just wanted to sleep because of therapy. There was a pink-frosted sprinkled donut at the end of the queue and Anthony instantly grabbed for it, smiling to himself.
“So, have you thought about it yet?” Makayla asked voice suddenly humble. Anthony paid for their food, digging deep into his pocket for a couple of dollars. Everything was so damn expensive in hospitals, he thought. “Anthony?”
“Huh? What did you say?” He looked over to her realizing that whatever she was talking about was important. She was frowning and the same guilt washed over him again so he took his free hand and pulled her into another short kiss.
“Don’t change the subject, Ant,” she said now smiling. Makayla lead them to a table where she sat against a window. Her smile slid off her face when Anthony stayed standing. “Sit down.”
“Ian’s food is gunna get cold,” he said, placing the tray down anyway. He wondered what Ian was feeling right now; waking up to find himself in that state and Anthony hadn’t even begun thinking how he himself acted might have affected Ian. God, I fucked up, big time.
He was close to bashing his head against the table before Makayla cut in, saying, “You should eat the pancakes yourself. And anyway, I can just get him some before we leave.”
“Right.” Anthony slid into the seat across from her, breathing in and wiping his palms against his thighs. He succumbed to eating the food when he saw Makayla’s raised brow.
“Are you okay?” she asked, between bites of her eggs. “You don’t look so hot.”
“I’m fine,” Anthony lied quickly, “Just that I slept in the chair all night.”
“You really should just go home and sleep. I don’t think Ian needs to be babysat anyway.”
Anthony shrugged. “What were you talking about before?”
“Oh, right,” Makayla smiled, leaning in close. “I know you probably didn’t have time to think it over again with what’s going on but...”
“Yeah?” Anthony urged on a little apprehensively.
“Well,” she began and took his hand in hers, “have you thought anymore about the whole moving in thing?”
“Oh...” There had been jokes and hints about moving in together before. Anthony never really took them seriously until Makayla had asked him straight one day. And when she had asked, he had thought about it, even asked Ian about it.
Makayla looked excited and Anthony’s guilt about everything, from ignoring her for the past month to the whole fiasco that very morning, rose up like black smog from a house fire. He managed to spit out a smile, shrugging again. “Uh... I have, sort of-”
“You know what? Never mind.” she let go of his hand and put her chin in her palm. She twirled her fork around her empty plate. “It’s silly of me to ask right now.”
“Kay...”
“No, it’s alright, really.” Anthony began to speak again but she smiled and waved him away, standing to join the small line up for breakfast. “Pancakes for Ian, right?”
“Yeah,” Anthony said, staring at the donut on his tray then picked it up and put it in his mouth. “And lots of syrup.”
Shit, shit, shit. Did Anthony notice? Is that why he left the room in such a hurry? Maybe he saw Ian’s pants and fled because it was gross. Or maybe Anthony realized it was Ian who he was rubbing up against. And thought that would be disgusting.
He wasn’t gay and Anthony wasn’t either, at least from what he could remember. Maybe Ian was gay and he had forgotten in between the car hitting him and breaking his head. Or maybe Anthony was too and he had forgotten. Maybe now because Ian was fucked up that Anthony wouldn’t want him anymore.
“Aw, god.” Ian pressed the heel of his hand against his eye, feeling the rough scabs just above his eyebrow and the healed bumps on the side of his temple. He really needed to change into new pants. “I’m such an idiot.”
“Morning, Ian!” a cheery voice said from the doorway. Ian was startled to see a girl with straight brunette locks holding a tray of what looked like pancakes. She sauntered in with Anthony at tow and placed the food on the bedside table. Ian made sure he was well covered, suddenly feeling exposed with this new stranger in the room. His cheeks reddening when Anthony dragged the only chair in the room beside Ian. “Wow, you look good since the last time I saw you.”
“Do you remember Makayla?” Anthony gestured towards the smiling girl and Ian noticed her lean too close to Anthony who looked as uncomfortable as Ian was. She sat down on the chair, sliding her hand down Anthony’s arm. “My girlfriend.”
There was an abrupt stillness in the room and Ian looked from Anthony to Makayla, something caught up in the pit of his stomach. Ian felt betrayed in a way and it confused him. The events of the morning weeding away with Anthony’s girlfriend standing in front of him. Why hadn’t Anthony mentioned his girlfriend before?
“Makayla!” Ian suddenly exclaimed, false happiness dripping off of his face and pushing down his discomfort. He didn’t want to look stupid, not knowing who his best friend’s girlfriend was. “Anthony hasn’t said much about you. But, oh, I remember you.” He waggled a finger at her as she laughed.
“Well, it’s good that you do,” Makayla said with an accusing smile towards her boyfriend. Anthony shrugged and took it upon himself to help Ian sit up. “I’m sorry I didn’t visit earlier. I came last week but Anthony wouldn’t let me see you since you were asleep.”
“Yeah, he can be really anal about some things.” Ian smiled as Makayla talked on, purposely keeping his body as heavy as he could which made the act of sitting up even more difficult for Anthony. He smirked as Anthony’s knuckles turned white, trying to tug the pillow behind Ian in place.
“Why are you so friggin’ fat all of a sudden?” Anthony muttered too quiet for Makayla to hear.
“Why didn’t you tell me you had a girlfriend?” Ian whispered equally quiet and bit his lip because he hadn’t meant to say that out loud.
“I thought you said you remembered her,” Anthony fluffed the pillow too hard, gazing angrily at nothing, “I guess you didn’t hit your fucking head that hard, then.”
Bitch, Ian thought and drew his attention back to Makayla who had wheeled the table over to Ian with pancakes covered in maple sugar in front of him. She was still talking, telling Ian how glad she was that he was okay and that Anthony spent all his time with Ian while he was in his coma. Ian looked over at Anthony, face red and hands in his pocket.
Ian couldn’t help the uncalled frustration that he felt for Makayla and Anthony. He stared at his pancakes as he half listened to Anthony’s girlfriend and tried to find something in his memory that would put his negative feelings to justice. How could he forget about something like this? But he couldn’t recall one moment with Makayla and it made Ian uneasy. He really didn’t want to be here.
Anthony was staring at somewhere between Ian and Makayla with intense eyes. It wasn’t until Makayla asked if Ian needed help with his food that Anthony snapped out of it, going into nurse-mode. Ian watched as Anthony automatically sat beside Ian on the bed and Ian had to look down to hide his blush and grip the cast of his arm to keep his hand from shaking. Anthony put a piece of pancake to Ian’s mouth and he tentatively ate it, frowning when he felt his face grow hotter.
Ian didn’t notice Makayla’s stare until Anthony offered him another bite of the pancake. She looked puzzled but smiled all the same. “If only Anthony was as nice to me as he is to you, Ian.”
“Oh, no, he’s just really good at following orders,” Ian joked awkwardly and received an unpleasant stare from Anthony.
“He can’t even scratch his own ass,” Anthony combated, shoving the fork into Ian’s mouth.
Ian can sure piss him off sometimes. Even if Anthony knew he didn’t mean it.
Anthony guessed he was relieved that Ian hadn’t bought up the Morning Erection, as he liked to call it, but a part of him was also angry that Ian hadn’t in any way acknowledged the fact that he had been successfully jerked off. A part of Anthony that didn’t make sense at all. And the fact that Ian made Anthony look like a complete ass in front of his own girlfriend just made Anthony want to post something humiliating about Ian on Twitter.
He groaned, running his hands through his hair. He had been going through the footage they recorded the other day for an hour. Anthony kept watching each part with Ian over and over again. He could almost memorize every word that was said, every expression Ian made and every moment that made Anthony’s gut wrench with worry.
Ian was acting and Anthony felt a sort of heaviness settle in him. As if Ian’s off personality was his fault and it was his responsibility. Throughout filming, Anthony had tried to stir some of the old humour they had together but Ian was always so lost. He never took the cues Anthony gave him or responded to the stories he had. And Anthony always had to remind himself that Ian’s mind was crumpled with empty holes in the film of his own life.
But then again, Ian had no problem joking and humiliating Anthony with Makayla, aside from the unspoken awkwardness of the whole situation. Those two were getting along and it disturbed Anthony. He couldn’t remember a time when Ian in the past had wanted anything to do with Makayla. When she had come over, Ian would avoid the two of them or only spoke to them briefly. He had thought maybe Ian just wanted to give them space but when Anthony had confronted Ian, his friend had said quite blatantly that he just didn’t like Makayla.
“What’s wrong with her?” Anthony had asked. They were eating dinner and Anthony now longed for the days when he wasn’t alone at the dinner table.
“Nothing, man” Ian had said, stuffing his face with his burrito. “I just think, I dunno, that she’s not really your type.”
“What the hell do you mean by that?”
“Ugh, Anthony, can we just pretend I never said anything?” Ian wiped some of the sauce from his lips with his hand.
“Dude, you just said you didn’t like her,” Anthony said, crossing his arms. “How can I pretend it doesn’t matter?”
“It doesn’t. If you like her,” Ian said, “who cares what I think?”
They hadn’t spoken about the matter after that until five weeks ago. And five weeks ago, Ian had been unhurt and himself. His emotions were all over the place and Anthony found himself consorting with anger and sadness and pity like a deranged man. Ian had been so awkward during the time with Makayla. He was trying too hard which made Anthony boil with heat whenever Makayla laughed too much at Ian’s lame jokes. Or when Ian would laugh even more when Makayla would say something. Makayla had left too happy, even giving Ian hug. Then there was the fact that he wouldn’t let Anthony change his clothes even when he had been doing this for Ian for the past week. Ian had almost kicked the wind out of Anthony when he had made to grab for Ian’s pants like he did everyday after breakfast. Ian had spluttered something about his therapist insisting he try to do it himself. But Anthony could not see Ian doing anything with a broken arm and foot and limbs that didn’t move normally.
He was so tired. He sighed, bitterness crossing his breath as he watched the Ian on his computer screen. This Ian who had eyes like cold water and sunken cheeks that looked empty even with a smile. With everything happening, Anthony himself felt consumed with worry and guilt, always trying to find the Ian from before. Always looking for the Ian before the broken bones and head trauma; before the three weeks of sleep and the Ian before the night when he almost died.
Chapter 3
A/N: I wrote this before the whole Kalel/Anthony drama this August. I find it a weird freak coincidence that my story would talk about the fact that Anthony might move in with his girlfriend. (Maybe I've got weird voodoo future sight.. O_o)
Want more Smosh slash?
Ratng: PG-13 (NC-17 later chapters)
Pairings: Ian/Anthony, Anthony/OC
Genre/Warnings: Angst, OOC
Summary: Ian comes out of a coma caused by a car accident to find himself feeling like a stranger in his own life. Anthony struggles with the idea that his best friend had almost died
Chapter 1
When Ian woke up, he noticed two things. The first was that Anthony’s breath stung his eyes. The second was that his pants were much too tight.
They were lying on their sides and of all mornings, with the sun filtering through dusty blinds and making the white of the hospital look yellow, Ian’s body decided to jump start the day with a huge erection. He groaned, his hand itching to slide down and under the waistband of his pants but Anthony was so close; too close.
Last night had felt like a dream. He hadn’t seen Anthony laugh besides the times his memories sneaked up on him but those things were always blurry and distant; like it had come from another lifetime. Anthony hadn’t laughed nearly as much as he did making the awkward video for Ian is Bored. It made Ian feel normal and less alienated, as if he was the old Ian and not some broken replicate.
He was pulled out of his thoughts when Anthony shifted closer; adjusting his head on the pillow they were sharing. The bed was much too small and Ian found his good side going numb because he was so used to sleeping on his back for the past five weeks. His good right foot lay between Anthony’s shins with his casted arm heavy on his side and he wanted to move it but Ian was too tired to feel pain this early.
Anthony was so close that Ian could see the small lines near his mouth through the morning bleariness. His cheeks were flushed a bright hue of pink and his breaths came out in small puffs that warmed Ian’s cold face. Despite the dark bags under Anthony’s closed eyes, Ian liked this view of Anthony more than the one that was awake and usually too concerned. He found himself unconsciously reaching his own hand into his pants and tentatively stroking the ache. Ian closed his eyes and tried to breathe evenly as he went faster and faster. He was lost and so hard as he curled nearer to Anthony’s warmth.
Ian opened his eyes, catching Anthony’s mouth close and open slowly as he murmured in his sleep. Ian bit his lip and tried to tighten his grip on his own cock, but his fingers shook. Too excited or too weak from his trauma Ian didn’t know but it frustrated him that he couldn’t even jerk himself off.
Shit, he thought, stilling his spasms and letting go of his cock. He breathed heavily, desire and too hot fury welling up in his entire body. He tried to buck his hips to lessen his problem but it only resulted in shooting pains from his broken bones. Ian squeezed his eyes and fist tight, forcing himself not to scream. He couldn’t even get off by himself. How pathetic was that?
Just then, Anthony’s knuckles moved below him, grazing innocently the exposed skin right above Ian’s waist. He cringed, tension and pleasure stinging him tense. Anthony shifted even closer and now Ian’s hand was caught between his pants and Anthony’s own bulge. Ian sucked in a breath, afraid Anthony would open his eyes and find Ian red-faced and red-handed. He struggled to slide his hand out that shook the whole way even after the waistband of his pants snapped hard against his stomach. But as soon as his hand was out, Anthony pressed closer and now they were cock to cock.
Ian didn’t know what to do. He was too shocked to move but the friction caused by two hard erections sliding even underneath fabric stirred molten in Ian’s stomach. Ian only stared in fascination as Anthony thrust his hips against Ian. He closed his eyes. White ecstasy danced behind his eyes.
He was nervous and so afraid but he couldn’t bring it upon himself to put these warning signs in the forefront of his mind. He had never been so turned on his life and Ian vaguely remembered the times when his ex-girlfriend had given him a handjob or when they had sex. He imagined it was her that was grinding up against him, moving agonizingly slow but when Anthony grunted, Ian could not pretend anymore. He found it so hot that it was Anthony and the wrongness of the situation only heightened the mood of having his frustrated erection being taken care of. He knew he should stop this; end this but pleasure rafted his body away from common sense. So Ian opted to pretend to be asleep and blame his actions as a result of dreams that made him do things unconsciously. If Anthony could do it, he could too.
Anthony picked up momentum and Ian was having the struggle of his life not to scream as Anthony moaned and moved against him faster. Ian was close very soon and when he came, he had to bite hard on his tongue to stop his cry of release. Anthony continued to thrust up against Ian with a razor grip on his side and Ian’s own cock twitched with leftover laces of hunger. Anthony’s face was scrunched up and mouth wide open with breaths that came out quick and hard. Ian felt himself growing hot again despite the recent stickiness that had moistened his pyjamas. He found himself cross eyed and staring longingly at Anthony’s neck that had a slight gleam of sweat.
Suddenly a sharp knock pierced straight through Ian’s blurry passion and sent Anthony sprawling with the sheets to the floor as the other boy jumped about a foot in the air. Ian managed to crush himself face first into the mattress to hide his soiled clothes.
“Good morning... ah, I’m sorry, did I wake you?” A nurse stood at the doorway with his hands in his pockets. He didn’t phase at the fact that Anthony was on the floor or that Ian was in a position that would not be recommended for a patient of his status. The nurse walked in, a small smirk playing at his lips that made Ian want to smack him. Anthony stumbled in the tangled sheets and got out of them with the help of the nurse. Ian still had not moved.
Judging from the looks of it, Anthony’s erection was completely gone and Ian prayed his friend would not recall their little rub off, dismissing it as a wet dream that felt real but could never be possible in real life. Ian bit his lip, the reality of the situation slowly coming to his senses
“Had a good sleep?” the nurse asked after Anthony resigned to the chair in the corner. Ian couldn’t see Anthony from his angle but he found reassurance in thinking Anthony would be tomato faced with his head down and mouth shut tight and as terrified as Ian was.
“I-I’m good,” Ian managed to say, his words muffled by the pillow. “Slept like a baby.”
“Great.” the nurse took new sheets from the cupboard and fanned it over Ian’s backside. “Try not to move too much or you'll find yourself worse than before. Do you need me to help you onto your back?"
Ian said "No!" the same time Anthony blurted out, "I can do that!"
The nurse didn't find their frantic faces odd and just said, "Alright. That makes things easy for me. I'll check up on you in an hour, Ian."
When he left, Anthony and Ian were silent for a few moments. Ian was still wondering how he should get onto his back on his own with only one side of his body working relatively good. He was so embarrassed and his face started to heat up again and sweat dribbled down his spine. He scrunched his eyes shut when Anthony came near. He could not believe what had just happened.
“S-So… uh, here. I’ll grab your left side,” Anthony said awkwardly and Ian’s eyes flew open the moment fingers wrapped around his side. He gulped, remembering that just moments before, those same fingers had been holding on to him for support as Anthony - Ian blew the thought out of his mind. They had somehow turned Ian onto his back with the blanket conveniently covering the lower half of him. He didn’t notice his face was still crumpled up until Anthony asked if moving him had hurt too much.
“N-Nah,‘s okay.” Ian stammered, avoiding Anthony’s gaze.
It was a miracle because Anthony nodded then offered enthusiastically to go get breakfast, stating that he was too hungry to wait for the nurse. Before Ian could make up an excuse as to why his pants were wet in case Anthony noticed, his friend was out the door.
Anthony could not believe what he had done.
He was walking down the hospital hallway, only minimally aware of his surroundings and mumbling to himself all the while gesturing with his hands to his inner monologue.
How could he have done that? Especially to Ian. He didn’t know what had come over him. Anthony must have gone crazy and Makayla was right. He shouldn’t be there all the time. All this worrying about Ian was making him neglect everything else that was important in his own life and it seems he had been neglecting his own needs. Anthony will admit to caring too much about Ian but ever since the accident, he had become too attached, up to a point of abnormality. He shouldn’t be doing those things to Ian.
He had seen Ian’s hard erection with unfocussed eyes, let his hand graze in that expanse of milky skin, wanting to know where that trail of light brown hair lead to. He had seen through half-closed lids how much Ian wanted release, even in his sleep. So Anthony thought, in between his curiosity and concern, that maybe if he just touched Ian, it would be enough.
But he didn’t know that his own body was already reacting even before they were touching. And it sent a frenzy of thoughts that made no sense but in the haze of sleep and want, made perfect sense. It was fucking hot with Ian whimpering and breathing heavy. And when Ian came, the shudder that hummed between their cocks was amazing. It was all unreal until he was punched right in the gut with the knock on the door.
“God, I’m disgusting,” Anthony said to himself, entering the elevator doors and letting his head knock back against the harsh metal. “Fuck!”
The next time the doors opened, Makayla was there. “Anthony!”
“Oh, hey, Makayla,” Anthony stuttered, got off guard. They embraced and she planted a chaste kiss on his lips. Her fingers found his while she stared up at him with a smile. “You’re here pretty early”
“Well, I was just going up there to surprise Ian,” she explained, “And I was hoping to see you, too.”
Anthony smiled at her, feeling guilty to be with her after the events of the morning. How could he have done that not only to Ian but to Makayla as well? Anthony cringed mentally, heat sweeping the back of his neck.
“Oh yeah,” he said, leading them towards the cafeteria. “I gotta get some breakfast for him. He really hates eating what the nurses give him.”
“I bet,” she laughed, going ahead to pick up a tray. The cafeteria was empty at seven in the morning with only the grim-looking servers behind the counter, filling the pans with food. They offered half-hearted smiles that left Anthony feeling obliged to smile back but his insides were bubbling with too much worry and shame.
He sighed, barely listening as Makayla rambled on about one thing or another. Anthony grabbed a muffin for himself and started to stack on food Ian might want to eat. Ian didn’t eat much with the drugs taking away his appetite and for the fact that he always just wanted to sleep because of therapy. There was a pink-frosted sprinkled donut at the end of the queue and Anthony instantly grabbed for it, smiling to himself.
“So, have you thought about it yet?” Makayla asked voice suddenly humble. Anthony paid for their food, digging deep into his pocket for a couple of dollars. Everything was so damn expensive in hospitals, he thought. “Anthony?”
“Huh? What did you say?” He looked over to her realizing that whatever she was talking about was important. She was frowning and the same guilt washed over him again so he took his free hand and pulled her into another short kiss.
“Don’t change the subject, Ant,” she said now smiling. Makayla lead them to a table where she sat against a window. Her smile slid off her face when Anthony stayed standing. “Sit down.”
“Ian’s food is gunna get cold,” he said, placing the tray down anyway. He wondered what Ian was feeling right now; waking up to find himself in that state and Anthony hadn’t even begun thinking how he himself acted might have affected Ian. God, I fucked up, big time.
He was close to bashing his head against the table before Makayla cut in, saying, “You should eat the pancakes yourself. And anyway, I can just get him some before we leave.”
“Right.” Anthony slid into the seat across from her, breathing in and wiping his palms against his thighs. He succumbed to eating the food when he saw Makayla’s raised brow.
“Are you okay?” she asked, between bites of her eggs. “You don’t look so hot.”
“I’m fine,” Anthony lied quickly, “Just that I slept in the chair all night.”
“You really should just go home and sleep. I don’t think Ian needs to be babysat anyway.”
Anthony shrugged. “What were you talking about before?”
“Oh, right,” Makayla smiled, leaning in close. “I know you probably didn’t have time to think it over again with what’s going on but...”
“Yeah?” Anthony urged on a little apprehensively.
“Well,” she began and took his hand in hers, “have you thought anymore about the whole moving in thing?”
“Oh...” There had been jokes and hints about moving in together before. Anthony never really took them seriously until Makayla had asked him straight one day. And when she had asked, he had thought about it, even asked Ian about it.
Makayla looked excited and Anthony’s guilt about everything, from ignoring her for the past month to the whole fiasco that very morning, rose up like black smog from a house fire. He managed to spit out a smile, shrugging again. “Uh... I have, sort of-”
“You know what? Never mind.” she let go of his hand and put her chin in her palm. She twirled her fork around her empty plate. “It’s silly of me to ask right now.”
“Kay...”
“No, it’s alright, really.” Anthony began to speak again but she smiled and waved him away, standing to join the small line up for breakfast. “Pancakes for Ian, right?”
“Yeah,” Anthony said, staring at the donut on his tray then picked it up and put it in his mouth. “And lots of syrup.”
Shit, shit, shit. Did Anthony notice? Is that why he left the room in such a hurry? Maybe he saw Ian’s pants and fled because it was gross. Or maybe Anthony realized it was Ian who he was rubbing up against. And thought that would be disgusting.
He wasn’t gay and Anthony wasn’t either, at least from what he could remember. Maybe Ian was gay and he had forgotten in between the car hitting him and breaking his head. Or maybe Anthony was too and he had forgotten. Maybe now because Ian was fucked up that Anthony wouldn’t want him anymore.
“Aw, god.” Ian pressed the heel of his hand against his eye, feeling the rough scabs just above his eyebrow and the healed bumps on the side of his temple. He really needed to change into new pants. “I’m such an idiot.”
“Morning, Ian!” a cheery voice said from the doorway. Ian was startled to see a girl with straight brunette locks holding a tray of what looked like pancakes. She sauntered in with Anthony at tow and placed the food on the bedside table. Ian made sure he was well covered, suddenly feeling exposed with this new stranger in the room. His cheeks reddening when Anthony dragged the only chair in the room beside Ian. “Wow, you look good since the last time I saw you.”
“Do you remember Makayla?” Anthony gestured towards the smiling girl and Ian noticed her lean too close to Anthony who looked as uncomfortable as Ian was. She sat down on the chair, sliding her hand down Anthony’s arm. “My girlfriend.”
There was an abrupt stillness in the room and Ian looked from Anthony to Makayla, something caught up in the pit of his stomach. Ian felt betrayed in a way and it confused him. The events of the morning weeding away with Anthony’s girlfriend standing in front of him. Why hadn’t Anthony mentioned his girlfriend before?
“Makayla!” Ian suddenly exclaimed, false happiness dripping off of his face and pushing down his discomfort. He didn’t want to look stupid, not knowing who his best friend’s girlfriend was. “Anthony hasn’t said much about you. But, oh, I remember you.” He waggled a finger at her as she laughed.
“Well, it’s good that you do,” Makayla said with an accusing smile towards her boyfriend. Anthony shrugged and took it upon himself to help Ian sit up. “I’m sorry I didn’t visit earlier. I came last week but Anthony wouldn’t let me see you since you were asleep.”
“Yeah, he can be really anal about some things.” Ian smiled as Makayla talked on, purposely keeping his body as heavy as he could which made the act of sitting up even more difficult for Anthony. He smirked as Anthony’s knuckles turned white, trying to tug the pillow behind Ian in place.
“Why are you so friggin’ fat all of a sudden?” Anthony muttered too quiet for Makayla to hear.
“Why didn’t you tell me you had a girlfriend?” Ian whispered equally quiet and bit his lip because he hadn’t meant to say that out loud.
“I thought you said you remembered her,” Anthony fluffed the pillow too hard, gazing angrily at nothing, “I guess you didn’t hit your fucking head that hard, then.”
Bitch, Ian thought and drew his attention back to Makayla who had wheeled the table over to Ian with pancakes covered in maple sugar in front of him. She was still talking, telling Ian how glad she was that he was okay and that Anthony spent all his time with Ian while he was in his coma. Ian looked over at Anthony, face red and hands in his pocket.
Ian couldn’t help the uncalled frustration that he felt for Makayla and Anthony. He stared at his pancakes as he half listened to Anthony’s girlfriend and tried to find something in his memory that would put his negative feelings to justice. How could he forget about something like this? But he couldn’t recall one moment with Makayla and it made Ian uneasy. He really didn’t want to be here.
Anthony was staring at somewhere between Ian and Makayla with intense eyes. It wasn’t until Makayla asked if Ian needed help with his food that Anthony snapped out of it, going into nurse-mode. Ian watched as Anthony automatically sat beside Ian on the bed and Ian had to look down to hide his blush and grip the cast of his arm to keep his hand from shaking. Anthony put a piece of pancake to Ian’s mouth and he tentatively ate it, frowning when he felt his face grow hotter.
Ian didn’t notice Makayla’s stare until Anthony offered him another bite of the pancake. She looked puzzled but smiled all the same. “If only Anthony was as nice to me as he is to you, Ian.”
“Oh, no, he’s just really good at following orders,” Ian joked awkwardly and received an unpleasant stare from Anthony.
“He can’t even scratch his own ass,” Anthony combated, shoving the fork into Ian’s mouth.
Ian can sure piss him off sometimes. Even if Anthony knew he didn’t mean it.
Anthony guessed he was relieved that Ian hadn’t bought up the Morning Erection, as he liked to call it, but a part of him was also angry that Ian hadn’t in any way acknowledged the fact that he had been successfully jerked off. A part of Anthony that didn’t make sense at all. And the fact that Ian made Anthony look like a complete ass in front of his own girlfriend just made Anthony want to post something humiliating about Ian on Twitter.
He groaned, running his hands through his hair. He had been going through the footage they recorded the other day for an hour. Anthony kept watching each part with Ian over and over again. He could almost memorize every word that was said, every expression Ian made and every moment that made Anthony’s gut wrench with worry.
Ian was acting and Anthony felt a sort of heaviness settle in him. As if Ian’s off personality was his fault and it was his responsibility. Throughout filming, Anthony had tried to stir some of the old humour they had together but Ian was always so lost. He never took the cues Anthony gave him or responded to the stories he had. And Anthony always had to remind himself that Ian’s mind was crumpled with empty holes in the film of his own life.
But then again, Ian had no problem joking and humiliating Anthony with Makayla, aside from the unspoken awkwardness of the whole situation. Those two were getting along and it disturbed Anthony. He couldn’t remember a time when Ian in the past had wanted anything to do with Makayla. When she had come over, Ian would avoid the two of them or only spoke to them briefly. He had thought maybe Ian just wanted to give them space but when Anthony had confronted Ian, his friend had said quite blatantly that he just didn’t like Makayla.
“What’s wrong with her?” Anthony had asked. They were eating dinner and Anthony now longed for the days when he wasn’t alone at the dinner table.
“Nothing, man” Ian had said, stuffing his face with his burrito. “I just think, I dunno, that she’s not really your type.”
“What the hell do you mean by that?”
“Ugh, Anthony, can we just pretend I never said anything?” Ian wiped some of the sauce from his lips with his hand.
“Dude, you just said you didn’t like her,” Anthony said, crossing his arms. “How can I pretend it doesn’t matter?”
“It doesn’t. If you like her,” Ian said, “who cares what I think?”
They hadn’t spoken about the matter after that until five weeks ago. And five weeks ago, Ian had been unhurt and himself. His emotions were all over the place and Anthony found himself consorting with anger and sadness and pity like a deranged man. Ian had been so awkward during the time with Makayla. He was trying too hard which made Anthony boil with heat whenever Makayla laughed too much at Ian’s lame jokes. Or when Ian would laugh even more when Makayla would say something. Makayla had left too happy, even giving Ian hug. Then there was the fact that he wouldn’t let Anthony change his clothes even when he had been doing this for Ian for the past week. Ian had almost kicked the wind out of Anthony when he had made to grab for Ian’s pants like he did everyday after breakfast. Ian had spluttered something about his therapist insisting he try to do it himself. But Anthony could not see Ian doing anything with a broken arm and foot and limbs that didn’t move normally.
He was so tired. He sighed, bitterness crossing his breath as he watched the Ian on his computer screen. This Ian who had eyes like cold water and sunken cheeks that looked empty even with a smile. With everything happening, Anthony himself felt consumed with worry and guilt, always trying to find the Ian from before. Always looking for the Ian before the broken bones and head trauma; before the three weeks of sleep and the Ian before the night when he almost died.
Chapter 3
A/N: I wrote this before the whole Kalel/Anthony drama this August. I find it a weird freak coincidence that my story would talk about the fact that Anthony might move in with his girlfriend. (Maybe I've got weird voodoo future sight.. O_o)
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