"First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down."
George Burns.
I have conquered one of those

Pythagoreans weren't allowed to pee towards the sun or eat beans...
What could they do? Math
I can only imagine what their keg parties were like.
Do you know what the volume of the liquid in the keg is?
Who doesn't? Now what's the density of your brain, supposing you have one of course.

Aristotle Onassis had his bar stools on his yacht covered with whale penis leather. Learn something new every day.

*Inside every older person is a younger person-wondering what the hell happened-Cora Harvey Armstrong ( Read more... )

The taxpayers are sending congressmen on expensive trips abroad. It might be worth it except they keep coming back!
-- Will Rogers

snow
Hurrah

It's only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day that you realise how often they burst into flames.
-- Harry Hill

A recent survey stated that the average person's greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death which was third on the list. So, you're telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give a eulogy.
-Seinfeld

Snow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The world is covered in ice cream and it's funny watching people step in it.

-My Irish teacher announced that next Tuesday we will get out of class early so that we can go to the pub-there's one stereotype that's true.

-Also, I saw a blonde girl on a cell phone walk into a pole today. Ha Ha.

I guess some things are true after all, and I do have more fun.

You know who this is for ( Read more... )