taeik
in
orangemart
[fic] what might not be there // oneshot, shihan
Title: what might not be there
Author: taeik
Rating: pg
Pairing: shihan
It's quiet. I'm not sure if I like it this way. My palms are cold, and I want to put them in my pockets but I'm afraid to move. I can feel him next to me, just barely though, and suddenly I miss him. I know it's stupid. But I can't help it, I miss his laugh, his shoulder, his hand in mine. I miss the way he'd hold me, the way he would trip over his words when he was shy. Because he's so different tonight. Because I might lose him.
He shifts a little, and I can tell he's uncomfortable. I can tell he has something to say, to tell me, but I dont want to know. I don't want to hear it, because I don't know how I'd react when I do, if I would scream, cry, yell. Maybe I'll die. I don't want to find out.
"Let's break up."
No, no, no, why? Not yet, I don't want to let go yet. I don't want to let him go. He's different but he's still mine, he's mine, he's mine. I can't do it. Why is he saying this, I don't understand, why doesn't he understand. My heart, my thoughts, my love, who doesn't he. I love him, isn't that enough?
I want to cry. I want him to see what he's done to me, I want to see the feeling in his eyes when he sees me break down. I want him to know. But I don't, because then he'd be sad and there's no point in this if both of us are sad, is there.
I smile and turn to face him, to show him. I can see he's hurt a little, and his dark eyes question me. Why are you acting like nothing has happened.
Because then it's easier. My heart just sighed, my whole world just fell. But he doesn't have to know. That way maybe, maybe we can be with each other again and maybe we'll forget this night, maybe we'll start over. Maybe I won't cry this time.
"When I was learning Korean I fell asleep in class one day, so I don't know the meaning of what you just said."
I swallow, and sit closer to him, just a little. He doesn't move but I can feel his eyes searching my face, looking for answers that might not be there.
I whisper this time. "So until I die, don't ever teach me what it means, okay?"
I hope he understands now. I look up to see if he does, to see his face hidden under the hood of his jacket.
I find a smile.
Author: taeik
Rating: pg
Pairing: shihan
It's quiet. I'm not sure if I like it this way. My palms are cold, and I want to put them in my pockets but I'm afraid to move. I can feel him next to me, just barely though, and suddenly I miss him. I know it's stupid. But I can't help it, I miss his laugh, his shoulder, his hand in mine. I miss the way he'd hold me, the way he would trip over his words when he was shy. Because he's so different tonight. Because I might lose him.
He shifts a little, and I can tell he's uncomfortable. I can tell he has something to say, to tell me, but I dont want to know. I don't want to hear it, because I don't know how I'd react when I do, if I would scream, cry, yell. Maybe I'll die. I don't want to find out.
"Let's break up."
No, no, no, why? Not yet, I don't want to let go yet. I don't want to let him go. He's different but he's still mine, he's mine, he's mine. I can't do it. Why is he saying this, I don't understand, why doesn't he understand. My heart, my thoughts, my love, who doesn't he. I love him, isn't that enough?
I want to cry. I want him to see what he's done to me, I want to see the feeling in his eyes when he sees me break down. I want him to know. But I don't, because then he'd be sad and there's no point in this if both of us are sad, is there.
I smile and turn to face him, to show him. I can see he's hurt a little, and his dark eyes question me. Why are you acting like nothing has happened.
Because then it's easier. My heart just sighed, my whole world just fell. But he doesn't have to know. That way maybe, maybe we can be with each other again and maybe we'll forget this night, maybe we'll start over. Maybe I won't cry this time.
"When I was learning Korean I fell asleep in class one day, so I don't know the meaning of what you just said."
I swallow, and sit closer to him, just a little. He doesn't move but I can feel his eyes searching my face, looking for answers that might not be there.
I whisper this time. "So until I die, don't ever teach me what it means, okay?"
I hope he understands now. I look up to see if he does, to see his face hidden under the hood of his jacket.
I find a smile.