My Prediction for April
THE SUPER TRUE AND DEFINITELY RIGHT SPOILERS FOR STARGATE UNIVERSE
Rush: What is the only plausible way I will get off this planet and continue my super important space science? I know! I'm going to use this convenient ancient shuttle to send out a distress signal! I am so brilliant. COME PICK ME UP ALIENS!
Aliens: So we herd u need sum halp.
Rush: Taxi me back to Destiny bitches! I have some space science to do.
Aliens: lol. no.
[ALIENS take over Destiny for no purpose what so ever. They capture everyone except for GREER]
Greer: Do I have to kick some alien bitches' ass? Where's my flame thrower? You remember, the flame thrower that I fucking hand made in the episode with the sand monster alien? That shit didn't just appear out of no where. How fucking bad ass am I?
[GREER uses excessive fire on ALIENS. Who have a secret weakness to it similar to the ALIENS in "Signs" who are allergic to water]
Greer: It's a good thing I found my lost flame thrower. I could have really used it to fight those bugs...
Young: Even though you just went balls to the walls on those aliens, saved us all multiple times, and McGuyvered a flame thrower I'm still not really all that impressed with you. Probably because you don't give me a boner like that dumb womanizing puppy Scott.
Greer: You're going to strand me on an Alien planet, aren't you?
Young: Almost certainly.
Greer: Well if you need me I'll be having sex with that hot physics girl.
Young: I won't need you unless I need you to be cannon fodder.
YOUR QUESTION- WHAT HAPPENS TO ALIEN CHAIR VICTIM?
Chloe: Halp! Doctor! I haz a cold! I need you to cure me!
T.J. [sighs] I'm not a doctor. But here are some antibiotics. I have to save you
because you're cute.
Chloe: dawwww I know, right? So are you in your very form fitting sexy doctor outfit.
Eli: Hey, antibiotics won't work on viruses! I know, my Mum tragically has AIDS
T.J. Wut? IDK if you are a doctor like me but my BFF needs help.
Eli: Whatever, just stop handing out the Xanax like candy-
T.J. But it cures intensive and traumatic brain injuries! MY GOD! Remember that guy fatter than you that Rush tricked into the brain mush chair?
[RUSH lurk appears]
Rush: I like to call it my 'ascension chair'
Eli: NO! Xanax is an anti-anxiety pill! This will in no way what-so-ever fix mushy brains
or prevent an intracranial hemorrhage. Only a trained brain surgeon could-
Fat Brain Mush Science Guy: [wakes up for a moment] EXCUSE ME I am very ANXIOUS I am on board an alien spaceship! [falls back into a coma]
YOUR QUESTION: WHY IS ELI STILL FAT?
[Rush and Young in a secret meeting in the control room]
Rush: We're running out of food. I have an idea to save us all though. Like always.
Young: Go on and talk while I pretend that I'll listen and agree with you.
Rush: We’ll show the time warp Keno to Eli every meal time! I guarantee he will eat less!
Young: That isn't a bad idea. I'm going to do my wife in my arch nemesis’s body now.
[Movie title: KENO TIME WARP]
Eli: Cool! I get to watch a homemade Rocky Horror Picture Show?
Rush:...Yes..
[video starts]
Eli: ZOMG [continues to eat]
Rush: How can you..?
Eli: I just realized you picked up your OWN skull. Epic win. Was that a Hamlet allusion?
Rush: How in the name of my light Scottish accent are you still a fattie?
Eli: I have a secret stash of ranch dressing. Besides if I lose weight and look like a person deprived of essential nutrients how will fat, loser, gamers relate to our space opera?
Rush: Why I ever thought you would get my Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid reference is beyond me.
YOUR QUESTION- WHY IS RUSH SUCH AN AWESOME ASSHOLE?
Writers: The only way to answer this question is to have a complete flashback episode featuring Rush.
Rush: I'm pretty much the biggest deal on this show, so I'm having my flashback episode last. It will probably be in between the season finale to make you forget how lame it’s going to be. I won’t bother to summarize it but I will tell you my goals so you can empathize with me or some shit.
LIST OF RUSH'S GOALS SINCE HIS WIFE DIED: 1) USE 9th CHEVRON 2) ASCEND 3) DO SCIENCE!
Rush: See, I’ve thought everything completely through.
Young: I’m going to do everything in my power make sure that all of this bites you in the ass until you do everything I want you to do. No more ship’s computer time for you.
Rush: BITCH COME BACK WITH MY SPACE SCIENCE
I LOVE SGU SO MUCH THAT ONLY USING CAPS AND SOUNDING LIKE A RETARD CAN EXPRESS IT.
I WANT TO THANK ONTD AND CAPSLOCK HOUSE FOR MY LULZ INSPIRATION.
IF YOU LOVE SGU OR TEH STARGATES IN GENERAL COMMENT WITH CAPS TO SHOW YOUR TRU LOVE
Rush: What is the only plausible way I will get off this planet and continue my super important space science? I know! I'm going to use this convenient ancient shuttle to send out a distress signal! I am so brilliant. COME PICK ME UP ALIENS!
Aliens: So we herd u need sum halp.
Rush: Taxi me back to Destiny bitches! I have some space science to do.
Aliens: lol. no.
[ALIENS take over Destiny for no purpose what so ever. They capture everyone except for GREER]
Greer: Do I have to kick some alien bitches' ass? Where's my flame thrower? You remember, the flame thrower that I fucking hand made in the episode with the sand monster alien? That shit didn't just appear out of no where. How fucking bad ass am I?
[GREER uses excessive fire on ALIENS. Who have a secret weakness to it similar to the ALIENS in "Signs" who are allergic to water]
Greer: It's a good thing I found my lost flame thrower. I could have really used it to fight those bugs...
Young: Even though you just went balls to the walls on those aliens, saved us all multiple times, and McGuyvered a flame thrower I'm still not really all that impressed with you. Probably because you don't give me a boner like that dumb womanizing puppy Scott.
Greer: You're going to strand me on an Alien planet, aren't you?
Young: Almost certainly.
Greer: Well if you need me I'll be having sex with that hot physics girl.
Young: I won't need you unless I need you to be cannon fodder.
YOUR QUESTION- WHAT HAPPENS TO ALIEN CHAIR VICTIM?
Chloe: Halp! Doctor! I haz a cold! I need you to cure me!
T.J. [sighs] I'm not a doctor. But here are some antibiotics. I have to save you
because you're cute.
Chloe: dawwww I know, right? So are you in your very form fitting sexy doctor outfit.
Eli: Hey, antibiotics won't work on viruses! I know, my Mum tragically has AIDS
T.J. Wut? IDK if you are a doctor like me but my BFF needs help.
Eli: Whatever, just stop handing out the Xanax like candy-
T.J. But it cures intensive and traumatic brain injuries! MY GOD! Remember that guy fatter than you that Rush tricked into the brain mush chair?
[RUSH lurk appears]
Rush: I like to call it my 'ascension chair'
Eli: NO! Xanax is an anti-anxiety pill! This will in no way what-so-ever fix mushy brains
or prevent an intracranial hemorrhage. Only a trained brain surgeon could-
Fat Brain Mush Science Guy: [wakes up for a moment] EXCUSE ME I am very ANXIOUS I am on board an alien spaceship! [falls back into a coma]
YOUR QUESTION: WHY IS ELI STILL FAT?
[Rush and Young in a secret meeting in the control room]
Rush: We're running out of food. I have an idea to save us all though. Like always.
Young: Go on and talk while I pretend that I'll listen and agree with you.
Rush: We’ll show the time warp Keno to Eli every meal time! I guarantee he will eat less!
Young: That isn't a bad idea. I'm going to do my wife in my arch nemesis’s body now.
[Movie title: KENO TIME WARP]
Eli: Cool! I get to watch a homemade Rocky Horror Picture Show?
Rush:...Yes..
[video starts]
Eli: ZOMG [continues to eat]
Rush: How can you..?
Eli: I just realized you picked up your OWN skull. Epic win. Was that a Hamlet allusion?
Rush: How in the name of my light Scottish accent are you still a fattie?
Eli: I have a secret stash of ranch dressing. Besides if I lose weight and look like a person deprived of essential nutrients how will fat, loser, gamers relate to our space opera?
Rush: Why I ever thought you would get my Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid reference is beyond me.
YOUR QUESTION- WHY IS RUSH SUCH AN AWESOME ASSHOLE?
Writers: The only way to answer this question is to have a complete flashback episode featuring Rush.
Rush: I'm pretty much the biggest deal on this show, so I'm having my flashback episode last. It will probably be in between the season finale to make you forget how lame it’s going to be. I won’t bother to summarize it but I will tell you my goals so you can empathize with me or some shit.
LIST OF RUSH'S GOALS SINCE HIS WIFE DIED: 1) USE 9th CHEVRON 2) ASCEND 3) DO SCIENCE!
Rush: See, I’ve thought everything completely through.
Young: I’m going to do everything in my power make sure that all of this bites you in the ass until you do everything I want you to do. No more ship’s computer time for you.
Rush: BITCH COME BACK WITH MY SPACE SCIENCE
I LOVE SGU SO MUCH THAT ONLY USING CAPS AND SOUNDING LIKE A RETARD CAN EXPRESS IT.
I WANT TO THANK ONTD AND CAPSLOCK HOUSE FOR MY LULZ INSPIRATION.
IF YOU LOVE SGU OR TEH STARGATES IN GENERAL COMMENT WITH CAPS TO SHOW YOUR TRU LOVE