The Youngling

[ohdramatize]

I apologize for getting this fic in pretty late. I wanted to get it in for the First Wave. But I remember reading that some fics are accepted late, so I hope this one is! It can't really compare to the ones submitted but I figured I'd do so anyway.I hope it's okay that the beginning of this fic (kind of long) is a completely different thing that I

Comments

Ahhhh.

[lordavon]

“I love it!” I said. “I can’t wait to become a Padawan, and then a Knight, and then a Master…maybe some day I’ll even be on the Jedi Council! Who knows?”

“I’m sure you will be,” Anakin said. “You have ambition, and that’s what you need to get you through each trial you face.”

This was excellent. It showed that Anakin's "wrongness" was something like a cancer spreading through the Jedi little by little. The teaching he was getting from Palpatine was slowly spreading everywhere he went. Nicely done.

And then the end! That was terribly powerful. Excellent fic.

Re: Ahhhh.

[ohdramatize]

Thanks! I'm glad you liked it! Ya, that's what I was going for there, to show how Palpatine had already gotten inside Anakin's head. Glad you enjoyed!

[ringlass]

Very good! I like it a great deal, especially the characterization where even the thought of the Youngling never seeing his mother again does not give Anakin pause. All in all, a nice story. However, I have one minor problem:

And we aren’t either, I thought frantically. Quickly, I led my fellow Younglings into the Jedi Council room, a few doors down from our rooms. We entered the ominous room in awe, the windows showing all of the stars of distant systems.
The sentence structure adnd the word choice in this passage seems a bit off to me, especially the "ominous" room being awe-inspiring. Have you thought about tinkering with it? Just thought I'd bring it to your attention.

Also, thank you for the explanation of the Master title! I saw RotS again today and realized you were right. I imagine the Younglings were not privvy to the turmoil of Anakin's relatioship with the Council, which would explain the confusion.

[ohdramatize]

Yes, that part of the fic was very hard for me to write. I was struggling with the right description and how to phrase the sentence. I'll probably tinker with it sometime soon once I find time. I see what you mean though, with the sentence structure being off.
Glad you enjoyed the story!

LOL I love your icon.