And now I'm just a basket case without him
Title: Suicide Makeover (28/?)
Author: Logan
Pairing: young!Billie/Mike
Rating: PG-13
Previous: 1-27
Summary: Because right now everything seems to finally be falling into place.
I made sure to wake up extra early this morning to drag Billie Joe out of bed and out onto the balcony one last time. We were out there for a good hour and a half. Talking and ignoring the people who had wandered out for a smoke before going back inside. When no one was around we kissed a little and Billie Joe clutched my hand like I was going to float away at any given moment.
But that was a couple hours ago and Billie Joe isn’t holding my hand anymore. Instead, I’m gripping the armrest of the chair I’m currently sitting in and trying to focus on what my mom and Dr. Moore are talking about. We’re in the middle of discussing something about something or something and I’m not really paying any attention. I’m thinking about Billie Joe and how the corners of his mouth would lift into a ghost of a smile each and every time I ran my thumb across the back of his hand.
“Do you feel comfortable with doing that, Michael?”
My head snaps up and I’m roughly shaken from the daze that I hadn’t even realized I was under at the feel of my mother’s hand falling against my arm, “Wha--sorry, I’m just…”
I trail off as I twist my body to peer out of the long rectangular window next to Dr. Moore’s door. It’s covered with blinds but they’re broken and crooked, allowing me to peer out through the cracks and see the tiny, converse-clad feet pacing back and forth outside the office. Before I even know what I’m doing I can feel myself turning the door knob and walking out into the tiny waiting space. Both my mom and Dr. Moore are telling me to come back but I ignore them. Because Billie Joe’s pacing the floor in front of the office and I need to get him to stop walking and just talk.
When I approach him and reach out to grab onto his arm he shakes it free, mumbles something under his breath and thrusts his arm out to hand me a piece of torn paper. It’s from a notebook, I can tell from the pale blue lines that cross the sheet, and it’s got something scribbled onto it.
“What’s…what exactly are you giving me?” I can’t help but question it as he turns to walk back down the hallway. I know that he wants to bolt, I can just sense it, but I’m not going to just let him leave.
He shrugs his shoulders, fidgets with the sleeve of his plain black hoodie and looks everywhere except my eyes. He looks behind him, down the long hallway, and my eyes follow. I take in the scene at the end; his mother, who I remember from that time she barged into our room, and two smaller children standing next to her. His mother looks bored, angry and slightly annoyed and the kids just look, well, like any kid would look while waiting in a fucking hospital.
“Are you…are you going? I thought,” I fumble for something to say and end up blurting out, “But you can’t go! Not yet, I mean. I still…I thought we could still, you know, hang out or something for an hour or so and--you can’t leave right now. I--”
He grins and gestures towards the paper, “It’s my phone number.”
“What…what’s your phone number?”
Shaking his head he points once again at the paper, “The paper, it’s my phone number. My mom needs to be somewhere and this was the only time she could come grab me so I have to go but I know that you’ll be pissed if we can’t like get a proper good-bye or something. So just…call me or something when you get out.”
“But I thought--you said--”
“I know what I said but I’m taking it back. I’m not saying I want to date you or anything. I’m not even saying that I want to kiss you again. I’m just saying that I would like it if you called me in a week or so to talk or check-up on each other or something.”
I watch as he scratches the back of his neck and peers at me through his eyelashes. He looks so…so nervous or something and the thought that I’m making him nervous makes me smile. I unfold the paper and stare at the numbers scrawled across it.
“Your phone number…so, what do I say when I call you?”
Billie Joe smiles back at me and laughs a bit, “Just ask for me, dumbass, my mom will be pleased that it’s not Frankie calling for me so you have nothing to be worried about there.” He looks back at his mother, who is now glaring at him and urging him through hand gestures to hurry the hell up, “She’ll like that you are, y’know, going to try and help me. Except don’t say anything about us ever, y’know…just let her think that you’re straight or something. She’ll like you better that way an--”
I place a hand on his shoulder and the move makes him shut his mouth, “I’m pretty sure the first thing your mom’s going to ask won’t be if I’m straight or not. And if that ever comes up? We’ll deal with it then. Like you said, it’s not like we’re going to get out of here and date or anything. We’re just going to be friends.”
He nods and grins, “Friends. That we can call if we feel upset or something?”
“Of course.” I grin right back at him before darting into the office and grabbing a pen off of Dr. Moore’s desk. I give them a half-assed apology and ramble about Billie Joe and leaving and numbers before running back to him and grabbing onto his arm, “Here’s my…number…if you need it.” I mumble as I write the seven digits out onto his pale arm.
He stares at the dark ink, almost as though he searing the numbers into his brain, and nods. He’s about to say something when a small child comes bolting down the hallway and latches onto his hand. He turns away from me and looks down at the girl holding onto his hand, “Do we have to go now?”
She nods her head, eyes wide and staring straight at me, “Mommy says that you have to hurry or she’s gonna be mad!”
Billie Joe shrugs his shoulders and looks up at me, “So I guess this is good-bye until one of us calls the other?”
“Yeah,” I mutter, still caught in a staring contest with Billie Joe’s younger half-sister, “Yeah. I should get back in there anyways…they’re still talking about stuff and things.”
“Alright.” He gives me one last smile, paired with a short wave, before taking off down the hallway and meeting up with the family members waiting for him at the end.
I go back into the office and drop myself back into the chair. I stare blankly at the floor and half-listen as they talk about therapists and medication. I run my fingers across the piece of crumpled paper tucked into my pocket and smile. Because right now everything seems to finally be falling into place.
---------------------------
An update?
So soon after the last one?
Something must be wrong with me...
Hopefully the next update will come just as quickly!
<333
( Next Part )
Author: Logan
Pairing: young!Billie/Mike
Rating: PG-13
Previous: 1-27
Summary: Because right now everything seems to finally be falling into place.
I made sure to wake up extra early this morning to drag Billie Joe out of bed and out onto the balcony one last time. We were out there for a good hour and a half. Talking and ignoring the people who had wandered out for a smoke before going back inside. When no one was around we kissed a little and Billie Joe clutched my hand like I was going to float away at any given moment.
But that was a couple hours ago and Billie Joe isn’t holding my hand anymore. Instead, I’m gripping the armrest of the chair I’m currently sitting in and trying to focus on what my mom and Dr. Moore are talking about. We’re in the middle of discussing something about something or something and I’m not really paying any attention. I’m thinking about Billie Joe and how the corners of his mouth would lift into a ghost of a smile each and every time I ran my thumb across the back of his hand.
“Do you feel comfortable with doing that, Michael?”
My head snaps up and I’m roughly shaken from the daze that I hadn’t even realized I was under at the feel of my mother’s hand falling against my arm, “Wha--sorry, I’m just…”
I trail off as I twist my body to peer out of the long rectangular window next to Dr. Moore’s door. It’s covered with blinds but they’re broken and crooked, allowing me to peer out through the cracks and see the tiny, converse-clad feet pacing back and forth outside the office. Before I even know what I’m doing I can feel myself turning the door knob and walking out into the tiny waiting space. Both my mom and Dr. Moore are telling me to come back but I ignore them. Because Billie Joe’s pacing the floor in front of the office and I need to get him to stop walking and just talk.
When I approach him and reach out to grab onto his arm he shakes it free, mumbles something under his breath and thrusts his arm out to hand me a piece of torn paper. It’s from a notebook, I can tell from the pale blue lines that cross the sheet, and it’s got something scribbled onto it.
“What’s…what exactly are you giving me?” I can’t help but question it as he turns to walk back down the hallway. I know that he wants to bolt, I can just sense it, but I’m not going to just let him leave.
He shrugs his shoulders, fidgets with the sleeve of his plain black hoodie and looks everywhere except my eyes. He looks behind him, down the long hallway, and my eyes follow. I take in the scene at the end; his mother, who I remember from that time she barged into our room, and two smaller children standing next to her. His mother looks bored, angry and slightly annoyed and the kids just look, well, like any kid would look while waiting in a fucking hospital.
“Are you…are you going? I thought,” I fumble for something to say and end up blurting out, “But you can’t go! Not yet, I mean. I still…I thought we could still, you know, hang out or something for an hour or so and--you can’t leave right now. I--”
He grins and gestures towards the paper, “It’s my phone number.”
“What…what’s your phone number?”
Shaking his head he points once again at the paper, “The paper, it’s my phone number. My mom needs to be somewhere and this was the only time she could come grab me so I have to go but I know that you’ll be pissed if we can’t like get a proper good-bye or something. So just…call me or something when you get out.”
“But I thought--you said--”
“I know what I said but I’m taking it back. I’m not saying I want to date you or anything. I’m not even saying that I want to kiss you again. I’m just saying that I would like it if you called me in a week or so to talk or check-up on each other or something.”
I watch as he scratches the back of his neck and peers at me through his eyelashes. He looks so…so nervous or something and the thought that I’m making him nervous makes me smile. I unfold the paper and stare at the numbers scrawled across it.
“Your phone number…so, what do I say when I call you?”
Billie Joe smiles back at me and laughs a bit, “Just ask for me, dumbass, my mom will be pleased that it’s not Frankie calling for me so you have nothing to be worried about there.” He looks back at his mother, who is now glaring at him and urging him through hand gestures to hurry the hell up, “She’ll like that you are, y’know, going to try and help me. Except don’t say anything about us ever, y’know…just let her think that you’re straight or something. She’ll like you better that way an--”
I place a hand on his shoulder and the move makes him shut his mouth, “I’m pretty sure the first thing your mom’s going to ask won’t be if I’m straight or not. And if that ever comes up? We’ll deal with it then. Like you said, it’s not like we’re going to get out of here and date or anything. We’re just going to be friends.”
He nods and grins, “Friends. That we can call if we feel upset or something?”
“Of course.” I grin right back at him before darting into the office and grabbing a pen off of Dr. Moore’s desk. I give them a half-assed apology and ramble about Billie Joe and leaving and numbers before running back to him and grabbing onto his arm, “Here’s my…number…if you need it.” I mumble as I write the seven digits out onto his pale arm.
He stares at the dark ink, almost as though he searing the numbers into his brain, and nods. He’s about to say something when a small child comes bolting down the hallway and latches onto his hand. He turns away from me and looks down at the girl holding onto his hand, “Do we have to go now?”
She nods her head, eyes wide and staring straight at me, “Mommy says that you have to hurry or she’s gonna be mad!”
Billie Joe shrugs his shoulders and looks up at me, “So I guess this is good-bye until one of us calls the other?”
“Yeah,” I mutter, still caught in a staring contest with Billie Joe’s younger half-sister, “Yeah. I should get back in there anyways…they’re still talking about stuff and things.”
“Alright.” He gives me one last smile, paired with a short wave, before taking off down the hallway and meeting up with the family members waiting for him at the end.
I go back into the office and drop myself back into the chair. I stare blankly at the floor and half-listen as they talk about therapists and medication. I run my fingers across the piece of crumpled paper tucked into my pocket and smile. Because right now everything seems to finally be falling into place.
---------------------------
An update?
So soon after the last one?
Something must be wrong with me...
Hopefully the next update will come just as quickly!
<333
( Next Part )