True Blood Season Finale Review
True Blood: Season 3 Finale
By dr_kittym
Every time I watch the previews, I say to myself “and for those that can keep up, can we just move forward?” The words “need a fast forward button” have never rang truer unfortunately when watching from .avi the words fast forward don’t exactly compute well. Such is life, so escaping into the intro of awesomeness can only be described as temporary euphoria. It’s great that you moved on, but you’d rather just get the fuck on with it already.
Tada, enter Fangtasia which to say still looks more like a dive you’d find in the middle of Texas than an supposedly attractive nightclub for fangbangers to go and find real live vampires. I guess we can chalk it up to being Louisana but that’s just unfair. But this time, we don’t find dancers or vampires with food, or even a bartender nope we see Sookie, Bill, and Pam- the new Rat Pack (if this reference throws you off- go with the Brat Pack but I’m pretty sure Pam is not Molly Ringwald; But she could do a Lauren Bacall). Eric has left the building in an not so Elvis expressionist way… and he’s frying like eggs on a frying pan and so is Russell, the Franklin wannabe. Why the Franklin wannabe? Because he’s crazy but he’s not that crazy. Sorry Denis O’Hare but James Frain wins that battle. It’s over, the angels are singing (or talking to you and telling you to give everyone a chance at peace in the form of a vampire from season two named Godric)… and there’s this moment of insert tears of “damn you alan ball” here. But anyone in their right minds know this isn’t over and Eric will live to see another day because inside is Sookie and she just can’t wait to save him!
Right not the books, so maybe not but close enough! Anyway, she saves Eric and then Eric is all “Dude that bitch needs to suffer not die, GO SAVE HIM”. And Sookie is like “Whatever Asshole.” And Bill gets involved because there’s nothing else for him to do, but Pam is too cute with her anger. Then while tied up, Russell tries to be Franklin… and well that’s not really working out too well but it is pretty cool that Sookie goes all psycho killer on Talbot’s inside. Later on, Pam kicks Russell, Bill, and Eric out with a threat of never coming back- okay that part is only to “that piece of shit” but you know the same rule could apply to all male vampires. They head to a construction quarry after ALCIDE shows up *more on that later*. Eric goes to burry Russell alive in cement (because that’s really fucking cool and twisted at the same time!) but then the ghost of Christmas past comes and tells him not to (That would be Godric).
Fuck that shit though, Eric has conscience- he’s not damn Scrooge, he burry’s that psycho wannabe. Sorry Ghost maybe next season or not. I’m thinking either Alan is a fan of Patrick Swayze or he was just really bored when he decided to use Godric as a plot device. At least Godric wasn’t moving the cement truck or making friends with a pretend seer to prove a point. Then three seconds later, Eric is a moron and Bill gets the upper hand, which is just stupid because if Eric is so damn cunning he should have fucking known. I mean shit, we all knew. How stupid do you have to be? Right so, Eric is two seconds away from joining Russell in being the new H.H. Holmes (anyone gets this reference, they win the nerd award). Somehow though, he is saved… and shows up at Sookie’s house later- and more shit happens.
Cut backwards to drama with Lafayette, Jesus, Tara, Arlene, Terry, and Sam. Because the people at Merlotte’s have some serious fucking issues. I so would never work there. Ever. You couldn’t bribe me, witches, crazy blood haze filled v dreams, suicides, bar fights, vampires, and aids burgers- that shit is just too much to handle. Anyway, Lafayette is on the screwy side and is all “save me Jesus” (not that Jesus, Hey Zeus, Jesus). And Jesus is like blah blah blah, witch blah blah blah… and I’m like “that’s fucked up, he’s gay, a male nurse, an a witch- someone tell Alan Ball that the LGBT/GLBT plans to probably protest this tomorrow”. So yea, Jesus is not only named Jesus but he’s every single cliché in the book. Meanwhile, Tara is getting ready for CHANGE, so she cuts her hair… insert another joke about clichés here. But really, we know she’s gonna go skip town and then like come back in three months a whole “new woman” just in time for more shit to happen. Arlene and Terry are going to fall apart soon, I imagine if this season is any hint, but she’s still pregnant joy!
And that Sam, well shit if he isn’t totally ruined for life. Alan Ball might have as well set his character on fire. Decent, sweet, semi normal but not Sam is now a killer, a liar, and a cheat. Oh yea, that’s great, we should just add like kidnapping and rape and then he’ll be a real true blood character. Ugh. So Sam is no longer drunk but still an ass and he and Tommy get into it, and if he kills Tommy then I never want to see his character again. That’s all I have to say. Shit happened with Hoyt and Jessica too. Like cute love shit, and we’re all like “aww but when does this shit hit the fan too?” Cause it’s just too normal for Alan Ball.
Somewhere in there is the return of Alcide, and Jason! Jason becomes a hero! A real hero, like Clint Eastwood in Gran Torino hero taking in the little lost people of hot shot after their leader dies. Okay not exactly the same context but the sentiment is the same. Jason is now the caregiver of the inner city crowd, god help them. And Crystal leaves… which is fucked up. And like Calvin is dead NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Eh whatever. Andy divorces him too, he’s like “our bromance is over, it’s time for season 4 now, and Stackhouse we can’t be Bff’s anymore.” So they’re done, but Jason at least has his own orgy. And we see the return of Alcide, who comes back because well he likes Sookie or because he could be solving a debut issue. Either way, we know he’ll be back soon and so will Debbie (joy!).
So yea, that was season three in the end. Not much else happened. Except maybe like some note from Alan Ball about next year, and some chat notice- and like that was basically it besides Tara and Sam breaking off their sexual tryst again but that’s not news. Tune in next year when we forgot about the show for nine months, babies were born in that time named Eric or Sookie, and Fairies return Sookie from the great beyond.
By dr_kittym
Every time I watch the previews, I say to myself “and for those that can keep up, can we just move forward?” The words “need a fast forward button” have never rang truer unfortunately when watching from .avi the words fast forward don’t exactly compute well. Such is life, so escaping into the intro of awesomeness can only be described as temporary euphoria. It’s great that you moved on, but you’d rather just get the fuck on with it already.
Tada, enter Fangtasia which to say still looks more like a dive you’d find in the middle of Texas than an supposedly attractive nightclub for fangbangers to go and find real live vampires. I guess we can chalk it up to being Louisana but that’s just unfair. But this time, we don’t find dancers or vampires with food, or even a bartender nope we see Sookie, Bill, and Pam- the new Rat Pack (if this reference throws you off- go with the Brat Pack but I’m pretty sure Pam is not Molly Ringwald; But she could do a Lauren Bacall). Eric has left the building in an not so Elvis expressionist way… and he’s frying like eggs on a frying pan and so is Russell, the Franklin wannabe. Why the Franklin wannabe? Because he’s crazy but he’s not that crazy. Sorry Denis O’Hare but James Frain wins that battle. It’s over, the angels are singing (or talking to you and telling you to give everyone a chance at peace in the form of a vampire from season two named Godric)… and there’s this moment of insert tears of “damn you alan ball” here. But anyone in their right minds know this isn’t over and Eric will live to see another day because inside is Sookie and she just can’t wait to save him!
Right not the books, so maybe not but close enough! Anyway, she saves Eric and then Eric is all “Dude that bitch needs to suffer not die, GO SAVE HIM”. And Sookie is like “Whatever Asshole.” And Bill gets involved because there’s nothing else for him to do, but Pam is too cute with her anger. Then while tied up, Russell tries to be Franklin… and well that’s not really working out too well but it is pretty cool that Sookie goes all psycho killer on Talbot’s inside. Later on, Pam kicks Russell, Bill, and Eric out with a threat of never coming back- okay that part is only to “that piece of shit” but you know the same rule could apply to all male vampires. They head to a construction quarry after ALCIDE shows up *more on that later*. Eric goes to burry Russell alive in cement (because that’s really fucking cool and twisted at the same time!) but then the ghost of Christmas past comes and tells him not to (That would be Godric).
Fuck that shit though, Eric has conscience- he’s not damn Scrooge, he burry’s that psycho wannabe. Sorry Ghost maybe next season or not. I’m thinking either Alan is a fan of Patrick Swayze or he was just really bored when he decided to use Godric as a plot device. At least Godric wasn’t moving the cement truck or making friends with a pretend seer to prove a point. Then three seconds later, Eric is a moron and Bill gets the upper hand, which is just stupid because if Eric is so damn cunning he should have fucking known. I mean shit, we all knew. How stupid do you have to be? Right so, Eric is two seconds away from joining Russell in being the new H.H. Holmes (anyone gets this reference, they win the nerd award). Somehow though, he is saved… and shows up at Sookie’s house later- and more shit happens.
Cut backwards to drama with Lafayette, Jesus, Tara, Arlene, Terry, and Sam. Because the people at Merlotte’s have some serious fucking issues. I so would never work there. Ever. You couldn’t bribe me, witches, crazy blood haze filled v dreams, suicides, bar fights, vampires, and aids burgers- that shit is just too much to handle. Anyway, Lafayette is on the screwy side and is all “save me Jesus” (not that Jesus, Hey Zeus, Jesus). And Jesus is like blah blah blah, witch blah blah blah… and I’m like “that’s fucked up, he’s gay, a male nurse, an a witch- someone tell Alan Ball that the LGBT/GLBT plans to probably protest this tomorrow”. So yea, Jesus is not only named Jesus but he’s every single cliché in the book. Meanwhile, Tara is getting ready for CHANGE, so she cuts her hair… insert another joke about clichés here. But really, we know she’s gonna go skip town and then like come back in three months a whole “new woman” just in time for more shit to happen. Arlene and Terry are going to fall apart soon, I imagine if this season is any hint, but she’s still pregnant joy!
And that Sam, well shit if he isn’t totally ruined for life. Alan Ball might have as well set his character on fire. Decent, sweet, semi normal but not Sam is now a killer, a liar, and a cheat. Oh yea, that’s great, we should just add like kidnapping and rape and then he’ll be a real true blood character. Ugh. So Sam is no longer drunk but still an ass and he and Tommy get into it, and if he kills Tommy then I never want to see his character again. That’s all I have to say. Shit happened with Hoyt and Jessica too. Like cute love shit, and we’re all like “aww but when does this shit hit the fan too?” Cause it’s just too normal for Alan Ball.
Somewhere in there is the return of Alcide, and Jason! Jason becomes a hero! A real hero, like Clint Eastwood in Gran Torino hero taking in the little lost people of hot shot after their leader dies. Okay not exactly the same context but the sentiment is the same. Jason is now the caregiver of the inner city crowd, god help them. And Crystal leaves… which is fucked up. And like Calvin is dead NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Eh whatever. Andy divorces him too, he’s like “our bromance is over, it’s time for season 4 now, and Stackhouse we can’t be Bff’s anymore.” So they’re done, but Jason at least has his own orgy. And we see the return of Alcide, who comes back because well he likes Sookie or because he could be solving a debut issue. Either way, we know he’ll be back soon and so will Debbie (joy!).
So yea, that was season three in the end. Not much else happened. Except maybe like some note from Alan Ball about next year, and some chat notice- and like that was basically it besides Tara and Sam breaking off their sexual tryst again but that’s not news. Tune in next year when we forgot about the show for nine months, babies were born in that time named Eric or Sookie, and Fairies return Sookie from the great beyond.