FANFIC ENTRY #04

[nicefinalbeam]

Fic Title: Speak, Shadow!
Rating: PG (some swear words)
Summary: Ohno tries to handle his one-sided feelings for Sho, but it gets tough when Sho has feelings for another friend.
A/N: Thanks to C for looking it over for me.



I dream of Sho sometimes. They're not erotic dreams. They are as ordinary as illogical dreams can be.

Sometimes, I follow Sho, as if through the lens of a camera. Sometimes, I see through his eyes and walk in his shoes. Sometimes, I'm me and he's himself. And then Sho will talk to me and it'll make the difference between black and white, because out of my dreams, he doesn't. Because, Sho and I have nothing in common. In my dreams, we say silly things. That's enough.

But in one dream, Sho died in my arms. He went still. His blood soaked into my clothes, stained my skin, and the stench of rust clogged my nose. I woke crying with my breath short. In the darkness, I curled and clutched my knees, and I missed him.

That time, I realized I love Sho. How funny. Because Sho loves Nino, and both of them are my friends. Sho will never look at me.

Aiba's digital watch beeped, saying it's six in the evening. It was half an hour later than our meeting time after school. Only Sho was late today.

"I don't see him," Aiba pouted.

"He won't be running like you," Nino drawled.

"He's usually on time," Jun stated.

I pretended to be asleep on the grass so Nino wouldn't pester me to join.

Ten minutes later, the atmosphere changed.

"He's here!" Aiba shouted.

"He's running," Nino commented dryly.

"He's late," Jun muttered to himself.

My fingers dug into the dirt and I abstained from sitting up to see what I would see: Sho running towards us in the distance, his expression serious and his brows furrowed as if he were mad, except that he'd really just be out of breath.

"I'm...sorry," Sho apologized. "Sensei...held me back..."

"We were worried!" Aiba scolded.

"Next time, send an email," Jun suggested.

Nino whispered into my ear, "Oh-chan, wake up."

His hot breath startled me out of my pretense. I sat and found Sho standing above us. My heart skipped, but I am ignored because Sho's eyes were focused only on Nino and his brows creased.

"I need to talk with you later," Sho told him.

Sho will never make that same request of someone like me.

Aiba once thought we hated each other.

Back before high school, I told mom I didn't like Sho always studying because he made me a bad son. Sho was perfect and his mother bragged about it. Mom laughed and told me she didn't care because I was a good boy. Her nonchalance was all I had looked for, but others started telling me I was a good son and I knew mom had told. I wouldn't speak to anyone for a while. I couldn't even look at Sho.

So Aiba had asked if I hated Sho, because he really thought I did.

Sho probably thought I hated him too. I never told him the truth.

On our way home, he walked in front with Aiba who happily conveyed his day. Nino and Jun followed talking about baseball. I walked behind and let them lead me, allowing me to daydream.

"Ohno-san, what happened to your hand?"

I started and looked at my nails, brown and congested with dirt, then at Jun who had asked. I remembered digging them into the ground earlier, but lied, "Don't know."

Jun sighed heavily.

Nino frowned, opened his mouth, paused, decided against an insult, and said, "You need to stop blanking out."

Aiba turned. "If you were making mudballs, you should've called me. It would've been fun."

"What are you? Two?" Nino screeched.

Sho laughed loudly at the accusation. "I wouldn't be surprised."

Sho made no remark about me, but his laughter took away the regret.

We reached the neighborhood and separated. Jun disappeared into the first house around the corner. Aiba went on because he lived two blocks down. Nino and Sho walked into Sho's house since they still had to talk. I entered the house beside Sho's, and I pretended that I didn't care about what they might be doing, or that an invisible hand wasn't choking me.

Sometimes in the middle of the night when strange thoughts start lurking in, I think about running away. I think about starting over. I think about a beautiful girlfriend, about working as a host, being successful, working in a combini, being unsuccessful. Then I remember that I can't leave mom, dad, and my sister. And then I remember that I can't live without Sho either. But before I go to sleep, I tell myself that Sho can be replaced. First loves don't usually work out anyway.

The thought never comforts me, but it's enough to see me through the night.

In the morning before first period, all students gathered in the gym for the third time in two weeks. A student or several students had been pulling dangerous pranks at school. In front of one thousand students, the vice-principal went livid. He demanded that the culprits confess, lectured the rest of us about the consequences, turned purple in front of the podium, and spewed spittle everywhere for everyone to see.

Aiba giggled. Nino kicked him in the ankle. Jun looked irritated with his arms crossed. Sho stared intently ahead, listening, but his foot tapped impatiently against the floor.

I heaved a deep breath and tried to stay awake. As the vice-principal neared the end of his speech, indicated by the increasing darker shade of his face, I promised the drowsiness in my body that I would head to bed as soon as I get home. I wouldn't even do my homework. In exchange, I wanted to be left alone. It didn't work because I stumbled as soon as we were dismissed for class.

Nearest me, Sho caught my arm. "You okay?"

I nodded, surprised and overwhelmed. Today could be my lucky day. And I was right because he gave me a relieved smile before letting go, one of those that make the world a little brighter.

But I was also wrong.

During lunch, Nino forcefully pulled our heads together and proposed a plan for the upcoming weekend. He had something he wanted from the student files, and he needed our cooperation to pull it off. In short, we were going to break into school Sunday night and steal. In other words, reiterated by a confident Sho, Nino and Sho were doing the stealing and the rest of us had to be look-outs.

"Is that something you want very important?" Aiba asked, eyes wide.

Nino sent him a dazzling smile meant to disarm his prey. "Of course it is, Aiba-chan."

Aiba naively smiled in return. "It's fun. I'm in."

Jun looked doubtful. "Our percentage of success is very low. The securities make rounds every few hours. There might be locks we are unaware of. There might even be a lock on the cabinet with the student files. No, scratch that. There probably is."

Nino thumped Sho on the back. "That's why we have Stiff-sama here," he declared. "He'll figure something out. And you shouldn't worry about the other stuff, because that's Sho-kun and my business."

Jun silenced, folding his arms unhappily, but he didn't refuse to join.

Nino turned to me and didn't ask. "You're in."

He clapped once conclusively. "Okay. We'll review the more detailed plan at Sho-kun's house Saturday night at five. Be there on time. And Sho-kun will be providing snacks."

"Wha~?" Sho turned to Nino who thumped him on the back again and merrily skipped away.

I didn't like the frown on Sho's face and murmured, "You don't have to."

"No, that's fine," he absentmindedly answered, clapped me on the back as Nino had done to him, and followed Nino out the cafeteria.

I wished he'd given me one of his toothy grins instead.

Aiba immediately crawled in. "You think they're meeting outside this hall?" he whispered.

Jun gave him a skeptical look. "Don't go assuming things."

"No! I'm serious!" Aiba jerked away from Jun as if Jun's gaze had burned him. "Don't you think it suspicious that they won't tell us anything? I didn't want to be telling you guys, but this proved my point."

"Proved what point, Aiba-chan?" Jun asked, displeased with the topic's direction but interested.

"That they're going out," Aiba boldly declared, proud to know.

Jun's eyes widened, surprised in spite of himself.

Aiba pounced on his reaction and whispered, "They're hoping to hide it from us."

I understood several things. If Nino and Sho are dating, it meant Sho's feelings were never one-sided. It meant Nino reciprocated Sho's feelings. It meant one of them confessed. It meant they're probably together now. It meant I should be happy for them. It meant-- But I wondered why I felt empty, or why I could no longer hear Aiba and Jun. Or the sounds around me. Or that I couldn't move.

Sometimes, when I run out of things to think about, I think about Sho and why it had to be him. There's nothing special about Sho. Aiba is energetic, positive, and supportive. Nino will do anything for the people he loves. Jun exudes passion for everything he does. Sho worries a lot. He overthinks. He overplans. He makes mistakes. He eats a lot. He's weak.

And when I start to really wonder, I know again that I want to be like Sho. I think it's okay to fail sometimes. It's okay to be too serious. It's okay to work hard and study a few weeks ahead. It's okay to laugh so loud that it echoes throughout the room.

I can't remember the day Sho's family moved next door, but I remember that when the rest of us played in the dirt, one boy stood back and watched. And in the evening when we were all tired and rubbing our sores, one boy played the piano alone. He produced magical, healing sounds.

Sho steals my breath away, even if I don't know why. I always reach this conclusion in the end.

Coming home from school, I went straight to bed. I had hoped to sleep through the evening and night, all the way to the next morning. But I woke in the middle of the night. In the darkness of my room, alone, hours later, I completely understood what Aiba had said.

So maybe though I knew all along, I had convinced myself it wasn't necessarily true until someone said it. Now Aiba and Jun knew too.

A sound escaped my lips. My chest jolted. A few more breathless sighs erupted. I couldn't even breathe, and yet my breaths were trying to escape. I stuffed a fist into my jaw and clenched down. I tried to stop the air from leaving my lungs. I won't let it run. I refused to. But I knew I failed because I couldn't see. Something wet, and hot, and salty burned my eyes. My chest heaved like it shouldn't. And it hurts. It hurts in a way that it shouldn't.

I couldn't stop this. A little part of me mistakenly thought I had a chance.

I tasted iron and my hand throbbed, but I bit harder because I'm trying to live. This blood was nothing. Most importantly, no one, not even my ears, should hear how funny Ohno Satoshi is.

Stupid Satoshi, right? Satoshi's so stupid.

Sho steals my breath away.

Mom saw my sore eyes in the morning and said I didn't have to go to school, so I didn't. After school, Nino and the rest came over to drop off my homework and visit.

"What happened to your hand?" Jun asked at seeing the bandage.

"I bit it in my sleep," I mumbled.

Nino snorted. "You couldn't have been that hungry."

Aiba nervously looked around and when he thought no one was looking, tried to push his snack towards me centimeter by centimeter. Nino ate it anyway.

Sho watched us and didn't say anything. I knew he wouldn't, and I shouldn't have cared, but I did.

A sharp pang in my chest, reminiscent of yesterday, dulled my awareness.

I told them I wanted to sleep and they left.

Alone in my room, I thought about asking mom and dad to move. We would leave this place and go somewhere very far. Then I would transfer schools and I wouldn't have to see Sho anymore. But I knew I couldn't be selfish and I knew I could never ask. I would get over this if I just waited, just like how I thought I would get over Sho if I kept my feelings a secret. Not a good comparison, but it was all I had.

At least Sho and I were still friends. It changed nothing. Sho wouldn't care any less about me than he did now.

Someone rang the doorbell. Sister answered. Someone came up the stairs. My door creaked open and someone came in and left. I waited until the footsteps subsided and for the someone to leave before sitting up to see what had been left behind. I saw a pair of worn gloves on my low table. They were for winter and I couldn't understand why a friend would bring me thick winter gloves out of season.

I looked them over trying to figure out who had been so thoughtless. On the tag, handwritten and faded, was scribbled Sakurai Sho. I saw my bandaged hand and remembered my dirt encrusted nails a few days ago. I laughed and knew Sho was an idiot because a pair of gloves wouldn't stop me from getting my hands dirty or getting them hurt.

Sho was a weird kind of silly. But I pulled his gloves on anyway and curled in bed, stifling a sob, and I wondered why the person Sho love couldn't be me.

It was unfair because I couldn't even explain why it had to be Sho.

Things were easier back in junior high.

Jun had been the first among us to have a girlfriend. We were envious, but they hadn't last and broke up two months later. And so, he was the first to experience heart-break too. He got over it quickly. Because of that, we all thought falling in love wasn't so bad.

We had bets on who would get a girlfriend next. Who would last the longest? Who would leave us for her? Who would love her the most? Who would-- At the time, the bets had been fun. They were just games. I had made my bets on Sho, because, isn't Sho the best?

Sometimes, I would like to go back in time.

Saturday night, we were given our positions. Aiba was the second look-out. Jun was third and nearest Sho and Nino who would creep into the office. My station was outside as first look-out and I had to be in charge of distractions if the situation got bad. Nino had said Aiba couldn't be trusted with this role, and they needed Jun inside. I received this position by default.

Sho, Nino, and Jun were poring over a rough map of the school when Aiba pulled me back and whispered, "Don't they look happy?" Sho and Nino's forehead touched over the map.

I couldn't answer, but Jun heard and he reached over to hit Aiba's head. "That's not your problem," he said.

But it was mines.

Because I wasn't much help to Nino, Sho, and Jun anyway, I sat in the kitchen with Sho's mother for a while. She had stopped grading papers to bake us cookies, and I couldn't tell her that she shouldn't trouble herself. I wondered if she'd stop if I told her we weren't working on a school project upstairs.

Aiba wasn't much help to the others either, so he eventually came down too. He said he'd never baked before and became over-eager. He shaped the cookie dough into animals. Sho's mother showered him with praise and went along. Aiba innovated and Sho's mother never stopped exclaiming. We made so much noise that Sho's younger sister came out and said we were having too much fun. But she smiled and went back.

"You're having too much fun," Sho said this time. He stood by the doorway, a little upset.

His mother apologized. "Sorry, Sho-chan." She wiped her hands on her apron and pulled out some cups. "How about you help Satoshi-kun bring up some milk first? We're finished in a bit."

Aiba piped, "I'll come up with the specially made magic cookies when we're done."

Sho just laughed at him and I was kind of glad Nino wasn't here.

I carried the tray and went up behind Sho, carefully because I didn't want to trip, and when we were alone on the staircase, I apologized because there was nothing else to say.

"You haven't done anything wrong," he blandly told me.

I wanted to see if he smiled like his sister. A part of me wished he had.

On the landing, Sho stopped and reached for the tray. My grip tightened and I wanted to tell him I could take it the rest of the way, but his hands covered mines and I had to let go.

I envied Sho for being able to do that; for making me dumbstruck in a second, and he didn't even know he could. I stood there and felt the burning of my hands, the weakness of my knees, and the throbbing of my temples. I didn't like feeling this vulnerable. I didn't like the idea that Sho could hurt me so easily and then turn it around in a moment.

Anyone would go mad.

Some nights when I can't go to sleep and I'm tired of counting sheep, I tell myself to get over it. Time to forget Sho. It's not lovesickness. It's frightening. You can't control it. It's going to hurt both Nino and Sho someday. Your feelings are scary and dangerous.

Get over it, Satoshi. The words become repetitive, like the number of sheep that builds up, and it never lulls me to sleep.

Aiba had bravely asked Jun back then how he got over his ex-girlfriend. We were all embarrassed by his question and wished Aiba would shut up. But Jun answered, days later, that he had thought it wasn't worth growing depressed over. He kept telling himself so, and he believed it.

It's not worth it, Satoshi, I tell myself.

But I don't believe it. Because Sho who works hard on everything he does is worth it.

But hurting my best friend Nino is not worth it. So these destructive feelings are suspended in midair.

Jun told me one day, when we were both alone, that he thinks about her sometimes. That in truth, it's not about getting over anyone quickly or self-hypnotism. It's about allowing time to erode the feelings.

I wait for time to take my feelings for Sho away. I wonder if it'll take the pain with it too.

When I start to count the seconds, that's when I finally fall asleep.

Sunday night came like any typical night, pretending this night would be no different.

Aiba was pumped. Jun was prepared. Sho looked nauseous. Nino had a scary spark in his eyes. As if we were on a dangerous mission, Jun meticulously briefed the plan again. Aiba grew overexcited and began hopping from foot to foot, so after the third time Nino told Jun to shut it and we proceeded.

We reached the school and Aiba achieved a stealthy cart wheel through the gates. Nino and I went along, cart wheeling too. Sho tried. Jun walked through. Outside the building, Nino grabbed my shoulders and said, "We're counting on you."

Following my assigned role, I hid in the bushes while they went in. I carried a packet of firecrackers inside my jacket, ready to set them off anytime a distraction was needed. But I wouldn't know what was happening until one of them sent an email.

I sat on the ground and clutched my phone praying this would go over smoothly. I settled on staring at the sky. The school grounds were lit too brightly to see the stars. I went ahead and promised some star I couldn't see that if Nino and Sho, and the rest, got out safely, I would go so far as to make a replica of that star as tribute.

I reached into my pocket, pulled out Sho's gloves, and wore them hoping they'd give me strength.

Three shadows walked by my hiding spot, prematurely darkening the sky, and I ducked. They carried something over their shoulders and they blended into the dark surrounding. I didn't think they were security but I didn't think they were good people either, so I silently hoped they left before Nino and the rest came out. I hoped fortune would accept my part of the bargain.

The night slowly crept on as if Nino and Sho were taking their precious time.

When I am left alone to think, I lose awareness of the world around me. I no longer see the reality over the images in my head. I no longer hear anything but the words I am thinking. This world in my mind is so strong that I lose track of time and space. I am reluctant to come out of this place I have created and where no one else can go, where no one can hurt me.

It is a place so calming and peaceful, I sometimes fall asleep while I am thinking.

A sudden noise jerked me awake. It was the ringing of my phone. I was horrified to know five previous mails had been sent. Distraction Needed: Aiba had been seen as they were coming out. They were caught! I am horribly, terribly late. I scrambled out of the bushes, got my feet tangled, and fell. My gloved hands stopped my hard crush against the ground, and for once Sho had done well.

Screams ripped through the air. A whistle blew. "STOP RIGHT THERE!" a man shouted.

My breath caught. Who's running?

I tugged off Sho's gloves, pulled out the firecrackers, and with shaking hands set them up like I should have already done. Just as I was to light the fuses, a voice shouted, "SATOSHI-KUN, RUN!"

Four dark figures ran out the building chased by two guards. The four figures of my friends scattered to confuse them. One of my friends ran towards me. I bit my lip and stalled a second. I lit the fuses. They hissed and sparked.

That friend had been Sho.

"RUN!" he shouted, catching up to me, grabbing my hand, and dragging me around the next corner.

We ran into three boys. Among heavy thuds, metal clanging, and grunts, we all fell to the ground. A piece of thin paper wafted through the air, carried by the light breeze. A whistle in the distance blew. The shovels that the three other boys carried lay by their sides. The firecrackers went off, thundering throughout the whole field.

The three students from our class looked at us, and Sho and I looked at them in shocked silence. We froze in confusion. They had been here all along. How had I missed them? One of them stood first, took his shovel, and ran without a word. His friends followed. "This is bad!" the last one shouted, his words drowned by the boom of the firecrackers overhead.

Sho ignored them as if they had never been, focused on something else. He cried, "My letter!" And flung himself towards the paper drifting away. I stood to follow, but he was already running at full speed.

Three--his hand caught the paper. Two--he ran one more step. One--the ground underneath Sho collapsed.

"SHO!" I screamed the hardest in my life, just as the last firecracker crackled and died. I arrived beside the gaping hole where he had fallen, slower than I wanted, faster than I'd ever been, with my limbs screaming, and out of breath.

Sho grunted from the depths and groaned. "Those...three...bastards..."

"A-are you hurt?" I was not prepared to hear the truth if he was. In my dream, his body had been torn. I could almost remember the smell and sight of his blood. My heart pounded as his weak voice reached me, "I think I broke my right hand..."

Just that. Thanks to the star.

"It's the first time I've broken a bone," he murmured sullenly.

"I'm going to get help," I told him.

"No!" he shouted. "I'll be found eventually, but don't get yourself caught."

I thought about letting him suffer alone, but I couldn't. "No."

His shriek stopped me from leaving. I peered back in. "Sho-chan! Are you okay!?"

"Then stay here with me until someone comes!"

"But you're hurt!" I said. Sho was injured. Did he want me to wait until he bled to death? I couldn't. "You're hurt," I said. "You're hurt. You're hurt," I repeated, each truth a stab of pain and my punishment that I couldn't disobey him; that I couldn't run for help. "Sho-chan, you're hurt."

"I get it!" he shouted, finally panicking.

"Sho-chan," I started, lying on my stomach to get closer to him, and it was only then that I knew my body was shaking. I desperately held back from crying because it was stupid to cry from being afraid for Sho.

He shifted at my call, winced, and then reached up with his uninjured arm. Sho was so close, I reached out too. He grasped my hand. I felt the sweat on his palm and knew he was also afraid.

He heaved a deep, labored breath and tightened his grip on my fingers, and it didn't matter that he was crushing them. We held on.

Then Sho pulled back and stuffed a piece of paper into my hand. He murmured, "Go get help."

I didn't wait for him to say it twice.

I still remember the first time all five of us were together, in one place, and when we finally spoke. We were not yet friends.

During that summer, some of the neighborhood kids had gathered to play baseball. We were from ages five to twelve, and the teams had to be split evenly. There were no field, no bases. We used book bags and school books. Jun was catcher. Nino was center. My position was as outfielder. Aiba played against us as the first batter from the opposing team.

He wasn't even close to hitting the first ball. Nino had cruelly teased him. Aiba missed the second ball as dreadfully too. Nino wouldn't stop laughing. Aiba got angry and swung at the third ball.

It flew. And it hit someone watching. It hit Sho.

Sho spat out blood. The other kids screamed. Scared, they ran. The game was over in one shot.

The rest of us went to Sho and it had only been us four. That might have been the beginning.

Aiba had been crying really hard, unable to speak properly. Jun said he'd get his mommy and ran for his house. Nino went pure white and looked sick. I remember I thought the boy who played the piano would die. Like Aiba I cried, but I was also holding Sho because he might disappear if I wasn't touching him. I didn't want him to disappear.

He suddenly gripped me back and patted me gently, soothingly. I stopped crying because of that; because Sho was strong and calmed me down.

Jun came back with both his mother and father, and Sho had been taken to the hospital.

Jun was the hero of that day, Sho the victim, Aiba the offender, Nino the provoker, and I the witness.

But if I think back, I had gained something that day he was injured. I had selfishly connected myself to Sho like a parasite.

Sho came back from the hospital and it was only the joint in his right thumb that had broken. Aside from a few scratches and sores, he was actually fine. But the cast on his hand was enough for the vice principle to let Sho go with only a warning. Unfortunately, the notorious pranksters had run into the security guards who had given up on chasing Nino, Aiba, and Jun, and were with me in punishment. They had a month's worth of heavy cleaning duties and a few days of suspension. I had to fill up the hole Sho fell into.

I didn't expect Sho to thank me, but I didn't understand when he refused to speak to me. This was worse than him not caring, because this was him hating me for something I had done. And I didn't expect this to hurt as much as the other time, but it did.

After I thought we were still friends, now we might only be neighbors. Sho was reasonable and rational, and he must have a reason for being angry. Sho was not like me.

"He's a lot more stupid than you think," Nino said.

Nino read my thought. The heavy shovel in my hand stopped as I frowned at him. He nodded for me to finish, and so I emptied my shovel into the half-filled hole. Aiba was here too, on the other side tiredly shoving dirt into the crevice. There were only the three of us after school because Jun had accompanied a sullen Sho home.

"Even after I went through so much to help him," Nino bitterly continued, pausing to distractedly dig the tip of his tool into the dirt when I finished. "He had to go and fall into a hole."

"What did you help him with?" Aiba rasped.

Nino ignored him and said to me, "If he's being so shy about it, why don't you at least answer him, Oh-chan?"

I didn't get it.

Nino growled and frightened me. "It's not about who's more embarrassed! It's your goddamn feelings, isn't it?"

But I still didn't understand. Neither did Aiba.

"Nino, calm down," Aiba told him.

Nino turned angry eyes on him, causing Aiba to step back. Then he glared at me. I wanted to step back too, but the bags of dirt were behind me. "Remember the day Sho-kun was late?" he asked. "He got caught trying to stuff the letter into your locker. The eggplant caught him and thought he was those fucking goons, and wouldn't return his letter. Damn V.P. put it into Sho-kun's files instead and Sho-kun asked me to get it back for him. We went through all that fucking trouble for that stupid letter."

I saw Sho running after a piece of paper flying in the wind. Before he fell.

"And after all that trouble," Nino vehemently finished, "we're still at zero."

Aiba shouted as he understood. "AH! It wasn't for you!?"

Letter. What letter?

The one Sho had stuffed into my hand.

I didn't even remember where I put it.

Nino said I had to answer Sho.

What had I done wrong to Sho that made him angry?

I took off running.

"What about this!?" Aiba screamed after me.

Nino told him to shut it.

But, I can list a few things I like about Sho.

One: he has a beautiful face.

Two: his speech is beautiful.

Three: his voice is low.

Four: the school blazer matches him.

Five:

The crumpled letter had been shoved into one of Sho's glove I retrieved that night. I smoothed it over and tried to read. For the first time, I found Sho's polite writing irritating. I stumbled over most of what he wrote. It took more than a few minutes to read everything. And then I had to read it over again. And again. And again.

Ohno Satoshi,

Fate works in astonishing ways. She allowed us to be neighbors. I cannot recall our first encounter, but that unique moment was the beginning of our time. With Nino, Jun, and Aiba, we became friends. We created countless memories. I had hoped to be best friends forever. Friendships last and are difficult to shatter. But while we were laughing together, my hopes changed.

I asked myself, Why can't other bonds last too?

As a result, I finally allowed myself to feel these emotions I had locked away. Satoshi, I like you. I want to be more than friends.

Will you allow this new bond to last?

Love,

Sakurai Sho

I looked at my ceiling in disbelief, in fear, in shock, then relief. Something hot, and salty, and wet burned down the side of my face. This time, I didn't stop my breaths from being stolen.

Five: I like his hands.

Sometimes, I'd like to hold Sho's hand.

Nino, Aiba, and Jun were late today. Sho looked at his watch impatiently.

We sat next to each other on the lawn after school, awkward and silent. Sho refused to speak. I fumbled with my jacket and then wondered why it couldn't be me who spoke first. There had never been a reason why I couldn't. All along, it never had to be Sho.

I pulled out his gloves and offered them to him. He started and turned red, but he wouldn't take them back.

Heat crawled up my face too, and I mumbled, "You need them more than me."

Sho frowned at his cast.

What are the right words I want to say?

"I thought you liked Nino."

Sho fidgeted and turned away, pretending interest in the grass beside him. He mumbled something.

I couldn't catch it. "I thought you were dating."

"Satoshi-kun, stop it," he sighed, almost wearily.

I didn't. Even though my heart pounded, and my palms perspired, and my temperature rose, I had to get this out. I said, "Sho-chan...I like you."