(no subject)
So I've been thinking about my size. I'm bigger than I've been used to being in a while; not heavier, I don't think, but I've got a bit of a waist on, which most of the time feels a bit bloated - but that's another story, maybe. I've been thinking about fat acceptance, and reading Kate Harding's Shapely Prose, and it occurs to me that when I met Dave and started eating a lot less fat and going for the occasional run, my waist went in a fair bit. I probably lost half a stone to a stone (but then, in first year I could lose half a stone in a night of dancing) and I felt light. It was a new kind of light, because I still felt strong with it, where previously lack of food/digestive problems have left me a little thinner but uncomfortable lifting the euph. So it was kind of nice, and very conventionally attractive, and with Dave's encouragement I bought new clothes that emphasised the waist and the bum and so forth. And now I can't fit into those clothes. I'm wondering if this is a temporary thing, if I really have started eating a lot more fat and sugar, or if I've maybe started reacting badly to wheat again (because it's hard to track exactly how it affects me because there are so many other factors) or if I've unintentionally lost weight by dieting and done the typical thing: gained it back plus 10% after 6-12 months.
I can't say I'd be too annoyed if I knew I was staying this size; it's curvy without being huge, it's not uncomfortable and I don't feel heavy; I don't like my silhouette quite as much, but hey, I'll cope. I might get upset if I have to change all my clothes again though. The jeans I'm wearing at the moment look great on me; I bought them when I went up a size literally overnight, and couldn't get into the trousers I'd been wearing the day before. I spent £35, quite a lot for me, because I needed the mood boost, and I figured they'd be useful when I'm at the roundest end of my monthly cycle. Now they're my favourite pair of jeans. Nothing else is quite the right shape, even my formal type trousers which were meant to be comfy to loose. This could be a problem, financially; or maybe I'll lose it again if I start working out properly for the T.A. and cut the wheat right down. I don't know. I wonder when my last period was? I wonder how long my cycle will be now I'm off the pill?
I can't say I'd be too annoyed if I knew I was staying this size; it's curvy without being huge, it's not uncomfortable and I don't feel heavy; I don't like my silhouette quite as much, but hey, I'll cope. I might get upset if I have to change all my clothes again though. The jeans I'm wearing at the moment look great on me; I bought them when I went up a size literally overnight, and couldn't get into the trousers I'd been wearing the day before. I spent £35, quite a lot for me, because I needed the mood boost, and I figured they'd be useful when I'm at the roundest end of my monthly cycle. Now they're my favourite pair of jeans. Nothing else is quite the right shape, even my formal type trousers which were meant to be comfy to loose. This could be a problem, financially; or maybe I'll lose it again if I start working out properly for the T.A. and cut the wheat right down. I don't know. I wonder when my last period was? I wonder how long my cycle will be now I'm off the pill?