Reading Between The Lines
Reading Between The Lines
A commentary on what’s not said
Let me start by telling you a story. Once upon a time, in a galaxy right here, on our lovely little planet, a man and woman meet and react, and a relationship is about to be started. When this happens, there is much that is never, and will never be said. The dynamics of the relationship are all controlled by the unspoken, the communication understood subconsciously. A man and woman meet at a bar, a park, wherever. The guy introduces himself, and says, “You are so beautiful.” At this point, he is probably already aware of the fact that he wants to sleep with her. She also should already know that he’s thinking about sleeping with her. She must be intrigued by his actual pick up line. In addition, he must meet her long, specific, drawn out list of requirements. If he does, he’ll get the date. If not, step 1 repeats.
During the first date, their power dynamic becomes set fairly permanently. Often, the woman ends up in control (secretly, of course) because the man still wants something from her (sex, of course). She says something like, “I want us to wait until it’s something special,” which means that she wants him to jump through some hoops before she’ll allow him to go there with her. This is where the problems really start. Since their entire relationship ends up being based around a power struggle (secretly, of course) and even if they’re compatible in other ways, the direction of their relationship will be defined by who is I power at the time. Examples of power decisions include when the parents are met, and when the important subjects, such as marriage, children, and life plans, are discussed.
Then, they say those words. Yes, those three tiny nukes. I love you. Probably the three most abused words that ever existed in American society. The woman almost invariably waits for him to say them first, even though she’s felt that way for a few weeks. Somewhere deep inside, the man will know that he’s expected to say them soon because she’ll start making subtle hints. After these don’t work, shell make obvious subtle hints, such as, “We’ve been together for a while now.” Any man that knows anything about how to work a relationship will say, “I love you,” in the next few weeks, at the longest. This will really mean that he doesn’t want to lose her, or the regular sex. Now, this isn’t to say that the guy doesn’t love her, but that even if he doesn’t, he may end up telling her that he does. This causes the power to start switching sides. Usually the power will be more in the man’s hands, because she now wants something from him. And he can make her jump through some of his own hoops, before he gives her what she wants. Keep in mind that the actual time frame of all these steps will vary from person to person and relationship to relationship.
Now that he’s said he loves her, the woman thinks the next logical step is marriage. She’ll make her usual hints, and at some point, will actually confront him on the subject. This is the turning point, the beginning of the end. Because, even if they do get married, the guy will likely feel pressured into it and resent her. His love (If he even actually felt real love for her) will die. The happiness will slowly dissipate. If the guy decides he’s not read for marriage, problems will arise because the man now has the power (not so secretly). Now, the woman really wants something (marriage, of course). Now that he’s in power, she will probably try to get it back by applying the stress with her usual hints. He starts distancing himself as she slowly ups the pressure for him to marry her. She thinks, “If he loves me, he should want to marry me, right?” Well, maybe if she didn’t subconsciously force him into saying that he loves her in the first place… but, that would be a different story.
The distance becomes greater. Maybe he cheats on her, lies to her, or maybe they just grow apart. Eventually, someone will get sick of the game they are now playing. Or not, they might end up unhappily ever after. However, if one them gets smart and confronts the other, the relationship will end. The one that ended the relationship will now forever hold the power, and their lives will move on.
The true core of the problem in all of the shenanigans isn’t what’s not being said. No, the problem isn’t quite that. The real problem is that the man and woman are unaware of their true feelings. The couple isn’t just lying to the other person; they’re lying to themselves also. This is a travesty! A catastrophe! It’s the rolling canon ball of doom that we can’t outrun! People, first of all, need to be honest with themselves. And, not only that, but people need to realize that what they really want is ok. It’s ok if you’re seeking a marriage partner. It’s ok to want to have sex with an attractive male or female, it’s only natural. It’s ok to be afraid of ending up alone. It’s ok to want the relationship to move ahead. It’s ok to not know what you want. Whatever you’re feeling, those feelings ARE ok and you be accepted by you, first and foremost.
Next comes the potentially harder part, telling the other person the truth. If everyone did this, we could take each other at face value. We can then read the lines themselves. We can finally lose that confusion. We can all throw out our copy of “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus.” So, I lied, this isn’t a piece about what’s not said, this is a commentary on what should be said.
This is an assignment from my Comp I class, but, I thought it was entertaining and made a good point