(no subject)
Title: In the Small Hours of the Night - 2
Pairing: Sheppard/Beckett
Rating: PG
Summary: John and Carson struggle to cope with the events of Misbegotten
Challenge: #62 - Shattered for slash_100
Feedback: Is always welcome. Please :)
Archive: Yes, just ask, or at lest tell me!
Disclaimer: Still not mine.
Author's notes: Ep related - Season 3/02 Misbegotten. Doesn't contain too much spoilery stuff though.
So the wraith can mind-meld(ish)? Well, here they can, they can alter what we see normally, and if teyla can communicate with them because she has a bit of wraith DNA, surely they can do the same if they've got a bit of human DNA? - twisted logic r us :)
Companion piece to this
Carson tried to move, but his body wasn’t responding. The pain in his head grew and he cried out. Struggling away from the intrusion his back pressed against a solid surface. There was nowhere he could go. He tried to put his hands out, to push his tormenter away, but something was surrounding his wrists. He couldn’t move his arms, and his legs weren’t responding. Always in his mind, even above the pain, was the questioning. He couldn’t give in, he wouldn’t betray John, but as the pain spiked Carson felt his body convulse and knew he couldn’t continue for long.
Suddenly there was another sensation, alien in this world of pain. Warmth surrounded him, strong muscles were pulling him in, and he felt safe. Something was fending off the attack, was protecting him, and he relaxed into it, feeling his racing heart begin to calm. John was here, he was safe. The nightmares that had plagued him since his return remained, and he knew John understood with him needing to explain. He snuggled closer into the comforting embrace.
If he could stop and think rationally, he knew it was over. But here in the dark of the night, where even his own mind seemed to turn against him, he couldn’t help but replay the day over and over again. Could he have saved Morrison if he had returned to the camp straight away? Was there some other way he could have helped Michael and the others? He remembered Michael’s recriminations and winced, he had been right, what right had Carson got to experiment with their lives? What right to put the lives of others at risk?
“I’m sorry John.”
He should have fought more. He should have fought harder. Tears ran down his cheek at the thought of his companions on the planet, so callously destroyed because he was the one identified as weak. And they had been right. He had tried, he had tried so hard, but they had broken him. Still he could remember the presence in his mind and he shuddered.
A hand came to wipe the tears away, arms drew him closer and John’s voice came to him, speaking softly, comforting words, reassurances that he wasn’t to blame.
But the ache continued. The pain of the torture would dull, the loss of the marines could eventually be dealt with; they had died doing their duty, obeying orders, but what about the hundreds of other deaths? Humans he had created, only to give their lives away. He couldn’t escape the blame. If it wasn’t for this work they would never have been captured. If it wasn’t for his failings, they would not have had to be destroyed. He had pleaded for their lives, but a small voice still mocked him; not enough, he hadn’t done enough.
He clung to John, finding sanctuary in his lover’s arms. He could hear John’s voice, too soft to make out the words, but somehow it could block out his thoughts, and he knew he was protected. Slowly his sobs subsided and he fell once more into a troubled sleep.
Pairing: Sheppard/Beckett
Rating: PG
Summary: John and Carson struggle to cope with the events of Misbegotten
Challenge: #62 - Shattered for slash_100
Feedback: Is always welcome. Please :)
Archive: Yes, just ask, or at lest tell me!
Disclaimer: Still not mine.
Author's notes: Ep related - Season 3/02 Misbegotten. Doesn't contain too much spoilery stuff though.
So the wraith can mind-meld(ish)? Well, here they can, they can alter what we see normally, and if teyla can communicate with them because she has a bit of wraith DNA, surely they can do the same if they've got a bit of human DNA? - twisted logic r us :)
Companion piece to this
Carson tried to move, but his body wasn’t responding. The pain in his head grew and he cried out. Struggling away from the intrusion his back pressed against a solid surface. There was nowhere he could go. He tried to put his hands out, to push his tormenter away, but something was surrounding his wrists. He couldn’t move his arms, and his legs weren’t responding. Always in his mind, even above the pain, was the questioning. He couldn’t give in, he wouldn’t betray John, but as the pain spiked Carson felt his body convulse and knew he couldn’t continue for long.
Suddenly there was another sensation, alien in this world of pain. Warmth surrounded him, strong muscles were pulling him in, and he felt safe. Something was fending off the attack, was protecting him, and he relaxed into it, feeling his racing heart begin to calm. John was here, he was safe. The nightmares that had plagued him since his return remained, and he knew John understood with him needing to explain. He snuggled closer into the comforting embrace.
If he could stop and think rationally, he knew it was over. But here in the dark of the night, where even his own mind seemed to turn against him, he couldn’t help but replay the day over and over again. Could he have saved Morrison if he had returned to the camp straight away? Was there some other way he could have helped Michael and the others? He remembered Michael’s recriminations and winced, he had been right, what right had Carson got to experiment with their lives? What right to put the lives of others at risk?
“I’m sorry John.”
He should have fought more. He should have fought harder. Tears ran down his cheek at the thought of his companions on the planet, so callously destroyed because he was the one identified as weak. And they had been right. He had tried, he had tried so hard, but they had broken him. Still he could remember the presence in his mind and he shuddered.
A hand came to wipe the tears away, arms drew him closer and John’s voice came to him, speaking softly, comforting words, reassurances that he wasn’t to blame.
But the ache continued. The pain of the torture would dull, the loss of the marines could eventually be dealt with; they had died doing their duty, obeying orders, but what about the hundreds of other deaths? Humans he had created, only to give their lives away. He couldn’t escape the blame. If it wasn’t for this work they would never have been captured. If it wasn’t for his failings, they would not have had to be destroyed. He had pleaded for their lives, but a small voice still mocked him; not enough, he hadn’t done enough.
He clung to John, finding sanctuary in his lover’s arms. He could hear John’s voice, too soft to make out the words, but somehow it could block out his thoughts, and he knew he was protected. Slowly his sobs subsided and he fell once more into a troubled sleep.