Glee - Fic: It's Hard To Argue When You Won't Stop Making Sense
When Quinn wakes up Sunday morning she is naked, sore, has the taste of death in her mouth and has Ray Berry pressed against her back. His arm is wrapped around her waist and she can feel his breath on the back of her neck.
It takes every bit of willpower she has not to cry. This is something she always swore would never happen to her. Waking up in a strange bed, with a near stranger holding her, the smell of sex still on the sheets.
She slips from under his arm, and doesn’t even look when she hears him grunt softly. She dresses quickly, ignoring the rustling of sheets and the change in Ray’s breathing.
She doesn’t put on her shoes, just grabs them on her way to the door.
Behind her, Ray sits up in bed.
“Quinn?”
She shuts the door as she leaves, almost runs to her car, and manages to hold back the tears until she’s in her own bedroom, sobbing into a pillow so her parents won’t hear.
-
By Monday morning Quinn knows exactly how she will deal with this. She will carry on as before; barely acknowledging Ray’s existence. It should be easy, they hardly run in the same circles, and people tend to start cringing before Ray even rounds the corner to where they are as if they can sense the obnoxiousness to come.
She forgot to consider that he may want to talk to her.
She’s on her way to her second class, math (which Ray is in as well, but it’s one of the few subjects he can’t railroad into being all about him. Except that time they were talking about the value of pi.)
She’s bracing herself to see him when enters the room, but before she can get through the door a firm hand is pulling her urgently away. It’s Ray, and Quinn wants to slap him. He pulls her into a not-nearly-empty-enough hallway and lets her go.
“Don’t you dare touch me again.”
Quinn knows she can be scary, and she needs Ray to know it too.
Ray puts his hands up in surrender, looking so guilty and apologetic that Quinn has a sudden urge to stroke his cheek. Which, what?
“I’m sorry, that was unnecessary. I just, I wanted to make sure that you’re okay. I know that both emotionally and physically-“
“No!” Quinn holds her hand up to his face, gritting her teeth as she imagined the many ways he could have finished his sentence and being repulsed by all of them.
“I’m fine, you’re as fine as you’ll ever be. We’re fine. We do not need to talk about this, ever.”
Ray blinked several times and then smiled awkwardly.
“Okay. Sure, no problem. Better get to class...”
He turned to leave, but then turned back.
“I’m sorry.”
Quinn’s face softened, “For what?”
“You were drunk. I know you weren’t that drunk, and I was hardly sober either. But you deserved better. You deserved it to be with someone you loved.”
This time when he turned it was Quinn that grabbed him, that pulled him into a janitor’s closet and kissed him desperately against the wall.
His shock was obvious, but when Quinn got her hand under his hideous argyle sweater and shirt and ran her nails down his chest the whimper and hard jerk of his hips assured her he didn’t mind.
By the time they emerged they’d completely missed their class, Ray had to change into a turtleneck and Quinn had a new appreciation for Ray’s hands.
-
She and Ray sneak around, making out in closets, grinding against the piano in the music room, and when Ray shyly tells her that his fathers have a weekly date night that keeps them out late they find themselves in his bed every Monday. They usually finish... it and will hang out for a couple of hours. Sometimes they talk, or Ray puts on a movie (inevitably a musical). At first they’d sit against the headboard, a gap between them, but eventually they’d end up together. Quinn found she liked the way her head fit in the crook of Ray’s shoulder. She likes talking to Ray, when he shuts up long enough for her to do it. They’re a secret, so she feels like anything she tells him is one too, that it’s locked away in his bedroom along with the pants and moans and they way they whimper each other’s names.
She likes touching him too, his skin is surprisingly soft for a boy, and she likes how his muscles clench when she kisses his stomach. He has a light trail of hair bellow his belly button, and she plays with it one afternoon, stopping where it disappears under Ray’s cream-coloured sheets.
“You have a treasure trail.”
Ray raises a lazy eyebrow, “Aren’t you going to keep going to find the gold?”
She laughs, because he sounds ridiculous and cannot pull off sleazy in the slightest. He looks offended, so she slips her hand under the sheet before he can complain.
-
After two months she’s done pretty much everything she swore she never would. But somehow Ray makes is seem fun, and almost beautiful, and best of all; like she’s in control.
The first time she drops to her knees in front of him he doesn’t understand and drops down to his own next to her. She can’t help but laugh. Then she bites her lip and guides him to sit on the edge of the bed, working on his belt. His dark eyes are wide, and he keeps his hands clenched into fists at his sides as if he’s afraid to touch her. It’s the way he begs during that makes her feel powerful, it’s the way he strokes her hair that makes her feel... something else.
At school she still has Finn, who smiles and nods politely when she tells him she’s getting Spanish tutoring on Monday. Finn, who she still stops before his hands reach her breasts, and who she refuses to feel guilty about even when she sees Ray shoot him sympathetic looks and when he meets her parents and is awkward but sweet and is able to say with absolute honesty that they are behaving themselves.
The day after her father tells her that Finn seems like a nice young man Quinn is on top of Ray, moving slowly and bracing herself against his chest. She feels his heart beating heavily under her fingers. He cups her face with his hand and she nuzzles into it, kissing his palm.
Tuesday morning Finn slings an arm around her and tells her that Quinn’s father has asked Finn to be a regular guest at Sunday dinner.
-
When Ray bends her over the piano during third period (he has it free, she’s skipping history) it’s the first time he’s ever done anything like it. It’s the first time he’s ever seemed angry. It still feels amazing, but for some reason, it makes her sad.
After, once he’s turned her to face him he looks apologetic, and kisses her gently. When she runs her hands through his hair and it feels damp she remembers Ray has just come from gym class. He has it the same time as Finn. She wonders what boys talk about in locker rooms.
-
A week later and her period is late. Quinn knows this is God punishing her. She deserves this, for sleeping with someone she’s not married to, for being unfaithful and lying. Plus, Ray’s Jewish. She’s sure that’s made it worse somehow. She prays for forgiveness, like she’s been doing since this started. She promises to end it if He doesn’t make her go through this. It still doesn’t come.
She calls Ray, angry and accusatory, and he shows up on her doorstep with a pregnancy test clutched in his hand and a look of suppressed terror on his face. She expects him to be angry, but he just pulls her into a hug and tells her everything will be okay.
She won’t let him anywhere near the bathroom when she goes, and leaves the test in there when she heads back out to sit with him on the couch.
He takes her hand, looking like he’s trying not to cry, “I’ll support whatever you decide to do.”
Quinn knows what Ray’s choice would be. He would not be vicious about it, he would be logical. They’re young, they’re a secret. And Ray is a good guy. He would never let her try and pass the baby off as Finn’s, would never let her do it alone, even if she offered. He would never run off to New York and leave a baby behind. And neither would she. It would ruin their lives, keeping it. The sensible choice is obvious.
But she could never do what he would choose. She’s broken so many of her beliefs and a few she’s begun to question, but she still believes in some things that are sacred.
She’s considering the third option when Ray tells her it’s been long enough. They walk, hand in hand, to the bathroom, and Quinn can’t help but be grateful that it’s Ray she’s gotten herself into this mess with.
The test is negative.
She feels lots of things, vaguely, but most overwhelming is relief. Beside her she feels all the tension leave Ray’s body. They smile at each other, a little sadly, and don’t let go of each other’s hand.
-
She thanks God and promises to never have contact with Ray again.
She’s back is his bed five days later.
-
Quinn and Ray have an unspoken standing appointment. Friday mornings, they both have a ten minute break that they usually spend in a dark corner of the library with their tongues in each other’s mouths.
This morning, Ray doesn’t show.
Somehow, he avoids her for the whole day. She’s sent him two text messages and refuses to send more because that just seems pathetic.
On Saturday he asks her to come to his house.
They have a schedule, and Quinn does not appreciate Ray disrespecting that.
She tells herself she’s only going to inform him that he needs to remember the rules of their little arrangement, and nothing more.
Her indignation stalls a little when one of Ray’s dads answers the door. He’s a shortish guy, pale, balding with glasses. Quinn knows about Ray’s conception, knows one of his dads is black, and that means this is his biological father (barring a not-impossible genetic quirk). She knows this, but she gets stuck on the fact that she sees no resemblance. Then he smiles, and she can see it a little, around the eyes.
“Hello, can I help you?”
He looks curious, polite and maybe a little impatient and Quinn could kill Ray for telling her to come over when someone else was home.
Before Quinn has to come up with an answer Ray scampers to the door.
“Quinn! Sorry! Dad, this is Quinn. We’re... working on a... Spanish project together.”
It’s a horrible lie. Completely unconvincing and Ray’s dad clearly doesn’t believe a word of it. But, apparently, Ray’s dad also doesn’t believe in embarrassing his son in front of a girl.
“Right. Okay, well your Pa and I need to take off, we’re late enough already, but you’re welcome to come on in Quinn. Make yourself at home.”
He smirks at her, not unkindly, more like he and Quinn are sharing a joke about Ray. Quinn wants to run away and hide, she can feel her cheeks burning and hates to imagine what she looks like.
He ushers her in, and she has to squeeze past Ray who has apparently decided to freeze on the spot which is really not helpful right now. He is so not getting laid today.
Another man, this one taller and broader, rounds the corner holding a bag and almost bumps into her.
“Whoa! Sorry there!”
“David, this is Ray’s friend, Quinn. They’re doing a Spanish project together.”
David nods a greeting, absently, “Very nice to meet you, sorry to be rude, but we are horrifically late. Paul, are you ready?”
Paul nods and ushers David out of the house. He has to squeeze past Ray too, but he pauses to give Ray a quick peck on the forehead, and she sees Ray’s cheeks begin to redden.
Paul gives Ray the same quick kiss and then gives Quinn a bright smile before looking serious, “Have fun with your project, but remember to be careful. Spanish can be very enjoyable, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with Spanish, but you don’t want to end up with a bad grade. You just need to make sure you use the proper nouns when conjugating verbs. Check the text book. And remember, in Spanish, ‘no’ still means ‘no’.”
He looks sternly between both of them - and Quinn cannot believe she thought he cared about other people’s embarrassment - before nodding to himself and heading out to David who’s waiting by the car. As the door swings shut she hears David’s voice, “Does Ray take Spanish now?”
Ray pressed himself against the wall, his hands flat by his sides. His face is almost frighteningly red. He clears his throat.
“So, they were my parents. Dad, he ah, likes to ensure I’m... safe. So does Pa, of course, he’s just a bit more... oblivious. They were supposed to be gone by the time you got here.”
Quinn nods, like this matters in any way, like she isn’t busy dying of mortification and planning on taking Ray with her.
She decides to block it from her memory, like she blocks Finn when she’s with Ray and Ray when she’s with Finn.
She glares at Ray until he lowers his hands and stuffs them in his pockets. He indicates with his head for her to go into the lounge room, where she takes a seat, back straight, hands in her lap, eyes showing just the right amount of annoyance and curiosity.
Ray sits on another chair across from her, and speaks. She remembers why she hates when he speaks.
He tells her he can’t do it anymore, that’s it’s not fair to Finn, to himself, not even Quinn. Tells her it’s not just about the sex, how he cares for her, how he suspects she feels the same, but he’s not sure.
He tells her seeing her with Finn makes him feel like he’s being stabbed in the chest, makes him fill with rage, and makes him feel like something he’s not.
He tells her, if she leaves Finn, they can be together.
Quinn looks at him for a long moment and then shakes her head.
“I can’t do that. I don’t feel the same. This whole thing has been a mistake.”
She leaves. She does not cry.
-
Ray avoids her again on Monday. That’s just fine with Quinn.
She stays close to Finn, showing him more attention then she has in months. He looks happily surprised and Quin keeps reminding herself this is the way things should be.
-
A couple of weeks later Santana announces she’s going to take Ray Berry’s virginity.
“Puck and I have a bet.”
Quinn curls her lip in disgust, mostly to hide the smirk that wants to come out at the thought of Ray being anything close to a virgin.
“Why would you even want to go near that singing homo?”
Quinn hates herself sometimes, hates the way cruelty spills so easily from her mouth.
Santana leers, “He’s really kind of hot, in a dorky way. Plus, I saw him in the pool last week, boy is in shape.”
“He usually smells nice,” chimes in Brittany.
Santana nods, “And you know he’s going to be so grateful that he’ll put in a heap of effort. Plus, bet.”
The next day Ray and Santana walk down the hall, hand in hand. They get to her locker and Ray gives her a sweet kiss before he goes. Quinn finds Finn and drags him to her and Ray’s favourite janitor’s closet. She lets him get a hand under her bra before she stops him.
-
Ray doesn’t sleep with Santana, much to Santana’s frustration. They make out, they get turned on but he takes it no further.
“He’s not gay, I can tell that much. I can tell very, very clearly.”
Quinn clenches her fists, but refuses to be jealous. She has no reason to be. Ray was a mistake, it’s over. It can never be.
Plus, everyone knows boys have pretty much no control over those things.
Santana frowns, “I’m going to have to turn it up a notch.”
She reaches under her skirt and removes her panties, flinging them into her locker.
“Right, now to find the geek.”
She pulls out her phone and starts typing a text. Quinn excuses herself, quickly gets out her phone and sends off a message herself.
I need to see you.
-
Ray doesn’t come running, but its close. They’re in the music room, and Quinn avoids looking at the piano at all costs.
“Are you okay?”
He looks so worried, brow creased and eyes darting over her. He lingers for a moment on her stomach, and somehow she can tell what he’s thinking, what he’s worrying about. She rolls her eyes.
“I’m fine, this isn’t about me.”
“Then what?”
“Santana is using you to win a bet with Puck.”
Ray twitches an eyebrow, then nods, “Ah, yeah, I kinda figured.”
Quinn is offended on his behalf.
“You did?”
Ray smiles sadly, “Yeah. But hey, what harm could it do? Santana is beautiful, and actually pretty cool when she’d not calling me names. We’re a good match really, I believe I show her a level of respect she’s not accustomed to, and I find I like women who are... let’s say strong.”
Quinn shakes her head, “You deserve better than that Ray.”
Ray tenses, his eyes hardening. “You mean like you?”
Quinn lets her face go impassive, “Sleep with whoever you want, just make sure you use protection.”
She leaves, again.
-
Ray breaks up with Santana.
“He said we weren’t what either of us wanted.”
She looks longingly at Brittany, smiles, and then turns her attention back to Quinn.
“Not sure who he wants. Any ideas, Q?”
Santana smirks and gives Quinn a knowing wink before slinking up to Brittany. They link fingers, walking away, happy.
Quinn searches for Ray.
-
“I didn’t tell her, just like she never told me about Brittany. I just knew, and I guess she worked it out. I don’t think she knows any details, just that there’s something there, even if it’s only on my side.”
Quinn glares. Ray fidgets, then his eyes start to go glassy, and Quinn is filled with the paralysing fear that he will cry.
“I mean, even if I had told, would it be so bad? So horrible? Am I that disgusting that you really never told your closest friends? Are you that ashamed, do I make you hate yourself that much, that the worst thing that could happen in your life is that someone works out that there is some kind of attraction between us? Because that’s all she knows, you know that’s all she knows, and you’re here, furious. I know there’s Finn to consider, but he’d... he’d get over it. You know he would.”
He pauses, gathers himself, and something seems to shift. “I’m a good guy. I’m smart, I’m ambitious and I take care of my appearance. I’m talented - you know I am - and I care about you. The real you. The Quinn Fabray you showed me in my room, when were alone. I miss her. I miss you. I’m pretty sure you miss me. Stop lying Quinn. To everyone.”
He touches her face softly, “It’s not too late.”
He turns and leaves. No one can leave a room like Ray Berry. No one can leave her like Ray Berry.
-
She’s furious, absolutely furious at how he spoke to her. She’s heartbroken at how hurt he is by her rejection.
-
Breaking up with Finn is much easier then she expected. He’s disappointed, but he gives her a sweet hug and wishes her the best. Quinn has never felt like a worse person, because she has spent the last few months using Finn when he could have been off finding a girl that is actually into him.
She hugs him back, whispers one more apology, and leaves.
-
Sunday night she has to tell her parents she and Finn broke up. He mother just blinks in confusion, glassy eyed, while her father nods his head.
“Probably for the best, nice boy, but you have better things to be focusing on I’d say.”
She almost says yes, his name is Ray, he’s Jewish, he deflowered me in Mrs Puckerman’s bed and we’ve been banging regularly ever since. Instead she bites her tongue.
Ray would laugh if she told him that, she knows.
She’s still too mad at him though.
-
He finds her at her car Friday afternoon, and makes her laugh quietly when his eyes linger on the backseat, obviously recalling a very heated twenty minutes spent there.
He shakes himself out of it. “I heard you broke up with Finn.”
“Over a week ago.”
“Yeah, I heard about it... over a week ago. I wanted to give you some space.”
Quinn nodded, like she hadn’t been crying into her pillow the night before because Ray seemed to be avoiding her. Because that would be pathetic.
He looks at her expectantly, rocking back on his heels. He infuriates her, refusing to make a move, making her take the risk.
“Look,” she snaps, “I already did the hard bit of breaking up with Finn; it’s your turn to put it on the line.”
Ray does not look like he entirely agrees with this, but forges ahead.
“I’d like to take you out, on a date, where we would have a meal, talk, maybe see a movie and not have sex after.” He pauses, “Though the last bit is negotiable. And this is for you.”
He pulls a red rose from behind his back, managing to make what she was thinking was a pretty subpar offer somehow unimaginably sweet.
She takes it, smiles and then leans forward to kiss him softly.
“Pick me up at six.”
There are people in the car park, people who will have spread what they’ve seen. Quinn doesn’t even think about it. She doesn’t think about what will happen on Monday, either.