Part 04 - Everything Changes - Chapter 03 - Choices
“I had slept then and consciously remembered none of that conversation till now. I am not given time to consider his words any more as Rose comes flying back in to my console room. “Verity you have to take me back! There just has to be some way to make it happen. Please Verity, tell me you have thought of something.”
Her cry cuts me to the quick, and wish I had better news, ‘Rose I don’t know how!’ I have been searching, and in spite of my wool gathering I have yet to find a way around the proliferation of locks that he had put in place to keep us from returning to him. Not just to keep her, but to keep us, for she knew now that it would require them both even as the Guardian had told her. ‘You know how clever Theta is, he seems to have thought of every thing I could do on my own to get back to him.’
"But there has to be a way! We can’t just let him die! What about what you did with the Slitheen? You know if you open up?” She raps her knuckles on the area of my console that I had opened in Cardiff.
‘Rose you don’t know what you’re asking…’
“I’m asking you to help me save our Doctor! How can you not want to do that?”
Those words make me mad. ‘Rose, I want to save Theta more than anything! He means everything to me but if I were to open to give you what you ask… if I were to do as you ask, it would kill you, it would expose you to far more power than any human is ever meant to be in contact with, you would die Rose.’ If I were humanoid I would be holding my breath, her next words will tell me what I need to know.
“But would it save him?” Rose asks, terrified I will say no. “It would be worth dying if it would save him, don’t you understand? My life isn’t worth living if I don’t have him in it and the universe needs him not me.”
For the briefest moment I am terrified as I feel exactly how much she means those words and I know without reservation that I feel the same. I don’t know whether to be horrified at how little her life means to her or overjoyed that she is willing to die for him, because that is exactly the price it will cost, both of our lives as we know them.
'There is a way...' Suddenly I am very scared 'but it will cost us both dearly...’ Before I can say anything more she is agreeing, “Yes, whatever it is it would be worth it”
'Rose, if we survive it would mean you would no longer be human...'
I feel fear roll over her for a moment before she squashes it down and asks, “What would I become?” Visions of species we have met in our travels flit through her mind each one becoming less humanoid then the last.
'You would become a combination of two species; you would be part Gallifreyan and,' I feel rush of relief from her, 'and part TARDIS.' then I feel her confusion.
“H-h-how does that work?” she stutters as she asks, fighting her fear as she states, “Would I suddenly turn into a blue police box?”
Fear surges through me at her words but I force myself to continue quickly 'yes and no, you and I would have to merge.' I hurry to assure her, 'You would have a body like you do now, we may even be able to make it look like you do currently, but it would be Gallifreyan, there would no longer be any human genes, they won’t be able to survive...’ she interrupts and for a moment I am confused at her excitement, “So I would be like the Doctor?”
'You would still be a female, but yes you would be the same species as he is... mostly.'
She echoes my last word aloud, “Mostly?”
'Physically you would be mostly Gallifreyan, but there will be no way for you not to have some of me too, this joining goes only one way there will be no separating. ‘We would become one being living in two bodies and how much mental separation we will have… I just don't know. But I do know there will be no going back to being fully separate people.'
She gets very quiet for a moment. I have known and accepted this unconsciously; I knew almost from the beginning I would do this, from the time the Guardian had spoken to me of this merger. Theta has lost too much and I had no intentions then nor I do now of letting him lose anything more if it is in my power protect him. Rose though has had to come to terms with all of this in minutes and we don't have much time to make this decision as I can feel the number of possible threads of Theta’s life growing smaller all the time. Her next words floor me. “Are you okay with this? This isn't just my choice, you’re going to have to live with it as much as I am.” With those words I know that I can share my life with this young one and I open my heart to her and show her exactly how much I want this, want to share with her the love we both hold for this man.
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I can’t believe they came back, how could they do this?
I hurt, but for Rose’s sake I can’t let go, the fire of the vortex burns me and yet pull as I might I can't get it to release its hold on her. I struggle not to panic, but I know her time is running out. I have only been able to draw off the smallest fraction of the energy that is within her, consuming her and it is already burning like acid lungs, in my veins. When I had lost sight of Rose moments ago she had been in obvious pain and when the intense energy blast had enveloped and shrouded her from my sight I was convinced that it would be the last I ever saw of her. When she reemerged, seemingly unharmed, I had rejoiced until I realized that she still held within her the full power of the Vortex the pain has vanished from her expression and I plead with any deity that might listen that it isn’t because she is too far gone to feel the burning. I try to draw closer, why does she keep fighting me? What is she doing? “Rose? Please you need to let it go!” The smile she gives me is eerie and crackling with energy which chills me to the core in spite of the burning in my mind and veins at being exposed like this to the raw energy of the Vortex. I loosen my grasp fractionally on her arms as I feel the skin on my hands blistering where I hold her and I can’t believe my eyes as she calmly turns and releases the energy to TARDIS. When part of the energy sweeps sideways swirling and enveloping me in tendrils of light, I feel the drain as those tendrils flicker across my skin. They draw the small bit of the deadly energy I had absorbed from me with a strange sucking sensation that hurts and yet at the same time is like a cooling balm, before it too returns to the core of the TARDIS. I don't know yet if this will force me into regeneration but I do know, based on the painful burning echoing throughout my body, that if it doesn’t I am going to miserable for a time. I stand, stunned, for a moment becoming more aware of the extent of the damage done as nerves, which had been overwhelmed, start to scream, I feel ill and I stagger as I feel the last of residue drawn from my body. Yet as I see Rose slump into unconsciousness I move quicker than I thought I could to prevent her fall. It does not come without a cost as I feel my knees buckle as I take her weight, but I know I have to get her someplace safer than here. I close my eyes for a moment, fighting the dizzy sensation and the swirling confusion that my senses have become. I’m not going to make it back to twenty-first century Earth if I don’t move now so I force myself to get up, to pick her up and bring her into the TARDIS. I have to get her home to her mother. All of the timelines are a swirling mess that makes me stagger like a drunkard as my other senses try to compensate for those that are not functioning correctly. I can’t tell as yet how this how this is going to turn out but I do know that consciousness won’t stay with me too much longer as I can already feel my body fighting my demands to function.
I shake my head, trying to get my senses to clear a bit, but all I get is a static scramble of sensations and mixed images of which I can make no sense as my as my extended senses are still too jumbled and confused. I have to keep blinking to keep my eyes in focus and I know I am losing the battle as each time it is taking longer for my sight to clear. As I move about the console the pain is getting progressively worse, my muscles and joints ache and my lungs feel leaden and increasingly constricted but I have to get Rose to safety I cannot let the pain deter me, not after what she has done to protect me. I think the pain is leveling off though it’s hard to tell yet; I am beginning to suspect I won’t be regenerating. Small consolation that, as I realize that I will be paying for my actions trying to save Rose regardless of if they have been successful. I can’t lose her. I have to get her to safety; fear tries to immobilize me in what ifs in the face of being blind to the possible future threads I normally have surrounding me. I feel an incredible wave of relief as I hear Rose begin to stir. Her moans seem to be expressing confusion more than pain, and I can’t help but feel thankful, but why has she not made any attempt to get up? I suspect I’m not going to make it back to the estate conscious but I have to keep trying. No, I have to! I can’t fail her now! ‘Please Verity if you have ever listened to me please just this once take us where she can be safe. I don’t think I can hold on much longer; and she needs someone to make sure she is okay I won’t be able to say conscious that much longer Jackie will take care of her, so please?’ The silence scares me as I am not even sure if she is hearing me at this point but I have to try, have to keep trying to make sure Rose is safe regardless of what happens to me. ‘I’m sorry for sending you away but please Verity talk to me!’ Silence. ‘Okay I get it your mad but please don’t take it out on Rose. You know Jackie will care for her even if I can’t so please just take her home.’
The throbbing in my head is increasing again; I can barely see straight to move the correct controls. I have to get Rose to safety so that when I pass out she will have someone to care for her. My head gives a vicious spin as I try to catch a glimpse of whether Rose is showing any signs of getting up. I’m torn wanting to go to her to check to make sure she is okay but right now I am doing good to just stay on my feet. If I step away from the controls now I will fall and that I can’t risk. Verity seems be struggling to do as I request. Has she even heard my silent pleas? Nothing, I can get no confirmation of a telepathic connection with her to determine her health. Is the fault hers or mine? Rassilion it hurts, the burning seems to be increasing again with my efforts. Could Verity have been affected by the vortex having left her center? Her controls are sluggish and her responses seem almost as delayed as mine. What is that wheezing noise? Please, please, please let her not be injured as well or there is no telling where we will end up. Good, it’s not her; it’s me, not so good, air is rasping in and out of my lungs telling me of probable damage. The room keeps fading in and out it won’t be much longer now, just hope we’re close enough. I Taste blood as I bite my tongue as Verity jars off of something and almost lose my grip on the console. Legs so close to buckling now, least we’ve entered the space-time stream again. Please let us be in the right place. Verity lands hard and I finally lose my grip feeling the sharp bite in my knees as I hit the grill. If only bruised knees were my greatest problem. So dark. What doing? Rose! Need to get Rose safe. Up so far away. Got to do this. Small access door. Handle, pull, up. Organic metal so sharp. Too small surface. Not designed for, help stand. Door, get Rose help. Spinning, everything spinning, feels like Earth. Right mass, so hard to tell. Yes, doors. Black spots quit dancing! Can’t they do a proper tango? Need to be closer. Who moved the door? Was it so far before?
As the door opens before him he feels immense relief wash through him as he sees Mickey and Jackie just out side. As his legs begin to collapse he tries to tell them to look to Rose though all that he realizes he has said before blackness completely overwhelms him is, “Rose”.
Chapter 04 - Homecoming
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