Part 04 - Chapter 06 - Discoveries & Confessions
It really is hard to believe that Rose is connected to this ship and it is very weird to think that I am in something alive. I wonder what a time ship eats anyway? If it's meat I definitely don't want to be any where near its stomach. I know Rose would never let me get hurt but how much control does she have over this thing? Does it have the ability to take over my daughter; she did say they were sharing bodies as well? I have a lot of questions and I intend to get answers. Where is she anyway? She said she would be right in?
"Mum? Why are you just standing there? I thought you wanted some tea."
"What I want, young lady, is answers! What were you thinking sweetheart? You said you couldn’t be separated, what does that mean? What are you going to do when you want to settle down and have a family?"
"Mum, the Doctor and Verity are my family now and I will never want it any differently. You haven't seen some of the people and things I have, it's so amazing out there."
"What makes you think he wants to be your family Rose? Did he propose? Don't tell me you got married to him some place and didn't invite me!" At my grimace at the thought of how to tell her about my transformation she continues in a higher more fevered pitch. "That's it, isn't it? How could you do that to me? Just larking off and marrying some alien bloke and not even considering your poor old mum might want to attend your wedding."
-----------------
"Mum! It’s not like that!" I can’t help the exasperated tone in my voice but her words scare me in a way I am not quite ready to think about, what if he doesn’t want me? What if, after everything, he hates me, doesn’t want me to be like him, or feels insulted that some dumb ape has taken up residence in a Gallifreyan body? What if he leaves me behind?
‘Hush, it will be fine. He won’t leave without you, I won’t let him. I’m as much a part of you as you are of me now and, whether or not he likes it, we’re a package deal.’
‘I don’t think I could take it if he hated me Verity, I love him so much!’
‘You know how much he loves you too; you have felt it as much as I have. If it’s anyone he will be mad at it will be me.’
“Well what IS it like then? How do you know he won’t just take off and leave you behind?”
“Because I am attached to Verity; she isn’t going to be leaving me off someplace random any more then I would consider leaving an arm behind." Quickly, before I can think about it too much more, I change the subject. "Now do you want to see a part of why I love this place so?"
“Rose I don’t know it… Wait, what does this thing eat anyway? Is it safe in here?
“Oh please mum, I told you before your perfectly safe here! Do you really think she is going to eat you?” At the uncertainty on her face I can’t help but smile and explain. “She absorbs energy that surrounds us, that humans can’t feel, wouldn’t even know it was there without instruments and since no one knows to look for it there aren’t any in this time. No eating going on here, unless you want some of the chocolate digestives. So feel better now? ” At which I am reminded of how really hungry I am and snatch one up taking a bite I am stunned at the explosion of flavor so unlike anything I have ever tasted, and so very, very good. In fact, pretty darn fantastic for a first meal and can't help either the groan of delight or the urge to snatch up another.
"Rose are you okay?" I want to cry at the worry I see and feel coming from her. I can’t help feeling sad, as I know I am going to have to tell her soon how much more I have changed then she even might suspect right now. Hopefully if she sees how wonderful Verity is it will make this easier.
“’S all right mum, really. Just tastes really good. Now come on I got so many wonderful things to show you.” I grab her hand and begin to pull her along behind me. “In fact I have something special to show you.”
‘Gallifrey room?’ comes Verity’s thought.
‘Gallifrey room.’ I reply and I feel her begin shifting it in closer. Going slow for a few moments I try not to think too hard about the feelings caused by the block transfer calculations Verity is using to shift the room within her walls and the way the pressure of the equations feel as tissue separates and rejoins behind gently pushing the desired room closer. Three doors down I feel the room lock into position and the odd sensation of her remolding the wall to become a doorway into the desired space. Pausing outside the door I close my eyes a moment as I feel a bit light headed. Trying not show how tired I suddenly feel.
“Rose, are you all right?” My eyes snap open at her request and I reply as cheerfully as I can.
“Sure, mum, just thanking Verity for moving the room closer so you don’t have to walk so far.” The expression on her face is gob smacked as she tries to wrap her mind around what I have just said.
“You mean she can move rooms in here?”
“Yep, it is so totally neat! Never have to search for a loo when you got to go. Lovely hot tub when desired off the ensuite or if I want a shower instead that’s what she moves to attach to my room. In fact when I came on board that first time I took a nap in a spare bedroom. Next time I went to that door she had totally changed the room around and made me up the loveliest bedroom. I’ll have to show you that for you to believe it!” Her incredulous expression makes me wonder how well she is going to handle what I have to show her next. “Now just remember were still in the TARDIS in spite of what it looks like behind this door. This is a very special room that they created to remind them of their home. So be nice mum.”
“Now why wouldn’t I be nice?” She sounds hurt and slightly insulted but I know what she is about to see will be a bit of shock and I don't want her saying the first thing that comes to mind which might turn out being unintentionally hurtful.
“Ready?” Without waiting for her to decide I open the door and smile at her gasp of shock.
Inside the room is a lovely meadow of rich red grass under a beautiful orange sky, a small forest of silver trees are off to the right and from the door there is a narrow two person path that wanders along flower beds of flowers to which I now have a lot more names. There are the more ordinary daisy’s and the trixtafaraven that look remarkably like pansies. But in addition there are many exotic flower and shrubs. I marvel at how as I look at each one I know not only it’s common name but also it’s horticultural name and everything about the necessary conditions for the plant to flourish. As we wander through the garden I start to point out and tell her of some of the ones I really find quite pretty and feel her amazement at the scope of the knowledge I have about the plants. As we walk she suddenly looks at me and around the space we have entered.
“Are you sure we’re still in the TARDIS? How big is this thing?”
“Yes, it’s like a small estate in here. You have the manor house and it’s many rooms and the grounds and lots of different gardens. I really love the gardens, mum. You would never know it from talking with him, but he really loves flowers and plants. He and Verity have collected a lot of them over the years. There are over 250 different species of small animals that live in the different habitats and literally thousands of different kinds of insects and small bug life that keep the plants healthy and producing flowers. There are so many things that they have saved in here that no longer exist anywhere else any more. It’s a bit like Noah’s ark in some ways.”
“All that in here?”
“Yep, and there are hot tubs, a pool, a tennis court as well as work out and weights rooms and you should see the wardrobe, mum I will never have to buy another outfit again if I don’t want." I stop and turn to her in all earnestness taking her hands, " and he never asked me for anything in return but my company. Do you have any idea how lonely he is? He lost everything in the war. Yet still he gives so much of himself and doesn’t ask for things in return.”
‘Rose don’t…’ I hear Verity warn.
‘I need her to understand Verity! I love you, all of you, she’s my mum and I don’t want to lose her. I don’t want her to be angry or scared of you or the Doctor.’ I can feel her quiet understanding even as at the same time I feel her concern about how much I am sharing with her about her and Theta.
‘It’s going to be okay you’ll see, trust me, I know my mum.’ Even as I say that I can feel her moving around in my memories and I have to shiver as odd bits of my past pop to the forefront of my mind.
"Rose? You're shivering, are you sure you're all right? Said you needed more then just a robe." The expression on her face is so tender and caring and I just want to sit here for a bit, to just be my mother’s daughter. I don't realize till it's too late and she touches my forehead trying to determine if I have a fever that is no longer an option. I know it's time and I can't help the sadness that washes through me as she begins to fuss because I also know what I am about to tell her will change how she sees me forever.
"Rose, you’re chilled through almost as bad as himself, you are and that's just not good! You should be up in bed, not running around down here!"
I capture and still her hands that she has begun scrubbing up and down my arms trying to warm me and I walk us over to a nearby ornately carved stone bench, watching her expression of concern turn to worry.
"Rose, what is it sweetheart? You have gotten so pale. Are you feeling ill again?"
I choke on the words and suddenly can't keep back the tears. “Mum, more then just the link happened when I left, much more.” The look of confusion on her face isn’t making this any easier. “Before we left I had to make a decision that was going to change the rest of my life. I knew when I left that one of us was going to die when I got back there.”
“What, but you’re both here, well all three of you if you count the TARDIS.”
“Please, mum, this is hard enough to tell you, please just let me.” With that I give her my most pleading expression one that had gotten me out of a lot of things I didn’t want to do over the years.
“’Kay,” she agrees, but the look of worry that she had is now verging on terror.
“I knew even before Verity exposed me to the Vortex it was going to kill me, kill my human body to be specific. It was that and the link that were what was going be required to provide a way to save him. The only way all of us could come out okay was if Verity helped me become like the Doctor, and turn me into a Gallifreyan. I’m not cold because I’m sick mum, I’m cold because this is the normal temperature of my body now. " She is honoring my request and letting me explain but I can tell the whole idea is horrifying her but I can't stop now and force myself to continue. "When I was exposed to the Vortex it began to break down my human body, we aren’t meant to be exposed to that much power and it literally burned me up. Knowing this was going to happen, Verity was able to copy all of my memories everything that makes me who I am, to storage in her memory. That’s why we became linked so she could do that. Even Time Lords can’t handle the full brunt of drawing the Vortex into them like I did. But because we knew what was going to happen and because another alien helped Verity make some changes to her systems right after the war, we were able to convert that energy to build me another body, a Gallifreyan body, with the excess energy that was killing me as a human and bring the levels low enough so it didn't kill my new body. Time Lords, Gallifreyans, can handle more of the Vortex, energy then virtually any other species other TARDIS, who were genetically engineer by the Time Lords to be able to do so.”
“We didn’t have time to tell the Doctor what was happening as thing were happening so fast and so he tried to take the energy away from us. He was willing to die to protect me from that energy and that is why he is so sick. He was poisoned by it, and pulling the energy out of my new body disrupted the integration process, which is part of why I was so sick.” My words stumble to a halt as I finally look up again at her and see her total disbelief and horror. “Mum, please say something, I’m me, really I am, just my body is different now. Ask me anything… Please, mum?”
Long moments pass as she says nothing and I grow ever more fearful of her final reaction. Her question when she does speak is not at all what I expect. “Did it hurt? It sounds like it might have hurt, a lot; you know how much I hate burns.” The look she gives me is wane and strained. I breathe a sigh of relief that she hasn’t rejected me outright but I know how hard this must be for her. I am her only child and in a very real sense I have just told her I am no longer her child.
“Yes, it did, it did hurt a lot. But I couldn’t let him die, mum. You have seen what he does and he is the only one left that can. He has sacrificed so much so that we could be safe. He has had to give up virtually everyone he has ever loved to save the rest of us, the rest of the universe. The universe needs him; he needs someone, and I need him. I love him, mum, more then I have ever loved anyone before and this way he doesn’t have to be alone anymore.”
“But Rose, does he love you? Does he understand what you have given up?”
“No, not yet, but he will.” I have to swallow the fears that want to wash me away and trust in the love I have for him, the love he has given back to me. “He’s still too sick mum, he didn’t even wake up proper when I came in, but when he gets better I will tell him what happened.”
“Well, I hope for his sake he does, because he will never find someone more worth loving than you sweetheart.” And with that she enfolds me in her arms and I know everything is going to be all right between us.
Chapter 07 - Pilot Fish Moving Forward Index 1
"Mum? Why are you just standing there? I thought you wanted some tea."
"What I want, young lady, is answers! What were you thinking sweetheart? You said you couldn’t be separated, what does that mean? What are you going to do when you want to settle down and have a family?"
"Mum, the Doctor and Verity are my family now and I will never want it any differently. You haven't seen some of the people and things I have, it's so amazing out there."
"What makes you think he wants to be your family Rose? Did he propose? Don't tell me you got married to him some place and didn't invite me!" At my grimace at the thought of how to tell her about my transformation she continues in a higher more fevered pitch. "That's it, isn't it? How could you do that to me? Just larking off and marrying some alien bloke and not even considering your poor old mum might want to attend your wedding."
-----------------
"Mum! It’s not like that!" I can’t help the exasperated tone in my voice but her words scare me in a way I am not quite ready to think about, what if he doesn’t want me? What if, after everything, he hates me, doesn’t want me to be like him, or feels insulted that some dumb ape has taken up residence in a Gallifreyan body? What if he leaves me behind?
‘Hush, it will be fine. He won’t leave without you, I won’t let him. I’m as much a part of you as you are of me now and, whether or not he likes it, we’re a package deal.’
‘I don’t think I could take it if he hated me Verity, I love him so much!’
‘You know how much he loves you too; you have felt it as much as I have. If it’s anyone he will be mad at it will be me.’
“Well what IS it like then? How do you know he won’t just take off and leave you behind?”
“Because I am attached to Verity; she isn’t going to be leaving me off someplace random any more then I would consider leaving an arm behind." Quickly, before I can think about it too much more, I change the subject. "Now do you want to see a part of why I love this place so?"
“Rose I don’t know it… Wait, what does this thing eat anyway? Is it safe in here?
“Oh please mum, I told you before your perfectly safe here! Do you really think she is going to eat you?” At the uncertainty on her face I can’t help but smile and explain. “She absorbs energy that surrounds us, that humans can’t feel, wouldn’t even know it was there without instruments and since no one knows to look for it there aren’t any in this time. No eating going on here, unless you want some of the chocolate digestives. So feel better now? ” At which I am reminded of how really hungry I am and snatch one up taking a bite I am stunned at the explosion of flavor so unlike anything I have ever tasted, and so very, very good. In fact, pretty darn fantastic for a first meal and can't help either the groan of delight or the urge to snatch up another.
"Rose are you okay?" I want to cry at the worry I see and feel coming from her. I can’t help feeling sad, as I know I am going to have to tell her soon how much more I have changed then she even might suspect right now. Hopefully if she sees how wonderful Verity is it will make this easier.
“’S all right mum, really. Just tastes really good. Now come on I got so many wonderful things to show you.” I grab her hand and begin to pull her along behind me. “In fact I have something special to show you.”
‘Gallifrey room?’ comes Verity’s thought.
‘Gallifrey room.’ I reply and I feel her begin shifting it in closer. Going slow for a few moments I try not to think too hard about the feelings caused by the block transfer calculations Verity is using to shift the room within her walls and the way the pressure of the equations feel as tissue separates and rejoins behind gently pushing the desired room closer. Three doors down I feel the room lock into position and the odd sensation of her remolding the wall to become a doorway into the desired space. Pausing outside the door I close my eyes a moment as I feel a bit light headed. Trying not show how tired I suddenly feel.
“Rose, are you all right?” My eyes snap open at her request and I reply as cheerfully as I can.
“Sure, mum, just thanking Verity for moving the room closer so you don’t have to walk so far.” The expression on her face is gob smacked as she tries to wrap her mind around what I have just said.
“You mean she can move rooms in here?”
“Yep, it is so totally neat! Never have to search for a loo when you got to go. Lovely hot tub when desired off the ensuite or if I want a shower instead that’s what she moves to attach to my room. In fact when I came on board that first time I took a nap in a spare bedroom. Next time I went to that door she had totally changed the room around and made me up the loveliest bedroom. I’ll have to show you that for you to believe it!” Her incredulous expression makes me wonder how well she is going to handle what I have to show her next. “Now just remember were still in the TARDIS in spite of what it looks like behind this door. This is a very special room that they created to remind them of their home. So be nice mum.”
“Now why wouldn’t I be nice?” She sounds hurt and slightly insulted but I know what she is about to see will be a bit of shock and I don't want her saying the first thing that comes to mind which might turn out being unintentionally hurtful.
“Ready?” Without waiting for her to decide I open the door and smile at her gasp of shock.
Inside the room is a lovely meadow of rich red grass under a beautiful orange sky, a small forest of silver trees are off to the right and from the door there is a narrow two person path that wanders along flower beds of flowers to which I now have a lot more names. There are the more ordinary daisy’s and the trixtafaraven that look remarkably like pansies. But in addition there are many exotic flower and shrubs. I marvel at how as I look at each one I know not only it’s common name but also it’s horticultural name and everything about the necessary conditions for the plant to flourish. As we wander through the garden I start to point out and tell her of some of the ones I really find quite pretty and feel her amazement at the scope of the knowledge I have about the plants. As we walk she suddenly looks at me and around the space we have entered.
“Are you sure we’re still in the TARDIS? How big is this thing?”
“Yes, it’s like a small estate in here. You have the manor house and it’s many rooms and the grounds and lots of different gardens. I really love the gardens, mum. You would never know it from talking with him, but he really loves flowers and plants. He and Verity have collected a lot of them over the years. There are over 250 different species of small animals that live in the different habitats and literally thousands of different kinds of insects and small bug life that keep the plants healthy and producing flowers. There are so many things that they have saved in here that no longer exist anywhere else any more. It’s a bit like Noah’s ark in some ways.”
“All that in here?”
“Yep, and there are hot tubs, a pool, a tennis court as well as work out and weights rooms and you should see the wardrobe, mum I will never have to buy another outfit again if I don’t want." I stop and turn to her in all earnestness taking her hands, " and he never asked me for anything in return but my company. Do you have any idea how lonely he is? He lost everything in the war. Yet still he gives so much of himself and doesn’t ask for things in return.”
‘Rose don’t…’ I hear Verity warn.
‘I need her to understand Verity! I love you, all of you, she’s my mum and I don’t want to lose her. I don’t want her to be angry or scared of you or the Doctor.’ I can feel her quiet understanding even as at the same time I feel her concern about how much I am sharing with her about her and Theta.
‘It’s going to be okay you’ll see, trust me, I know my mum.’ Even as I say that I can feel her moving around in my memories and I have to shiver as odd bits of my past pop to the forefront of my mind.
"Rose? You're shivering, are you sure you're all right? Said you needed more then just a robe." The expression on her face is so tender and caring and I just want to sit here for a bit, to just be my mother’s daughter. I don't realize till it's too late and she touches my forehead trying to determine if I have a fever that is no longer an option. I know it's time and I can't help the sadness that washes through me as she begins to fuss because I also know what I am about to tell her will change how she sees me forever.
"Rose, you’re chilled through almost as bad as himself, you are and that's just not good! You should be up in bed, not running around down here!"
I capture and still her hands that she has begun scrubbing up and down my arms trying to warm me and I walk us over to a nearby ornately carved stone bench, watching her expression of concern turn to worry.
"Rose, what is it sweetheart? You have gotten so pale. Are you feeling ill again?"
I choke on the words and suddenly can't keep back the tears. “Mum, more then just the link happened when I left, much more.” The look of confusion on her face isn’t making this any easier. “Before we left I had to make a decision that was going to change the rest of my life. I knew when I left that one of us was going to die when I got back there.”
“What, but you’re both here, well all three of you if you count the TARDIS.”
“Please, mum, this is hard enough to tell you, please just let me.” With that I give her my most pleading expression one that had gotten me out of a lot of things I didn’t want to do over the years.
“’Kay,” she agrees, but the look of worry that she had is now verging on terror.
“I knew even before Verity exposed me to the Vortex it was going to kill me, kill my human body to be specific. It was that and the link that were what was going be required to provide a way to save him. The only way all of us could come out okay was if Verity helped me become like the Doctor, and turn me into a Gallifreyan. I’m not cold because I’m sick mum, I’m cold because this is the normal temperature of my body now. " She is honoring my request and letting me explain but I can tell the whole idea is horrifying her but I can't stop now and force myself to continue. "When I was exposed to the Vortex it began to break down my human body, we aren’t meant to be exposed to that much power and it literally burned me up. Knowing this was going to happen, Verity was able to copy all of my memories everything that makes me who I am, to storage in her memory. That’s why we became linked so she could do that. Even Time Lords can’t handle the full brunt of drawing the Vortex into them like I did. But because we knew what was going to happen and because another alien helped Verity make some changes to her systems right after the war, we were able to convert that energy to build me another body, a Gallifreyan body, with the excess energy that was killing me as a human and bring the levels low enough so it didn't kill my new body. Time Lords, Gallifreyans, can handle more of the Vortex, energy then virtually any other species other TARDIS, who were genetically engineer by the Time Lords to be able to do so.”
“We didn’t have time to tell the Doctor what was happening as thing were happening so fast and so he tried to take the energy away from us. He was willing to die to protect me from that energy and that is why he is so sick. He was poisoned by it, and pulling the energy out of my new body disrupted the integration process, which is part of why I was so sick.” My words stumble to a halt as I finally look up again at her and see her total disbelief and horror. “Mum, please say something, I’m me, really I am, just my body is different now. Ask me anything… Please, mum?”
Long moments pass as she says nothing and I grow ever more fearful of her final reaction. Her question when she does speak is not at all what I expect. “Did it hurt? It sounds like it might have hurt, a lot; you know how much I hate burns.” The look she gives me is wane and strained. I breathe a sigh of relief that she hasn’t rejected me outright but I know how hard this must be for her. I am her only child and in a very real sense I have just told her I am no longer her child.
“Yes, it did, it did hurt a lot. But I couldn’t let him die, mum. You have seen what he does and he is the only one left that can. He has sacrificed so much so that we could be safe. He has had to give up virtually everyone he has ever loved to save the rest of us, the rest of the universe. The universe needs him; he needs someone, and I need him. I love him, mum, more then I have ever loved anyone before and this way he doesn’t have to be alone anymore.”
“But Rose, does he love you? Does he understand what you have given up?”
“No, not yet, but he will.” I have to swallow the fears that want to wash me away and trust in the love I have for him, the love he has given back to me. “He’s still too sick mum, he didn’t even wake up proper when I came in, but when he gets better I will tell him what happened.”
“Well, I hope for his sake he does, because he will never find someone more worth loving than you sweetheart.” And with that she enfolds me in her arms and I know everything is going to be all right between us.
Chapter 07 - Pilot Fish Moving Forward Index 1