Part 04 - Chapter 10 - Revelations (R)
“Rose what...” even as the words begin to form on my lips I realizes I have been dreaming about Rose again, and so intense I can’t help but to look around for her and make me wonder if it was all a dream. The losses suddenly seem too much to bear. I mentally scream in frustration knowing the only one who might hear is one who understands the anguish of my soul. I don’t even try to restrain the sob that threatens to choke me; it’s so quiet, too quiet, and so empty and I'm so alone.
Then ever so quietly I hear “No Theta, not alone” two voices in my mind, echo those words spoken aloud by Rose. One of those voices is my beloved Verity who has been as silent and aloof as Rose has been physically distant, but the other comes from the woman in the doorway, belongs to Rose.
Rolling over to face the door I stare transfixed by the beauty standing there. “Rose?” my voice is scarcely louder than a whisper and I hardly dare to believe she might actually be here. She has been avoiding me and it has been breaking my hearts not being able to touch her. Ever since Woman Wept when we became lovers we have shared a bed but it has been difficult since I tried to pull the vortex from her. First their was the confusion of being in my old room then waking in Jackie's only to find myself again in here not in what has become our room when Verity refused me entrance. This seemed like the only bedroom she would allow me into, not that she has to explain why that is, as I know she must still be furious at me for forcing her to leave. But after Jackie’s Christmas dinner I really felt the need for a lie down and as the old saying goes beggars can't be choosers.
But the more important question is why Rose is here now. My first thought is clawing panic that she is planning on leaving, as I have been unsure of how she has been taking all of this with having sent her home and me being ill. Even though she said nothing of wanting to stay at her mothers the way she has been acting it is almost as if she is frightened of me. I know I should be glad that she finally understands now how dangerous I am, but I can’t stop feeling lost in her absence and the thought of hear leaving...
Ruthlessly I shove those thoughts aside. Then the full import of her, no their, presence in my mind suddenly slams home as my mind reruns the images of her return to the Game Station and I feel again the incredible need from her that I be safe, and protected and realize that the protection she sought was from far more then just the Daleks.
In a rush of thoughts I understand why I thought none of us had died that day and I know I was wrong. I see how Bad Wolf had rechanneled that destructive energy to rebuild Rose a new body and in that moment of clarity I know I am truly no longer alone. I can feel her in my mind, in that aching hole that since the last scream died has only produced a soul consuming silence. As I tentatively reach toward that presence I sense it is so much more. I am awed and utterly stunned as I realized what they have done. How could they? Why would they have done that? Why in the universe would they be so foolish to accept this kind of irreversible change?
“Because we love you Theta, you are our Doctor. You were willing to sacrifice everything to see me safe, how could we do any less?”
It is shock and anger that drives me to move from my bed and across the room to violently shake her, “You don't know me Rose! You have no idea of what I am or what I am capable of don’t you understand I'm not worth that kind of price! How could you be so foolish?” I stand amazed a she seems unfazed by any of my distress.
----------------------------
Standing our ground with all the tenacity Verity has developed from traveling with him for the last 800 plus years I retort, “Yes I do! We are, Verity and I are aware of exactly who and what you are! What she has seen so have I. I have seen it all though her senses, she has been there with you, the thousands of times you saved others at the risk of your own life, the Time War, everything... I have seen it all now and I,” I struggle with the proper self-tenses as the intense emotions make it hard to separate Verity’s and my reactions to his harsh words. The desperate need to express to him how much we both love him temporarily confusing me. “We only want you more because I do understand what you have sacrificed. Not just for me but for everyone, to us you are worth it all, worth more then we could ever give you.” Moving my arms from his fingers that have gone lax from their punishing grip, I reach up to gently cradle his face in my hands “Please my Doctor, don't be angry, we only did this because we love you and couldn’t bear to live without you.”
-----------------------------------
All the anger I have drains from me as I realize what she is saying. Feeling the truth in every thought, every word, I am stunned by this new knowledge and I don’t know what to say as I feel the tears begin to freely flow down my face. I feel utterly unworthy of this sacrifice they have made for me. I am overwhelmed by the intensity of the love they are pushing through both the connection Verity and I have shared all these years and at the same time through the newly formed mental connection between Rose and I created by her change of species.
My beautiful ladies have bound themselves together for me and I am humbled by their actions. I don’t know what all of this means but I do know that I am loved far more then I can properly grasp at this moment and I am sure it is far more then I deserve.
-----------------------------------
Seeing his tears I draw him to me, letting him cry for a bit. There are now no secrets left between us. I hold him and the part of my consciousness that was originally Verity relishes in the feel of him in my arms, she has wanted to hold and comfort him like this ever since the war and has had no way to do so. Now through the body we share we both can hold him and give him the love we have for him, that we know he needs and has more then earned regardless of his ability to believe in his own value.
----------------------------------
Rose and I have been lovers for awhile now even as I had once taken comfort in Verity's mental embraces but now it is again like I am exposed before them both for the first time as I hold the vessel of their joined consciousness. I am unsure if I can stand the exposure of being known so intimately but for their sake I would attempt anything even as they have accomplished the impossible for me.
Suddenly I don’t know what to do. Embarrassment floods me as I realize that Rose is probably aware of exactly the kind of relationship Verity and I have had and the manner in which she has shared my mind even as I have shared hers. It is a mental bond in many ways far more intimate then the temporary physical and mental connections Rose and I have made over this past year. I can feel the blush of embarrassment cross my skin as I experience this epiphany and can’t help but wonder what she thinks of all of this.
--------------------------------
Before he can become any further embarrassed I speak. “Now that's over, and we all are going to discover something new.” I smile at his boggled expression and realize that any time now he will begin to finally catch up on the possibilities that we spent a fair amount of time considering yesterday before I finally slipped into slumber. Verity has assured me as time goes on I will need to sleep less but for now it will take some time for me to get adjusted to the higher mental demands currently causing me to need more. I for one am content on that score because of the lovely dreams I have of the Doctor most nights.
--------------------------------------
I can’t help but think of how they both have given up so much to save me and as I fully realize how much I struggle to shield her from the sudden tsunami of thoughts of why this is so overwhelming that blast their way in to our link and I feel her tremble next to me as we both feel a sense of remorse well up within us; hers stemming from reminding me of how much I have lost and mine from not being able to protect her from the onslaught of grief.
I feel suddenly overwhelmed as Rose encloses me in her embrace clutching me tightly to her as at the same time I feel Verity’s mental strokes of comfort. So much physical and psychic stimulation after so long alone without this kind of intimacy makes me begin to shake and I can’t seem to stop. The comfort of her arms enfolding me brings me again to tears as I nuzzle her neck. I try to force my breathing under control and in the process I register her scent, some how it is still distinctly Rose and I hope that she never feels she has lost more then she has gained though I can’t see how she, no they won’t eventually resent me for this decision they have made in spite of their claim of truly knowing me.
------------------------------------
I too begin to cry as I feel the grief descend on him like a rapacious living thing and the guilt at not being able to keep me from sensing it. ‘It’s okay Theta. I’m here, we’re here and we’re not going any where.’ I feel my throat tighten in response to his brokenness far more intense then he ever let me sense as Rose alone and hold him closer as I feel him tremble. I know there is nothing else I can do. I remember through Verity’s memories how much it hurt to watch him suffering after the destruction of our planet unable to give him the kind of comfort he so desperately needed most at that time. We tighten our arms about his form knowing that we won’t ever let him be alone like that again.
As I feel him slowly beginning to calm again I know that no matter what else happens I am going to do my best to insure that the joy he has shown me already is returned as many times over as possible. I feel Rose agree with me, he needs this, we need this, and we can also think of no better time to start then now. It is time to find out what ways we can make his pain go away for as long as we can. I let my hands began their own explorations stroking them across his shoulders I feel the solid muscles of his lean frame.
Many times I had fantasized about how it would feel to have his solid body pressed tight to mine like this, even occasionally being tempted to dip into the dreams of his few lovers to see what it would feel like. Always I have refrained knowing it was not my place. I run my hands across his back, all the new sensations, I never suspected they would feel this intense, this delicious and not just for me, but Rose too is feeling overwhelmed by the incredible senses of him that she has never before experienced in spite of being his human lover.
“We love you my doctor,” we say gently caressing his cheek. “And we will never let you go.” Our eyes lock and I notice their different now from the changes that Rose had noticed occurred as she had made love to him as a human. Instead of the almost black appearance caused by his pupil’s dilation they have become the most intense blue I have ever seen with flecks of gold. I feel intense desire flare from him almost daring me to take action and I wonder what my own eyes look like now. I can tell he is unsure what exactly I am planning, but I sure he knows I am planning something. I spread a slow sexy smile across our face and lean forward for a kiss.
“Rose…” he say and reaches to touch our face.
"No, my love no longer just Rose we are Wolf. " I quietly whisper.
With his trademark grin he states, "Rose and Verity my beautiful Bad Wolf you are utterly FANTASTIC!” a deep blush flares across me. At his exuberant statement I look down embarrassed at being the focus of such delight. Gently lifting my face with a forefinger he says completely sober for moment as our eyes lock “I mean it, you are utterly fantastic!” he reiterates with quiet vehemence.
The intensity in his eyes tells me he means every word and I slide over and hug him tightly to me but as that is not nearly enough I swoop forward to work on snogging him senseless
--------------------------------------
I can feel a craving from her the likes of which I haven't felt it in a lover in a very, very long time, the incredible coming together of mind and body with another of my own kind to which I know I am already hopelessly addicted. I had thought this lost to me forever and I feel like am about to burst with gratitude for what they have done, what the have given me back through their selfless actions.
I notice though she is still a bit clumsy and wonder if it is because of what we were just doing or if she is still adjusting to the changes. I am glad at least she didn't change appearance as well for both our sake. From my own experience I know it's hard enough getting used to a new body without adding large height or girth changes on top of that. Going from my sixth to seventh body had been particularly frustrating with the height and reach changes.
Chapter 11 - Commitments (R) OR (NC17)
Moving Forward Story Index 1
Then ever so quietly I hear “No Theta, not alone” two voices in my mind, echo those words spoken aloud by Rose. One of those voices is my beloved Verity who has been as silent and aloof as Rose has been physically distant, but the other comes from the woman in the doorway, belongs to Rose.
Rolling over to face the door I stare transfixed by the beauty standing there. “Rose?” my voice is scarcely louder than a whisper and I hardly dare to believe she might actually be here. She has been avoiding me and it has been breaking my hearts not being able to touch her. Ever since Woman Wept when we became lovers we have shared a bed but it has been difficult since I tried to pull the vortex from her. First their was the confusion of being in my old room then waking in Jackie's only to find myself again in here not in what has become our room when Verity refused me entrance. This seemed like the only bedroom she would allow me into, not that she has to explain why that is, as I know she must still be furious at me for forcing her to leave. But after Jackie’s Christmas dinner I really felt the need for a lie down and as the old saying goes beggars can't be choosers.
But the more important question is why Rose is here now. My first thought is clawing panic that she is planning on leaving, as I have been unsure of how she has been taking all of this with having sent her home and me being ill. Even though she said nothing of wanting to stay at her mothers the way she has been acting it is almost as if she is frightened of me. I know I should be glad that she finally understands now how dangerous I am, but I can’t stop feeling lost in her absence and the thought of hear leaving...
Ruthlessly I shove those thoughts aside. Then the full import of her, no their, presence in my mind suddenly slams home as my mind reruns the images of her return to the Game Station and I feel again the incredible need from her that I be safe, and protected and realize that the protection she sought was from far more then just the Daleks.
In a rush of thoughts I understand why I thought none of us had died that day and I know I was wrong. I see how Bad Wolf had rechanneled that destructive energy to rebuild Rose a new body and in that moment of clarity I know I am truly no longer alone. I can feel her in my mind, in that aching hole that since the last scream died has only produced a soul consuming silence. As I tentatively reach toward that presence I sense it is so much more. I am awed and utterly stunned as I realized what they have done. How could they? Why would they have done that? Why in the universe would they be so foolish to accept this kind of irreversible change?
“Because we love you Theta, you are our Doctor. You were willing to sacrifice everything to see me safe, how could we do any less?”
It is shock and anger that drives me to move from my bed and across the room to violently shake her, “You don't know me Rose! You have no idea of what I am or what I am capable of don’t you understand I'm not worth that kind of price! How could you be so foolish?” I stand amazed a she seems unfazed by any of my distress.
----------------------------
Standing our ground with all the tenacity Verity has developed from traveling with him for the last 800 plus years I retort, “Yes I do! We are, Verity and I are aware of exactly who and what you are! What she has seen so have I. I have seen it all though her senses, she has been there with you, the thousands of times you saved others at the risk of your own life, the Time War, everything... I have seen it all now and I,” I struggle with the proper self-tenses as the intense emotions make it hard to separate Verity’s and my reactions to his harsh words. The desperate need to express to him how much we both love him temporarily confusing me. “We only want you more because I do understand what you have sacrificed. Not just for me but for everyone, to us you are worth it all, worth more then we could ever give you.” Moving my arms from his fingers that have gone lax from their punishing grip, I reach up to gently cradle his face in my hands “Please my Doctor, don't be angry, we only did this because we love you and couldn’t bear to live without you.”
-----------------------------------
All the anger I have drains from me as I realize what she is saying. Feeling the truth in every thought, every word, I am stunned by this new knowledge and I don’t know what to say as I feel the tears begin to freely flow down my face. I feel utterly unworthy of this sacrifice they have made for me. I am overwhelmed by the intensity of the love they are pushing through both the connection Verity and I have shared all these years and at the same time through the newly formed mental connection between Rose and I created by her change of species.
My beautiful ladies have bound themselves together for me and I am humbled by their actions. I don’t know what all of this means but I do know that I am loved far more then I can properly grasp at this moment and I am sure it is far more then I deserve.
-----------------------------------
Seeing his tears I draw him to me, letting him cry for a bit. There are now no secrets left between us. I hold him and the part of my consciousness that was originally Verity relishes in the feel of him in my arms, she has wanted to hold and comfort him like this ever since the war and has had no way to do so. Now through the body we share we both can hold him and give him the love we have for him, that we know he needs and has more then earned regardless of his ability to believe in his own value.
----------------------------------
Rose and I have been lovers for awhile now even as I had once taken comfort in Verity's mental embraces but now it is again like I am exposed before them both for the first time as I hold the vessel of their joined consciousness. I am unsure if I can stand the exposure of being known so intimately but for their sake I would attempt anything even as they have accomplished the impossible for me.
Suddenly I don’t know what to do. Embarrassment floods me as I realize that Rose is probably aware of exactly the kind of relationship Verity and I have had and the manner in which she has shared my mind even as I have shared hers. It is a mental bond in many ways far more intimate then the temporary physical and mental connections Rose and I have made over this past year. I can feel the blush of embarrassment cross my skin as I experience this epiphany and can’t help but wonder what she thinks of all of this.
--------------------------------
Before he can become any further embarrassed I speak. “Now that's over, and we all are going to discover something new.” I smile at his boggled expression and realize that any time now he will begin to finally catch up on the possibilities that we spent a fair amount of time considering yesterday before I finally slipped into slumber. Verity has assured me as time goes on I will need to sleep less but for now it will take some time for me to get adjusted to the higher mental demands currently causing me to need more. I for one am content on that score because of the lovely dreams I have of the Doctor most nights.
--------------------------------------
I can’t help but think of how they both have given up so much to save me and as I fully realize how much I struggle to shield her from the sudden tsunami of thoughts of why this is so overwhelming that blast their way in to our link and I feel her tremble next to me as we both feel a sense of remorse well up within us; hers stemming from reminding me of how much I have lost and mine from not being able to protect her from the onslaught of grief.
I feel suddenly overwhelmed as Rose encloses me in her embrace clutching me tightly to her as at the same time I feel Verity’s mental strokes of comfort. So much physical and psychic stimulation after so long alone without this kind of intimacy makes me begin to shake and I can’t seem to stop. The comfort of her arms enfolding me brings me again to tears as I nuzzle her neck. I try to force my breathing under control and in the process I register her scent, some how it is still distinctly Rose and I hope that she never feels she has lost more then she has gained though I can’t see how she, no they won’t eventually resent me for this decision they have made in spite of their claim of truly knowing me.
------------------------------------
I too begin to cry as I feel the grief descend on him like a rapacious living thing and the guilt at not being able to keep me from sensing it. ‘It’s okay Theta. I’m here, we’re here and we’re not going any where.’ I feel my throat tighten in response to his brokenness far more intense then he ever let me sense as Rose alone and hold him closer as I feel him tremble. I know there is nothing else I can do. I remember through Verity’s memories how much it hurt to watch him suffering after the destruction of our planet unable to give him the kind of comfort he so desperately needed most at that time. We tighten our arms about his form knowing that we won’t ever let him be alone like that again.
As I feel him slowly beginning to calm again I know that no matter what else happens I am going to do my best to insure that the joy he has shown me already is returned as many times over as possible. I feel Rose agree with me, he needs this, we need this, and we can also think of no better time to start then now. It is time to find out what ways we can make his pain go away for as long as we can. I let my hands began their own explorations stroking them across his shoulders I feel the solid muscles of his lean frame.
Many times I had fantasized about how it would feel to have his solid body pressed tight to mine like this, even occasionally being tempted to dip into the dreams of his few lovers to see what it would feel like. Always I have refrained knowing it was not my place. I run my hands across his back, all the new sensations, I never suspected they would feel this intense, this delicious and not just for me, but Rose too is feeling overwhelmed by the incredible senses of him that she has never before experienced in spite of being his human lover.
“We love you my doctor,” we say gently caressing his cheek. “And we will never let you go.” Our eyes lock and I notice their different now from the changes that Rose had noticed occurred as she had made love to him as a human. Instead of the almost black appearance caused by his pupil’s dilation they have become the most intense blue I have ever seen with flecks of gold. I feel intense desire flare from him almost daring me to take action and I wonder what my own eyes look like now. I can tell he is unsure what exactly I am planning, but I sure he knows I am planning something. I spread a slow sexy smile across our face and lean forward for a kiss.
“Rose…” he say and reaches to touch our face.
"No, my love no longer just Rose we are Wolf. " I quietly whisper.
With his trademark grin he states, "Rose and Verity my beautiful Bad Wolf you are utterly FANTASTIC!” a deep blush flares across me. At his exuberant statement I look down embarrassed at being the focus of such delight. Gently lifting my face with a forefinger he says completely sober for moment as our eyes lock “I mean it, you are utterly fantastic!” he reiterates with quiet vehemence.
The intensity in his eyes tells me he means every word and I slide over and hug him tightly to me but as that is not nearly enough I swoop forward to work on snogging him senseless
--------------------------------------
I can feel a craving from her the likes of which I haven't felt it in a lover in a very, very long time, the incredible coming together of mind and body with another of my own kind to which I know I am already hopelessly addicted. I had thought this lost to me forever and I feel like am about to burst with gratitude for what they have done, what the have given me back through their selfless actions.
I notice though she is still a bit clumsy and wonder if it is because of what we were just doing or if she is still adjusting to the changes. I am glad at least she didn't change appearance as well for both our sake. From my own experience I know it's hard enough getting used to a new body without adding large height or girth changes on top of that. Going from my sixth to seventh body had been particularly frustrating with the height and reach changes.
Chapter 11 - Commitments (R) OR (NC17)
Moving Forward Story Index 1