Part 03 - Chapter 31 - Secrets & Confrontations
“What in the universe? Verity what’s going on?” I declare as I see the Doctor crumple.
‘They’re fine, Jack, both of them are fine.’
“Then why…”
‘The Doctor is exhausted. It takes a lot out of him to do what you saw him do, Rose is only stunned.’
Immediately I am concerned again. “How long has it been for you three?” It may have been a month for me, but when they had left me to settle in Das the Doc had just been recovering from what had happened at the shopping planet. In spite of his claims he was fine, Rose had that morning expressed concern at how much he was still sleeping, which was still more than what he had before hand, in spite of it being far less than was normal for humans.
‘Forty-nine hours, twenty-seven minutes and...’
“Okay, got it, two days." So he has over done it again; pushing himself too hard and ignoring his need for rest. However, something has to have upset him drastically that he was willing to go to such extreme measures to ensure that they were not caught here. I know they have run for their lives plenty of times, Rose has told me of some of their adventures and she never once hinted he was capable of what I saw him doing outside. I am certain he has never resorted to that kind of effort in Rose's presence before, as I just don’t see her leaving out something so impressive.
"You keep an eye on Rose for a few minutes?” I ask Verity, as I move to the Doctor. Best I get him out of here before he wakes up, considering his reaction the last time. I get a chill just thinking of his severe reaction the last time.
‘Yes,’ comes her quiet reply and I can’t help but notice the overtones of her concern.
I’m surprised as I reach him though, to see him starting to come around.
“Rose…”
“Rose is fine Doc, just got stunned. You okay?”
“Yeah, fine,” he replies, shaking his head as if to clear it and moving to get up. Despite his assurance, he doesn’t look too steady as he does and I reach to give him a hand. With a sour look, he takes it, but I know enough about his behavior now that I know his reaction isn't ingratitude; just annoyance at his own weakened state.
"So, Doc, what was with the hasty exit? They looked like they were out for blood back there. What did you do? Proposition someone’s mother?"
"Don't be daft, I'm not you! And don't call me Doc," he snaps.
"Okay, Doctor...” I state emphasizing his full name, "What happened back there? I figure since I just helped you escape from one of the most powerful cultures in this galaxy and time, you owe me that much information."
I watch as he sits down heavily on the bed opposite Rose, never once taking his eyes from her, almost as if he is afraid she will disappear if he does, and replies, "Someone gave the Emperor the impression that I was responsible for the time war."
"What! That's crazy." The dark look he gives makes me wonder what he's thinking. “You can't be held responsible what the Daleks did; they were the ones who started it, everyone I have ever heard mention the war agrees on that fact."
'Jack, please don't!' is Verity’s quiet plea in my mind.
'What? Verity what's going on?'
"Doctor?" comes the tentative call from Rose and he is by her side immediately, but it's obvious he's unsteady on his feet by the way he leans heavily on the side of the bed.
As I watch him, I realize Verity's right, as usual; he's in no shape to be talking about the war. I have learned that it's a topic that puts him on edge, even when things are going well. From what he said earlier, things have been far from peaceful for them these last few days; what these two need, no make that these three need, is a vacation. Maybe I can get them to take one now that Rose is back to normal.
There was this nice little pleasure planet in the Caspellian system; beautiful beings if they were a bit short and blue.
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Everything feels like it's wrapped in cotton and I feel so tired. With alarm, I suddenly remember what was happening.
"Doctor?” I am amazed at how weak my voice sounds.
"I'm here, Rose," comes his voice from very close and I pry my eyes open to see his concerned expression.
"Hi!"
"Hi," is his response, and I watch as a big genuine smile bursts on to his face. "How do you feel?"
"Bit fuzzy, what happened? What went wrong?"
"Nothing important."
"So we were running for our lives for no reason?" I state sarcastically. I can't believe that he is just trying fluff this off.
"Nothing we need to talk about now, all done over, and you’re tired. You were practically asleep on your feet before you were stunned, and well… A good shower and rest and you should be good as new."
"Doctor?" As he is speaking, I notice he's making small movements with his arm and realize he's trembling. "What's the matter, what's wrong?"
"Nothing, I..." he starts then Jack interrupts.
"He did something to time when you were running for the TARDIS and he passed out as I walked in just now."
"What!” I gasp at Jack’s words, looking back and forth between the two of them. "Doctor, are you alright?" I search his face as he glares at Jack and as he looks back, I dare him to lie to me to my face.
The expression he gives me tells me that idea crossed his mind. But with a sulky reply he states, "I'm fine, just tired." I resist the urge to ask Verity for confirmation, but she saves me from having to by volunteering. 'He's exhausted Rose, and so are you, why don't you both get some rest. I've moved your room across the hall.'
She's right, I am tired and I will leave it alone for now, but when we get up I intend to talk to him about this foolish insistence that he is fine when he is obviously not. I thought we had got beyond this when he was so ill, but I guess not.
As I sit up, I feel a wave of dizziness and feel his gentle steadying hand on my arm and realize he is barely in better shape than I am. As I slide off the bed I find out that Jack has moved around to behind us while we were speaking as he gently puts his arm about both our waists to help steady us on our feet.
The Doctor glares at him a moment, and I can see in the expression that Jack gives him back he’s daring him to ask him to remove it, after a moment the Doctor breaks his gaze and we head for the Doctor's room without another word.
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I love watching him sleep, and I am glad that he seems to be sleeping nightmare free right now, which surprises me a bit considering the way he reacted when we got back from Russia. I wonder if that is because he is too exhausted to dream. I had only gone into the loo for a few moments when we returned to the room, but he was asleep before I had returned. Over the past couple of weeks I have spent a lot of time watching him sleep and yet it still amazes me how much younger he looks when he is sleeping peacefully. For now, I am willing to let my sleeping Doctor lie, but I am still furious that he is keeping things from me. Why can’t he see how much he means to me? Does he feel I am too stupid to realize that he isn’t telling me the whole story about what it going on? I knew almost immediately that something was wrong when we got there, but still he insisted that I enter into this in the dark, asking me to trust him, and that’s just not fair. He asks for my trust knowing I will always give it to him yet he isn’t willing to trust me with his secrets, even those that directly affect me. I have never seen him do that weird time warp thing before and I have to wonder why now, why here? How can I help if I don't know what is wrong?
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I watch the thread of Rose's thoughts, it's hard not to with her practically shouting them in her frustration. Theta is not going to be happy when he wakes if her thoughts continue on the path they are on now. He is going to have to face the fact he has to let these humans in more than he has if he hopes for them to stay. It's a double-edged sword this relationship he has with the humans, and there is no way for him to avoid getting hurt. He needs them more than he ever has in all his lives now that he is the last of the Time Lords, and yet they are so short lived and ephemeral in comparison to him. I would do anything to save him from more loss but there seems to be no solution to this and it deeply grieves me knowing it is just a matter of time until he loses them.
He has always been far too careless with his lives and now at times it seems as if he is actively courting death. I just hope that Rose can help him heal enough before he loses her too and must face yet again the decision between loneliness and the grief that losing them brings. I can just imagine the delight the black guardian must be deriving from his misery.
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I wake slowly and still feel tired, I knew I was going to be pushing my body by doing the time shift, it has never been easy to shift large areas but I knew that it was the only way to shelter Rose from the blaster fire that I knew they would be using. She is alive and safe that’s the important thing but even that was no thanks to me. I was so focused on trying to protect her from behind that was delinquent in protecting her sufficiently from the front. It was only pure luck that the blast that hit her was a stun not the full disrupter blast that seemed to be what the rest of them were using.
I realize as I lie here what has woken me, as I feel Rose's frustration roiling around me and I know that I am in for a conversation I really don't want to have. I knew she wasn't happy when we agreed to head off to get some sleep at Verity's prompting. I had hoped that she would have let it go by the time we were again up and around or at least I was somewhere else when she did wake. I breathe a sigh of relief as she gently begins to extract herself from my embrace. I can probably be dressed and away by the time she comes back, and I plan on doing so the moment she goes to the loo. As the door of the ensuite shuts, I move quickly to depart.
Just as I enter the kitchen, I feel a wave of irritation come from her and move to start making some breakfast. I know she hasn’t eaten in much longer than I have and her body is less tolerant of long stretches with out food.
‘You know you’re going to have to talk with her, Theta,’ comes Verity’s chiding voice.
‘But not now.’ I don’t want to and she knows that, and more than anyone else she knows why.
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Grrr, that man! I wonder how long he was awake before I got up. I bet he knew that I wanted to talk to him. I know how he hates domestics, as he calls them, but really. I just want to be told when things are dangerous, is that so much to ask? Secrets, sometimes it seems like all he is made of is one secret layered on another.
As I get dressed all I can think about is how full of contradictions he is - one moment he is loving and tender, the next he is a steel wall, then the next after that he is off someplace else as if nothing happened, always moving, perpetually in motion. Even knowing part of the reasons why, I still have trouble keeping up with his quicksilver mood changes. Except when he’s not moving - the memory of how still he was when he was hurt makes my stomach clench with distress and as if on cue my stomach growls and I realize how long it has been since I last have eaten as I smell the lovely aroma of bangers and mash.
Chapter 32 - Old Friends & Unpleasant Acquaintances
Story Index
‘They’re fine, Jack, both of them are fine.’
“Then why…”
‘The Doctor is exhausted. It takes a lot out of him to do what you saw him do, Rose is only stunned.’
Immediately I am concerned again. “How long has it been for you three?” It may have been a month for me, but when they had left me to settle in Das the Doc had just been recovering from what had happened at the shopping planet. In spite of his claims he was fine, Rose had that morning expressed concern at how much he was still sleeping, which was still more than what he had before hand, in spite of it being far less than was normal for humans.
‘Forty-nine hours, twenty-seven minutes and...’
“Okay, got it, two days." So he has over done it again; pushing himself too hard and ignoring his need for rest. However, something has to have upset him drastically that he was willing to go to such extreme measures to ensure that they were not caught here. I know they have run for their lives plenty of times, Rose has told me of some of their adventures and she never once hinted he was capable of what I saw him doing outside. I am certain he has never resorted to that kind of effort in Rose's presence before, as I just don’t see her leaving out something so impressive.
"You keep an eye on Rose for a few minutes?” I ask Verity, as I move to the Doctor. Best I get him out of here before he wakes up, considering his reaction the last time. I get a chill just thinking of his severe reaction the last time.
‘Yes,’ comes her quiet reply and I can’t help but notice the overtones of her concern.
I’m surprised as I reach him though, to see him starting to come around.
“Rose…”
“Rose is fine Doc, just got stunned. You okay?”
“Yeah, fine,” he replies, shaking his head as if to clear it and moving to get up. Despite his assurance, he doesn’t look too steady as he does and I reach to give him a hand. With a sour look, he takes it, but I know enough about his behavior now that I know his reaction isn't ingratitude; just annoyance at his own weakened state.
"So, Doc, what was with the hasty exit? They looked like they were out for blood back there. What did you do? Proposition someone’s mother?"
"Don't be daft, I'm not you! And don't call me Doc," he snaps.
"Okay, Doctor...” I state emphasizing his full name, "What happened back there? I figure since I just helped you escape from one of the most powerful cultures in this galaxy and time, you owe me that much information."
I watch as he sits down heavily on the bed opposite Rose, never once taking his eyes from her, almost as if he is afraid she will disappear if he does, and replies, "Someone gave the Emperor the impression that I was responsible for the time war."
"What! That's crazy." The dark look he gives makes me wonder what he's thinking. “You can't be held responsible what the Daleks did; they were the ones who started it, everyone I have ever heard mention the war agrees on that fact."
'Jack, please don't!' is Verity’s quiet plea in my mind.
'What? Verity what's going on?'
"Doctor?" comes the tentative call from Rose and he is by her side immediately, but it's obvious he's unsteady on his feet by the way he leans heavily on the side of the bed.
As I watch him, I realize Verity's right, as usual; he's in no shape to be talking about the war. I have learned that it's a topic that puts him on edge, even when things are going well. From what he said earlier, things have been far from peaceful for them these last few days; what these two need, no make that these three need, is a vacation. Maybe I can get them to take one now that Rose is back to normal.
There was this nice little pleasure planet in the Caspellian system; beautiful beings if they were a bit short and blue.
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Everything feels like it's wrapped in cotton and I feel so tired. With alarm, I suddenly remember what was happening.
"Doctor?” I am amazed at how weak my voice sounds.
"I'm here, Rose," comes his voice from very close and I pry my eyes open to see his concerned expression.
"Hi!"
"Hi," is his response, and I watch as a big genuine smile bursts on to his face. "How do you feel?"
"Bit fuzzy, what happened? What went wrong?"
"Nothing important."
"So we were running for our lives for no reason?" I state sarcastically. I can't believe that he is just trying fluff this off.
"Nothing we need to talk about now, all done over, and you’re tired. You were practically asleep on your feet before you were stunned, and well… A good shower and rest and you should be good as new."
"Doctor?" As he is speaking, I notice he's making small movements with his arm and realize he's trembling. "What's the matter, what's wrong?"
"Nothing, I..." he starts then Jack interrupts.
"He did something to time when you were running for the TARDIS and he passed out as I walked in just now."
"What!” I gasp at Jack’s words, looking back and forth between the two of them. "Doctor, are you alright?" I search his face as he glares at Jack and as he looks back, I dare him to lie to me to my face.
The expression he gives me tells me that idea crossed his mind. But with a sulky reply he states, "I'm fine, just tired." I resist the urge to ask Verity for confirmation, but she saves me from having to by volunteering. 'He's exhausted Rose, and so are you, why don't you both get some rest. I've moved your room across the hall.'
She's right, I am tired and I will leave it alone for now, but when we get up I intend to talk to him about this foolish insistence that he is fine when he is obviously not. I thought we had got beyond this when he was so ill, but I guess not.
As I sit up, I feel a wave of dizziness and feel his gentle steadying hand on my arm and realize he is barely in better shape than I am. As I slide off the bed I find out that Jack has moved around to behind us while we were speaking as he gently puts his arm about both our waists to help steady us on our feet.
The Doctor glares at him a moment, and I can see in the expression that Jack gives him back he’s daring him to ask him to remove it, after a moment the Doctor breaks his gaze and we head for the Doctor's room without another word.
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I love watching him sleep, and I am glad that he seems to be sleeping nightmare free right now, which surprises me a bit considering the way he reacted when we got back from Russia. I wonder if that is because he is too exhausted to dream. I had only gone into the loo for a few moments when we returned to the room, but he was asleep before I had returned. Over the past couple of weeks I have spent a lot of time watching him sleep and yet it still amazes me how much younger he looks when he is sleeping peacefully. For now, I am willing to let my sleeping Doctor lie, but I am still furious that he is keeping things from me. Why can’t he see how much he means to me? Does he feel I am too stupid to realize that he isn’t telling me the whole story about what it going on? I knew almost immediately that something was wrong when we got there, but still he insisted that I enter into this in the dark, asking me to trust him, and that’s just not fair. He asks for my trust knowing I will always give it to him yet he isn’t willing to trust me with his secrets, even those that directly affect me. I have never seen him do that weird time warp thing before and I have to wonder why now, why here? How can I help if I don't know what is wrong?
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I watch the thread of Rose's thoughts, it's hard not to with her practically shouting them in her frustration. Theta is not going to be happy when he wakes if her thoughts continue on the path they are on now. He is going to have to face the fact he has to let these humans in more than he has if he hopes for them to stay. It's a double-edged sword this relationship he has with the humans, and there is no way for him to avoid getting hurt. He needs them more than he ever has in all his lives now that he is the last of the Time Lords, and yet they are so short lived and ephemeral in comparison to him. I would do anything to save him from more loss but there seems to be no solution to this and it deeply grieves me knowing it is just a matter of time until he loses them.
He has always been far too careless with his lives and now at times it seems as if he is actively courting death. I just hope that Rose can help him heal enough before he loses her too and must face yet again the decision between loneliness and the grief that losing them brings. I can just imagine the delight the black guardian must be deriving from his misery.
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I wake slowly and still feel tired, I knew I was going to be pushing my body by doing the time shift, it has never been easy to shift large areas but I knew that it was the only way to shelter Rose from the blaster fire that I knew they would be using. She is alive and safe that’s the important thing but even that was no thanks to me. I was so focused on trying to protect her from behind that was delinquent in protecting her sufficiently from the front. It was only pure luck that the blast that hit her was a stun not the full disrupter blast that seemed to be what the rest of them were using.
I realize as I lie here what has woken me, as I feel Rose's frustration roiling around me and I know that I am in for a conversation I really don't want to have. I knew she wasn't happy when we agreed to head off to get some sleep at Verity's prompting. I had hoped that she would have let it go by the time we were again up and around or at least I was somewhere else when she did wake. I breathe a sigh of relief as she gently begins to extract herself from my embrace. I can probably be dressed and away by the time she comes back, and I plan on doing so the moment she goes to the loo. As the door of the ensuite shuts, I move quickly to depart.
Just as I enter the kitchen, I feel a wave of irritation come from her and move to start making some breakfast. I know she hasn’t eaten in much longer than I have and her body is less tolerant of long stretches with out food.
‘You know you’re going to have to talk with her, Theta,’ comes Verity’s chiding voice.
‘But not now.’ I don’t want to and she knows that, and more than anyone else she knows why.
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Grrr, that man! I wonder how long he was awake before I got up. I bet he knew that I wanted to talk to him. I know how he hates domestics, as he calls them, but really. I just want to be told when things are dangerous, is that so much to ask? Secrets, sometimes it seems like all he is made of is one secret layered on another.
As I get dressed all I can think about is how full of contradictions he is - one moment he is loving and tender, the next he is a steel wall, then the next after that he is off someplace else as if nothing happened, always moving, perpetually in motion. Even knowing part of the reasons why, I still have trouble keeping up with his quicksilver mood changes. Except when he’s not moving - the memory of how still he was when he was hurt makes my stomach clench with distress and as if on cue my stomach growls and I realize how long it has been since I last have eaten as I smell the lovely aroma of bangers and mash.
Chapter 32 - Old Friends & Unpleasant Acquaintances
Story Index