Part 03 - Chapter 38 - Comfort - NC
As we close the door, leaving Doris behind us, he is very quiet as he directs Verity to return to the time and planet where we left Jack. I can tell how exhausted he is by how much slower he is as he moves about the console and by the fact that, for the first time in a long time, he is not really shielding me from his day to day emotions. I am not exactly trying to keep him out right now either, in spite of the fact he has taught me how, as I am still concerned about his initial reaction when he entered the garden.
It has been a long and trying day for both of us and as he steps back from the controls, indicating he really has no more to do to assist Verity in getting us to our destination, I move to his side, snaking my arm around his waist and snuggling into the warmth of both his arms and coat.
Somehow, it seems fitting that he has let me in the metaphorical armor of his leather jacket even as he has let me to his life in such a dramatic way. For long minutes, he just holds me and we both bask in the simple comfort of being held in the arms of someone we love. I feel his lips gently caress my hair and then him rest his chin on the top of my head and I smile into his jumper. These small actions tell me so frequently how much he cares, even in the absence in the words I sometimes long to hear from him.
As much as I know we can't stay this way forever, I still feel a pang of regret when he pulls back. When he takes my hand, I smile at him and delight in his, as he leads us back to our room. As we enter, he closes the door behind us, not releasing my hand even for a moment. As he turns to me, I see his concern. "You okay?"
"Yeah, you?"
"I'm always…" I raise my finger to his lips in warning that I am not interested in hearing his rote reply, at which he gives me a small sheepish smile. He nods his head and kisses my finger. "Just tired," he states, as he again draws me into his arms. As he pulls me in a bit closer, I realize 'just tired' doesn't come close to capturing the intense feeling of fatigue he is radiating. After a moment, I pull back. Pushing my hands forward and up, I ease his leather jacket from his shoulders to let it drop unheeded behind him. Next is his jumper, and as I gently pull it from his jeans, I feel his intense blue eyes watching me but he does nothing to stop me.
However, as I reach for his belt he reaches out and stills my hands, "Rose, I...” I cut him off as I anticipate what he is about to say. "I'm not asking, I just want you to rest with me and you will be far more comfortable out of those clothes."
I watch as he slowly nods. Reaching up, I cup his cheek in my hand and watch as his eyes close as nuzzles into it and I pull him in to another hug.
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Today has been hard, far harder than I thought it would be and I feel wrung out emotionally and physically drained. Even as I pilot us back into the vortex, heading us back to rendezvous with Jack, I know I desperately need two things - rest and Rose. As we enter our room I feel a wave of exhaustion hit with the force and suddenness of a tsunami and much as I am desperately craving Rose's touch I know I am too tired to carry through on expressing that physically. So very like her though, she understands even before I can articulate my need, not demanding more from me she is instead reassuring me. I can't help but marvel at this young woman who has chosen to share my chaotic life. What she sees that makes me worth the sacrifices she makes I don't know. I had thought her talking with Doris would convince her that I was more trouble than I was worth, and yet it only seems to have had the opposite effect. It’s not that I am ungrateful for her affections, I just don't understand.
Lost in thought I have hardly registered assisting her to finish both our disrobing; so very tired.
Her soft hand again taking mine, along with her quiet words, dislodges my lethargy a bit. "Doctor, you're asleep on your feet, come on, the bed is far more comfortable.” I follow her. I think I would willingly follow her to the ends of the universe. I know that it should frighten me that she has this much control over me, I am just having trouble finding the energy at the moment to care.
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I’m actually surprised he hasn't fallen over, but considering he has had his eyes closed and seems so oblivious to my actions it’s clear he is far more tired than he usually lets others know about. It never ceases to amaze me how far he can drive his body to keep functioning, even when it is so obvious in need of rest, but it's not exactly as if this is the first time I have seen him push himself too far. It just reminds me that, as much as I tend to forget, he is an alien with a different way of functioning. From what Doris told me, he never has been one to accept limitations, least of all those involving him. I am glad though he has, I think, finally accepted that it is okay to relax his guard and let me peek around the gate in the fortress he has made around his emotions. I watch him get into to bed and seconds after his head hits the pillow I hear his breathing shift to the slow steady rhythm I have to come to associate with his deepest sleep. Slipping in next to him, I curl myself around his sleeping form and allow myself to drift off into sleep as well, hoping my presence will shield him from his nightmares as it sometimes does.
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I am instantly awake as I hear one of the sounds I hate most in the universe, the small strangled sound the Doctor makes when he is trapped in a nightmare. I quickly turn and shake him, hoping to catch it before it gets too bad. I hate this feeling of helplessness, this inability to protect him from them, though I am not surprised one bit. Today was brutally hard on him and that I know he choose to endure this reminder of how much he has lost because of me makes it all the more important I tell him about Jimmy.
Suddenly he turns beneath my shaking hand and his eyes are inhumanly black, no trace of their normal blue to be found and scary, his face is twisted with anger and hatred the likes of which I have only seen once before, down in the bunker in Utah and it causes me to release his arm with a surprised gasp. Then literally in the blink of his eyes both the expression and the darkness are gone replaced with beautiful blue eyes filled with concern.
"Rose... I'm sorry, I should…" with that he looks away and turns as if to leave.
Grabbing his arm to halt his movement, I feel him go utterly still, not just the stillness caused by his lack of movement but the silence of not a single emotion seeping from him, which in it’s own way is unnerving after these last few hours.
"It's okay, you just surprised me is all.” I watch his eyes, wary, unsure, guarded and I want to cry knowing that it was my reaction, just now, that has put those emotions in them.
I can't help but reach out and touch the slight stubble on his cheek. Smoothing my fingers along his jaw from chin to ear watching his eyes slide shut at the action even as he opens his mind just a bit and I feel a rush of relief. “I’m sorry, Rose…”
"Doctor, I told you before, I love you. I mean it, truly, I do, regardless of what I see or learn, I am never going stop loving you. In fact I don't think I know how not to love you anymore."
His eyes open at this, looking sharp, alert, deep and impenetrable and in some ways even more alien for their simultaneous normality. "Never say never, Rose." The sadness in those words nearly breaks my heart, causing me to lean in and press my lips to his. My left hand fingers seek out the sparse hair on his chest, while I slid my right hand into his short-cropped hair, marveling as always at its incredible softness, not intending on letting him go until he understands how much he means to me.
I feel his fingers slide across my ribs and down to cup my bum, pulling me close. I am unable mistake the reaction he is having to my actions, causing me to whimper into his lips at the trails of pleasure he generates. I know sex isn’t an answer to all the problems we face, if only things were that simple, that easy, but sometimes it is the thing that will make both of us feel better and ease the hurt and loneliness I know he feels more often than he lets anyone guess. I close my eyes, focusing on the feeling of his body next to mine, and the wonderful smell of honey and spice that becomes stronger the more I touch him. Relinquishing his lips in order to kiss and nip, I know I can never give him back that which he has lost, but I can give him this.
As he rolls me under him, I feel a thrill of pleasure at his feelings of possessiveness. The solid weight of him above me makes me feel safe and sheltered, even as gives me that smile he reserves just for me that makes me feel warm all over. The feel of firm lean muscle beneath my fingers as I stroke my hands up his arms gives me shivers. Sliding my hands down the hard planes of his back, I grasp his bum in return and pull him tighter against me, delighting in the groan I elicit. As I press up into his hardness, so close to where we both want and yet, not quite, I smile as I feel him rest his forehead on my shoulder. My smile of triumph only lasts but a moment as his teeth and lips descend on my throat, sending shocks of pleasure to my groin as he seeks out those spots he already has mapped out that make me squirm. So squirm I do, and feel him lean back, depriving me of his hardness, as his strong hand closes around my hip, pinning me to the bed.
Opening my eyes, I fall into the darkness of his, knowing it is strictly arousal this time that has darkened them. My name is a growl on his lips as he aligns our bodies. I whimper at his teasing as I feel him slide his cock along the outside of my entrance.
"Please...” I whisper in his ear and I feel the anticipation building as I writhe beneath him, trying to get more of him, trembling at the amusement I am feeling from him at my impatience.
I want to scream at his teasing as he pushes just inside, giving me no more than the head of him, twisting and anticipating me as I try to buck up to make him give me more. I gasp in surprise as in response he bites down on my throat again, sending pleasure boiling through me. He teases with tiny little strokes across my clit and I whimper in frustration.
For a second more he torments, while nibbling on my ear, causing me to again beg, "Please Doctor!"
I feel almost as much as I hear his next words and I freeze in anticipation. "This what you want?" He says in his most sexy bedroom voice, before pushing in to the hilt, wrenching a cry of pleasure from me and stealing every thought from my head. He begins to move hard and fast, setting my body and brain on fire with his actions. Each stroke seems to set off new explosions, as if he has been planning each to maximize its devastating effect. Some part far away acknowledges I am screaming out the ecstasy short circuiting my brain. Then everything is fire and ice as I jerk helplessly enthralled in his embrace, my lungs frozen, unable to pull in enough air, as wave after wave of pleasure stampedes through me. Hard muscles beneath my fingers continue to flex as he pushes me even deeper into my climax, seeking now his own. The last thing I am aware of for a while is his strangled cry as his body slams home, flooding my mind and body with his release.
Chapter 39 - Truth or NC-17 Moving Forward Index 1
It has been a long and trying day for both of us and as he steps back from the controls, indicating he really has no more to do to assist Verity in getting us to our destination, I move to his side, snaking my arm around his waist and snuggling into the warmth of both his arms and coat.
Somehow, it seems fitting that he has let me in the metaphorical armor of his leather jacket even as he has let me to his life in such a dramatic way. For long minutes, he just holds me and we both bask in the simple comfort of being held in the arms of someone we love. I feel his lips gently caress my hair and then him rest his chin on the top of my head and I smile into his jumper. These small actions tell me so frequently how much he cares, even in the absence in the words I sometimes long to hear from him.
As much as I know we can't stay this way forever, I still feel a pang of regret when he pulls back. When he takes my hand, I smile at him and delight in his, as he leads us back to our room. As we enter, he closes the door behind us, not releasing my hand even for a moment. As he turns to me, I see his concern. "You okay?"
"Yeah, you?"
"I'm always…" I raise my finger to his lips in warning that I am not interested in hearing his rote reply, at which he gives me a small sheepish smile. He nods his head and kisses my finger. "Just tired," he states, as he again draws me into his arms. As he pulls me in a bit closer, I realize 'just tired' doesn't come close to capturing the intense feeling of fatigue he is radiating. After a moment, I pull back. Pushing my hands forward and up, I ease his leather jacket from his shoulders to let it drop unheeded behind him. Next is his jumper, and as I gently pull it from his jeans, I feel his intense blue eyes watching me but he does nothing to stop me.
However, as I reach for his belt he reaches out and stills my hands, "Rose, I...” I cut him off as I anticipate what he is about to say. "I'm not asking, I just want you to rest with me and you will be far more comfortable out of those clothes."
I watch as he slowly nods. Reaching up, I cup his cheek in my hand and watch as his eyes close as nuzzles into it and I pull him in to another hug.
-----------------------------
Today has been hard, far harder than I thought it would be and I feel wrung out emotionally and physically drained. Even as I pilot us back into the vortex, heading us back to rendezvous with Jack, I know I desperately need two things - rest and Rose. As we enter our room I feel a wave of exhaustion hit with the force and suddenness of a tsunami and much as I am desperately craving Rose's touch I know I am too tired to carry through on expressing that physically. So very like her though, she understands even before I can articulate my need, not demanding more from me she is instead reassuring me. I can't help but marvel at this young woman who has chosen to share my chaotic life. What she sees that makes me worth the sacrifices she makes I don't know. I had thought her talking with Doris would convince her that I was more trouble than I was worth, and yet it only seems to have had the opposite effect. It’s not that I am ungrateful for her affections, I just don't understand.
Lost in thought I have hardly registered assisting her to finish both our disrobing; so very tired.
Her soft hand again taking mine, along with her quiet words, dislodges my lethargy a bit. "Doctor, you're asleep on your feet, come on, the bed is far more comfortable.” I follow her. I think I would willingly follow her to the ends of the universe. I know that it should frighten me that she has this much control over me, I am just having trouble finding the energy at the moment to care.
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I’m actually surprised he hasn't fallen over, but considering he has had his eyes closed and seems so oblivious to my actions it’s clear he is far more tired than he usually lets others know about. It never ceases to amaze me how far he can drive his body to keep functioning, even when it is so obvious in need of rest, but it's not exactly as if this is the first time I have seen him push himself too far. It just reminds me that, as much as I tend to forget, he is an alien with a different way of functioning. From what Doris told me, he never has been one to accept limitations, least of all those involving him. I am glad though he has, I think, finally accepted that it is okay to relax his guard and let me peek around the gate in the fortress he has made around his emotions. I watch him get into to bed and seconds after his head hits the pillow I hear his breathing shift to the slow steady rhythm I have to come to associate with his deepest sleep. Slipping in next to him, I curl myself around his sleeping form and allow myself to drift off into sleep as well, hoping my presence will shield him from his nightmares as it sometimes does.
**************************
I am instantly awake as I hear one of the sounds I hate most in the universe, the small strangled sound the Doctor makes when he is trapped in a nightmare. I quickly turn and shake him, hoping to catch it before it gets too bad. I hate this feeling of helplessness, this inability to protect him from them, though I am not surprised one bit. Today was brutally hard on him and that I know he choose to endure this reminder of how much he has lost because of me makes it all the more important I tell him about Jimmy.
Suddenly he turns beneath my shaking hand and his eyes are inhumanly black, no trace of their normal blue to be found and scary, his face is twisted with anger and hatred the likes of which I have only seen once before, down in the bunker in Utah and it causes me to release his arm with a surprised gasp. Then literally in the blink of his eyes both the expression and the darkness are gone replaced with beautiful blue eyes filled with concern.
"Rose... I'm sorry, I should…" with that he looks away and turns as if to leave.
Grabbing his arm to halt his movement, I feel him go utterly still, not just the stillness caused by his lack of movement but the silence of not a single emotion seeping from him, which in it’s own way is unnerving after these last few hours.
"It's okay, you just surprised me is all.” I watch his eyes, wary, unsure, guarded and I want to cry knowing that it was my reaction, just now, that has put those emotions in them.
I can't help but reach out and touch the slight stubble on his cheek. Smoothing my fingers along his jaw from chin to ear watching his eyes slide shut at the action even as he opens his mind just a bit and I feel a rush of relief. “I’m sorry, Rose…”
"Doctor, I told you before, I love you. I mean it, truly, I do, regardless of what I see or learn, I am never going stop loving you. In fact I don't think I know how not to love you anymore."
His eyes open at this, looking sharp, alert, deep and impenetrable and in some ways even more alien for their simultaneous normality. "Never say never, Rose." The sadness in those words nearly breaks my heart, causing me to lean in and press my lips to his. My left hand fingers seek out the sparse hair on his chest, while I slid my right hand into his short-cropped hair, marveling as always at its incredible softness, not intending on letting him go until he understands how much he means to me.
I feel his fingers slide across my ribs and down to cup my bum, pulling me close. I am unable mistake the reaction he is having to my actions, causing me to whimper into his lips at the trails of pleasure he generates. I know sex isn’t an answer to all the problems we face, if only things were that simple, that easy, but sometimes it is the thing that will make both of us feel better and ease the hurt and loneliness I know he feels more often than he lets anyone guess. I close my eyes, focusing on the feeling of his body next to mine, and the wonderful smell of honey and spice that becomes stronger the more I touch him. Relinquishing his lips in order to kiss and nip, I know I can never give him back that which he has lost, but I can give him this.
As he rolls me under him, I feel a thrill of pleasure at his feelings of possessiveness. The solid weight of him above me makes me feel safe and sheltered, even as gives me that smile he reserves just for me that makes me feel warm all over. The feel of firm lean muscle beneath my fingers as I stroke my hands up his arms gives me shivers. Sliding my hands down the hard planes of his back, I grasp his bum in return and pull him tighter against me, delighting in the groan I elicit. As I press up into his hardness, so close to where we both want and yet, not quite, I smile as I feel him rest his forehead on my shoulder. My smile of triumph only lasts but a moment as his teeth and lips descend on my throat, sending shocks of pleasure to my groin as he seeks out those spots he already has mapped out that make me squirm. So squirm I do, and feel him lean back, depriving me of his hardness, as his strong hand closes around my hip, pinning me to the bed.
Opening my eyes, I fall into the darkness of his, knowing it is strictly arousal this time that has darkened them. My name is a growl on his lips as he aligns our bodies. I whimper at his teasing as I feel him slide his cock along the outside of my entrance.
"Please...” I whisper in his ear and I feel the anticipation building as I writhe beneath him, trying to get more of him, trembling at the amusement I am feeling from him at my impatience.
I want to scream at his teasing as he pushes just inside, giving me no more than the head of him, twisting and anticipating me as I try to buck up to make him give me more. I gasp in surprise as in response he bites down on my throat again, sending pleasure boiling through me. He teases with tiny little strokes across my clit and I whimper in frustration.
For a second more he torments, while nibbling on my ear, causing me to again beg, "Please Doctor!"
I feel almost as much as I hear his next words and I freeze in anticipation. "This what you want?" He says in his most sexy bedroom voice, before pushing in to the hilt, wrenching a cry of pleasure from me and stealing every thought from my head. He begins to move hard and fast, setting my body and brain on fire with his actions. Each stroke seems to set off new explosions, as if he has been planning each to maximize its devastating effect. Some part far away acknowledges I am screaming out the ecstasy short circuiting my brain. Then everything is fire and ice as I jerk helplessly enthralled in his embrace, my lungs frozen, unable to pull in enough air, as wave after wave of pleasure stampedes through me. Hard muscles beneath my fingers continue to flex as he pushes me even deeper into my climax, seeking now his own. The last thing I am aware of for a while is his strangled cry as his body slams home, flooding my mind and body with his release.
Chapter 39 - Truth or NC-17 Moving Forward Index 1