Unexpected Destinies Chapter 35
Title: Unexpected Destinies
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: up to and including Exile on Main St., AU from the end of season 5
Warnings: AU, slash, past non-con
Word Count: 3,137
Summary: Castiel wants to have Dean.
PAST
Dean moaned, hips already thrusting before he came fully awake, reacting instinctively to the tight, warm heat of a fist on his cock.
"Cas," Dean groaned.
His eyes opened lazily as his mind tried to figure out what was going on- well, apart from the obvious- a task made infinitely more difficult with all of his blood rushing Southwards and the sleep still shrouding his mind.
"Dean," Castiel replied softly.
His lover was leaning over him, watching his every reaction and Dean merely moaned again as his cock was worked just as he liked it best. He didn't have the ability to protest the intense gaze, not with everything else, nor could he do anything but respond. He knew his angel liked him like this, when he was still all pliable and sleep mused, without most of his automatic defenses up. It made him feel very vulnerable in that way he didn't normally like much at all, but with Castiel it was different as so many things were. With Cas, it was okay, though he could only take a little of it at a time before it just became too much and threatened to overwhelm him. Luckily his angel seemed to understand that and always intensified things before it all became too intimate for him.
He finally remembered that he'd been lounging on the bed, watching some TV after a takeout dinner while he waited for his lover to arrive.
"Sorry I fell asleep."
"Sorry I was late," Castiel replied, leaning down for a kiss.
Dean responded instantly, tongue coming up to battle for dominance as Castiel slipped his tongue inside his mouth. He also reached out to pull his angel down on top of him and was pleasantly surprised to find him in just his pants and shirt, the rest of his clothes gone. He pulled the dress shirt from the pants and slipped his hands in along warm, smooth skin. Castiel moaned encouragingly and he used the opportunity to slip his tongue into his lover's mouth. He really wanted his angel's shirt off, but he didn't want to let go of his prize long enough to open the tiny buttons. Though given how Castiel's top few buttons always seemed to come undone somehow, perhaps he didn't have to undo the shirt the right way.
He decided to test his theory, pulling the shirt up. Reluctantly Dean released his lover's lips to try and pull the dress shirt over his head. It worked but it left Castiel's hands stuck in the sleeves and he huffed in annoyance. Before he could try and undo those buttons, the shirt was suddenly gone and he mock scowled at his angel.
"You couldn't have done that before?" Dean demanded.
"I was distracted," Castiel replied, squeezing his cock pointedly.
Dean groaned, bucking his hips. The thought that his lover was still wearing his pants vanished from his mind as Castiel leaned down and mouthed at his nipple. Once he'd laved each with enough attention for them to pebble, his angel moved on, leaving a trail of open mouthed kisses as he moved down his body. The though alone of what was to come was enough to make him make all kinds of embarrassing noises, but he couldn't help it. Once Castiel had gotten the hang of giving blowjobs, he'd found his angel was frigging amazing at it as he had neither the need to breathe or a gag reflex to prevent his cock from being taken as deep as possible.
The warm, wet heat engulfed his cock and Dean instinctively tried to buck, but was prevented from doing so by a strong hand on his hips. He mewled in response, both in protest and at the thought of just how strong Castiel really was and that the angel could do anything to him if he really wanted to. All rational thought fled as his lover took him deep, the head of his cock hitting the back of Castiel's throat before starting to slide down it. He had just enough time to realize how deep in he was before the angel swallowed and he jerked and cried out at the feel of the muscles constricting and shifting around the head of his cock, massaging it. The unrelenting pace of sucking and swallowing that Cas set had Dean writhing helplessly on the bed, keening and mewling before coming far too quickly.
The force of his orgasm blacked things out for a few minutes, something Dean was starting to become very familiar with lately. When he opened his eyes, Castiel was laying pressed up against him, once more watching him closely. Before he could say anything, his lover ran a blunt nail along his spent cock and his eyes slammed shut with a guttural groan at the feel of it on raw, over sensitized skin. It stopped before it could become too much and he was left shuddering in pleasure. The tiny movements had him brushing against his lover and that was enough to feel Castiel's erection pressing against him.
"What do you want me to do, Cas?" Dean asked, eyes opening partway. What he saw in his angel's gaze made him blink and frown slightly as he didn't immediately recognize it. "Cas?"
"I want... I'd like..."
"What, Cas?"
"I'd like to have you."
Even in his sated state, body and mind awash in endorphins, Dean instantly knew what his lover was asking. "Yeah, okay."
His response caught Dean by surprise, not only with his agreement, but by the speed that he'd given it. It wasn't that he hadn't thought about this before, but he'd always shied away from doing so too closely. He didn't wish to deny Castiel this, but it was just that it brought up so many absolutely awful memories for him from Hell. Alastair had been a master torturer, one didn't become the chief inquisitor of Hell by being anything less, and he had left absolutely no stone left unturned when it came to trying to break him. He also figured that, given his record when it came to sex, that rape had been almost inevitable, but nothing could have prepared him for what Alastair had done. Even now just the mere word was enough to make him blanch, let alone thinking about what had actually happened.
"Dean?"
"It's just that I... I've never done this much and the last time was... Alastair," Dean admitted, eyes shut and swallowing thickly as he tried to fight off the memories.
Yeah, he knew that hadn't happened to his real, physical body, but it had been real to him and that was all that mattered. Despite all of that, however, he wanted to give his lover this, not to mention the fact that he didn't want to let Alastair win and to never bottom again would be doing exactly that. When he opened his eyes again, it was to find the most furious and thunderous expression on Castiel's face that he'd ever seen before and he knew if he were to be on the receiving end of it, he'd definitely fear for his life. As it was, it provided only comfort as he knew it for what it was.
Castiel's next touch was far more gentle then those that had come before, but his lover didn't ask him if he was really sure and for that Dean was grateful. He'd already given his permission and he meant it. The fact that his answer had come out as quickly as it had was merely a sign of how absolutely he trusted his angel. It was almost scary, the instinctiveness of his reply, especially when he considered how often he'd pushed aside the decision whenever it had come up before.
Then Castiel's hand found the scar he'd left and gripped the skin as if to remind them both that Dean was no longer in Hell. The handprint was a souvenir not only of his rescue, but also of their first encounter and while he had hated it at first, he had come to secretly cherish it. It now symbolized their connection and was a physical reminder that someone had deemed him worthy of salvation. He closed his eyes and focused on the touch before returning the gentle kiss when it came. He resolutely ignored the sound of his lover fishing out their tube of lube and opening it.
Normally Dean would resent the careful and gentle way Castiel was treating him, as if he were made of glass or would break at any moment, but not now. This was a minefield of sorts and he didn't want a flashback triggered, not only because that would royally suck, but also because this was Cas' first time topping and he was afraid that if it went wrong, his angel wouldn't want to try again, in case it happened a second time. Instead he focused on his lover; the sight of him, the smell of him and the taste of him as a slick finger circled his entrance before slowly breaching the ring of muscles.
"Talk to me, Cas," Dean requested.
The meaning of his lover's reply wasn't as important to Dean as the language itself as it was all in Enochian, which was perfect for what he wanted. Enochian was the one language he'd never heard in Hell and he let the now familiar and musical words flow over him, concentrating on his angel's voice as Castiel slowly and carefully prepared him, mimicking exactly all that he'd done on Cas' first time. He groaned when his prostate was touched and amazing pleasure washed over him. His angel soon had him bucking and writhing beneath him, desperate for more. When they reached the point where it was time for his lover to actually fuck him, he was so lost in pleasure that all thoughts of Alastair and Hell were gone and he was begging for more.
Castiel eagerly complied, gasping and groaning as he slowly sank into him and Dean threw his head back at the sensation of being filled up so completely while his lover muttered his name like a prayer. The look in Cas' eyes was almost too much for him to bear when their gazes met, full of amazement, wonder and reverence. He swallowed thickly, but was unable to look away as his body adjusted and it wasn't long before he was ready for more. Unable to find his voice, he merely nodded and Castiel pulled almost all the way out as slowly as he'd entered. After a few such thrusts, he adjusted the angle of his hips a little and then cried out as the next thrust hit his prostate.
"Cas, shit!"
"Dean."
His name was still being breathed like he was something precious and it was sending a thrill down Dean's spine every time. His hips started snapping up and Castiel took it as sign to start speeding up his thrusts and soon all he could do was hang on. Distantly he was aware he was making all kinds of embarrassing little noises, but he couldn't bring himself to care. His whole world was narrowed to his angel and the feel of him moving within him. In addition to his never having done this much before Hell, he had definitely never done it bareback and the feel of his lover's cock within him, skin to skin was indescribable. Then Castiel stiffened above him and came inside of him, cock pulsing as his insides were coated with slick wetness. It was enough to make Dean come for a second time, untouched, to the sound of his own name.
Dean had hoped to be able to see his angel's face as he came but figured he could do that the next time. Instead, he basked in the feel of having Castiel on top of him for once, finally seeing why his lover so enjoyed holding him after they came. He ran a hand up and down Cas' sweat slicked back as he let himself drift on a sated haze.
"Nuh uh," Dean protested, tightening his arms when Castiel made to shift off of him.
His angel may be stronger than him, but Dean was more then capable of supporting his slighter weight for a while. He hummed in contentment when his lover started tracing random patterns over his chest, slowly drifting off to sleep.
/
Castiel relaxed on Dean's chest, happy to remain there if that was what his mate wanted. He smiled again at the irony of Dean's body being bigger and stronger then that of his vessel. Not only was it one of his Father's many little wonders, but he suspected now that it had been necessary to help allay some of his mate's initial worries even if his true power had been proven during their first meeting on Earth. It would have been difficult to be otherwise, though, as Dean was very tall even by human standards, it was just easy to forget as Sam was so much taller.
He absently ran his finger over his mate's skin as he felt Dean start to drift off to sleep once more. Castiel's own body felt pleasantly relaxed and he basked in the feeling, closing his eyes so he could savor the memory of what they'd just done. The feeling of being in his mate with Dean clenching down around him had been unbelievable and though he'd already been able to see why his hunter had always loved sex, he could now understand it even more. Just the memory of it was enough to make him want to do it again, but he willed himself not to harden once more and instead reluctantly slipped from his mate's body. With a thought, he cleaned them and then rolled them so he was the one holding Dean, not quite sure at what point he'd become too heavy for his human and not wanting him to wake because of that.
Almost inevitably, Castiel's thoughts went back to Dean's confession and his arms tightened around his mate as he suppressed a growl of rage. Alastair's death had been far too clean for the crimes he'd committed and he wished he could bring him back just so he could deal with him properly now that he had the power to do so. It still shamed him that he'd been too weak to take him before. The demon had put his mate through unimaginable tortures and he'd been almost helpless to defend him when Dean had needed it.
Although Castiel knew rape happened in Hell, he'd hoped his mate had been spared that particular horror, but clearly he hadn't. As his anger grew, he had to be careful not to accidentally hurt Dean, but he really wanted to do something. It was a foreign desire, this need to protect a loved one like this. His Father had always been invulnerable and his brothers and sisters either safe or well able to take care of themselves. Though his mate would be displeased to hear him say so, he knew how very fragile he was. So very breakable despite how fearlessly Dean faced almost any dangerous situation he came up against and it made him fear for his mate.
At the same time, however, Castiel couldn't help but marvel at the durability of the human body and soul. They could take so much abuse and still carry on, Dean in particular. He could easily see how humans were the pinnacle of his Father's work. Though his mate still berated himself for having broken in Hell, he couldn't help but look at these same events in wonder. Although Dean had broken, it had taken Alastair thirty years to do so, thirty years. Though that wasn't long for an angel, it could be a whole lifetime for a human. It had been a whole lifetime for his mate. Dean had held out under intense and expert torture for longer then he'd been alive. That was an amazing feat, especially when he'd had the particular attention of Hell's chief inquisitor for that entire time. No other soul had lasted that long, not when faced with Alastair every single day. It spoke volumes for Dean's stubbornness and strength of character though he wished desperately that he could have spared his mate all of that.
On the other hand, however, human beings also all had a breaking point. Dean had reached his at the end of thirty years and then again only a few months ago. Castiel was now ashamed of the way he'd reacted at that time, recognizing his own reaction now for what it had been. He'd put too much on his mate, almost using him as a substitute for the Father whom he'd lost faith in and he'd then been angry and surprised when his hunter had been unable to measure up. He'd forgotten that humans, mortals, were inherently flawed and that it was often those flaws that made them so unique and special. Dean's loss of faith and inability to see another way had been inevitable after two years of constant fighting following right on the heels of forty years in Hell. It had been his own lack of faith in his Father that had really angered him and he'd taken it out on his mate.
Castiel winced at the memory of how he'd hit Dean, everything still as clear to him as if it had happened yesterday, as with all of his memories. The way his human's body had given way beneath the force of his blows had him running hands over Dean's chest and face now, though he knew any damage had long since healed. It was a very human reaction, but he didn't care. He had used his superior strength against his mate and he couldn't quite believe how readily Dean had accepted his touch even immediately afterwards without the slightest trace of hesitation or unconscious reaction. It made him feel all the worse for what he'd done even if he was grateful for Dean's easy forgiveness, though it exasperated him at times.
He let the thought go as his mate shifted against him and Castiel smiled, watching him. Dean's face was always so much more peaceful when he slept well and so relaxed that it made him seem far younger then he actually was. He often wished that he could ensure that his mate was always like that but knew it was unlikely to happen anytime soon. Instead he'd just have to content himself with being able to put it there whenever they spent time alone together. And if that meant more chances to have his mate, then that was merely a bonus in his opinion. He'd enjoyed it very much and definitely wanted to do it again.
A.N.: I think I've been cursed guys. First the cold from hell and now everything that could go wrong went wrong during my attempt to travel for the holidays. Right up to the point where I spent Christmas Eve in an airport on a cot waiting for a flight. So, yeah, one of those poor schmucks you saw on TV could quite possibly have been me. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this new chapter, it provided me with some stress relief while waiting (and waiting and waiting...).
Chapter 36
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: up to and including Exile on Main St., AU from the end of season 5
Warnings: AU, slash, past non-con
Word Count: 3,137
Summary: Castiel wants to have Dean.
PAST
Dean moaned, hips already thrusting before he came fully awake, reacting instinctively to the tight, warm heat of a fist on his cock.
"Cas," Dean groaned.
His eyes opened lazily as his mind tried to figure out what was going on- well, apart from the obvious- a task made infinitely more difficult with all of his blood rushing Southwards and the sleep still shrouding his mind.
"Dean," Castiel replied softly.
His lover was leaning over him, watching his every reaction and Dean merely moaned again as his cock was worked just as he liked it best. He didn't have the ability to protest the intense gaze, not with everything else, nor could he do anything but respond. He knew his angel liked him like this, when he was still all pliable and sleep mused, without most of his automatic defenses up. It made him feel very vulnerable in that way he didn't normally like much at all, but with Castiel it was different as so many things were. With Cas, it was okay, though he could only take a little of it at a time before it just became too much and threatened to overwhelm him. Luckily his angel seemed to understand that and always intensified things before it all became too intimate for him.
He finally remembered that he'd been lounging on the bed, watching some TV after a takeout dinner while he waited for his lover to arrive.
"Sorry I fell asleep."
"Sorry I was late," Castiel replied, leaning down for a kiss.
Dean responded instantly, tongue coming up to battle for dominance as Castiel slipped his tongue inside his mouth. He also reached out to pull his angel down on top of him and was pleasantly surprised to find him in just his pants and shirt, the rest of his clothes gone. He pulled the dress shirt from the pants and slipped his hands in along warm, smooth skin. Castiel moaned encouragingly and he used the opportunity to slip his tongue into his lover's mouth. He really wanted his angel's shirt off, but he didn't want to let go of his prize long enough to open the tiny buttons. Though given how Castiel's top few buttons always seemed to come undone somehow, perhaps he didn't have to undo the shirt the right way.
He decided to test his theory, pulling the shirt up. Reluctantly Dean released his lover's lips to try and pull the dress shirt over his head. It worked but it left Castiel's hands stuck in the sleeves and he huffed in annoyance. Before he could try and undo those buttons, the shirt was suddenly gone and he mock scowled at his angel.
"You couldn't have done that before?" Dean demanded.
"I was distracted," Castiel replied, squeezing his cock pointedly.
Dean groaned, bucking his hips. The thought that his lover was still wearing his pants vanished from his mind as Castiel leaned down and mouthed at his nipple. Once he'd laved each with enough attention for them to pebble, his angel moved on, leaving a trail of open mouthed kisses as he moved down his body. The though alone of what was to come was enough to make him make all kinds of embarrassing noises, but he couldn't help it. Once Castiel had gotten the hang of giving blowjobs, he'd found his angel was frigging amazing at it as he had neither the need to breathe or a gag reflex to prevent his cock from being taken as deep as possible.
The warm, wet heat engulfed his cock and Dean instinctively tried to buck, but was prevented from doing so by a strong hand on his hips. He mewled in response, both in protest and at the thought of just how strong Castiel really was and that the angel could do anything to him if he really wanted to. All rational thought fled as his lover took him deep, the head of his cock hitting the back of Castiel's throat before starting to slide down it. He had just enough time to realize how deep in he was before the angel swallowed and he jerked and cried out at the feel of the muscles constricting and shifting around the head of his cock, massaging it. The unrelenting pace of sucking and swallowing that Cas set had Dean writhing helplessly on the bed, keening and mewling before coming far too quickly.
The force of his orgasm blacked things out for a few minutes, something Dean was starting to become very familiar with lately. When he opened his eyes, Castiel was laying pressed up against him, once more watching him closely. Before he could say anything, his lover ran a blunt nail along his spent cock and his eyes slammed shut with a guttural groan at the feel of it on raw, over sensitized skin. It stopped before it could become too much and he was left shuddering in pleasure. The tiny movements had him brushing against his lover and that was enough to feel Castiel's erection pressing against him.
"What do you want me to do, Cas?" Dean asked, eyes opening partway. What he saw in his angel's gaze made him blink and frown slightly as he didn't immediately recognize it. "Cas?"
"I want... I'd like..."
"What, Cas?"
"I'd like to have you."
Even in his sated state, body and mind awash in endorphins, Dean instantly knew what his lover was asking. "Yeah, okay."
His response caught Dean by surprise, not only with his agreement, but by the speed that he'd given it. It wasn't that he hadn't thought about this before, but he'd always shied away from doing so too closely. He didn't wish to deny Castiel this, but it was just that it brought up so many absolutely awful memories for him from Hell. Alastair had been a master torturer, one didn't become the chief inquisitor of Hell by being anything less, and he had left absolutely no stone left unturned when it came to trying to break him. He also figured that, given his record when it came to sex, that rape had been almost inevitable, but nothing could have prepared him for what Alastair had done. Even now just the mere word was enough to make him blanch, let alone thinking about what had actually happened.
"Dean?"
"It's just that I... I've never done this much and the last time was... Alastair," Dean admitted, eyes shut and swallowing thickly as he tried to fight off the memories.
Yeah, he knew that hadn't happened to his real, physical body, but it had been real to him and that was all that mattered. Despite all of that, however, he wanted to give his lover this, not to mention the fact that he didn't want to let Alastair win and to never bottom again would be doing exactly that. When he opened his eyes again, it was to find the most furious and thunderous expression on Castiel's face that he'd ever seen before and he knew if he were to be on the receiving end of it, he'd definitely fear for his life. As it was, it provided only comfort as he knew it for what it was.
Castiel's next touch was far more gentle then those that had come before, but his lover didn't ask him if he was really sure and for that Dean was grateful. He'd already given his permission and he meant it. The fact that his answer had come out as quickly as it had was merely a sign of how absolutely he trusted his angel. It was almost scary, the instinctiveness of his reply, especially when he considered how often he'd pushed aside the decision whenever it had come up before.
Then Castiel's hand found the scar he'd left and gripped the skin as if to remind them both that Dean was no longer in Hell. The handprint was a souvenir not only of his rescue, but also of their first encounter and while he had hated it at first, he had come to secretly cherish it. It now symbolized their connection and was a physical reminder that someone had deemed him worthy of salvation. He closed his eyes and focused on the touch before returning the gentle kiss when it came. He resolutely ignored the sound of his lover fishing out their tube of lube and opening it.
Normally Dean would resent the careful and gentle way Castiel was treating him, as if he were made of glass or would break at any moment, but not now. This was a minefield of sorts and he didn't want a flashback triggered, not only because that would royally suck, but also because this was Cas' first time topping and he was afraid that if it went wrong, his angel wouldn't want to try again, in case it happened a second time. Instead he focused on his lover; the sight of him, the smell of him and the taste of him as a slick finger circled his entrance before slowly breaching the ring of muscles.
"Talk to me, Cas," Dean requested.
The meaning of his lover's reply wasn't as important to Dean as the language itself as it was all in Enochian, which was perfect for what he wanted. Enochian was the one language he'd never heard in Hell and he let the now familiar and musical words flow over him, concentrating on his angel's voice as Castiel slowly and carefully prepared him, mimicking exactly all that he'd done on Cas' first time. He groaned when his prostate was touched and amazing pleasure washed over him. His angel soon had him bucking and writhing beneath him, desperate for more. When they reached the point where it was time for his lover to actually fuck him, he was so lost in pleasure that all thoughts of Alastair and Hell were gone and he was begging for more.
Castiel eagerly complied, gasping and groaning as he slowly sank into him and Dean threw his head back at the sensation of being filled up so completely while his lover muttered his name like a prayer. The look in Cas' eyes was almost too much for him to bear when their gazes met, full of amazement, wonder and reverence. He swallowed thickly, but was unable to look away as his body adjusted and it wasn't long before he was ready for more. Unable to find his voice, he merely nodded and Castiel pulled almost all the way out as slowly as he'd entered. After a few such thrusts, he adjusted the angle of his hips a little and then cried out as the next thrust hit his prostate.
"Cas, shit!"
"Dean."
His name was still being breathed like he was something precious and it was sending a thrill down Dean's spine every time. His hips started snapping up and Castiel took it as sign to start speeding up his thrusts and soon all he could do was hang on. Distantly he was aware he was making all kinds of embarrassing little noises, but he couldn't bring himself to care. His whole world was narrowed to his angel and the feel of him moving within him. In addition to his never having done this much before Hell, he had definitely never done it bareback and the feel of his lover's cock within him, skin to skin was indescribable. Then Castiel stiffened above him and came inside of him, cock pulsing as his insides were coated with slick wetness. It was enough to make Dean come for a second time, untouched, to the sound of his own name.
Dean had hoped to be able to see his angel's face as he came but figured he could do that the next time. Instead, he basked in the feel of having Castiel on top of him for once, finally seeing why his lover so enjoyed holding him after they came. He ran a hand up and down Cas' sweat slicked back as he let himself drift on a sated haze.
"Nuh uh," Dean protested, tightening his arms when Castiel made to shift off of him.
His angel may be stronger than him, but Dean was more then capable of supporting his slighter weight for a while. He hummed in contentment when his lover started tracing random patterns over his chest, slowly drifting off to sleep.
/
Castiel relaxed on Dean's chest, happy to remain there if that was what his mate wanted. He smiled again at the irony of Dean's body being bigger and stronger then that of his vessel. Not only was it one of his Father's many little wonders, but he suspected now that it had been necessary to help allay some of his mate's initial worries even if his true power had been proven during their first meeting on Earth. It would have been difficult to be otherwise, though, as Dean was very tall even by human standards, it was just easy to forget as Sam was so much taller.
He absently ran his finger over his mate's skin as he felt Dean start to drift off to sleep once more. Castiel's own body felt pleasantly relaxed and he basked in the feeling, closing his eyes so he could savor the memory of what they'd just done. The feeling of being in his mate with Dean clenching down around him had been unbelievable and though he'd already been able to see why his hunter had always loved sex, he could now understand it even more. Just the memory of it was enough to make him want to do it again, but he willed himself not to harden once more and instead reluctantly slipped from his mate's body. With a thought, he cleaned them and then rolled them so he was the one holding Dean, not quite sure at what point he'd become too heavy for his human and not wanting him to wake because of that.
Almost inevitably, Castiel's thoughts went back to Dean's confession and his arms tightened around his mate as he suppressed a growl of rage. Alastair's death had been far too clean for the crimes he'd committed and he wished he could bring him back just so he could deal with him properly now that he had the power to do so. It still shamed him that he'd been too weak to take him before. The demon had put his mate through unimaginable tortures and he'd been almost helpless to defend him when Dean had needed it.
Although Castiel knew rape happened in Hell, he'd hoped his mate had been spared that particular horror, but clearly he hadn't. As his anger grew, he had to be careful not to accidentally hurt Dean, but he really wanted to do something. It was a foreign desire, this need to protect a loved one like this. His Father had always been invulnerable and his brothers and sisters either safe or well able to take care of themselves. Though his mate would be displeased to hear him say so, he knew how very fragile he was. So very breakable despite how fearlessly Dean faced almost any dangerous situation he came up against and it made him fear for his mate.
At the same time, however, Castiel couldn't help but marvel at the durability of the human body and soul. They could take so much abuse and still carry on, Dean in particular. He could easily see how humans were the pinnacle of his Father's work. Though his mate still berated himself for having broken in Hell, he couldn't help but look at these same events in wonder. Although Dean had broken, it had taken Alastair thirty years to do so, thirty years. Though that wasn't long for an angel, it could be a whole lifetime for a human. It had been a whole lifetime for his mate. Dean had held out under intense and expert torture for longer then he'd been alive. That was an amazing feat, especially when he'd had the particular attention of Hell's chief inquisitor for that entire time. No other soul had lasted that long, not when faced with Alastair every single day. It spoke volumes for Dean's stubbornness and strength of character though he wished desperately that he could have spared his mate all of that.
On the other hand, however, human beings also all had a breaking point. Dean had reached his at the end of thirty years and then again only a few months ago. Castiel was now ashamed of the way he'd reacted at that time, recognizing his own reaction now for what it had been. He'd put too much on his mate, almost using him as a substitute for the Father whom he'd lost faith in and he'd then been angry and surprised when his hunter had been unable to measure up. He'd forgotten that humans, mortals, were inherently flawed and that it was often those flaws that made them so unique and special. Dean's loss of faith and inability to see another way had been inevitable after two years of constant fighting following right on the heels of forty years in Hell. It had been his own lack of faith in his Father that had really angered him and he'd taken it out on his mate.
Castiel winced at the memory of how he'd hit Dean, everything still as clear to him as if it had happened yesterday, as with all of his memories. The way his human's body had given way beneath the force of his blows had him running hands over Dean's chest and face now, though he knew any damage had long since healed. It was a very human reaction, but he didn't care. He had used his superior strength against his mate and he couldn't quite believe how readily Dean had accepted his touch even immediately afterwards without the slightest trace of hesitation or unconscious reaction. It made him feel all the worse for what he'd done even if he was grateful for Dean's easy forgiveness, though it exasperated him at times.
He let the thought go as his mate shifted against him and Castiel smiled, watching him. Dean's face was always so much more peaceful when he slept well and so relaxed that it made him seem far younger then he actually was. He often wished that he could ensure that his mate was always like that but knew it was unlikely to happen anytime soon. Instead he'd just have to content himself with being able to put it there whenever they spent time alone together. And if that meant more chances to have his mate, then that was merely a bonus in his opinion. He'd enjoyed it very much and definitely wanted to do it again.
A.N.: I think I've been cursed guys. First the cold from hell and now everything that could go wrong went wrong during my attempt to travel for the holidays. Right up to the point where I spent Christmas Eve in an airport on a cot waiting for a flight. So, yeah, one of those poor schmucks you saw on TV could quite possibly have been me. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this new chapter, it provided me with some stress relief while waiting (and waiting and waiting...).
Chapter 36