Unexpected Destinies Chapter 63
Title: Unexpected Destinies
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: up to and including Exile on Main St., AU from the end of season 5
Warnings: AU, slash
Word Count: 2,646
Summary: The truth behind Michael's actions and Dean's reaction.
PAST
"You think I would-" Michael began, breaking off to pace.
It was such a human reaction that it gave Dean pause. It looked like Castiel hadn't been the only one that he'd been a bad influence on.
"Dean, I would not hurt my brother."
Dean snorted. "Yeah, like I've never seen an angel do that before."
"Not Castiel, not now. You and I are both aware that I have made mistakes in the past, and ones of some significance, but I can see that now. Father made it very clear who had strayed and who had done well. I would never do anything to intentionally harm Castiel. Even then I had no desire to do so."
"Yeah, right."
"No, I have never wished to harm any of my siblings, Dean," Michael's voice brokered no room for disagreement and Dean found himself believing the archangel despite his remaining anger. "There are times that I regret and wish could have gone differently, where I have been forced to take the life of one of my brothers or sisters, but I have always done what I could to prevent this."
"And what did you think of Cas? Zachariah clearly wanted him dead."
"Zachariah assumed much and did much to disgrace our kind. I can only hope that you will one day come to see that he and Lucifer are the exception rather than the rule. As for Castiel, I assumed him mislead and wished to save him from falling. I wished to save him."
Anger rose within Dean. "Anna was 'saved' by your kind and you still had to kill her."
"Anael was one of Zachariah's greater trespasses and one for which I wish he could have been held accountable before our Father."
"You really mean that," Dean realized in wonder.
"Yes," Michael confirmed before he frowned. "I gave you my word earlier, before you said yes, that I would not harm your mate. Do you not trust me?"
The flicker of hurt that accompanied those words caught Dean off-guard. Not only was it completely unexpected, but it was stronger then any of the emotions he'd picked up from the archangel so far. Did that mean that they were getting closer or was there another cause for it? There was so much about being a vessel that he simply didn't know, but he suspected that even if Jimmy had still been alive and he'd been able to speak with him before saying yes that he'd still be in completely unfamiliar territory. It was quite clear that this was unlike anything that Michael had ever heard of before, so he sincerely doubted that Jimmy's limited recollections of having hosted Castiel would be of much use to him.
Dean scowled. "Dude, do you think I would have said yes if I mistrusted you?"
"Then why did you react so violently and irrationally just now?"
"I- I thought you were-"
"Breaking my vow?"
Dean looked down and clenched his jaw. "Yes."
"How is that trust?"
"I never said it would be blind trust!"
Michael stared at him steadily and Dean was forced to look away shortly after meeting the archangel's eyes. Although Castiel's eyes could easily betray his age, his older brother's did so infinitely more. He wasn't exactly sure what the age difference there was, or if they even thought of it in those terms, but it felt like it was enormous. Or was that merely the result of the massive power difference between his lover and Michael? He didn't think Castiel's gaze had changed all that much since he'd been promoted, but that could simply be because he'd already been so familiar with his angel that he'd simply never been affected by it.
Much as Dean hated to admit it, though, Michael did have a point. What kind of trust was that? Sure, he could fall back on the fact that every single angel but Castiel had done nothing but try and use him in some way or another and that even his lover had betrayed his trust at one point, but he knew it wasn't that. If he'd been worried about that, then he would have thought about it before, when he and Castiel had been discussing their options and it would have colored his final decision. The fact that it hadn't just proved that he was merely trying to use it as an excuse now. It was a wonderful excuse, though, and one he wanted to do nothing more with then to clutch tight and wrap himself up in. His present situation, however, made that impossible.
He wasn't sure when exactly it had happened, but Dean knew that somewhere along the line he'd started tackling things more head on then he was used to and he had the growing suspicion that it was all Castiel's fault. The sneaky little bastard had wormed his way in past his shields and started transforming him in more ways then those immediately obvious. The fact that others might call it a healthy change only made him scowl all the more. He didn't do healthy, damnit. He did dangerous and risky and brave and insane and that which normal, healthy people considered impossible. Damnit, he did.
Just like he didn't do fruit or cuddling or talking about his feelings or... yeah, he was so whipped.
The thought made Dean laugh and he was surprised at how honest it was, not at all like the bitterness he would have once expected to accompany that realization. So, if his reaction hadn't been fueled by an explicit distrust in angels, then what had it been fueled by? What had made him so instantly convinced that Michael had tricked him and was planning to do the worst with the power that he'd gained over him and, by extension, Castiel?
The answer came to him in a surprisingly vivid flashback of what was without a doubt the worst fight that he and Sam had ever experienced. The memory started with Ruby present, but quickly it was just him and his little brother. And the blows. God, even then he'd been unable to hit the bastard as hard as he truly deserved but his precious Sammy, however, had clearly not been so conflicted. He could only all too clearly remember the pain of being bodily thrown through that wooden latticework and smashing through the glass table. Not to mention exactly what it had felt like when his brother had seated himself on top of him and started to choke him.
The memory then changed, morphing into the room where he'd watched Sam spew venom about him to their grandfather and he'd had Castiel's words irrevocably confirmed. His little brother had gotten out of Hell and had deliberately left him in the dark about that, leaving him to the tender mercies of his nightmares and memories as if his emotional well being wasn't even of the slightest concern or interest to Sam.
"Look," Sam sighed. "I know you've met Dean, but you don't really know him. Trust me on this, it's better that he doesn't know that I'm back. Bobby, that friend I mentioned before who knows both of us really well, agrees with me on this."
"Dean."
His name was spoken from right beside him, from where Castiel should have stood, but it definitely wasn't his lover's voice and Dean's head snapped to the side. Michael stood there, though it hadn't been Deirdre's voice he'd used to address him. In the blink of an eye, the scene around them vanished and they were back in the darkness where they'd been only moments before. The sudden release made him close his eyes for a moment, the emotional turmoil within him slowly settling, and seriously, he was more then ready for it to stop completely now. He'd gone through more emotions in the last few hours then he normally did in a year. It just didn't seem to stop though.
When Dean finally managed to look up again, he was stunned to see compassion and understanding in Michael's eyes. "You saw that."
"Yes. You were projecting it outwards, I am sorry."
"Not your fault."
"No, but it makes your inability to truly trust far more understandable."
Dean swallowed as he remember that Michael, of all people, could really understand what he felt when it came to Sam's betrayals as he'd been there himself. It was odd to think of an archangel- of one of Heaven's most terrifying weapons as Castiel had once called them- as being that vulnerable. And, God, to think that not only had he left one of them inside of himself, but he was sleeping with another. He absently wondered what his lover now thought of being the very thing he'd described so reverentially and yet so fearfully.
"Still, I'm sorry, you deserved better then that," Dean said, feeling the odd need to insist on that point.
"You are forgiven."
"What? Just like that? You need to learn to milk things more."
"Why? You are sincere in your apology and I have come to like you," Michael admitted. "You are strong, righteous, loyal, sarcastic, biting and, despite all you have seen, you still care. It would have been so easy for you to give up, but you did not. Somehow you found a strength within you that most humans do not possess and you managed to prosper, despite all the odds and everything that both Heaven and Hell placed in your path. I can only regret that I made all of that harder for you and hope that you can one day forgive me."
He could only stare at the archangel in shock, mouth hanging open despite his best efforts to close it. "Michael, I-" Dean began, not quite sure what to say.
"I also hope that you will one day see all of this. Castiel is right, you have no idea of your own worth."
"What?"
"Castiel merely pointed informed me that you are entirely unaware of how precious and special you are."
Michael was right in front of him now, completely in his personal space- and seriously? even in his mind?-, his hand on Dean's face. It was an eerie reminder of that day, months ago, when Michael had first confessed his growing fascination with him as well as the scene right before he'd been taken as a vessel.
When Dean finally snapped out of his trance, he jerked backwards and found he had to swallow thickly before he could talk. "Dude! Personal space, man."
"Personal space?" Michael inquired, head tilting.
Dean was just groaning when the expression on the archangel's face changed, comprehension dawning as Dean could feel a... a slight tug at the edge of his mind.
"I see," Michael took a few steps back. "My apologies."
The last two words were spoken so like how Castiel had always said for this exact same issue that it startled a laugh out of Dean. "Yeah, I'll bet."
"It is not a concept that we are familiar with."
"No really?" Dean rolled his eyes. "Look, I get that okay? I've known Cas long enough to understand that, but what you need to understand is that I'm human and privacy is a big thing for us lowly humans."
"You are not lowly. I may have cursed you before, but now I can only thank Father for choosing you as my vessel."
"What?" The seemingly abrupt change of topic threw Dean for a loop.
"I have learned much from both you and Castiel in very little time," Michael explained simply. "Though it frustrated me greatly before, I now admire your spirit and am honored to have you as my vessel."
"Eh..." What the hell did one say to that? Dean had no clue and all of his previous thoughts had been derailed by the declaration.
"I am sorry that I upset and frightened you and if you could tell me what I did wrong, I shall endeavor not to do it again."
"You didn't frighten me!" Dean shot back, finally finding something he could comfortably react to.
Michael laughed softly, a familiar expression of fondness and amusement settling over his feature. "No, of course not."
Dean scowled, well aware he was being placated, but somehow not minding as much as he thought he should. This was familiar, comfortable. They'd done this a dozen times in countless motels rooms across the country during the months they'd slowly gotten to know each.
"As for what you did wrong, you poked your nose where it didn't belong."
"I do not understand."
"My memories of Cas and I," Dean explained. "They're mine and you have no right to just dig them out because you want to see them."
"Angels share everything."
"Yeah, well, humans don't. Especially not this stuff, things between, eh-"
"Mates?"
"Mates, lovers, whatever. That's between the two people involved. Besides..."
"Besides?"
"He's all I have left," Dean whispered brokenly.
"No, he is not, you have myself and Raphael as well as all of Heaven on your side," Michael countered.
Dean snorted. "That's not- you know what, never mind."
This was already far too much of a chick flick moment for his comfort and it was better to shut it down right the hell now.
There was that tugging sensation at the edge of his awareness again and comprehension flooded Michael's face. "I see."
"Dude, stop doing that!"
"Dean, I promise that I will not go shifting through your memories on purpose," Michael said. "However we are now connected as angel and vessel and that implies a certain amount of information sharing even under normal circumstances. I can only guess that it will be greater in our case as your consciousness will take in and react to what is going on around us."
"Fuck. How much?"
"I honestly do not know, Dean. This is as new to me as it is to you. What I can tell you is that what I am getting now are not memories, but rather thoughts and impressions. Like concepts. I now have an idea of what personal space means to you even though angels have nothing even remotely like it."
"Yeah? So what about privacy?"
"That is harder."
"Why?"
"It is more alien to me."
"That figures."
"Angels do not hide things from each other, we share everything and hear our brothers and sisters in our heads. Despite that, I will respect your wishes on the matter and leave this alone."
"Thanks for that."
"This is starting to make some of Castiel's recent behavior more clear."
"What do you mean?"
"I could not understand some of what he did around you or how he would react if Raphael or I said certain things. I now believe that he was reacting based on this concept. He felt... protective of you in a manner that Raphael and I could not hope to understand."
Dean felt a wave of warmth and love at those words. He'd always known that starting a relationship with Castiel would have unusual complications, not the least of which was that he just didn't know how angels experienced emotion, but it felt good to know that Cas felt protective of him in that way. It was something he could definitely relate to as it was a very human reaction.
"You are happy with this knowledge."
It was a statement as Michael could clearly detect some of what he felt, but it was also laced with confusion and a lack of understanding.
"Yeah, it shows that he cares."
Michael nodded, though Dean knew he didn't really get it. "Humans are strange."
The statement startled a laugh out of Dean and he was surprised at how much lighter he felt all of a sudden. This was far more like the tentative relationship they'd slowly built up and it calmed him. "Right back at ya."
Chapter 64
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: up to and including Exile on Main St., AU from the end of season 5
Warnings: AU, slash
Word Count: 2,646
Summary: The truth behind Michael's actions and Dean's reaction.
PAST
"You think I would-" Michael began, breaking off to pace.
It was such a human reaction that it gave Dean pause. It looked like Castiel hadn't been the only one that he'd been a bad influence on.
"Dean, I would not hurt my brother."
Dean snorted. "Yeah, like I've never seen an angel do that before."
"Not Castiel, not now. You and I are both aware that I have made mistakes in the past, and ones of some significance, but I can see that now. Father made it very clear who had strayed and who had done well. I would never do anything to intentionally harm Castiel. Even then I had no desire to do so."
"Yeah, right."
"No, I have never wished to harm any of my siblings, Dean," Michael's voice brokered no room for disagreement and Dean found himself believing the archangel despite his remaining anger. "There are times that I regret and wish could have gone differently, where I have been forced to take the life of one of my brothers or sisters, but I have always done what I could to prevent this."
"And what did you think of Cas? Zachariah clearly wanted him dead."
"Zachariah assumed much and did much to disgrace our kind. I can only hope that you will one day come to see that he and Lucifer are the exception rather than the rule. As for Castiel, I assumed him mislead and wished to save him from falling. I wished to save him."
Anger rose within Dean. "Anna was 'saved' by your kind and you still had to kill her."
"Anael was one of Zachariah's greater trespasses and one for which I wish he could have been held accountable before our Father."
"You really mean that," Dean realized in wonder.
"Yes," Michael confirmed before he frowned. "I gave you my word earlier, before you said yes, that I would not harm your mate. Do you not trust me?"
The flicker of hurt that accompanied those words caught Dean off-guard. Not only was it completely unexpected, but it was stronger then any of the emotions he'd picked up from the archangel so far. Did that mean that they were getting closer or was there another cause for it? There was so much about being a vessel that he simply didn't know, but he suspected that even if Jimmy had still been alive and he'd been able to speak with him before saying yes that he'd still be in completely unfamiliar territory. It was quite clear that this was unlike anything that Michael had ever heard of before, so he sincerely doubted that Jimmy's limited recollections of having hosted Castiel would be of much use to him.
Dean scowled. "Dude, do you think I would have said yes if I mistrusted you?"
"Then why did you react so violently and irrationally just now?"
"I- I thought you were-"
"Breaking my vow?"
Dean looked down and clenched his jaw. "Yes."
"How is that trust?"
"I never said it would be blind trust!"
Michael stared at him steadily and Dean was forced to look away shortly after meeting the archangel's eyes. Although Castiel's eyes could easily betray his age, his older brother's did so infinitely more. He wasn't exactly sure what the age difference there was, or if they even thought of it in those terms, but it felt like it was enormous. Or was that merely the result of the massive power difference between his lover and Michael? He didn't think Castiel's gaze had changed all that much since he'd been promoted, but that could simply be because he'd already been so familiar with his angel that he'd simply never been affected by it.
Much as Dean hated to admit it, though, Michael did have a point. What kind of trust was that? Sure, he could fall back on the fact that every single angel but Castiel had done nothing but try and use him in some way or another and that even his lover had betrayed his trust at one point, but he knew it wasn't that. If he'd been worried about that, then he would have thought about it before, when he and Castiel had been discussing their options and it would have colored his final decision. The fact that it hadn't just proved that he was merely trying to use it as an excuse now. It was a wonderful excuse, though, and one he wanted to do nothing more with then to clutch tight and wrap himself up in. His present situation, however, made that impossible.
He wasn't sure when exactly it had happened, but Dean knew that somewhere along the line he'd started tackling things more head on then he was used to and he had the growing suspicion that it was all Castiel's fault. The sneaky little bastard had wormed his way in past his shields and started transforming him in more ways then those immediately obvious. The fact that others might call it a healthy change only made him scowl all the more. He didn't do healthy, damnit. He did dangerous and risky and brave and insane and that which normal, healthy people considered impossible. Damnit, he did.
Just like he didn't do fruit or cuddling or talking about his feelings or... yeah, he was so whipped.
The thought made Dean laugh and he was surprised at how honest it was, not at all like the bitterness he would have once expected to accompany that realization. So, if his reaction hadn't been fueled by an explicit distrust in angels, then what had it been fueled by? What had made him so instantly convinced that Michael had tricked him and was planning to do the worst with the power that he'd gained over him and, by extension, Castiel?
The answer came to him in a surprisingly vivid flashback of what was without a doubt the worst fight that he and Sam had ever experienced. The memory started with Ruby present, but quickly it was just him and his little brother. And the blows. God, even then he'd been unable to hit the bastard as hard as he truly deserved but his precious Sammy, however, had clearly not been so conflicted. He could only all too clearly remember the pain of being bodily thrown through that wooden latticework and smashing through the glass table. Not to mention exactly what it had felt like when his brother had seated himself on top of him and started to choke him.
The memory then changed, morphing into the room where he'd watched Sam spew venom about him to their grandfather and he'd had Castiel's words irrevocably confirmed. His little brother had gotten out of Hell and had deliberately left him in the dark about that, leaving him to the tender mercies of his nightmares and memories as if his emotional well being wasn't even of the slightest concern or interest to Sam.
"Look," Sam sighed. "I know you've met Dean, but you don't really know him. Trust me on this, it's better that he doesn't know that I'm back. Bobby, that friend I mentioned before who knows both of us really well, agrees with me on this."
"Dean."
His name was spoken from right beside him, from where Castiel should have stood, but it definitely wasn't his lover's voice and Dean's head snapped to the side. Michael stood there, though it hadn't been Deirdre's voice he'd used to address him. In the blink of an eye, the scene around them vanished and they were back in the darkness where they'd been only moments before. The sudden release made him close his eyes for a moment, the emotional turmoil within him slowly settling, and seriously, he was more then ready for it to stop completely now. He'd gone through more emotions in the last few hours then he normally did in a year. It just didn't seem to stop though.
When Dean finally managed to look up again, he was stunned to see compassion and understanding in Michael's eyes. "You saw that."
"Yes. You were projecting it outwards, I am sorry."
"Not your fault."
"No, but it makes your inability to truly trust far more understandable."
Dean swallowed as he remember that Michael, of all people, could really understand what he felt when it came to Sam's betrayals as he'd been there himself. It was odd to think of an archangel- of one of Heaven's most terrifying weapons as Castiel had once called them- as being that vulnerable. And, God, to think that not only had he left one of them inside of himself, but he was sleeping with another. He absently wondered what his lover now thought of being the very thing he'd described so reverentially and yet so fearfully.
"Still, I'm sorry, you deserved better then that," Dean said, feeling the odd need to insist on that point.
"You are forgiven."
"What? Just like that? You need to learn to milk things more."
"Why? You are sincere in your apology and I have come to like you," Michael admitted. "You are strong, righteous, loyal, sarcastic, biting and, despite all you have seen, you still care. It would have been so easy for you to give up, but you did not. Somehow you found a strength within you that most humans do not possess and you managed to prosper, despite all the odds and everything that both Heaven and Hell placed in your path. I can only regret that I made all of that harder for you and hope that you can one day forgive me."
He could only stare at the archangel in shock, mouth hanging open despite his best efforts to close it. "Michael, I-" Dean began, not quite sure what to say.
"I also hope that you will one day see all of this. Castiel is right, you have no idea of your own worth."
"What?"
"Castiel merely pointed informed me that you are entirely unaware of how precious and special you are."
Michael was right in front of him now, completely in his personal space- and seriously? even in his mind?-, his hand on Dean's face. It was an eerie reminder of that day, months ago, when Michael had first confessed his growing fascination with him as well as the scene right before he'd been taken as a vessel.
When Dean finally snapped out of his trance, he jerked backwards and found he had to swallow thickly before he could talk. "Dude! Personal space, man."
"Personal space?" Michael inquired, head tilting.
Dean was just groaning when the expression on the archangel's face changed, comprehension dawning as Dean could feel a... a slight tug at the edge of his mind.
"I see," Michael took a few steps back. "My apologies."
The last two words were spoken so like how Castiel had always said for this exact same issue that it startled a laugh out of Dean. "Yeah, I'll bet."
"It is not a concept that we are familiar with."
"No really?" Dean rolled his eyes. "Look, I get that okay? I've known Cas long enough to understand that, but what you need to understand is that I'm human and privacy is a big thing for us lowly humans."
"You are not lowly. I may have cursed you before, but now I can only thank Father for choosing you as my vessel."
"What?" The seemingly abrupt change of topic threw Dean for a loop.
"I have learned much from both you and Castiel in very little time," Michael explained simply. "Though it frustrated me greatly before, I now admire your spirit and am honored to have you as my vessel."
"Eh..." What the hell did one say to that? Dean had no clue and all of his previous thoughts had been derailed by the declaration.
"I am sorry that I upset and frightened you and if you could tell me what I did wrong, I shall endeavor not to do it again."
"You didn't frighten me!" Dean shot back, finally finding something he could comfortably react to.
Michael laughed softly, a familiar expression of fondness and amusement settling over his feature. "No, of course not."
Dean scowled, well aware he was being placated, but somehow not minding as much as he thought he should. This was familiar, comfortable. They'd done this a dozen times in countless motels rooms across the country during the months they'd slowly gotten to know each.
"As for what you did wrong, you poked your nose where it didn't belong."
"I do not understand."
"My memories of Cas and I," Dean explained. "They're mine and you have no right to just dig them out because you want to see them."
"Angels share everything."
"Yeah, well, humans don't. Especially not this stuff, things between, eh-"
"Mates?"
"Mates, lovers, whatever. That's between the two people involved. Besides..."
"Besides?"
"He's all I have left," Dean whispered brokenly.
"No, he is not, you have myself and Raphael as well as all of Heaven on your side," Michael countered.
Dean snorted. "That's not- you know what, never mind."
This was already far too much of a chick flick moment for his comfort and it was better to shut it down right the hell now.
There was that tugging sensation at the edge of his awareness again and comprehension flooded Michael's face. "I see."
"Dude, stop doing that!"
"Dean, I promise that I will not go shifting through your memories on purpose," Michael said. "However we are now connected as angel and vessel and that implies a certain amount of information sharing even under normal circumstances. I can only guess that it will be greater in our case as your consciousness will take in and react to what is going on around us."
"Fuck. How much?"
"I honestly do not know, Dean. This is as new to me as it is to you. What I can tell you is that what I am getting now are not memories, but rather thoughts and impressions. Like concepts. I now have an idea of what personal space means to you even though angels have nothing even remotely like it."
"Yeah? So what about privacy?"
"That is harder."
"Why?"
"It is more alien to me."
"That figures."
"Angels do not hide things from each other, we share everything and hear our brothers and sisters in our heads. Despite that, I will respect your wishes on the matter and leave this alone."
"Thanks for that."
"This is starting to make some of Castiel's recent behavior more clear."
"What do you mean?"
"I could not understand some of what he did around you or how he would react if Raphael or I said certain things. I now believe that he was reacting based on this concept. He felt... protective of you in a manner that Raphael and I could not hope to understand."
Dean felt a wave of warmth and love at those words. He'd always known that starting a relationship with Castiel would have unusual complications, not the least of which was that he just didn't know how angels experienced emotion, but it felt good to know that Cas felt protective of him in that way. It was something he could definitely relate to as it was a very human reaction.
"You are happy with this knowledge."
It was a statement as Michael could clearly detect some of what he felt, but it was also laced with confusion and a lack of understanding.
"Yeah, it shows that he cares."
Michael nodded, though Dean knew he didn't really get it. "Humans are strange."
The statement startled a laugh out of Dean and he was surprised at how much lighter he felt all of a sudden. This was far more like the tentative relationship they'd slowly built up and it calmed him. "Right back at ya."
Chapter 64