Unexpected Destinies Chapter 133
Title: Unexpected Destinies
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: up to and including Exile on Main St., AU from the end of season 5
Warnings: AU, slash
Word Count: 3,711
Summary: I fear that Lucifer might have found a way to overcome the Rite of Contressa.
PAST
I fear that Lucifer might have found a way to overcome the Rite of Contressa.
The words kept echoing around and around in Dean's head ever since Raphael had first uttered them while deep in the Vatican Archives yesterday. He'd always known that the Rite of Contressa was never meant to be a permanent solution to their problems- hell it had never even been a particularly great one as Lucifer had proven when he'd obliterated the Devil's Island and the islands surrounding it in French Guiana- but he'd always hoped that it would take Lucifer longer to break it than this. Or at least to find a way to break it as the devil hadn't done it just yet, but he was sure that the actual act wasn't far off. Oh he wanted to be optimistic and believe that they'd find a way to prevent it, but he'd never been able to simply ignore reality like that.
The simple fact of the matter was that they didn't have a clue what Lucifer and Simiel had planned and therefore, short of being lucky, they had no way to mount a good defense against it. No, the most that they could do was hope that they heard of another ingredient the two archangels needed and try to obtain it first. That was all and it was driving Dean absolutely nuts. He hated just waiting around for bad shit to happen but that seemed like all that they could do at the moment. His archangels had scoured the library of Heaven for any clue as to what Simiel might have thought of but they had come up empty.
All they knew was that Simiel was most likely the mastermind behind this particular plan. Raphael definitely recalled Simiel and Jophiel discussing the Rite of Contressa long ago and so Dean was pretty sure that whatever Lucifer was planning now had been thought of by Simiel based on that prior knowledge of the Rite. If only Jophiel were still alive to tell them what they'd talked about as she was the only other angel who might have an inkling of exactly what Simiel wanted to do now and what other ingredients she might need for her plan.
I fear that Lucifer might have found a way to overcome the Rite of Contressa.
As before the frustration welled up within Dean and he resisted the temptation to put his fist through the nearest wall. Not only had he managed not to do that for months, but this time he'd also have to pay for it instead of just slipping away before the motel owners realized what he'd done. And as if that wasn't bad enough in and of itself, the frustration was also awakening another long latent vice of his. Namely the desire to drink. Excessively. He gritted his teeth at the thought, determined not to give into that particular longing. He'd sooner punch the wall even though he knew that one would hurt more.
He'd promised Castiel he wouldn't drink like that again and Dean was absolutely determined not to break that promise. He wouldn't do that to his lover. Castiel had given him far too much and done far more for him, for him to even think about betraying his angel like that. No matter how strongly the desire to drink until he was blind drunk might get. It was the thoughts of Sam that were bringing it all back to him now, he knew. He'd never given how easily he'd walked away from that particular habit much thought and even when he had pondered it in passing, he'd always assumed that Castiel'd had something to do with it, had mojoed him somehow, but now he knew better. It wasn't that it had been wiped from him but rather that his whole new situation had made it easier to break that bad habit. Thinking, and worrying, about Sam now due to the Rite of Contressa was putting him back in his old mindset and that was making him crave alcoholic bliss and escape once more.
Despite himself, Dean couldn't help but feel a bit proud at this revelation. The knowledge that it hadn't been Castiel who'd made him stop drinking by working some of his mojo, but rather that it was he himself who'd broken the habit warmed him in a way he wasn't at all familiar with. It was accomplishment he supposed in something he'd never even thought he'd be able to succeed in. Sure, he'd always known that he was good at certain things, but willpower had never been on that list and he felt that he had plenty of reasons to always have thought so, but clearly he'd missed something. Well, either that or he'd just never had the right motivation to succeed in that particular area before. After all, his lover and all that they had was plenty of incentive as far as he was concerned. In fact he was pretty sure that his angel wouldn't be at all pleased with the lengths that he'd go or the things that he'd do for it. For them.
Though, to be fair, Dean was pretty sure that the reverse was also true and he tried not to think too closely on what that could mean for an angel, or no, an archangel. The power that Castiel possessed these days was mindboggling to the extent that even with all of his experience with Michael, he wasn't entirely sure that he understood it. Wasn't even sure if a human could, or should, be able to comprehend that kind of power.
He was brooding, Dean realized with a start. Was that better or worse than the fretting he'd been doing earlier? He wasn't entirely sure. Either way, neither was a particularly good or productive use of his time. Not that he was sure he could handle much more research at the moment. He'd already spent most of the day doing precisely that and he was pretty much researched out. The chances of them suddenly finding something now of all times was slim to none and he'd never believed in miracles so that left very little for him to work with or to drive him on. For all they knew Simiel had already collected all that she needed and was even now performing the counter to the Rite of Contressa. Or perhaps she already had done it, though he'd have expected Lucifer to have done some 'celebrating' already if that were the case. Not that the devil hadn't surprised him before, so anything was possible.
I fear that Lucifer might have found a way to overcome the Rite of Contressa.
Without really thinking about it, Dean found that he'd pulled out his cell phone and his fingers were toying with it of their own accord, hovering over the newest speed dial he'd programed into his cell just the other day. After Raphael's words had abruptly forced him to think about his brother again, he'd realized that he didn't even know what Sam's new number was as neither his brother nor Bobby had ever bothered to contact him after Sam's unexpected return from Hell. That realization had been followed closely by the realization of just how long it had been since he'd last heard from Bobby. After Castiel had told him the truth about their betrayals he'd never bothered to call the older hunter again and slowly, over the course of the ensuing months, Bobby's calls had gotten less and less frequent until now nearly a month passed between calls and he couldn't help but think bitterly about how the old man could possibly think that this is what he'd have wanted. Had they really known him so little?
Dean pushed the thought aside as soon as it entered his head. He'd learned the hard way not to dwell on those types of dark thoughts too much as nothing good ever came of it. No instead he'd much rather think about what he had now and those who did know him. Castiel, Michael and, surprisingly, Raphael. Though he'd never have believed it possible, he'd discovered that those three were more than enough for him. Hell, he'd be perfectly content with just his lover, the other two were merely icing on the cake, not that he'd give them up for anything, it was just that Castiel alone would be able to make him happier than he'd ever been before in his life and he damn well knew it. It was the only reason that he'd been able to handle this new Apocalypse so well despite everything that had happened and all of the bitter disappointments and betrayals along the way. And look, there was almost no alcohol involved except that which even his angel didn't find fault with!
The sense of pride in his own accomplishments was back and Dean allowed himself to bask in it for a while. He suspected that he could learn to get used to this type of feeling if he allowed himself to. Not that it would ever be easy to achieve regularly, but still. Maybe he was too harsh on himself at times?
The sudden ringing of the phone, loud in the otherwise silent room, startled Dean and he nearly dropped his cell. As it was, he fumbled with it before lifting it. He wasn't sure what made him look at the caller ID as he hardly ever did, but he froze when he saw the name displayed there.
Sam.
The hairs on the back of Dean's neck stood on end and he felt himself tense up. What the hell was going on here? After nearly a year of not contacting him, his brother chose now of all times to do so? Right when he'd spent more time thinking about the little bitch than he had in months? Surely that was too much of a coincidence. And yet, despite all that, there was his brother's name, those three letters, on the screen of his cell. The shock kept him frozen so long that his phone went silent again and he waited with bated breath to see if Sam would leave him a voice mail, but the beep that signaled an unheard message never came. He snorted, that figured. Whatever his brother had wanted to talk to him about couldn't have been all that important.
Or no, wait, that might not be it at all, Dean realized with a start. It had been so long that he'd forgotten that, as far as Sam was concerned, he didn't know that his little brother had gotten out of Hell. So perhaps Sam didn't want him to discover that from a recorded message on his phone? It would have been a shock, if he hadn't known any better. Not that picking up his cell to suddenly hear his little brother's voice on the other end wouldn't have been anything other than a shock either, regardless of whether he'd not known anything about Sam's miraculous return or not. He could only be thankful that he hadn't simply answered the phone without checking the caller ID first. And not only that, but if it had happened before yesterday even checking the ID wouldn't have helped as he hadn't known Sam's new number. No, he'd only gotten that from Father Mancini at the Vatican the day before, right after Raphael's revelation. It had made him suddenly aware of the fact that he didn't know his little brother's new number. Luckily clown guy's thorough background checks had come in handy there.
It was an irony that Dean could appreciate even if he'd felt incredibly awkward asking them to see his brother's file. He hadn't quite been able to admit that he didn't know Sam's number and had instead made it sound like he was curious to see what they'd managed to unearth about his brother. Like he was testing how good their information network really was. It had been an eye opener even after all that he knew they'd uncovered about him and once again he'd found himself really glad that they were on his side instead of against him. He was also really hoping that the whole archangels at his back thing was enough to keep them from digging into his own past and what he was up to now as otherwise things might get more than a little heated real fast. But Michael's admonishment and order to stop prying into his personal life should be enough to keep them from doing so. Right?
Dean sighed, not at all sure that it would be. At least not indirectly. He doubted clown guy would directly defy such a command from the lead archangel himself, but he knew that there were only all too many ways for things to come to light. Like whatever had suddenly convinced his brother to reach out to him now of all times. It was probably for the best as he'd need to contact Sam and the Campbells and warn them if Lucifer and Simiel really managed to break the Rite of Contressa, but he didn't actually want to speak with his brother. It was a startling revelation, but one he was sure of when he thought about it. After all that had happened over the course of the past year, he was far from ready to forgive Sam his betrayals and he was more than a little afraid that he'd fall back into his old pattern of letting his brother get away with things with little more than a handy excuse and a puppy dog look.
No!
He wouldn't let that happen, not this time. Dean knew it would be hard, but this time he'd stand by his resolve. Too often in the past he'd allowed Sam to get away with things, but not anymore. He didn't need his little brother like he'd used to and it was high time he stood up for himself. It was a surprising realization, but he'd become his own person in a way that he'd never been before, back when his whole world had revolved around his father and brother. In getting away from them and spending time with people who actually put him and his needs first, he'd grown into himself and learned that his own needs were important too, though it had taken seeing them be important to others to finally get that through his own thick skull.
He smiled a little at the thought before it vanished as his cell started to ring again. A quick glance down showed that, yes, it really was his brother again. What on Earth could Sam possibly want now after nearly a year of silence? The timing of it sucked as- It was with a start that he suddenly realized that no, it hadn't been nearly a year, it was over a year ago that his brother had gotten out of Hell. Heck, now that he thought about it, he realized that it had been over a year since he'd been kicked out of Lisa's. In fact it had been round about this time last year that Castiel had come flying back into his life.
The realization stunned Dean. Had it really been that long ago now? It was hard to believe but it was actually true now that he thought about it. On the one hand he couldn't quite believe it, but on the other it seemed like a year couldn't possibly be all that it had taken for all those events to have transpired. If Castiel's return really was about the one year mark then it meant that everything that had happened between them, not to mention his awareness of the fact that the Apocalypse wasn't over or Michael and Raphael's return into his life and all of that had transpired in the space of merely a year. That was almost just as hard to believe and the duality made his head ache a little. Or, well, that could just be the incessant ringing of his phone. It seemed that now Sam wasn't even bothering to listen to his answering machine, just cutting the connection and calling right back.
Trust his little brother to be so damn persistent. Of course Sam would do all that he could to contact Dean now that his little brother had decided that he wanted to talk to him. Well Sam would just have to take a good strong dose of his own medicine and wait until he was good and ready to speak with the little brat. The amount of satisfaction that rose within him at that was more than he really should be feeling, but he couldn't find it in him to care. If Sam'd had his way, then he'd not have known that his brother was out of Hell for over a year after Sam had gotten out! The mere thought of having felt all of that guilt and helplessness for all of that time, not to even mention all of the nightmares and pain he'd have suffered, was more than enough to make him feel ill and it only hardened his resolve to not cave to his brother's incessant demands right now.
God only knew what he'd have done in any number of countless, stupid attempts to rescue a brother that didn't even need rescuing anymore. Dean shuddered at the thought, recalling just how dark his thoughts had been back then. If Castiel hadn't returned when he had then it was entirely possible that he wouldn't have been alive now to even get Sam's calls. If he hadn't gotten himself killed in some reckless attempt to save his brothers from the cage, then he'd probably have died on some random hunt, either too inebriated or simply too far gone to react in time, especially with the way the rules had all changed in the supernatural world. It wasn't a pleasant realization and he was infinitely thankful that none of that had come to pass. He'd always known that he owed his lover more than he could ever repay, but it wasn't until now that he realized exactly how much.
Almost as if summoned by the thought, Castiel appeared in the room with a flutter of wings and Dean reacted entirely on instinct. His heart always did some kind of funny roll within his chest upon catching sight of his lover, but now it was even more pronounced than normal and he allowed it to lead him into stepping towards his angel and pulling him close.
"Cas," Dean whispered fiercely, tightening his arms well past the point he'd dare to with a human.
"Dean," Castiel replied, clearly startled and taking a moment to react before returning the embrace.
"I love you."
The declaration was spoken into the side of his angel's neck as Dean refused to let go just yet, overwhelmed by the rush of emotions within him. He was acting dangerously close to a chick, but right now he didn't give a fuck. Not after all that he'd just realized and come to terms with. Castiel had saved him in so many ways that there was no way to count them all and then, on top of all of that, his angel had given him more than he'd ever dared hope for. If that didn't deserve some serious chick-flick moments, then nothing ever would. Ironically enough, his words and actions seemed to alarm his lover as Castiel's touch when his angel rested a hand on the back of his head was far too gentle, as if Castiel were afraid that at any moment he'd break apart into a hundred tiny pieces.
"Are you alright, Dean?" Castiel questioned softly as his wings closed around them, providing both shelter and comfort at once.
"Yeah, just give me a moment."
The solace of the embrace was abruptly shattered as his phone started to ring again and Dean growled. He actually growled!
"Dean?"
"Sam, it's Sam," Dean spat. "Guess he wants something from me now."
The arms around him tightened and his lover's wings trembled and Dean had the crazy thought that Castiel was about to whisk him away somewhere. If they didn't have the Apocalypse to worry about and the planet to save, he'd be all for something as drastic as that if it meant that he didn't have to worry about all of this now.
"Do you want to speak with him?" Castiel asked quietly and Dean knew what that had to cost his angel.
There was absolutely no way that his lover wanted him to speak with Sam, but Castiel was leaving it up to him nonetheless and Dean loved him all the more for it. That was one of the biggest differences between his angels and Sam and Bobby. His archangels would always let him choose even if they might want to do so for him if only to spare him the pain. But they wouldn't, they'd come to learn exactly how much he valued his free will and had come to respect that in a way his own brother obviously never had.
"No," Dean stated firmly.
"Then don't."
Those two little words were so easily said and yet they went against years' worth of training and conditioning and Dean still struggled with that on some level despite how much he wanted not to. "I'll have to speak with him sooner or later."
"Yes, but it need not be now if you do not wish it to be."
"But what if he's in trouble and that's why he's calling after all of this time?"
"I have already sent Xarael to check and she says he is no danger."
The words rendered Dean speechless and he pulled back to look at his lover. He really shouldn't still be surprised by how well Castiel knew him after all of this time, but he couldn't help it. There were some things he clearly still needed to work on even if he could finally start to see just how far he'd come already. Unable to find the words he wanted, he leaned in close and kissed Castiel instead, slow and deep, before resting their foreheads together.
"Thanks, Cas."
"It is my pleasure, Dean."
A.N.: Yep, the two timelines are now starting to merge! This chapter takes place about the same time as chapter 9 did. I'll keep labeling them as 'past' and 'present' until they actually are fully caught up at which point both will become 'present'.
Chapter 134
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: up to and including Exile on Main St., AU from the end of season 5
Warnings: AU, slash
Word Count: 3,711
Summary: I fear that Lucifer might have found a way to overcome the Rite of Contressa.
PAST
I fear that Lucifer might have found a way to overcome the Rite of Contressa.
The words kept echoing around and around in Dean's head ever since Raphael had first uttered them while deep in the Vatican Archives yesterday. He'd always known that the Rite of Contressa was never meant to be a permanent solution to their problems- hell it had never even been a particularly great one as Lucifer had proven when he'd obliterated the Devil's Island and the islands surrounding it in French Guiana- but he'd always hoped that it would take Lucifer longer to break it than this. Or at least to find a way to break it as the devil hadn't done it just yet, but he was sure that the actual act wasn't far off. Oh he wanted to be optimistic and believe that they'd find a way to prevent it, but he'd never been able to simply ignore reality like that.
The simple fact of the matter was that they didn't have a clue what Lucifer and Simiel had planned and therefore, short of being lucky, they had no way to mount a good defense against it. No, the most that they could do was hope that they heard of another ingredient the two archangels needed and try to obtain it first. That was all and it was driving Dean absolutely nuts. He hated just waiting around for bad shit to happen but that seemed like all that they could do at the moment. His archangels had scoured the library of Heaven for any clue as to what Simiel might have thought of but they had come up empty.
All they knew was that Simiel was most likely the mastermind behind this particular plan. Raphael definitely recalled Simiel and Jophiel discussing the Rite of Contressa long ago and so Dean was pretty sure that whatever Lucifer was planning now had been thought of by Simiel based on that prior knowledge of the Rite. If only Jophiel were still alive to tell them what they'd talked about as she was the only other angel who might have an inkling of exactly what Simiel wanted to do now and what other ingredients she might need for her plan.
I fear that Lucifer might have found a way to overcome the Rite of Contressa.
As before the frustration welled up within Dean and he resisted the temptation to put his fist through the nearest wall. Not only had he managed not to do that for months, but this time he'd also have to pay for it instead of just slipping away before the motel owners realized what he'd done. And as if that wasn't bad enough in and of itself, the frustration was also awakening another long latent vice of his. Namely the desire to drink. Excessively. He gritted his teeth at the thought, determined not to give into that particular longing. He'd sooner punch the wall even though he knew that one would hurt more.
He'd promised Castiel he wouldn't drink like that again and Dean was absolutely determined not to break that promise. He wouldn't do that to his lover. Castiel had given him far too much and done far more for him, for him to even think about betraying his angel like that. No matter how strongly the desire to drink until he was blind drunk might get. It was the thoughts of Sam that were bringing it all back to him now, he knew. He'd never given how easily he'd walked away from that particular habit much thought and even when he had pondered it in passing, he'd always assumed that Castiel'd had something to do with it, had mojoed him somehow, but now he knew better. It wasn't that it had been wiped from him but rather that his whole new situation had made it easier to break that bad habit. Thinking, and worrying, about Sam now due to the Rite of Contressa was putting him back in his old mindset and that was making him crave alcoholic bliss and escape once more.
Despite himself, Dean couldn't help but feel a bit proud at this revelation. The knowledge that it hadn't been Castiel who'd made him stop drinking by working some of his mojo, but rather that it was he himself who'd broken the habit warmed him in a way he wasn't at all familiar with. It was accomplishment he supposed in something he'd never even thought he'd be able to succeed in. Sure, he'd always known that he was good at certain things, but willpower had never been on that list and he felt that he had plenty of reasons to always have thought so, but clearly he'd missed something. Well, either that or he'd just never had the right motivation to succeed in that particular area before. After all, his lover and all that they had was plenty of incentive as far as he was concerned. In fact he was pretty sure that his angel wouldn't be at all pleased with the lengths that he'd go or the things that he'd do for it. For them.
Though, to be fair, Dean was pretty sure that the reverse was also true and he tried not to think too closely on what that could mean for an angel, or no, an archangel. The power that Castiel possessed these days was mindboggling to the extent that even with all of his experience with Michael, he wasn't entirely sure that he understood it. Wasn't even sure if a human could, or should, be able to comprehend that kind of power.
He was brooding, Dean realized with a start. Was that better or worse than the fretting he'd been doing earlier? He wasn't entirely sure. Either way, neither was a particularly good or productive use of his time. Not that he was sure he could handle much more research at the moment. He'd already spent most of the day doing precisely that and he was pretty much researched out. The chances of them suddenly finding something now of all times was slim to none and he'd never believed in miracles so that left very little for him to work with or to drive him on. For all they knew Simiel had already collected all that she needed and was even now performing the counter to the Rite of Contressa. Or perhaps she already had done it, though he'd have expected Lucifer to have done some 'celebrating' already if that were the case. Not that the devil hadn't surprised him before, so anything was possible.
I fear that Lucifer might have found a way to overcome the Rite of Contressa.
Without really thinking about it, Dean found that he'd pulled out his cell phone and his fingers were toying with it of their own accord, hovering over the newest speed dial he'd programed into his cell just the other day. After Raphael's words had abruptly forced him to think about his brother again, he'd realized that he didn't even know what Sam's new number was as neither his brother nor Bobby had ever bothered to contact him after Sam's unexpected return from Hell. That realization had been followed closely by the realization of just how long it had been since he'd last heard from Bobby. After Castiel had told him the truth about their betrayals he'd never bothered to call the older hunter again and slowly, over the course of the ensuing months, Bobby's calls had gotten less and less frequent until now nearly a month passed between calls and he couldn't help but think bitterly about how the old man could possibly think that this is what he'd have wanted. Had they really known him so little?
Dean pushed the thought aside as soon as it entered his head. He'd learned the hard way not to dwell on those types of dark thoughts too much as nothing good ever came of it. No instead he'd much rather think about what he had now and those who did know him. Castiel, Michael and, surprisingly, Raphael. Though he'd never have believed it possible, he'd discovered that those three were more than enough for him. Hell, he'd be perfectly content with just his lover, the other two were merely icing on the cake, not that he'd give them up for anything, it was just that Castiel alone would be able to make him happier than he'd ever been before in his life and he damn well knew it. It was the only reason that he'd been able to handle this new Apocalypse so well despite everything that had happened and all of the bitter disappointments and betrayals along the way. And look, there was almost no alcohol involved except that which even his angel didn't find fault with!
The sense of pride in his own accomplishments was back and Dean allowed himself to bask in it for a while. He suspected that he could learn to get used to this type of feeling if he allowed himself to. Not that it would ever be easy to achieve regularly, but still. Maybe he was too harsh on himself at times?
The sudden ringing of the phone, loud in the otherwise silent room, startled Dean and he nearly dropped his cell. As it was, he fumbled with it before lifting it. He wasn't sure what made him look at the caller ID as he hardly ever did, but he froze when he saw the name displayed there.
Sam.
The hairs on the back of Dean's neck stood on end and he felt himself tense up. What the hell was going on here? After nearly a year of not contacting him, his brother chose now of all times to do so? Right when he'd spent more time thinking about the little bitch than he had in months? Surely that was too much of a coincidence. And yet, despite all that, there was his brother's name, those three letters, on the screen of his cell. The shock kept him frozen so long that his phone went silent again and he waited with bated breath to see if Sam would leave him a voice mail, but the beep that signaled an unheard message never came. He snorted, that figured. Whatever his brother had wanted to talk to him about couldn't have been all that important.
Or no, wait, that might not be it at all, Dean realized with a start. It had been so long that he'd forgotten that, as far as Sam was concerned, he didn't know that his little brother had gotten out of Hell. So perhaps Sam didn't want him to discover that from a recorded message on his phone? It would have been a shock, if he hadn't known any better. Not that picking up his cell to suddenly hear his little brother's voice on the other end wouldn't have been anything other than a shock either, regardless of whether he'd not known anything about Sam's miraculous return or not. He could only be thankful that he hadn't simply answered the phone without checking the caller ID first. And not only that, but if it had happened before yesterday even checking the ID wouldn't have helped as he hadn't known Sam's new number. No, he'd only gotten that from Father Mancini at the Vatican the day before, right after Raphael's revelation. It had made him suddenly aware of the fact that he didn't know his little brother's new number. Luckily clown guy's thorough background checks had come in handy there.
It was an irony that Dean could appreciate even if he'd felt incredibly awkward asking them to see his brother's file. He hadn't quite been able to admit that he didn't know Sam's number and had instead made it sound like he was curious to see what they'd managed to unearth about his brother. Like he was testing how good their information network really was. It had been an eye opener even after all that he knew they'd uncovered about him and once again he'd found himself really glad that they were on his side instead of against him. He was also really hoping that the whole archangels at his back thing was enough to keep them from digging into his own past and what he was up to now as otherwise things might get more than a little heated real fast. But Michael's admonishment and order to stop prying into his personal life should be enough to keep them from doing so. Right?
Dean sighed, not at all sure that it would be. At least not indirectly. He doubted clown guy would directly defy such a command from the lead archangel himself, but he knew that there were only all too many ways for things to come to light. Like whatever had suddenly convinced his brother to reach out to him now of all times. It was probably for the best as he'd need to contact Sam and the Campbells and warn them if Lucifer and Simiel really managed to break the Rite of Contressa, but he didn't actually want to speak with his brother. It was a startling revelation, but one he was sure of when he thought about it. After all that had happened over the course of the past year, he was far from ready to forgive Sam his betrayals and he was more than a little afraid that he'd fall back into his old pattern of letting his brother get away with things with little more than a handy excuse and a puppy dog look.
No!
He wouldn't let that happen, not this time. Dean knew it would be hard, but this time he'd stand by his resolve. Too often in the past he'd allowed Sam to get away with things, but not anymore. He didn't need his little brother like he'd used to and it was high time he stood up for himself. It was a surprising realization, but he'd become his own person in a way that he'd never been before, back when his whole world had revolved around his father and brother. In getting away from them and spending time with people who actually put him and his needs first, he'd grown into himself and learned that his own needs were important too, though it had taken seeing them be important to others to finally get that through his own thick skull.
He smiled a little at the thought before it vanished as his cell started to ring again. A quick glance down showed that, yes, it really was his brother again. What on Earth could Sam possibly want now after nearly a year of silence? The timing of it sucked as- It was with a start that he suddenly realized that no, it hadn't been nearly a year, it was over a year ago that his brother had gotten out of Hell. Heck, now that he thought about it, he realized that it had been over a year since he'd been kicked out of Lisa's. In fact it had been round about this time last year that Castiel had come flying back into his life.
The realization stunned Dean. Had it really been that long ago now? It was hard to believe but it was actually true now that he thought about it. On the one hand he couldn't quite believe it, but on the other it seemed like a year couldn't possibly be all that it had taken for all those events to have transpired. If Castiel's return really was about the one year mark then it meant that everything that had happened between them, not to mention his awareness of the fact that the Apocalypse wasn't over or Michael and Raphael's return into his life and all of that had transpired in the space of merely a year. That was almost just as hard to believe and the duality made his head ache a little. Or, well, that could just be the incessant ringing of his phone. It seemed that now Sam wasn't even bothering to listen to his answering machine, just cutting the connection and calling right back.
Trust his little brother to be so damn persistent. Of course Sam would do all that he could to contact Dean now that his little brother had decided that he wanted to talk to him. Well Sam would just have to take a good strong dose of his own medicine and wait until he was good and ready to speak with the little brat. The amount of satisfaction that rose within him at that was more than he really should be feeling, but he couldn't find it in him to care. If Sam'd had his way, then he'd not have known that his brother was out of Hell for over a year after Sam had gotten out! The mere thought of having felt all of that guilt and helplessness for all of that time, not to even mention all of the nightmares and pain he'd have suffered, was more than enough to make him feel ill and it only hardened his resolve to not cave to his brother's incessant demands right now.
God only knew what he'd have done in any number of countless, stupid attempts to rescue a brother that didn't even need rescuing anymore. Dean shuddered at the thought, recalling just how dark his thoughts had been back then. If Castiel hadn't returned when he had then it was entirely possible that he wouldn't have been alive now to even get Sam's calls. If he hadn't gotten himself killed in some reckless attempt to save his brothers from the cage, then he'd probably have died on some random hunt, either too inebriated or simply too far gone to react in time, especially with the way the rules had all changed in the supernatural world. It wasn't a pleasant realization and he was infinitely thankful that none of that had come to pass. He'd always known that he owed his lover more than he could ever repay, but it wasn't until now that he realized exactly how much.
Almost as if summoned by the thought, Castiel appeared in the room with a flutter of wings and Dean reacted entirely on instinct. His heart always did some kind of funny roll within his chest upon catching sight of his lover, but now it was even more pronounced than normal and he allowed it to lead him into stepping towards his angel and pulling him close.
"Cas," Dean whispered fiercely, tightening his arms well past the point he'd dare to with a human.
"Dean," Castiel replied, clearly startled and taking a moment to react before returning the embrace.
"I love you."
The declaration was spoken into the side of his angel's neck as Dean refused to let go just yet, overwhelmed by the rush of emotions within him. He was acting dangerously close to a chick, but right now he didn't give a fuck. Not after all that he'd just realized and come to terms with. Castiel had saved him in so many ways that there was no way to count them all and then, on top of all of that, his angel had given him more than he'd ever dared hope for. If that didn't deserve some serious chick-flick moments, then nothing ever would. Ironically enough, his words and actions seemed to alarm his lover as Castiel's touch when his angel rested a hand on the back of his head was far too gentle, as if Castiel were afraid that at any moment he'd break apart into a hundred tiny pieces.
"Are you alright, Dean?" Castiel questioned softly as his wings closed around them, providing both shelter and comfort at once.
"Yeah, just give me a moment."
The solace of the embrace was abruptly shattered as his phone started to ring again and Dean growled. He actually growled!
"Dean?"
"Sam, it's Sam," Dean spat. "Guess he wants something from me now."
The arms around him tightened and his lover's wings trembled and Dean had the crazy thought that Castiel was about to whisk him away somewhere. If they didn't have the Apocalypse to worry about and the planet to save, he'd be all for something as drastic as that if it meant that he didn't have to worry about all of this now.
"Do you want to speak with him?" Castiel asked quietly and Dean knew what that had to cost his angel.
There was absolutely no way that his lover wanted him to speak with Sam, but Castiel was leaving it up to him nonetheless and Dean loved him all the more for it. That was one of the biggest differences between his angels and Sam and Bobby. His archangels would always let him choose even if they might want to do so for him if only to spare him the pain. But they wouldn't, they'd come to learn exactly how much he valued his free will and had come to respect that in a way his own brother obviously never had.
"No," Dean stated firmly.
"Then don't."
Those two little words were so easily said and yet they went against years' worth of training and conditioning and Dean still struggled with that on some level despite how much he wanted not to. "I'll have to speak with him sooner or later."
"Yes, but it need not be now if you do not wish it to be."
"But what if he's in trouble and that's why he's calling after all of this time?"
"I have already sent Xarael to check and she says he is no danger."
The words rendered Dean speechless and he pulled back to look at his lover. He really shouldn't still be surprised by how well Castiel knew him after all of this time, but he couldn't help it. There were some things he clearly still needed to work on even if he could finally start to see just how far he'd come already. Unable to find the words he wanted, he leaned in close and kissed Castiel instead, slow and deep, before resting their foreheads together.
"Thanks, Cas."
"It is my pleasure, Dean."
A.N.: Yep, the two timelines are now starting to merge! This chapter takes place about the same time as chapter 9 did. I'll keep labeling them as 'past' and 'present' until they actually are fully caught up at which point both will become 'present'.
Chapter 134