Going through my emails, I found this. inclementine sent it to me shortly after Rob's death. It's a comment that he'd left in umasenvy's journal on the night of his death
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I had to reply to Rob here, it's just how my thoughts came. (thanks for sharing Molly--these words are for Rob)
Rob, What makes you think you can use someone else's experience as your yardstick for anything? Today is what any of us have. And if you don't have enough real trust in the Goddess (or whichever is your HP) who put you walking & talking here on Earth, to stay & fulfill your own experience than FFS how do you trust her/it enough to assume that there's ANY rainbow beyond??? Now Grael doesn't get the luxury of asking his dad anything.
Without the thought of what tomorrow might bring though, what do we have? Yes, we have today, and we absolutely need to make the most of that. But I believe life would be infinitely sadder and lacking in possibilities, if we couldn't dream or have hope for the future. I guess that's where Rob and I differed- he wanted tangible evidence that life was good (the 'experiences in the pocket') whereas I saw the future more in terms of an opportunity and not just one that contained my death.
I think he waffled, right up until the end, on this, I really do. I think he made himself not think about what GOOD the future could bring because he stubbornly wanted to stick to his guns re giving up. I saw some of his private writings that evidenced this internal struggle. So sad, to be stubborn with one's own self, on such an important and final decision as whether to die or go on living...... :( Damn his ass.
I'm glad you haven't given up your dreams and hopes. That is all any of us have... and that is what we're put here for. Not to give up.
I so wish he'd just asked for help- reached out to his friends- talked about those struggles with someone. He knew that you'd all be there for him anytime if he needed you. I hate seeing this suffering and grief :(
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(thanks for sharing Molly--these words are for Rob)
Rob,
What makes you think you can use someone else's
experience as your yardstick for anything? Today is what any of us have. And if you don't have enough real trust in the Goddess (or whichever is your HP) who put you
walking & talking here on Earth, to stay & fulfill your own experience than FFS how do you trust her/it enough to assume that there's ANY rainbow beyond???
Now Grael doesn't get the luxury of asking his dad anything.
: (
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I'm glad you haven't given up your dreams and hopes. That is all any of us have... and that is what we're put here for. Not to give up.
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