An update of sorts
Well after being away from LJ for a while.I came back.In October I started my Pshycology degree and soon realised I was not up to the job after much soul serching I postponed it for 18 months.I had being having bad bout of depression on and off and still do.I mental health team was called out as much use as a chocolate tepot really at least I could enjoy eating a chocolate teapot.
Somewhere in all this I got lost and became qiute friendly with my next door neighbout "T".I had known he was a mormon and did'nt think much of it actually I was qiute opposed.One night he had the missionaries round and I asked to be there.Well they did'nt have two heads(very handsome for young lads:) and though I knew it made no sense I started ssing them on a regular basis and going to church.Yup I know ME going to church*shudder* and the folk there didn't have two heads and were really nice to me."T" friend came too as he started to be interested.Only a month bfore I was telling him not to get involved.Go figure I can't.I know thier policy if you were gay you could be sexually active and lord know why I accepted that and went along with it.Then I heard "t" was being dismissed(kicked out) For being sexually active and I was told to find some man and get married.To top that one of the past preidents cally being gay a mental illness and it could be cured.
I guess I knew this all along but something stopped me and I kept going..Well last time they came round I told them basically not to call or come round.I really feel for "T" he has been in the church on and off since he was eight and all the gay stuff came as news to him.His friend was outraged at thier lack of forgiveness and has also left the church
So where does that leave me now I sort of believe in the Book of Mormon but something niggles me.I was an activist in gay rights for many years and this goes so much against it all.As much as suddenly sleeping with a man did.I think I have lost my way and can see logically why they attrated me .Being lonely and not have family as such made me vunerable and weak.I don't know what part of me misses it all.Part of me feels that for that short time I betrayed andall that I belived in and my friends
I didn't post about this earlier cos well it has being gone on for a while and was a little concerned about what my friends here would think of me.Betraying my belifs not a good thing not something I ever thought would happen
In other news still have me old dog he will be 14 this yr and is disgustingly healthy at the moment he loved the snow we have just had brought the puppy out in him.But I haven't been walking him which is terrible and I just hermit at home.At least for the next ten days I have a three yr old to look after and a dear poorly friend maybe that will help.
I've just had my 50th and I don't like it I want to be forty again.I demand to be forty again .Please don't feel sorry for me over the mormon thing cos I don't think that will help.I think I would be angry if I were you.Where oh where did my pagan beliefs go to and my sense of what is just and unjust?
Bought some new curtains for the lounge the other day they look fab but my flat looks like a tip de-cluttering is needed but so hard to make mysel do it.I really hate feeling the way I do its so not me, its seems since my last realationship I just find it hard to get on track I should have by now its been three years.if I have neglected any of you I am truly sorry.Thanks for those of you who took the time to read this
Somewhere in all this I got lost and became qiute friendly with my next door neighbout "T".I had known he was a mormon and did'nt think much of it actually I was qiute opposed.One night he had the missionaries round and I asked to be there.Well they did'nt have two heads(very handsome for young lads:) and though I knew it made no sense I started ssing them on a regular basis and going to church.Yup I know ME going to church*shudder* and the folk there didn't have two heads and were really nice to me."T" friend came too as he started to be interested.Only a month bfore I was telling him not to get involved.Go figure I can't.I know thier policy if you were gay you could be sexually active and lord know why I accepted that and went along with it.Then I heard "t" was being dismissed(kicked out) For being sexually active and I was told to find some man and get married.To top that one of the past preidents cally being gay a mental illness and it could be cured.
I guess I knew this all along but something stopped me and I kept going..Well last time they came round I told them basically not to call or come round.I really feel for "T" he has been in the church on and off since he was eight and all the gay stuff came as news to him.His friend was outraged at thier lack of forgiveness and has also left the church
So where does that leave me now I sort of believe in the Book of Mormon but something niggles me.I was an activist in gay rights for many years and this goes so much against it all.As much as suddenly sleeping with a man did.I think I have lost my way and can see logically why they attrated me .Being lonely and not have family as such made me vunerable and weak.I don't know what part of me misses it all.Part of me feels that for that short time I betrayed andall that I belived in and my friends
I didn't post about this earlier cos well it has being gone on for a while and was a little concerned about what my friends here would think of me.Betraying my belifs not a good thing not something I ever thought would happen
In other news still have me old dog he will be 14 this yr and is disgustingly healthy at the moment he loved the snow we have just had brought the puppy out in him.But I haven't been walking him which is terrible and I just hermit at home.At least for the next ten days I have a three yr old to look after and a dear poorly friend maybe that will help.
I've just had my 50th and I don't like it I want to be forty again.I demand to be forty again .Please don't feel sorry for me over the mormon thing cos I don't think that will help.I think I would be angry if I were you.Where oh where did my pagan beliefs go to and my sense of what is just and unjust?
Bought some new curtains for the lounge the other day they look fab but my flat looks like a tip de-cluttering is needed but so hard to make mysel do it.I really hate feeling the way I do its so not me, its seems since my last realationship I just find it hard to get on track I should have by now its been three years.if I have neglected any of you I am truly sorry.Thanks for those of you who took the time to read this