Comments | ouijabear: Discordant Echoes From My Past

ouijabear

Discordant Echoes From My Past

Feb 21, 2011 13:56

Face book has brought me back into contact with numerous people (friends, family, and acquaintances) from the many and varied marker events in my life. It’s through the interaction with these contacts that I begin to see just how much I have progressed in my 47 (gasp) years. I tend to think of people in relation to certain events and the ( Read more... )

rejection, transparency, religion, former life

Comments 9

ranger7ryan February 21 2011, 20:36:40 UTC

I didn't realize this was your background. I come from a similar background (Evangelical) and have had to deal with the same thing on Facebook over the last year or so. First it was just high school classmates, then high school church friends, middle aged women from my church that are friends with my Mom, guys I went on a Campus Crusade for Christ mission trip with in college. I'm sure there will be more ( ... )

ouijabear February 21 2011, 22:51:04 UTC

It does sound like he have very similar backgrounds - mission trips and all. Small world huh? I mean honestly - what do I have to be afraid of. I was caught off guard with my reaction and felt the need to sit with it, try and practice some mindfulness. Thank you for your reply.

lostncove February 21 2011, 20:40:03 UTC

I have a LOT of experience with this.

Here's a couple of things to consider:

1) The work you did was for the time of their life they were in. You helped them form themselves and nothing can change that. You can't change how they react to you now (ironically, you helped them form the ways they will react to you).

2) The same amount of time has passed for them as has passed for you. You've changed. Allow them the grace to change too. They're not exactly the same people they were then. But right now, you visualize the "old" them. They might react well. Or...

3) They might be disappointed or disillusioned. That's painful when you're proud of who you were to them. But you're still that honest, compassionate person they knew. You shouldn't stop being honest and compassionate just because they won't like what you're being honest about.

Maybe it's the final lesson: people change. Will they love you despite the change, or are they in love with someone who doesn't exist anymore?

ouijabear February 21 2011, 22:55:40 UTC

Your advice cuts right to the issue(s) at hand. You're right, I still see these young men as teenage youth, god forbid that we stay frozen in time and never adapt. I was proud of the role in which I served, it served its purpose AND I was doing the best at what I knew to do at the time. Your #1 point - right on the point. This is where my Hindi perspectives should come in - do the best that you can (dharma) and be non attached to the outcomes. Thank you.

bearbarry February 21 2011, 21:37:00 UTC

Did you consider sending a personal message to them letting them know a little bit about your life now? Just share whatever you feel comfortable sharing. It sounds like you are touched that you are remembered fondly. Let them know that. It also sounds like you have fond memories of them too. Just be honest, and see if they are still interested in keeping in contact with you on FB.

Our music minister is from the Knoxville area. His name is Jeremiah, and he went to the MCC there before moving to FL. Would you mind if I shared this posting with him?

Big hugz!

ouijabear February 21 2011, 22:59:06 UTC

Of course you can share this with Jeremiah. I'm not sure I want to just lay things out for them. If I allow this, give them the opportunity to search this out on their own through my entries or even blogs. I've always been that "soft touch" kind of guy when it comes to others. I don't like a hard sale (sell?) of any kind, I tend to find these things obtrusive given my fundamentalist background where I HAD to believe this in order to secure my soul in heaven.... blah blah blah. Thank you for taking some time to respond to me. Hugs to you too.

bearbarry February 22 2011, 00:25:58 UTC

I was just thinking you have a rare opportunity to show someone, who might have been taught otherwise, that a gay man could and did make a positive impact on his/her life. You are under no obligation to make your life public to anyone. That is your choice, and I respect that without debate. It's just something to consider in case you hadn't already.

mud2203 February 22 2011, 03:30:56 UTC

its such an ugly/unfair question to be faced with, for me it becomes a question of whether you wish to be known to these people w/in the context of a lie? If the "relationship" is so important then are the lies to preserve it justified? for me and my faith: honesty is the corner principle...now that conversation can be skewed to present personal truth or universal.

another question is whether you are trying to preserve the relationships or the help you gave to them...or are you really keeping this skeleton in your closet out of fear and internalized homophobia? the truth is that internalized stuff is soo hard to get rid of that i don't think any of us will ever be completely free but we must do everything we can to fight past our fears to bring truth to others.

hope this helps...hugs and blessings!

ouijabear February 23 2011, 01:23:01 UTC

I agree Joe - internalized homophobia is what this boils down to. Who would have thought that I am still susceptible to this. Been out for years and yet in this one little spot - still lingering on like an old wound. I've been thinking about this a lot for the past couple of days and sorting through this - always better to address this like I have everywhere else in my life and let the results just be the results. Nothing that I can do anyway - except honor who I am.

BTW everyone - friended them.... let's see how this goes.