When Cake's Not Enough
Title: When Cake's Not Enough
Word Count: 2,727
Pairing: Hunny/Mori
Rating: PG-13
Warning: Self-destructive behavior
Disclaimer: I do not own Ouran High School Host Club or any of the characters.
Summary: Hunny thinks Takashi is ignoring him and is so upset that he begins to self-destruct.
Hunny turned over in his Western-style bed, kicking at the sheets tangling around his small legs. He was angry, furious really, at everything and nothing.
Takashi was ignoring him. Oh, he didn’t act like it when they were around the other guys but the instant they so much as moved out of sight of the customers and the club members, Takashi would go absolutely still and silent, setting Hunny on the ground to walk on his own. And Hunny would walk without complaining because he never really did complain when they were alone. It was part of his act, his loli shota routine, and Takashi knew it as damn well as Hunny did, and so he dropped the affectation when they were alone.
But Takashi didn’t normally act like this. The last few nights, he hadn’t so much as stayed to say goodnight to Hunny, let alone cuddle with him until Hunny fell asleep. Takashi had slipped away early these past few days, barely staying with Hunny long enough to finish their homework together.
Hunny wondered if Takashi was mad at him and if that was the reason behind his cousin’s peculiar actions lately. It was possible but improbable. Hunny could think of nothing he had done that Takashi had reacted to badly, could think of nothing out of the ordinary that he had done that could have upset his Takashi. Hunny frowned and slid to the edge of his bed, grabbing the frame in his small hands as he turned on his belly and stuck his feet out until the tips of his toes touched the floor. He dropped down lightly and went to his desk, opening the huge lower drawer that he kept his sweets in. Hunny looked down at it sadly, wishing that Takashi was there to share with him.
But Takashi wasn’t. He had left earlier that evening, far earlier than he had ever left, and he had not returned. Hunny could barely remember if Takashi had said goodbye before he left. A cynical voice in his mind whispered that Takashi had not, that Takashi had been extremely happy to slip out of the house and go home without Hunny.
Hunny grabbed two cakes and several bars of chocolate. He set them on the bed and threw one leg up, pressing his knee down to balance himself before jumping onto the high mattress, cursing his short height. Normally Takashi would help him up, if not actually climb into bed with Hunny in his arms. Hunny had almost never had to get into bed alone. He could do it, of course he could, he was nowhere near as weak as he looked, but it stung his heart that he had just done something he’d never needed to do before.
Hunny sniffed, feeling the beginnings of real tears at the corners of his eyes, just waiting to blur his vision. He sniffed again and wiped at them with the back of his wrist, using the other hand to open the cake box on his lap. He stuck his hand into the icing and moist sponge, too upset to call a servant to bring him a spoon or fork, and broke the cake into three raggedly messy pieces. Hunny hardly cared what the pieces looked like as he lifted one to his mouth miserably and stuck it inside.
He swallowed the too big piece of too sweet cake as bitter tears wet his cheeks. The salt mixed in with the cake, making Hunny feel worse which in turn made him eat more until his whole body hurt, his stomach from too much cake, his head from too much thinking, the rest of his body from not enough of Takashi’s familiar touch.
The tiny Haninozuka finished off the cakes and the chocolate, shoving the wrappers into the boxes, and shoving those in turn off the bed. He curled up on his side. His stomach ached and his brain was a foggy mess. He knew sleep was unlikely anytime soon without Takashi there to rock him to sleep. More tears began to fall as Hunny thought about his cousin and how he was not there. The pain in his body could not equal the pain inside of him when Hunny thought about Takashi’s betrayal. Takashi was supposed to be beside him at all times, to make sure he was okay and wanted nothing, and right then, when Hunny really, really needed him, Takashi was gone.
It hurt, to say the least.
ØØØ
Hunny began eating sweets late at night. Not in the sense of stealing one or two extra candies after he’d brushed his teeth but in the sense of gulping down copious amounts of cake and chocolate and cream until his stomach was a painful bulge against his pajamas and he felt ready to throw up. Some nights he did throw up, clinging to the bowl of the toilet as his stomach heaved up its unwanted contents. The maids had started to worry about him, asking if master Haninozuka was sick or needed a doctor. Hunny had sent them away, knowing that no medicine they could give him would make his pain fade away.
Takashi’s absence was becoming more and more pronounced. He rarely stayed past dinner anymore, certainly never long enough for Hunny to even begin getting ready for bed, and he left at the first chance he got every day. Hunny could not understand his cousin’s behavior. He knew if he really wanted to that he could order Takashi to stay with him but he didn’t want to. Takashi was already putting a distance between them, ordering him to do something he so obviously didn’t want to do would only create resentment and resentment in a servant- here Hunny’s eyes would fill with hot tears as he thought of his father’s horrible words- is a step below mutiny and murder. A resentful servant is an unloyal servant and an unloyal servant is an enemy.
His late night gorging had become as noticeable to his friends as Takashi’s absence had become to Hunny. Black circles had settled under Hunny’s eyes from where the pain had kept him awake for most of the night and he had begun tripping and stumbling from exhaustion. His weight had increased, not by a lot what with his constant training, but enough that he could hear Takashi’s soft grunts when he picked him up. Hunny wanted to yell at him, to scream at Takashi that this was his fault that he was eating so much and his fault that he was so tired, and his fault that he was in so much pain because Takashi didn’t, wouldn’t, love him. He wanted to yell but he didn’t. He wanted to rage and scream at his best friend for abandoning him and treating him so badly as though Hunny had pushed him away but he didn’t because every time he came close to wanting to he was in Takashi’s arms or hanging on to Takashi’s strong back or sitting in Takashi’s lap, and Hunny would swallow his anger like he swallowed those pieces of cake late at night because he had what he wanted if only for a few moments.
The anger, though, would always flood back into him when those moments ended and Hunny was left holding onto Usa-chan and surrounded by cooing throngs of customers. It was all show, Takashi touching him, just stupid moe to make the customers scream happily and pay even more money. And that hurt worse than the betrayal: that Takashi acted like everything was the same as it had always been when in truth it was anything but.
It was after a masked performance where they had dressed up as Viking warriors that Hunny hit his lowest point. His costume hadn’t fit. It was too small around the waist, the material stretched across his stomach tightly. The tailor hadn’t made a mistake; it had fit perfectly when he had been fitted for it but that had been before Takashi had started ignoring him. Now it was undeniably too small. Kaoru had fixed it for him, hiding his embarrassing bulge under a leather fighting vest, so no one had noticed except for the two of them. Takashi had been standing in the corner behind the curtain, waiting for their cue to step out on stage, and Hunny had kept his eyes on the ground the whole time, unable to look at his former best friend. Takashi hadn’t even looked at him.
Hunny, when he returned home later that night, shut himself in his room before Takashi had a chance to leave him. He figured Takashi would welcome the early sendoff and so got changed for bed, slipping into a pair of little girl shorts and an oversized T-shirt, the only one he had that really fit anymore. He hugged Usa-chan to his chest unhappily as he wandered over to his desk, ready to pull out some sweet he would eat without even tasting. He stuck his hand in…
…and jumped in surprise when a large, darkly tanned hand closed around his wrist. Hunny tilted his head up in shock and stared at Takashi as the larger man pressed his long, lean body against his. Takashi chuckled, a deep sound that Hunny adored, and pulled away to kneel next to him. He brushed Hunny’s blonde hair away from his face, the smallest of smiles curving his lips upwards, before kissing Hunny’s forehead softly.
“I think you’ve had enough,” Takashi said, his voice rumbling and making Hunny’s chest sting pleasantly. Hunny blinked in confusion. Mere seconds later he found himself in Takashi’s arms being carried to the bed. Takashi lay down next to him as he continued brushing Hunny’s hair back, threading his long fingers through the blonde strands.
“I’ve missed you,” Hunny whispered in his real voice, not able to keep up the high pitched prepubescent burble that their customers liked.
Takashi nodded, letting out a soft “ah” as he wrapped his left arm around Hunny’s waist and shifted the smaller man closer.
“Why’d you leave me?” Hunny asked quietly. Takashi frowned and hummed, tracing his fingers down Hunny’s side.
“Had to,” he answered finally, the words sounding awkward and forced. “Your father said that…we were getting…too close. You’re eighteen, almost, and I am, too.”
“So?” Hunny said, laying his cheek on Takashi’s chest to listen to the beating of his heart and to feel the rise and fall of his breathing. “You’re my best friend-” Takashi smiled faintly. “-and I want you here. Where is the problem in that?”
“Too old,” Takashi rumbled. Hunny snuggled closer into his side, giggling softly when Takashi tightened his hold on him.
“I don’t care,” Hunny said. He sniffed and balled one of his hands up, slamming it into Takashi’s chest. Takashi yelped- the blow hadn’t been weak- and sat up, startled. His eyes questioned Hunny, asking why he had done that.
“You left me!” Hunny fumed, glaring at Takashi angrily. “You left me, Takashi, and you didn’t care enough to tell me why! And now this? What am I supposed to do if you listen to my father before you listen to me?!”
Takashi gaped at him and said nothing, his eyes pleading with Hunny when his mouth would not. He grabbed Hunny’s wrist before he could throw another punch and stared at him, Takashi’s mouth set in an angry line.
“You left me!” Hunny accused, his voice growing softer and losing its force as pain took the place of anger. His lip quivered as his mouth pulled down tightly, his eyes growing wet and threatening tears. “You left me, Takashi.”
“I didn’t want to,” Takashi growled. He dragged Hunny into his lap and placed his chin on top of Hunny’s blonde hair, wrapping Hunny tightly in his arms. Hunny could not help it; he wrapped his arms around Takashi’s neck and let himself be cuddled by the man he loved.
Takashi hugged him tighly, drawing Hunny’s bedsheets up around them. He lay back on his side to look at his friend, stroking down Hunny’s spine comfortingly as they held each other’s gaze.
“Why did you come back?” Hunny asked finally. Takashi sighed and shifted his hand to cup Hunny’s face. He kissed Hunny’s mouth in answer. Hunny felt his breathing hitch at the unexpected move but he leaned forward and kissed back shyly. Takashi seemed as hesitant as he and Hunny found the kiss awkward but nice, awkward because of its newness and Takashi’s unwillingness to push forward and take charge and nice because, well, it was something Hunny had really wanted for a long time. Takashi pulled back, staring at him with wide, almost fearful eyes.
Hunny smiled and snuggled closer, knowing what Takashi wanted to say. I came back…because I love you, Mitsukuni.
“You’ve been making yourself sick,” Takashi murmured after a long period of silence, the two of them lying on the bed without need for words.
Hunny glanced at him. Takashi’s eyes were on the ceiling, his hands folded on his chest in silent concern. Hunny bit his lip, wanting to hide his face in the bedspread. Takashi turned his head, his eyes showing his emotion, that of deep worry. Hunny felt his stomach flutter. Takashi had been worried about him? All this time, even when he was supposed to be at home without Hunny, he had been worrying about him?
Takashi let out a soft breath and slid his left hand along Hunny’s side, resting it atop Hunny’s belly, his thumb tracing slow circles over the swollen skin. Hunny blushed, wanting even more to hide himself in his sheets. Before he could Takashi leaned down and pressed a kiss to his mouth, harder than the first kiss, demanding gently that Hunny tell him the truth because Takashi cared that much about him.
“Yes,” Hunny admitted, his voice barely audible.
“Why?”
“I thought you had left me because you didn’t want to be with me. I thought you didn’t want to be my best friend anymore. I thought maybe I’d upset you and you hated me and-”
“No,” Takashi said firmly, his gaze sharpening with anger. He looked at Hunny fiercely, his expression demanding that every word coming from Hunny’s mouth be untrue. “Never hate you.”
“I thought you did.”
Takashi shook his head, kissing Hunny’s cheeks. He moved down to kiss Hunny’s neck and sternum, the smaller man’s heart racing underneath his skin. Finally he kissed Hunny’s stomach, his storm grey eyes fixed firmly on Hunny’s warm brown eyes, a silent promise that Takashi was with him now and would be for the rest of their lives as they had been since they were five-year-old children.
Hunny smiled and scrubbed his hand over Takashi’s short black hair. Takashi’s lips twitched. He kissed Hunny’s stomach once more before climbing up the bed and gathering little Hunny in his arms, his long legs spread wide so that Hunny could sit between them. Takashi cocked his head at the bookshelf, asking Hunny whether he wanted Takashi to read him a story. Hunny smiled adorably and nodded, clutching a pillow to his chest and tucking his chin into it. Takashi leaned over to Hunny’s bookshelf and grabbed the old leather-bound book of story tales. He plucked Usa-chan from the floor where Hunny had dropped him, sticking the stuffed rabbit next to them on the bed.
Hunny tried to contain his excitement when Takashi opened the book’s pages, reaching around his little friend, the two of them pressed back to chest, but he let out a happy squeal all the same. Takashi chuckled and leaned over Hunny’s right shoulder, kissing his cheek softly. Hunny smiled shyly as Takashi began to read.
When the story was over, Hunny was already fast asleep. He did not notice Takashi get up to turn the light off, though he stirred unhappily to find himself suddenly cold, and he did not notice Takashi climb back into the bed with him, though he settled back down when the warmth returned. In fact, it wasn’t until morning, when Hunny found Takashi dead asleep with his arm wound possessively around his waist that Hunny noticed anything at all. And, if there is one thing to be said about how Hunny felt that morning, it is this: he was happy.