Goodbye
Title: Goodbye
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Merlin/Arthur, hints of Merlin/Will
Word Count: 600-ish
Summary: Arthur looks back on their relationship after he and Merlin break up.
Arthur watches Merlin from across the room, his heart clenching painfully at the sight of the disheveled dark hair and gangly frame. Every inch of Merlin is completely familiar to Arthur, he felt as though he'd spent the last six months memorizing it, mapping out Merlin's body carefully and purposefully, cataloging it away for a time like this. Arthur supposed he always knew, in the back of his mind, that it would end like this. That something so perfect couldn't be lasting, couldn't be real. Merlin turns, a smile lighting up his face, his blue eyes crinkling as he laughs with his friends. Arthur's heart aches and he has to reach out a hand to steady himself on a nearby table. Arthur wants nothing more than to cross the room and wrap Merlin up in his arms and tell him how sorry he was, how he knew he had fucked up, how Merlin was his whole life, how he hadn't known it was possible to love someone this much.
Merlin gives another chuckle, the sound floating across the room and stinging Arthur's ears. These little glimpses and sound bites of what he has lost are torture to Arthur. He closes his eyes, breathing deeply, attempting to regain his composure. Images flash across the inside of his eyelids. He and Merlin sneaking glances at each other during movie night at Gwen's, their hands brushing as they walked side by side in the hallway, Merlin, blushing and flustered after their first kiss, laying together on Merlin's couch talking about everything and nothing, kissing his way from Merlin's neck down to his hip, Merlin moaning Arthur's name as he comes, and then, Morgana walking in on them in Arthur's bed, Arthur yelling, Merlin pleading, begging him to just try, to trust their friends with this, Arthur slamming the door in Merlin's face, Merlin's name on his cell over and over, always unanswered. And Arthur hears Merlin's last message:
"Arthur. You know I love you, I love you more than anything. But you're not ready for this.
I thought I could help you, I tried to help you, but its just not working.
I-
I can't do this anymore.
I love you. And I hope you realize someday that you loved me too. And that its ok that you did. But until then, this hurts too much.
Goodbye Arthur."
Arthur opens his eyes, Merlin has turned around again and all Arthur can see is his back, but now there is an arm thrown casually over Merlin's shoulders, and Merlin is leaning into the touch. Following the arm up Arthur can see that it belongs to another boy, Arthur thinks his name is Will. This is what Arthur couldn't give him, this is all Merlin wanted, no grand romantic gesture, just little things, holding hands on the way to class, a quick kiss on the cheek after lunch, but Arthur couldn't. And now Merlin had found someone new, someone who could make him happy, someone who deserved him. The thought of someone else holding Merlin, or kissing him, or knowing him the way Arthur did, so completely, hurts Arthur so much he chokes, gasping for air.
When he catches his breath he realizes that Merlin is looking at him, a concerned expression on his face. Merlin raises his eyebrows ever so slightly, as if to say are you alright? Arthur works to arrange his face into something resembling a neutral expression, and gives a quick nod. Even though he is far from alright. Even though he may never be alright. Merlin's mouth curves into a small smile, the smile that he always used to give Arthur when he saw him, the smile that Arthur hadn't seen in weeks. Arthur just nods again and turns away.
Its too late. They can't go back. Arthur can't take back the things he said and he can't give Merlin what he wants, what he deserves. At least not yet. Arthur is working, he is trying, but Merlin deserves this chance at happiness now, not when it is convenient for Arthur. "Goodbye Merlin." he whispers, and he forces himself to pick up his feet, to walk himself out of the room, and away from Merlin.
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Merlin/Arthur, hints of Merlin/Will
Word Count: 600-ish
Summary: Arthur looks back on their relationship after he and Merlin break up.
Arthur watches Merlin from across the room, his heart clenching painfully at the sight of the disheveled dark hair and gangly frame. Every inch of Merlin is completely familiar to Arthur, he felt as though he'd spent the last six months memorizing it, mapping out Merlin's body carefully and purposefully, cataloging it away for a time like this. Arthur supposed he always knew, in the back of his mind, that it would end like this. That something so perfect couldn't be lasting, couldn't be real. Merlin turns, a smile lighting up his face, his blue eyes crinkling as he laughs with his friends. Arthur's heart aches and he has to reach out a hand to steady himself on a nearby table. Arthur wants nothing more than to cross the room and wrap Merlin up in his arms and tell him how sorry he was, how he knew he had fucked up, how Merlin was his whole life, how he hadn't known it was possible to love someone this much.
Merlin gives another chuckle, the sound floating across the room and stinging Arthur's ears. These little glimpses and sound bites of what he has lost are torture to Arthur. He closes his eyes, breathing deeply, attempting to regain his composure. Images flash across the inside of his eyelids. He and Merlin sneaking glances at each other during movie night at Gwen's, their hands brushing as they walked side by side in the hallway, Merlin, blushing and flustered after their first kiss, laying together on Merlin's couch talking about everything and nothing, kissing his way from Merlin's neck down to his hip, Merlin moaning Arthur's name as he comes, and then, Morgana walking in on them in Arthur's bed, Arthur yelling, Merlin pleading, begging him to just try, to trust their friends with this, Arthur slamming the door in Merlin's face, Merlin's name on his cell over and over, always unanswered. And Arthur hears Merlin's last message:
"Arthur. You know I love you, I love you more than anything. But you're not ready for this.
I thought I could help you, I tried to help you, but its just not working.
I-
I can't do this anymore.
I love you. And I hope you realize someday that you loved me too. And that its ok that you did. But until then, this hurts too much.
Goodbye Arthur."
Arthur opens his eyes, Merlin has turned around again and all Arthur can see is his back, but now there is an arm thrown casually over Merlin's shoulders, and Merlin is leaning into the touch. Following the arm up Arthur can see that it belongs to another boy, Arthur thinks his name is Will. This is what Arthur couldn't give him, this is all Merlin wanted, no grand romantic gesture, just little things, holding hands on the way to class, a quick kiss on the cheek after lunch, but Arthur couldn't. And now Merlin had found someone new, someone who could make him happy, someone who deserved him. The thought of someone else holding Merlin, or kissing him, or knowing him the way Arthur did, so completely, hurts Arthur so much he chokes, gasping for air.
When he catches his breath he realizes that Merlin is looking at him, a concerned expression on his face. Merlin raises his eyebrows ever so slightly, as if to say are you alright? Arthur works to arrange his face into something resembling a neutral expression, and gives a quick nod. Even though he is far from alright. Even though he may never be alright. Merlin's mouth curves into a small smile, the smile that he always used to give Arthur when he saw him, the smile that Arthur hadn't seen in weeks. Arthur just nods again and turns away.
Its too late. They can't go back. Arthur can't take back the things he said and he can't give Merlin what he wants, what he deserves. At least not yet. Arthur is working, he is trying, but Merlin deserves this chance at happiness now, not when it is convenient for Arthur. "Goodbye Merlin." he whispers, and he forces himself to pick up his feet, to walk himself out of the room, and away from Merlin.