So Are You to Me
Title: So Are You to Me
Pairing(s): Merlin/Arthur
Rating: R
Warnings: Underage (by US standards) drinking
Word Count: 9k
Summary: American high school AU, the gang take a weekend trip up to Arthur’s lake house after graduation and amidst a weekend of booze and general debauchery, Arthur is forced to confront his feelings about his best friend.
Notes: This was written for merlin_games based on the prompt ‘weekend getaway' (go teammodern!) Thanks so much to my lovely beta wickedcherub, you rock! Also, the title is from this song, and in the movie version of this in my mind, it would be playing in the background during Merlin and Arthur’s last scene, so do with that what you will.
“Arthur, have I told you lately how amazing your sister is?” Gwaine shouted from the backseat as he pawed through the bag of beer and liquor that Morgana had bought them for this weekend.
“You’re only saying that because you want to bone her,” Percy said matter of factly.
“What? No I - well, yeah, you’re right.” Gwaine just shrugged and continued his inventory of their alcohol supply.
“Guys, can we please not talk about Gwaine sleeping with my sister, or my sister at all for that matter? This is supposed to be a guy’s weekend; we’re supposed to be talking about guy stuff.”
“Arthur, girls are guy stuff, and your sister is hot,” Percy put in.
“Please fucking stop. Besides, she’s not that great, she definitely overcharged us for this stuff, there is no way that all cost $200.”
“Alright, well maybe we can discuss Lance here’s crush on Elyan’s sister instead,” Gwaine said, raising his eyebrows and making kissy faces at Lance who was sitting next to him in the back seat.
In the rearview mirror Arthur could see Lance’s cheeks flush as he slid down in his seat, obviously trying to disappear.
“There’s nothing to be ashamed of, she’s not bad looking either. I bet she’s into all kinds of kinky stuff, the quiet ones always are.”
“Gwaine, seriously?” said Elyan, elbowing Gwaine in the side, “Can we not discuss my sister’s sex life?”
“Alright fine,” Gwaine said, pouting. Then he reached up and poked Merlin, who was sitting in the passenger seat. “What about you Merlin? Any ladies on your radar?”
Merlin giggled, twisting away from Gwaine’s finger. “Shut up Gwaine, I’m trying to finish this book before we get to the cabin.”
“Seriously Emrys? You brought a book? Lame.” Defeated, Gwaine slumped back in his seat.
“Leave him alone Gwaine, it’s not his fault you don’t know how to read,” Arthur said, not taking his eyes off the road.
Gwaine just glared at Arthur and kicked the back of his seat.
The rest of the trip to the cabin was more of the same, and while Arthur would add in a couple jabs at Gwaine every now and then, he mostly just listened, soaking it all in, watching his friends happy faces in the rearview mirror, stealing looks at Merlin, face all screwed up in concentration as he read whatever million page novel he was currently engrossed in. It hadn’t quite sunk in yet that things wouldn’t be like this for much longer, with all of them together, living within walking distance from one another, spending lazy afternoons after school playing video games, living at each other’s houses, sneaking drinks from their parent’s liquor cabinets. In a few more weeks they were all going off to college, spread across the country, none of them in the same state. Arthur knew that they were all worried about it, but it wasn’t really something any of them talked about. This weekend, at Arthur’s father’s lake house, was the last time he knew they would all be in the same place. It was supposed to be a celebration, a graduation present to themselves, but it was bittersweet.
Arthur smiled as he watched Percy ruffle Lance’s hair as he teased him about Gwen, as Elyan pushed at Gwaine from where he sat smushed against the door. And then Merlin. Arthur’s heart clenched whenever he thought about being so far away from his friends, the boys he had grown up with, shared everything with, known his entire life. But when he thought about leaving Merlin, he felt like he couldn’t breathe. He shook his head, trying to shake away the thoughts, he couldn’t get all nostalgic and depressing now, they still had the whole weekend ahead of them.
***
As soon as Arthur parked the car, Gwaine was out and racing towards the cabin to claim his room.
“Gwaine, come on man,” Percy yelled as he hauled his duffle bag out of the trunk, “You couldn’t even carry in the booze?”
“No way I’m going to share a room with any of you,” he shouted back, “I need my privacy.”
“Yeah, so you can jerk off,” Lance called after him as Gwaine disappeared inside.
The rest of the boys grabbed the bags and started towards the house, Merlin hanging behind to help Arthur bring in the last of the food for the weekend. By the time Arthur and Merlin had made it into the house and put the food in the fridge, everyone else had already laid claim to their rooms and were starting to unpack their bags.
“So what rooms are left for us then?” asked Merlin, dragging his duffle bag down the hall behind him.
Arthur felt something twist in his stomach as he opened the last door to the last empty bedroom, his father’s room. They both stood outside the door looking in for a moment before Merlin stepped inside.
“So…there’s only one bed,” Merlin said, more a statement than a question.
Arthur shifted under the weight of the bag slung over his shoulder.
“Um, yeah. Well, it’s my dad’s room, so…just the one bed.”
“Alright, well…” Merlin was looking between the bed and Arthur, as if unsure what to do next.
“Is that alright?” Arthur took another step into the room. “I can go try and find an air mattress or something or -”
“No its fine, it’s a big bed right?”
Arthur swallowed, finding himself momentarily unable to speak.
“Um, yeah. Not sure why my dad needed a king size bed all to himself, but whatever. Works for us right? I mean - not us - but -”
“Maybe he was hoping to find someone to share it with?” Merlin said grinning and waggling his eyebrows at Arthur.
“Oh god, not you too. I’m making a new rule for this weekend, no more talking about any member of my family in any kind of romantic situation.”
Merlin giggled, “Alright, alright, sorry.”
“I think I’m scarred for life. I don’t think I can sleep in here.”
“Oh come on,” said Merlin, sitting on the edge of the bed. “This bed is amazing. Plus, I highly doubt your dad has had sex in the last ten years. I don’t think you have anything to worry about.”
“Oh my god,” shouted Arthur, clapping his hands over his ears and kicking Merlin in the shins. “Stop!”
Merlin just laughed and slid up the bed out of range of Arthur’s feet. Arthur grabbed one of the pillows he’d brought and jumped onto the bed, slamming it down onto Merlin’s face. Merlin shrieked and flailed around until his hand found another pillow, which he promptly used to whack Arthur in the face. And then it just descended into an all-out war.
“Ow!”
“You started it!”
“Watch the face loser!”
“The face? You just kneed me in the balls!”
“Boys boys boys, what is going on in here?” Merlin and Arthur both froze, pillows raised above their heads, poised to attack. Merlin was sprawled on his back and Arthur had ended up straddling his hips, one hand on Merlin shoulder, holding him down. Gwaine and Lance were standing in the doorway watching with quizzical expressions. A moment later Percy and Elyan appeared behind them, beers in hand, having wasted no time cracking open the drinks.
Arthur and Merlin both dropped their weapons and scrambled off opposite sides of the bed.
Arthur could feel himself flush; he had actually just started a pillow fight with his best friend and it felt as though the temperature in the room had suddenly spiked.
“Uh, nothing. I just - I’m gonna get a drink,” he muttered before slipping between Gwaine and Lance and fleeing to the kitchen.
Momentarily alone in the kitchen, Arthur took a couple deep breathes, attempting to slow his suddenly speeding pulse. He wasn’t quite sure why he was feeling so weird, he wrestled with Gwaine and Lance and the other guys all time, but somehow it felt different with Merlin. Not bad different, just….different. Before he could really think much more about that, the rest of the gang burst into the kitchen.
“I’m starving, what kind of food did we bring?” asked Gwaine, opening cabinets and rummaging through the food Arthur and Merlin had unpacked earlier.
Arthur looked past Gwaine and saw Merlin standing next to the table, fingers absently twisting in a plastic bag they had forgotten to throw out. Merlin looked up and Arthur saw a flash of something in Merlin’s eyes when they met his own, but it was gone before Arthur could put a name to it.
“I feel like pizza,” offered Percy, plopping down in a chair next to where Merlin stood.
“Pizza sounds good to me,” seconded Lance. “Do we have the stuff for that? Arthur?”
Arthur, who realized he had been blatantly staring at Merlin for the last couple minutes, straightened and spun around to look at Lance.
“Um, sorry, what?”
“Arthur are you ok man?” asked Elyan, sounding slightly concerned.
“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. Just, uh, worn out from driving. What did you guys want for dinner?”
The guys all exchanged a look.
“Pizza,” they all said in unison.
Arthur smiled, “Pizza it is then.”
The six of them managed to make a couple of halfway decent pizzas and a salad that Lance insisted on. (“Lance,” Gwaine had complained, “this is a guy’s weekend. Salad is not a manly food.” But Lance had ignored him and just given Gwaine an even larger helping of salad.)
After lots of pizza, a little bit of salad and a lot of beer, the six of them were sprawled across the couches in the living room reliving some of the more memorable moments of their high school career, including the time Gwaine had gotten suspended for dropping his pants (none of them could remember why he had done it in the first place), or the first time they had all gotten drunk together and Gwen had caught them and threatened to tell her parents but ended up staying and having a drink or two herself (which they all knew was because she was secretly in love with Lance), or when they had all gone to Merlin’s debate team finals to support him (with signs and everything) and had gotten kicked out for being too “enthusiastic”.
Arthur was definitely buzzed and heading quickly towards drunk, but he was happy, the uncomfortable confusion from earlier having dissipated. This was what this weekend was supposed to be, just the six of them like always, hanging out and savoring the little time together they had left. Arthur smiled and took another swig of his beer, stretching his foot out so he could reach Merlin, who was sitting on the floor and leaning against the couch, and ruffled his hair. Merlin turned to look at him and grinned.
“You are plastered.”
“Am not.”
Merlin just laughed and shook his head. “Alright, whatever you say.”
Just then Gwaine stood up, arms raised above his head. He swayed slightly and Lance reached out an arm to steady him.
“I have an idea,” he stage whispered dramatically.
“Shocking,” said Percy.
Lance chuckled and clapped Percy on the back. “I don’t like the sounds of that Gwaine.”
Elyan tipped his bottle towards Gwaine, “As long as it won’t get us arrested I’m in.”
Arthur, who was feeling very warm and kind of fantastic, nodded in agreement.
“Me too!”
Merlin, who seemed much too sober to Arthur (and maybe it was the alcohol, but Merlin’s eyes looked very blue, and Arthur could swear they kind of sparkled), smiled up at Gwaine. “What’s this idea then?”
“Time for a swim!” Gwaine shouted, whipping his shirt off and heading for the door before anyone else could move a muscle.
The rest of them looked at one another for a second, and then Elyan jumped up, shed his shirt and took off after Gwaine, throwing them a smile over his shoulder.
“Coming?”
Arthur, who was very comfortable in the nest he had created for himself on the couch, didn’t really love the idea of moving, but it seemed he wasn’t going to have much of a choice. Lance and Percy were both up and each pulling on one of his limbs as Merlin looked on with a grin on his face.
“Let’s go Arthur,” said Lance, “We have to go make sure Gwaine doesn’t drown and if I have to go, then you have to go too. It’s your cabin.”
Arthur let out a kind of groan/whine as he was pulled off the couch and into a standing position. Merlin, who had been watching, moved to his side and slung an arm around his shoulders.
“Come on Arthur, some fresh air will be good for you.”
Arthur may or may not have sighed a little bit at the heaviness of Merlin’s arm across his shoulders, and definitely didn’t attempt to nuzzle against Merlin’s face.
Merlin giggled, pushing at Arthur’s head with his shoulder, “Wake up Arthur, we have to go save Gwaine and Elyan.”
By the time the four of them made it down to the dock, Gwaine and Elyan were already in the water. Upon seeing them approaching, Gwaine let out a whoop and stood up, waving them towards the water. Which was when Arthur noticed that Gwaine was completely naked.
It took Arthur a beat to realize that he should probably avert his eyes; that it wasn’t appropriate to stare at your friend’s dick. It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen it before, Gwaine had no qualms with nudity and would strip at pretty much any opportunity, but the alcohol seemed to have dampened Arthur’s ability to control his eyes and he looked for a little longer than was probably acceptable.
“Skinny dipping Gwaine? Really?” Lance called from the shore, but he was lifting his shirt off over his head and unbuckling his belt as he said it.
“What, are you embarrassed Du Lac? Think you can’t compete?”
At that Lance dropped his pants, boxers and all and leaving them in a heap on the dock, cannonballed into the water, landing about a foot from Gwaine’s head.
Percy quickly followed (and by this time Arthur had gotten hold of himself enough so that he didn’t ending up staring, although he was pretty sure in a size competition Percy would beat them all by a mile).
And then it was just Merlin and Arthur left standing on the dock. Their friends beckoned from the water, Elyan sending splashes of water in their direction when they made no move to join them in the lake.
Merlin turned to look at Arthur, a slightly mischievous look in his eye. “What’d ya say Arthur? Up for a little swimming?” Merlin raised one eyebrow and smirked.
Arthur could feel himself flush and silently thanked Gwaine for waiting until nightfall for this particular activity. Then Merlin reached down and unzipped his jeans, stepping out of them one leg at a time before slipping out of his shirt and dropping it all on the dock. Arthur knew he should look away, knew that this was weird, not what best friends did, but he couldn’t seem to tear his eyes away. He was sure it was the beer, but there was something completely mesmerizing about the way the muscles in Merlin’s back moved as he raised his arms to tug his shirt over his head. Arthur had gone swimming with Merlin hundreds of times, it wasn’t as though he hadn’t seen him bare-chested like this before, but something was different tonight. Somehow it all felt new. And confusing. Very confusing, but also kind of good. Merlin met Arthur’s eyes very briefly and then dropped them quickly, as if he had seen something in Arthur’s eyes that scared him. He hooked his fingers into the top of his boxers and hesitated, his back to Arthur, head still down. Arthur’s happy, warm feeling from before was gone and replaced by a completely different kind of heat. He was fairly certain he was blushing from his head to his toes by now and he took a couple of deep breathes, trying to get his body back under his control.
“Are you coming in or what?” Gwaine shouted.
“You just want to see me naked don’t you,” called back Merlin.
“You got me Emrys, I’ve got a big huge crush on you. Now get in the water! You too Pendragon or I’m going to come up there and throw you in.”
Merlin laughed, then quickly stepped out of his boxers and slid into the water. Once he was fully submerged, he spun around so he was facing Arthur.
“Come on Arthur, the water’s really warm.”
Arthur didn’t move. He didn’t think he could get undressed with Merlin just standing there watching him. He was pretty sure if he tried undesirable things would happen.
“Um, yeah, give me a sec. I’ll be right in.”
He swallowed and shook his head to clear it. What the hell was going on? Why was this happening? He had known Merlin forever and had never felt uncomfortable around him. In fact, Merlin was the person he felt most comfortable with, Merlin probably knew more about Arthur than anyone else on the planet, including any of the rest of their friends. So why was he freaking out all of a sudden? It was just Merlin, the same guy he had grown up, had known since he could remember.
Arthur took another couple deep breathes, letting them out slowly. He turned around and pulled his shirt off then stepped out of his jeans and boxers all in one motion. He spun back around and before he could stop himself, his eyes found Merlin’s. Arthur could have sworn he saw Merlin’s eyes widen for a split second, but then Merlin coughed, choking on lake water, and Percy thumped him on the back. Arthur took the momentary distraction as an opportunity to jump in.
Gwaine was on top of him almost before he had a chance to surface, wrestling him back down under the water. Arthur laughed, swallowing a mouth full of water and reached up to pull Gwaine under the water as well. The two of them struggled for a minute or two before Elyan swam over and teamed up with Arthur, grabbing Gwaine’s arm and pulling it behind his back so he couldn’t reach Arthur. Gwaine thrashed around for a minute or so before deciding he was beat.
“Alright I give up! You win, you win!”
Arthur smiled, reaching out to shake Gwaine’s outstretched hand. “Good fight, although I think you might want to brush up on your skills.”
“Oh I totally could’ve taken you if Elyan here hadn’t intervened,” Gwaine glared at Elyan over Arthur’s shoulder, who just chuckled and ducked under the water, swimming over to where Lance and Percy were seeing who could hold their breath longer.
“I’ve gotta piss,” announced Gwaine, pulling himself up onto the dock and heading towards the woods.
“Are you actually running away from me?” called Arthur. “Scared I’ll beat you again?”
Gwaine made a rude gesture back at Arthur and then ducked into the trees at the edge of the lake.
Arthur sniggered and went to turn back towards the rest of his friends, but as he spun he found that Merlin had taken a step towards him at the same time and was suddenly very close. Arthur heard Merlin give a laugh that sounded more like a nervous exhale as they both tried to move away but Arthur moved to his right as Merlin moved to his left and they ended up almost colliding and somehow in the process of trying not to run each other over Merlin’s hand brushed Arthur’s cock. Arthur inhaled sharply.
They both froze immediately, which meant that Merlin’s hand was still in the water hovering right above Arthur’s now very alert dick, his pinky brushing it as the small waves rocked Merlin’s arm. Arthur lifted his head and saw that Merlin was staring at him with an intensity that Arthur hadn’t seen before, intensity, but there was also a question in his eyes. A question Arthur wasn’t sure he could answer. Merlin’s eyes flicked to the side, towards where Elyan, Lance, and Percy were now competing to see who could hold an underwater handstand the longest. Then Arthur felt Merlin’s hand move, one finger at a time, inching closer to Arthur, until his palm was resting against the length of Arthur’s cock, just barely brushing it. Arthur bit back a moan at the sensation and it came out as a kind of strangled choking instead. Merlin froze again, eyes still locked on Arthur’s, as if he was waiting for Arthur to give him some kind of signal.
He should move, he should turn around and swim over to the rest of their friends. This wasn’t right, they shouldn’t be doing this. Whatever this was.
But Arthur couldn’t seem to get his legs to cooperate. He was stuck in place, arms locked at his sides, eyes staring back into Merlin’s. Merlin seemed to take Arthur’s immobility as permission to continue and Arthur felt Merlin’s hand press harder again his cock, fingers slowly wrapping around. Arthur fought back the noises that were threatening to erupt from his throat, breaking eye contact with Merlin to tip his head back, focusing on trying to keep his breathing steady. Merlin’s hand began to move along Arthur’s now hard cock and oh god -
“Hey boys, did I miss anything?”
Merlin and Arthur sprang apart as Gwaine came traipsing down the dock, still completely naked and slipped into the water next to them.
“Um - nothing - I uh, I need to go inside and - um - I think I forgot to put the chicken in the fridge and uh, make sure everyone has towels.”
Gwaine gave Arthur a puzzled look, then rolled his eyes and laughed.
“Always the perfect host aren’t you? Whatever, us fun people will see you inside later after you’ve organized the kitchen cabinets to your specifications.”
Usually Arthur would have come up with some kind of snarky response to this but right now he just had to get away. He dove under the water and swam towards shore, trying to get as far away from his friends as possible before getting out of the water to minimize the chances that they would see his incredibly inconvenient hard on. He remembered his clothes just as he stood up, but there was no way he was walking back down the dock to get them, so instead he just turned and sprinted towards the cabin and prayed none of the neighbors would look outside.
He had heard Merlin call his name as he ran but Arthur couldn’t look at him. He didn’t know what had just happened, but he knew that looking back at Merlin was not going to make anything less complicated. Once inside Arthur ran straight for the shower and turned the water on hot. He stood under the scalding water, one hand pressed against the wall, the other wrapped tightly around his cock. He jerked himself, trying to picture Sophie or Elena or the number of celebrities he usually used to get off, but he kept seeing Merlin’s face, Merlin’s hand moving under the water, Merlin’s eyes burning into his, Merlin’s hand on his cock. He came, hard, his come mixing with the lake water and shower water, sliding down his skin in little droplets. He leaned forward, head resting on his hand, breathing hard. He had just come thinking about Merlin. What the fuck was going on?
When the rest of them came back inside Arthur was already in bed with the lights out. He could hear them laughing and talking outside his room, arguing over who would shower first and searching for the towels Arthur had completely forgotten to get out for them. Arthur sighed, he knew he should get up and go help them, but he just couldn’t face Merlin right now. Especially not when they were going to be sharing a bed that night. He didn’t think Merlin would have said anything about what had happened in the lake to any of their friends but he wasn’t completely sure, and Arthur was definitely not ready to talk about it yet. With anyone. Better to just pretend he was sleeping and deal with it in the morning.
A little while later, Arthur felt the covers lift and Merlin climb into the bed beside him. He could feel Merlin slide towards the edge of the bed, apparently trying to get as far away from Arthur as possible. Arthur was too exhausted to try and figure out what that meant. He squeezed his eyes closed tighter and pulled the blankets up further around his neck. He was just drifting off to sleep when he heard Merlin whisper.
“Arthur?”
Arthur said nothing, concentrating on his breathing, slow breaths in and out. After a minute or two Merlin sighed, but seeming satisfied that Arthur was asleep, he adjusted his pillow and rolled onto his side.
When he was sure Merlin was asleep, Arthur turned onto his other side, towards Merlin. Merlin had ended up on his back, fingers curled in the blankets tucked up under his chin. Arthur could smell the sweet scent of Merlin’s shampoo and he watched as his eyelashes fluttered against his pale skin as he dreamt. Arthur wondered what he was dreaming about, wished he could climb inside Merlin’s head and read his thoughts, find out what the fuck had happened between them tonight. Was it what Merlin wanted? Had he liked it? Arthur had thought he understood Merlin, knew what he was thinking, what he felt. But now he felt like a door had been opened, a door to another part of Merlin that Arthur had never thought about before, never noticed, and didn’t understand at all.
***
The first thing Arthur noticed when he woke up the next morning was that neither he nor Merlin had managed to stay on their respective sides of the bed and were now laying right up against one another with their legs all tangled together and Merlin’s head resting against Arthur’s chest. The second thing he noticed was that he was very obviously hard and his cock was pressed up against Merlin’s leg. Merlin, thankfully, was still asleep. Arthur squeezed his eyes shut, hoping that when he opened them this would turn out to be some kind of strange dream, but of course it wasn’t. When he opened his eyes he was still staring down at the top of Merlin’s curly black hair covered head and his incredibly inconvenient hard on was still poking his friend in the leg. Merlin shifted slightly and Arthur had to bite his lip to hold back a groan at the feeling of flannel pajamas rubbing against his sensitive cock.
Arthur considered trying to sneak out of bed before Merlin woke up, but every time he tried to pull away, Merlin made a little snuffly noise and burrowed his head in closer against Arthur’s chest. So that’s why he wasn’t moving. Because he wanted to let Merlin sleep. Definitely not because Arthur liked the feeling of Merlin resting against his chest, or because he was rather enjoying the sensation of having his cock pressed up against his friend’s leg, or the feeling of Merlin’s breath warm across his neck, or the lingering shampoo smell of Merlin’s hair. Arthur closed his eyes, maybe he could just lie here and pretend to still be asleep and then let Merlin make the decision about how to best deal with the situation once he woke up.
Of course, then Arthur’s phone rang.
Arthur flung his arm out to the side trying to grab it where it sat on the bedside table without disturbing Merlin, but it was just out of reach. Merlin shifted again and made another little noise and Arthur froze. With his arm still outstretched he peered back over his shoulder towards Merlin who was looking up at him through half open eyes. Slowly, Arthur retracted his arm and laid his head back down on the pillow. Merlin moved slightly, pulling his head up off of Arthur and adjusting his legs. Arthur inhaled sharply as Merlin’s leg brushed Arthur’s cock. Merlin looked at Arthur, concern in his eyes, but Arthur could see his face change when he realized what had happened. Merlin’s eyes darted down towards where their legs were intertwined and then back up at Arthur’s face, that same questioning look from the night before back once again.
“Is that - um… ”
Merlin broke off, apparently unable to finish the question, but Arthur knew exactly what he was asking. Arthur could feel a blush spreading over his neck and up his face and he wished he could throw the covers over his head and disappear. Why hadn’t he gotten out of bed when he had the chance? Because he didn’t want to a small voice in his head whispered. Arthur shook his head slightly, trying to dislodge the voice. Merlin, thinking Arthur was shaking his head at him, shifted slightly again, away from Arthur.
“No, sorry, I wasn’t - I didn’t mean - ” Arthur stopped, taking a moment to get the words straight in his head before continuing. “I wasn’t shaking my head at you.”
“Oh.”
Merlin’s eyes widened and for a moment neither of them moved. Then Merlin very slowly slotted his leg back between Arthur’s. Arthur felt the pressure of Merlin’s thigh on his cock again, and also something new. He could now feel Merlin’s cock, hard against Arthur’s own thigh. Arthur gasped slightly, and Merlin smiled up at him. Then Merlin reached out a hand and gently ran it down Arthur’s cheek, and over the curve of his jaw. Arthur’s eyes fluttered shut at the sensation. Then suddenly, he could feel Merlin’s breath on his face and the shampoo smell was even stronger than before and before Arthur could open his eyes, he felt Merlin’s lips on his. Reflexively, Arthur pulled back. As the warmth of Merlin’s lips disappeared Arthur felt a flash of regret, but it was too late. Merlin drew back, looking at Arthur, confusion plain on his face and a blush spreading across his cheeks.
“Sorry,” Merlin murmured, “I thought you wanted - ” His eyes darted around the room, looking anywhere but at Arthur.
Arthur chewed his lip, watching Merlin avoid his eyes and wishing he knew what the fuck was going on. His cock was still straining uncomfortably against his underwear, slightly tenting the sheets that were now pooled around his hips. He shifted away from Merlin and pulled himself up into a sitting position.
“It’s ok, it - it’s fine - I’m just gonna go grab a shower. Um - yeah.” Arthur swung his legs around and slid off the bed, attempting to adjust his pajamas to conceal his erection. It wasn’t working.
“Arthur,” Merlin started, now apparently recovered enough to make eye contact again. “Arthur, wait. What’s going on with you? I keep thinking that you - that you’re - and then you keep running away.”
“I’m not running away,” Arthur said, crossing his hands over his crotch in a completely obvious attempt to hide his tented pajama pants, “I just really need a shower.”
“Oh.”
“Look, I’ll see you at breakfast okay?”
“Yeah, sure.” Merlin sighed quietly and suddenly became very interested in his hands which were picking at the sheets in his lap.
Arthur knew Merlin was right, he was running away, but he had no fucking clue what to say to Merlin right now. Nothing was making sense in his head and he needed some time to sort it all out. Once in the bathroom, Arthur stripped off his t-shirt and pajama bottoms, stepped under the scalding water, and jerked off for the second time that weekend to thoughts of Merlin.
The day just got progressively more awkward from there. Arthur kept finding himself inadvertently staring at Merlin and whenever Merlin would catch him looking, Arthur would turn bright red and fumble through some excuse about why he had to leave the room suddenly. Merlin tried on more than one occasion to talk to Arthur about what had happened that morning but Arthur kept dodging him. In one instance, which he was not at all proud of, he had actually hidden behind Percy in an attempt to avoid Merlin. He was pretty sure the rest of their friends had realized that something was going on with the two of them, Lance and Elyan had both asked Arthur multiple times if he was alright, but Arthur just couldn’t bring himself to talk to any of them about it. Somehow Arthur and Merlin made it through the entire day without being alone in the same room together, which Arthur was both relieved and upset by. He hated avoiding Merlin; he didn’t think he’d ever gone a day without talking to Merlin since they’d met and he kept finding himself turning to tease Merlin about something or laugh about some inside joke and then remembering. It was just temporary, he kept telling himself, just until he got it all figured out in his head, then they could fix things, go back to the way they were. And everything seemed to be going okay. That is, until Gwaine suggested drinking games, then it all went to hell.
***
“We’re playing Never Have I Ever,” announced Gwaine, as he strode into the living room with a handle of rum in one hand and a two liter bottle of Coke in the other.
Lance groaned, “Gwaine, seriously? You remember you suck at drinking games right? You got so plastered last time we almost had to take you to the hospital.”
“Yeah,” said Elyan, “and we’re out in the middle of nowhere now so who knows where the nearest hospital is.”
Gwaine ignored them both and set about pouring drinks. When he had finished and had handed them all out, he stood in the middle of the circle and raised his hands above his head to get their attention.
“Alright, so, rules.”
“Gwaine, we already know how to play,” interrupted Percy.
Gwaine shot him a look, but continued, “Each person says, ‘never have I ever’ and then something they haven’t done, and if you have done whatever they say you have to take a drink, and then first person to finish their drink loses. Got it?”
“Yes Gwaine, we got it before you explained,” said Arthur from where he was sprawled on the couch. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Merlin smirk and it gave him a weird twisty feeling in the pit of his stomach.
“Alright then Pendragon, if you’re so smart then you can go first.”
Arthur rolled his eyes at his friend, but obediently tried to think of something to start the game off with.
“Uh, never have I ever…been stung by a bee.”
“Lame,” said Gwaine, “Come on Arthur, spice it up a little.”
“You’re just mad because you have to take a drink,” Percy said, taking a sip of his own drink.
Gwaine just scowled and downed a bit of his rum and coke.
They continued on like that until everyone was pretty buzzed and nearing the actually drunk stage. None of the answers were really a surprise; they knew each other too well for that. He knew that Lance was the only one of them who was still a virgin (he was very zen about it, but Gwaine teased him relentlessly), he knew that they had all broken a bone except for Percy, and he knew that Elyan had somehow managed to have a threesome with two girls from school, (which Gwaine was exceedingly jealous about). He did learn some things about Gwaine’s sex life that he would have preferred not to know, but nothing any of them were the least bit shocked by.
“Alright,” slurred Gwaine, “Last question: never have I ever kissed another dude.”
Arthur felt his heart jump up into his throat and tried to will away the blush he knew was creeping up his cheeks. Before he could stop himself, his eyes flashed towards Merlin, who was staring back at Arthur, an unreadable expression on his face. Arthur’s eyes widened, trying to convey, no, don’t say anything, don’t tell them without alerting the rest of their friends. Merlin’s eyes narrowed slightly and then Arthur’s whole world seemed to shift into slow motion. Arthur saw Merlin raise his glass, still staring pointedly across the circle at Arthur. He saw him tip the cup glass back and take a sip, and he watched Merlin’s Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed. And then time caught back up and began to move normally again.
“Alright Emrys!” Gwaine bellowed, lurching forward to high five Merlin. Merlin put out his hand to oblige Gwaine, but he was still staring at Arthur. Arthur could feel his own heart pounding in his chest. He looked down at his hands and then back up at Merlin, who hadn’t dropped his gaze. What exactly did Merlin want him to do? He didn’t actually expect Arthur to take a drink also did he? Arthur could see Lance looking at him with a concerned look on his face, and Percy and Elyan were exchanging a slightly confused look. No one really seemed to know what to say.
“Arthur,” Merlin mouthed, looking pointedly at the cup in Arthur’s hand and then back up towards his face. Arthur shook his head minutely. He couldn’t. Arthur could see a flash of something in Merlin’s eyes, and he could tell from the tight set of Merlin’s jaw that he was upset. Then Merlin stood up abruptly, his chair jumping backwards with the force of it. His eyes met Arthur’s once more and then he turned on his heel and walked out of the room. A second later Arthur heard the front door slam. No one moved for a moment, and in any other situation Arthur would have found the shocked expressions on their faces laughable.
“What the fuck just happened?” Elyan asked. Percy just shrugged his shoulders.
“Apparently Emrys has been kissing guys,” offered Gwaine.
“Shut up Gwaine,” said Lance harshly. He turned towards Arthur, concern plain on his face. “Are you alright Arthur? You look like you’re about to puke.”
Arthur cleared his throat and shook his head in an attempt to clear it.
“Um, no, no I’m fine. I - I just need some water. I’ll be right back.” Arthur pulled himself off the couch, his legs felt kind of wobbly and he had to hold onto the back of the couch to make his way across the room to the kitchen. Once in the kitchen, he turned on the faucet and splashed some water on his face and then just stood there, leaning against the counter, feeling the coolness of the granite seep into his palms. He took a few deep breaths, attempting to slow down his racing heart. What was Merlin thinking? That kiss from this morning barely counted, it wasn’t really a kiss, surely that hadn’t been what he was referring to just now? But then that brought up images of Merlin kissing guys other than him, which made Arthur feel slightly queasy.
Alright, thought Arthur, that was it. They needed to talk about this. Whatever this was. It was going to drive both of them crazy if they didn’t and he didn’t want to spend their last two weeks in the same state awkwardly avoiding each other. Before he could change his mind, Arthur turned and followed Merlin out the door.
From the cabin’s porch Arthur could see Merlin sitting down on the dock, not moving. Arthur felt panic rise in his chest and he fought back the urge to turn around and go back inside with the rest of his friends. Where he knew what was going on. Where his head wasn’t yelling a hundred different things at him, where he knew who he was and who they were and what they were to each other. This thing with Merlin was taking up so much space in his head he felt like his brain was trying to claw its way out of his skull. No, he needed to figure this, them -if there even was a them- out. So he stepped off the porch and headed down towards the water.
When he reached the dock, Merlin was sprawled out on his back, one hand trailing circles in the water below him. He didn’t look up when Arthur stepped onto the dock, but Arthur could see Merlin’s body tense up as the platform shifted under Arthur’s weight. Arthur took a deep breath, trying to figure out what the fuck he was going to say to Merlin once he reached the end of the dock. Merlin continued staring straight up at the sky, as if he hadn’t noticed Arthur at all, which was doing nothing to help Arthur’s inner freak out. When he got to Merlin, Arthur dropped down and sat next to him, staring straight ahead, eyes looking out over the water.
For what felt like an eternity to Arthur, but was probably only a minute or two, neither of them said anything. The only sound was that of the water gently rocking the dock and small waves breaking against the rocks on the shore. Arthur stared intensely at the moonlight reflecting off the water as if it could give him some secret insight into his situation and the inner workings of his own mind. It didn’t.
Fuck it, one of them had to say something.
“Merlin, I-”
“It’s weird isn’t it, to think that next year we’ll all be at different schools? I mean, hell, we won’t even be in the same states,” Merlin said, apparently not even noticing that Arthur had spoken.
Arthur, caught off guard, took a second to answer. “Yeah, it is, fucking weird.”
Arthur looked over at Merlin, but he was still staring up at the stars and absently moving his hand in the water. “We’ll still see each other though.”
Merlin’s hand stopped moving and just hung off the edge of the dock. “But it won’t be the same will it?”
Arthur felt his chest tighten, that familiar feeling that came on whenever he thought about his friends, and Merlin in particular, splitting up and leaving him alone at a new school with all new people.
“No, I guess it won’t be.”
Arthur unfolded his legs and lay down, stretching out alongside Merlin. He felt something bump his arm and then Merlin’s hand slid into his, squeezing tightly when Arthur didn’t pull away. Arthur glanced down at their hands before fixing his gaze on the bright star straight above them.
“It’ll be different but we’ll still talk. And New Haven isn’t that far from New York City, so I can come and visit and you can introduce me to all your hipster art school friends.”
Merlin gave a little laugh at that, but Arthur could feel Merlin’s fingers curl even more tightly around his hand, as if he was afraid Arthur was going to slip out of his grasp and be lost forever. Arthur gave a quick squeeze back, the feeling of Merlin’s hand in his was helping to loosen the tightness in his chest. It was nice, lying here together on the dock, just the two of them. Arthur didn’t want to ruin the moment, but he had to say something, he couldn’t just leave things the way they were between them, confusing and unsaid and absolutely fucking terrifying.
“I’m sorry,” he said, voice almost a whisper, “for, you know, this morning, and then just now with the game, I just - I -”
“It’s okay,” Merlin said, finally turning his head to look at Arthur. “I shouldn’t have walked out, that was stupid. I shouldn’t have pushed you, I think this whole college thing is just messing with my head,” Merlin paused and Arthur could see him swallow the way he always did when he was nervous. “And…you. Leaving you is messing with my head too.”
It was silent again for a moment while Arthur tried to work out what to say. Nothing immediately came to mind that didn’t sound completely idiotic and so he may have actually given a sigh of relief when Merlin spoke again.
“It’s alright, you - you don’t have to say anything, it’s okay if you don’t feel the same way. I just figured I better say something before we all left you know? Just in case. And then with everything that happened last night and this morning…I thought maybe…”
Arthur cleared his throat, suddenly accurately aware that Merlin’s shoulder was pressed up against his own and that he could feel Merlin’s bony hip jutting into his above their still-clasped hands. This was made even worse by the fact that Merlin was now squirming nervously next to him.
“So…are you…gay?” Arthur’s voice involuntarily dropped to a whisper on the last word. He could feel his own face flush and his palm grow sweaty where it touched Merlin’s.
Merlin turned his head away from Arthur and back up towards the sky before answering. “Yeah.”
“Oh.”
Silence again.
Then Merlin lifted their clasped hands off the dock and gave a little nod towards them.
“Thanks for letting me do this. We don’t have to if it’s freaking you out.”
Without really meaning to, Arthur clasped Merlin’s hand even harder, tugging them back down to rest on the dock. “It’s not freaking me out.”
“Ok.”
Neither of them said anything for a couple minutes, and Arthur closed his eyes and just listened to the sound of his own breathing, trying to match it with the rhythm of Merlin’s breaths. He focused on the feeling of Merlin’s hand in his, on the spots where their bodies were touching. He could smell Merlin, that familiar Merlin smell he was so used to, now tinged with alcohol and lake water. If he concentrated he thought he could feel Merlin’s pulse on the inside of his wrist beating against Arthur’s fingers.
“I think I am too.”
Arthur kept his eyes closed, but he could feel Merlin tense up momentarily and turn his head to look at Arthur.
“Gay?”
“Yeah.”
“Oh. So, um.” Arthur could hear Merlin swallow again.
Arthur took a deep breath; he might as well just get it all out now. “I think I like you. Like, you know, in more than a friend way.”
“Oh.”
Arthur opened his eyes and turned to look at Merlin who was staring at him with a kind of shocked/hopeful expression on his face. “Yeah.”
“Is this a new thing or…”
Arthur gave a little laugh, this whole conversation was just so far from any conversation he thought he’d be having this weekend. This weekend was supposed to be full of booze and beaches not crises of sexual orientation.
“I honestly don’t know. I guess not. I just know that thinking about you leaving in a couple weeks is not something I like doing, that I liked what happened in the lake last night and kissing you this morning and holding your hand right now, and that I can’t imagine my life without you in it.”
Merlin smiled and squeezed Arthur’s hand again, sliding a little closer so that they were pressed against each other along the entire length of their bodies.
“I think I had been avoiding the fact that we’re all leaving, that you’re leaving, and it just sunk in this weekend. And - and I really don’t want you to leave.”
Merlin sat up, pulling his knees into his chest and wrapping his free arm around them. He brought their clasped hands up towards him and pressed a kiss against the back of Arthur’s hand.
“I can’t imagine my life without you either and I hate the idea of us not living across the street from each other, but like you said, it’s not like we’ll never see each other again.”
Then Merlin unwrapped his arm from his legs and swung a leg over Arthur’s so he was straddling his hips. “You can’t get rid of me that easily,” he said, grinning.
Arthur smiled back up at him, then reached up and pulled Merlin down towards him and kissed him. It was soft and tentative at first, like the kiss from that morning, but it quickly deepened and took on an almost desperate quality. Merlin slowly lowered himself down so he was stretched out on top of Arthur, pressing his weight into him little by little. Arthur slid his hands down Merlin’s sides to his hips, tugging him down so their bodies were flush against each other. Merlin gave a little gasp and Arthur could feel that Merlin was hard against his leg. Arthur felt a pool of warmth gathering in his stomach. He could still hear a little voice in the back of his head saying What are you doing? He’s your friend, you shouldn’t be doing this but Arthur pushed it away and kissed Merlin even harder. He knew they still had a lot to talk about, to work out, but this, what they were doing now, felt right. Merlin gave a little roll of his hips and Arthur groaned. Merlin giggled and Arthur knew he was blushing.
“You like that huh?”
“Shut up and do it again,” growled Arthur, but he smiled up at Merlin as he pulled him down for another kiss.
Arthur was hard and straining against his jeans, and the friction of Merlin’s cock on his, even through many layers of clothing, was almost more than he could handle. Arthur let his knees fall to the side, and Merlin quickly slotted himself between them, giving another few experimental rolls of his hips.
“Faster,” choked out Arthur as slid his hands down Merlin’s back and into his back pockets, cupping his ass through his jeans. “Faster, please.”
Arthur thought briefly about trying to rid himself and Merlin of the extra clothing, but he didn’t relish the idea of getting splinters in his ass, plus, undressing would mean they had to momentarily stop what they were doing and Arthur did not like the sound of that at all.
Merlin sped up and Arthur bucked his hips, meeting his thrusts, needing more. Then Merlin reached a hand between them and pressed it against Arthur’s crotch, as he had done the other night in the lake. Arthur attempted to bite back a moan, but the combination of Merlin’s hand and Merlin’s hips moving against his own was too much.
“Oh god, yes, Merlin, oh god -”
Arthur could tell from Merlin’s erratic thrusts and the way he was gripping Arthur’s arms that he was feeling just as desperate and hungry for this as Arthur was. Neither of them were going to last very long. Arthur stuck his hand down next to Merlin’s and somehow managed to undo the button and the zipper on Merlin’s jeans. When Arthur’s fingers wrapped around Merlin’s cock, Merlin shuddered and slowed his hips for a moment. Arthur lifted his own hips and pulled Merlin down towards him with his free hand.
“Keep going, I’m - I’m close.”
Merlin started moving again, rubbing Arthur’s dick through his jeans in time with the movement of his hips. It wasn’t long before Arthur felt himself tipping over the edge.
“I’m gonna - I’m -” Arthur managed to choke out.
And then he came, eyes closed, head thrown back against the dock. Merlin gave a couple more thrusts and then followed him, Arthur could feel the stickiness of Merlin’s come on his fingers as he pulled his hand out of Merlin’s pants.
“That was amazing,” Merlin said softly. He had collapsed again Arthur’s chest, and Arthur could feel his heart pounding through his t-shirt. Arthur let his arms fall to his sides and sighed.
“Yeah.”
Merlin shimmied up Arthur’s body until he was lying with his chin resting on Arthur’s shoulder.
“I love you,” he whispered into Arthur’s ear.
Arthur didn’t even have to think before saying, “I love you too.”
And Arthur knew that he meant it. It just felt so natural say, as if he’d said it a million times before. Arthur smiled and wrapped his arms around Merlin, ignoring the widening wet spot forming on this jeans and the fact that he had no idea how they were going to explain all this to their friends.
“What a weekend,” murmured Merlin against Arthur’s neck.
Arthur laughed. “God, you can say that again.”
“We really do have the worst timing though don’t we?” Even though he knew Merlin was trying to laugh it off, Arthur could hear a note of sadness in Merlin’s voice.
“Better late than never though right?”
“Yeah,” Merlin answered.
“We’ll figure it out,” said Arthur, even though he was not at all sure how they were going to do that. He didn’t even know what was going to happen past this moment, once they left this dock and rejoined their friends, let alone when they were hundreds of miles apart living completely separate lives. But he didn’t want to think about any of that right now, they could deal with that later.
“We will,” said Merlin, pressing a kiss to Arthur’s cheek. And from the way he said it, Arthur completely believed him. They still had one whole day left of their weekend and they could figure out the rest as it came. For now, Arthur just wanted to savor this time with Merlin and the rest of his friends. Merlin had always been a part of his life and now Arthur knew that was not going to change any time soon.
*The End*
Pairing(s): Merlin/Arthur
Rating: R
Warnings: Underage (by US standards) drinking
Word Count: 9k
Summary: American high school AU, the gang take a weekend trip up to Arthur’s lake house after graduation and amidst a weekend of booze and general debauchery, Arthur is forced to confront his feelings about his best friend.
Notes: This was written for merlin_games based on the prompt ‘weekend getaway' (go teammodern!) Thanks so much to my lovely beta wickedcherub, you rock! Also, the title is from this song, and in the movie version of this in my mind, it would be playing in the background during Merlin and Arthur’s last scene, so do with that what you will.
“Arthur, have I told you lately how amazing your sister is?” Gwaine shouted from the backseat as he pawed through the bag of beer and liquor that Morgana had bought them for this weekend.
“You’re only saying that because you want to bone her,” Percy said matter of factly.
“What? No I - well, yeah, you’re right.” Gwaine just shrugged and continued his inventory of their alcohol supply.
“Guys, can we please not talk about Gwaine sleeping with my sister, or my sister at all for that matter? This is supposed to be a guy’s weekend; we’re supposed to be talking about guy stuff.”
“Arthur, girls are guy stuff, and your sister is hot,” Percy put in.
“Please fucking stop. Besides, she’s not that great, she definitely overcharged us for this stuff, there is no way that all cost $200.”
“Alright, well maybe we can discuss Lance here’s crush on Elyan’s sister instead,” Gwaine said, raising his eyebrows and making kissy faces at Lance who was sitting next to him in the back seat.
In the rearview mirror Arthur could see Lance’s cheeks flush as he slid down in his seat, obviously trying to disappear.
“There’s nothing to be ashamed of, she’s not bad looking either. I bet she’s into all kinds of kinky stuff, the quiet ones always are.”
“Gwaine, seriously?” said Elyan, elbowing Gwaine in the side, “Can we not discuss my sister’s sex life?”
“Alright fine,” Gwaine said, pouting. Then he reached up and poked Merlin, who was sitting in the passenger seat. “What about you Merlin? Any ladies on your radar?”
Merlin giggled, twisting away from Gwaine’s finger. “Shut up Gwaine, I’m trying to finish this book before we get to the cabin.”
“Seriously Emrys? You brought a book? Lame.” Defeated, Gwaine slumped back in his seat.
“Leave him alone Gwaine, it’s not his fault you don’t know how to read,” Arthur said, not taking his eyes off the road.
Gwaine just glared at Arthur and kicked the back of his seat.
The rest of the trip to the cabin was more of the same, and while Arthur would add in a couple jabs at Gwaine every now and then, he mostly just listened, soaking it all in, watching his friends happy faces in the rearview mirror, stealing looks at Merlin, face all screwed up in concentration as he read whatever million page novel he was currently engrossed in. It hadn’t quite sunk in yet that things wouldn’t be like this for much longer, with all of them together, living within walking distance from one another, spending lazy afternoons after school playing video games, living at each other’s houses, sneaking drinks from their parent’s liquor cabinets. In a few more weeks they were all going off to college, spread across the country, none of them in the same state. Arthur knew that they were all worried about it, but it wasn’t really something any of them talked about. This weekend, at Arthur’s father’s lake house, was the last time he knew they would all be in the same place. It was supposed to be a celebration, a graduation present to themselves, but it was bittersweet.
Arthur smiled as he watched Percy ruffle Lance’s hair as he teased him about Gwen, as Elyan pushed at Gwaine from where he sat smushed against the door. And then Merlin. Arthur’s heart clenched whenever he thought about being so far away from his friends, the boys he had grown up with, shared everything with, known his entire life. But when he thought about leaving Merlin, he felt like he couldn’t breathe. He shook his head, trying to shake away the thoughts, he couldn’t get all nostalgic and depressing now, they still had the whole weekend ahead of them.
***
As soon as Arthur parked the car, Gwaine was out and racing towards the cabin to claim his room.
“Gwaine, come on man,” Percy yelled as he hauled his duffle bag out of the trunk, “You couldn’t even carry in the booze?”
“No way I’m going to share a room with any of you,” he shouted back, “I need my privacy.”
“Yeah, so you can jerk off,” Lance called after him as Gwaine disappeared inside.
The rest of the boys grabbed the bags and started towards the house, Merlin hanging behind to help Arthur bring in the last of the food for the weekend. By the time Arthur and Merlin had made it into the house and put the food in the fridge, everyone else had already laid claim to their rooms and were starting to unpack their bags.
“So what rooms are left for us then?” asked Merlin, dragging his duffle bag down the hall behind him.
Arthur felt something twist in his stomach as he opened the last door to the last empty bedroom, his father’s room. They both stood outside the door looking in for a moment before Merlin stepped inside.
“So…there’s only one bed,” Merlin said, more a statement than a question.
Arthur shifted under the weight of the bag slung over his shoulder.
“Um, yeah. Well, it’s my dad’s room, so…just the one bed.”
“Alright, well…” Merlin was looking between the bed and Arthur, as if unsure what to do next.
“Is that alright?” Arthur took another step into the room. “I can go try and find an air mattress or something or -”
“No its fine, it’s a big bed right?”
Arthur swallowed, finding himself momentarily unable to speak.
“Um, yeah. Not sure why my dad needed a king size bed all to himself, but whatever. Works for us right? I mean - not us - but -”
“Maybe he was hoping to find someone to share it with?” Merlin said grinning and waggling his eyebrows at Arthur.
“Oh god, not you too. I’m making a new rule for this weekend, no more talking about any member of my family in any kind of romantic situation.”
Merlin giggled, “Alright, alright, sorry.”
“I think I’m scarred for life. I don’t think I can sleep in here.”
“Oh come on,” said Merlin, sitting on the edge of the bed. “This bed is amazing. Plus, I highly doubt your dad has had sex in the last ten years. I don’t think you have anything to worry about.”
“Oh my god,” shouted Arthur, clapping his hands over his ears and kicking Merlin in the shins. “Stop!”
Merlin just laughed and slid up the bed out of range of Arthur’s feet. Arthur grabbed one of the pillows he’d brought and jumped onto the bed, slamming it down onto Merlin’s face. Merlin shrieked and flailed around until his hand found another pillow, which he promptly used to whack Arthur in the face. And then it just descended into an all-out war.
“Ow!”
“You started it!”
“Watch the face loser!”
“The face? You just kneed me in the balls!”
“Boys boys boys, what is going on in here?” Merlin and Arthur both froze, pillows raised above their heads, poised to attack. Merlin was sprawled on his back and Arthur had ended up straddling his hips, one hand on Merlin shoulder, holding him down. Gwaine and Lance were standing in the doorway watching with quizzical expressions. A moment later Percy and Elyan appeared behind them, beers in hand, having wasted no time cracking open the drinks.
Arthur and Merlin both dropped their weapons and scrambled off opposite sides of the bed.
Arthur could feel himself flush; he had actually just started a pillow fight with his best friend and it felt as though the temperature in the room had suddenly spiked.
“Uh, nothing. I just - I’m gonna get a drink,” he muttered before slipping between Gwaine and Lance and fleeing to the kitchen.
Momentarily alone in the kitchen, Arthur took a couple deep breathes, attempting to slow his suddenly speeding pulse. He wasn’t quite sure why he was feeling so weird, he wrestled with Gwaine and Lance and the other guys all time, but somehow it felt different with Merlin. Not bad different, just….different. Before he could really think much more about that, the rest of the gang burst into the kitchen.
“I’m starving, what kind of food did we bring?” asked Gwaine, opening cabinets and rummaging through the food Arthur and Merlin had unpacked earlier.
Arthur looked past Gwaine and saw Merlin standing next to the table, fingers absently twisting in a plastic bag they had forgotten to throw out. Merlin looked up and Arthur saw a flash of something in Merlin’s eyes when they met his own, but it was gone before Arthur could put a name to it.
“I feel like pizza,” offered Percy, plopping down in a chair next to where Merlin stood.
“Pizza sounds good to me,” seconded Lance. “Do we have the stuff for that? Arthur?”
Arthur, who realized he had been blatantly staring at Merlin for the last couple minutes, straightened and spun around to look at Lance.
“Um, sorry, what?”
“Arthur are you ok man?” asked Elyan, sounding slightly concerned.
“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. Just, uh, worn out from driving. What did you guys want for dinner?”
The guys all exchanged a look.
“Pizza,” they all said in unison.
Arthur smiled, “Pizza it is then.”
The six of them managed to make a couple of halfway decent pizzas and a salad that Lance insisted on. (“Lance,” Gwaine had complained, “this is a guy’s weekend. Salad is not a manly food.” But Lance had ignored him and just given Gwaine an even larger helping of salad.)
After lots of pizza, a little bit of salad and a lot of beer, the six of them were sprawled across the couches in the living room reliving some of the more memorable moments of their high school career, including the time Gwaine had gotten suspended for dropping his pants (none of them could remember why he had done it in the first place), or the first time they had all gotten drunk together and Gwen had caught them and threatened to tell her parents but ended up staying and having a drink or two herself (which they all knew was because she was secretly in love with Lance), or when they had all gone to Merlin’s debate team finals to support him (with signs and everything) and had gotten kicked out for being too “enthusiastic”.
Arthur was definitely buzzed and heading quickly towards drunk, but he was happy, the uncomfortable confusion from earlier having dissipated. This was what this weekend was supposed to be, just the six of them like always, hanging out and savoring the little time together they had left. Arthur smiled and took another swig of his beer, stretching his foot out so he could reach Merlin, who was sitting on the floor and leaning against the couch, and ruffled his hair. Merlin turned to look at him and grinned.
“You are plastered.”
“Am not.”
Merlin just laughed and shook his head. “Alright, whatever you say.”
Just then Gwaine stood up, arms raised above his head. He swayed slightly and Lance reached out an arm to steady him.
“I have an idea,” he stage whispered dramatically.
“Shocking,” said Percy.
Lance chuckled and clapped Percy on the back. “I don’t like the sounds of that Gwaine.”
Elyan tipped his bottle towards Gwaine, “As long as it won’t get us arrested I’m in.”
Arthur, who was feeling very warm and kind of fantastic, nodded in agreement.
“Me too!”
Merlin, who seemed much too sober to Arthur (and maybe it was the alcohol, but Merlin’s eyes looked very blue, and Arthur could swear they kind of sparkled), smiled up at Gwaine. “What’s this idea then?”
“Time for a swim!” Gwaine shouted, whipping his shirt off and heading for the door before anyone else could move a muscle.
The rest of them looked at one another for a second, and then Elyan jumped up, shed his shirt and took off after Gwaine, throwing them a smile over his shoulder.
“Coming?”
Arthur, who was very comfortable in the nest he had created for himself on the couch, didn’t really love the idea of moving, but it seemed he wasn’t going to have much of a choice. Lance and Percy were both up and each pulling on one of his limbs as Merlin looked on with a grin on his face.
“Let’s go Arthur,” said Lance, “We have to go make sure Gwaine doesn’t drown and if I have to go, then you have to go too. It’s your cabin.”
Arthur let out a kind of groan/whine as he was pulled off the couch and into a standing position. Merlin, who had been watching, moved to his side and slung an arm around his shoulders.
“Come on Arthur, some fresh air will be good for you.”
Arthur may or may not have sighed a little bit at the heaviness of Merlin’s arm across his shoulders, and definitely didn’t attempt to nuzzle against Merlin’s face.
Merlin giggled, pushing at Arthur’s head with his shoulder, “Wake up Arthur, we have to go save Gwaine and Elyan.”
By the time the four of them made it down to the dock, Gwaine and Elyan were already in the water. Upon seeing them approaching, Gwaine let out a whoop and stood up, waving them towards the water. Which was when Arthur noticed that Gwaine was completely naked.
It took Arthur a beat to realize that he should probably avert his eyes; that it wasn’t appropriate to stare at your friend’s dick. It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen it before, Gwaine had no qualms with nudity and would strip at pretty much any opportunity, but the alcohol seemed to have dampened Arthur’s ability to control his eyes and he looked for a little longer than was probably acceptable.
“Skinny dipping Gwaine? Really?” Lance called from the shore, but he was lifting his shirt off over his head and unbuckling his belt as he said it.
“What, are you embarrassed Du Lac? Think you can’t compete?”
At that Lance dropped his pants, boxers and all and leaving them in a heap on the dock, cannonballed into the water, landing about a foot from Gwaine’s head.
Percy quickly followed (and by this time Arthur had gotten hold of himself enough so that he didn’t ending up staring, although he was pretty sure in a size competition Percy would beat them all by a mile).
And then it was just Merlin and Arthur left standing on the dock. Their friends beckoned from the water, Elyan sending splashes of water in their direction when they made no move to join them in the lake.
Merlin turned to look at Arthur, a slightly mischievous look in his eye. “What’d ya say Arthur? Up for a little swimming?” Merlin raised one eyebrow and smirked.
Arthur could feel himself flush and silently thanked Gwaine for waiting until nightfall for this particular activity. Then Merlin reached down and unzipped his jeans, stepping out of them one leg at a time before slipping out of his shirt and dropping it all on the dock. Arthur knew he should look away, knew that this was weird, not what best friends did, but he couldn’t seem to tear his eyes away. He was sure it was the beer, but there was something completely mesmerizing about the way the muscles in Merlin’s back moved as he raised his arms to tug his shirt over his head. Arthur had gone swimming with Merlin hundreds of times, it wasn’t as though he hadn’t seen him bare-chested like this before, but something was different tonight. Somehow it all felt new. And confusing. Very confusing, but also kind of good. Merlin met Arthur’s eyes very briefly and then dropped them quickly, as if he had seen something in Arthur’s eyes that scared him. He hooked his fingers into the top of his boxers and hesitated, his back to Arthur, head still down. Arthur’s happy, warm feeling from before was gone and replaced by a completely different kind of heat. He was fairly certain he was blushing from his head to his toes by now and he took a couple of deep breathes, trying to get his body back under his control.
“Are you coming in or what?” Gwaine shouted.
“You just want to see me naked don’t you,” called back Merlin.
“You got me Emrys, I’ve got a big huge crush on you. Now get in the water! You too Pendragon or I’m going to come up there and throw you in.”
Merlin laughed, then quickly stepped out of his boxers and slid into the water. Once he was fully submerged, he spun around so he was facing Arthur.
“Come on Arthur, the water’s really warm.”
Arthur didn’t move. He didn’t think he could get undressed with Merlin just standing there watching him. He was pretty sure if he tried undesirable things would happen.
“Um, yeah, give me a sec. I’ll be right in.”
He swallowed and shook his head to clear it. What the hell was going on? Why was this happening? He had known Merlin forever and had never felt uncomfortable around him. In fact, Merlin was the person he felt most comfortable with, Merlin probably knew more about Arthur than anyone else on the planet, including any of the rest of their friends. So why was he freaking out all of a sudden? It was just Merlin, the same guy he had grown up, had known since he could remember.
Arthur took another couple deep breathes, letting them out slowly. He turned around and pulled his shirt off then stepped out of his jeans and boxers all in one motion. He spun back around and before he could stop himself, his eyes found Merlin’s. Arthur could have sworn he saw Merlin’s eyes widen for a split second, but then Merlin coughed, choking on lake water, and Percy thumped him on the back. Arthur took the momentary distraction as an opportunity to jump in.
Gwaine was on top of him almost before he had a chance to surface, wrestling him back down under the water. Arthur laughed, swallowing a mouth full of water and reached up to pull Gwaine under the water as well. The two of them struggled for a minute or two before Elyan swam over and teamed up with Arthur, grabbing Gwaine’s arm and pulling it behind his back so he couldn’t reach Arthur. Gwaine thrashed around for a minute or so before deciding he was beat.
“Alright I give up! You win, you win!”
Arthur smiled, reaching out to shake Gwaine’s outstretched hand. “Good fight, although I think you might want to brush up on your skills.”
“Oh I totally could’ve taken you if Elyan here hadn’t intervened,” Gwaine glared at Elyan over Arthur’s shoulder, who just chuckled and ducked under the water, swimming over to where Lance and Percy were seeing who could hold their breath longer.
“I’ve gotta piss,” announced Gwaine, pulling himself up onto the dock and heading towards the woods.
“Are you actually running away from me?” called Arthur. “Scared I’ll beat you again?”
Gwaine made a rude gesture back at Arthur and then ducked into the trees at the edge of the lake.
Arthur sniggered and went to turn back towards the rest of his friends, but as he spun he found that Merlin had taken a step towards him at the same time and was suddenly very close. Arthur heard Merlin give a laugh that sounded more like a nervous exhale as they both tried to move away but Arthur moved to his right as Merlin moved to his left and they ended up almost colliding and somehow in the process of trying not to run each other over Merlin’s hand brushed Arthur’s cock. Arthur inhaled sharply.
They both froze immediately, which meant that Merlin’s hand was still in the water hovering right above Arthur’s now very alert dick, his pinky brushing it as the small waves rocked Merlin’s arm. Arthur lifted his head and saw that Merlin was staring at him with an intensity that Arthur hadn’t seen before, intensity, but there was also a question in his eyes. A question Arthur wasn’t sure he could answer. Merlin’s eyes flicked to the side, towards where Elyan, Lance, and Percy were now competing to see who could hold an underwater handstand the longest. Then Arthur felt Merlin’s hand move, one finger at a time, inching closer to Arthur, until his palm was resting against the length of Arthur’s cock, just barely brushing it. Arthur bit back a moan at the sensation and it came out as a kind of strangled choking instead. Merlin froze again, eyes still locked on Arthur’s, as if he was waiting for Arthur to give him some kind of signal.
He should move, he should turn around and swim over to the rest of their friends. This wasn’t right, they shouldn’t be doing this. Whatever this was.
But Arthur couldn’t seem to get his legs to cooperate. He was stuck in place, arms locked at his sides, eyes staring back into Merlin’s. Merlin seemed to take Arthur’s immobility as permission to continue and Arthur felt Merlin’s hand press harder again his cock, fingers slowly wrapping around. Arthur fought back the noises that were threatening to erupt from his throat, breaking eye contact with Merlin to tip his head back, focusing on trying to keep his breathing steady. Merlin’s hand began to move along Arthur’s now hard cock and oh god -
“Hey boys, did I miss anything?”
Merlin and Arthur sprang apart as Gwaine came traipsing down the dock, still completely naked and slipped into the water next to them.
“Um - nothing - I uh, I need to go inside and - um - I think I forgot to put the chicken in the fridge and uh, make sure everyone has towels.”
Gwaine gave Arthur a puzzled look, then rolled his eyes and laughed.
“Always the perfect host aren’t you? Whatever, us fun people will see you inside later after you’ve organized the kitchen cabinets to your specifications.”
Usually Arthur would have come up with some kind of snarky response to this but right now he just had to get away. He dove under the water and swam towards shore, trying to get as far away from his friends as possible before getting out of the water to minimize the chances that they would see his incredibly inconvenient hard on. He remembered his clothes just as he stood up, but there was no way he was walking back down the dock to get them, so instead he just turned and sprinted towards the cabin and prayed none of the neighbors would look outside.
He had heard Merlin call his name as he ran but Arthur couldn’t look at him. He didn’t know what had just happened, but he knew that looking back at Merlin was not going to make anything less complicated. Once inside Arthur ran straight for the shower and turned the water on hot. He stood under the scalding water, one hand pressed against the wall, the other wrapped tightly around his cock. He jerked himself, trying to picture Sophie or Elena or the number of celebrities he usually used to get off, but he kept seeing Merlin’s face, Merlin’s hand moving under the water, Merlin’s eyes burning into his, Merlin’s hand on his cock. He came, hard, his come mixing with the lake water and shower water, sliding down his skin in little droplets. He leaned forward, head resting on his hand, breathing hard. He had just come thinking about Merlin. What the fuck was going on?
When the rest of them came back inside Arthur was already in bed with the lights out. He could hear them laughing and talking outside his room, arguing over who would shower first and searching for the towels Arthur had completely forgotten to get out for them. Arthur sighed, he knew he should get up and go help them, but he just couldn’t face Merlin right now. Especially not when they were going to be sharing a bed that night. He didn’t think Merlin would have said anything about what had happened in the lake to any of their friends but he wasn’t completely sure, and Arthur was definitely not ready to talk about it yet. With anyone. Better to just pretend he was sleeping and deal with it in the morning.
A little while later, Arthur felt the covers lift and Merlin climb into the bed beside him. He could feel Merlin slide towards the edge of the bed, apparently trying to get as far away from Arthur as possible. Arthur was too exhausted to try and figure out what that meant. He squeezed his eyes closed tighter and pulled the blankets up further around his neck. He was just drifting off to sleep when he heard Merlin whisper.
“Arthur?”
Arthur said nothing, concentrating on his breathing, slow breaths in and out. After a minute or two Merlin sighed, but seeming satisfied that Arthur was asleep, he adjusted his pillow and rolled onto his side.
When he was sure Merlin was asleep, Arthur turned onto his other side, towards Merlin. Merlin had ended up on his back, fingers curled in the blankets tucked up under his chin. Arthur could smell the sweet scent of Merlin’s shampoo and he watched as his eyelashes fluttered against his pale skin as he dreamt. Arthur wondered what he was dreaming about, wished he could climb inside Merlin’s head and read his thoughts, find out what the fuck had happened between them tonight. Was it what Merlin wanted? Had he liked it? Arthur had thought he understood Merlin, knew what he was thinking, what he felt. But now he felt like a door had been opened, a door to another part of Merlin that Arthur had never thought about before, never noticed, and didn’t understand at all.
***
The first thing Arthur noticed when he woke up the next morning was that neither he nor Merlin had managed to stay on their respective sides of the bed and were now laying right up against one another with their legs all tangled together and Merlin’s head resting against Arthur’s chest. The second thing he noticed was that he was very obviously hard and his cock was pressed up against Merlin’s leg. Merlin, thankfully, was still asleep. Arthur squeezed his eyes shut, hoping that when he opened them this would turn out to be some kind of strange dream, but of course it wasn’t. When he opened his eyes he was still staring down at the top of Merlin’s curly black hair covered head and his incredibly inconvenient hard on was still poking his friend in the leg. Merlin shifted slightly and Arthur had to bite his lip to hold back a groan at the feeling of flannel pajamas rubbing against his sensitive cock.
Arthur considered trying to sneak out of bed before Merlin woke up, but every time he tried to pull away, Merlin made a little snuffly noise and burrowed his head in closer against Arthur’s chest. So that’s why he wasn’t moving. Because he wanted to let Merlin sleep. Definitely not because Arthur liked the feeling of Merlin resting against his chest, or because he was rather enjoying the sensation of having his cock pressed up against his friend’s leg, or the feeling of Merlin’s breath warm across his neck, or the lingering shampoo smell of Merlin’s hair. Arthur closed his eyes, maybe he could just lie here and pretend to still be asleep and then let Merlin make the decision about how to best deal with the situation once he woke up.
Of course, then Arthur’s phone rang.
Arthur flung his arm out to the side trying to grab it where it sat on the bedside table without disturbing Merlin, but it was just out of reach. Merlin shifted again and made another little noise and Arthur froze. With his arm still outstretched he peered back over his shoulder towards Merlin who was looking up at him through half open eyes. Slowly, Arthur retracted his arm and laid his head back down on the pillow. Merlin moved slightly, pulling his head up off of Arthur and adjusting his legs. Arthur inhaled sharply as Merlin’s leg brushed Arthur’s cock. Merlin looked at Arthur, concern in his eyes, but Arthur could see his face change when he realized what had happened. Merlin’s eyes darted down towards where their legs were intertwined and then back up at Arthur’s face, that same questioning look from the night before back once again.
“Is that - um… ”
Merlin broke off, apparently unable to finish the question, but Arthur knew exactly what he was asking. Arthur could feel a blush spreading over his neck and up his face and he wished he could throw the covers over his head and disappear. Why hadn’t he gotten out of bed when he had the chance? Because he didn’t want to a small voice in his head whispered. Arthur shook his head slightly, trying to dislodge the voice. Merlin, thinking Arthur was shaking his head at him, shifted slightly again, away from Arthur.
“No, sorry, I wasn’t - I didn’t mean - ” Arthur stopped, taking a moment to get the words straight in his head before continuing. “I wasn’t shaking my head at you.”
“Oh.”
Merlin’s eyes widened and for a moment neither of them moved. Then Merlin very slowly slotted his leg back between Arthur’s. Arthur felt the pressure of Merlin’s thigh on his cock again, and also something new. He could now feel Merlin’s cock, hard against Arthur’s own thigh. Arthur gasped slightly, and Merlin smiled up at him. Then Merlin reached out a hand and gently ran it down Arthur’s cheek, and over the curve of his jaw. Arthur’s eyes fluttered shut at the sensation. Then suddenly, he could feel Merlin’s breath on his face and the shampoo smell was even stronger than before and before Arthur could open his eyes, he felt Merlin’s lips on his. Reflexively, Arthur pulled back. As the warmth of Merlin’s lips disappeared Arthur felt a flash of regret, but it was too late. Merlin drew back, looking at Arthur, confusion plain on his face and a blush spreading across his cheeks.
“Sorry,” Merlin murmured, “I thought you wanted - ” His eyes darted around the room, looking anywhere but at Arthur.
Arthur chewed his lip, watching Merlin avoid his eyes and wishing he knew what the fuck was going on. His cock was still straining uncomfortably against his underwear, slightly tenting the sheets that were now pooled around his hips. He shifted away from Merlin and pulled himself up into a sitting position.
“It’s ok, it - it’s fine - I’m just gonna go grab a shower. Um - yeah.” Arthur swung his legs around and slid off the bed, attempting to adjust his pajamas to conceal his erection. It wasn’t working.
“Arthur,” Merlin started, now apparently recovered enough to make eye contact again. “Arthur, wait. What’s going on with you? I keep thinking that you - that you’re - and then you keep running away.”
“I’m not running away,” Arthur said, crossing his hands over his crotch in a completely obvious attempt to hide his tented pajama pants, “I just really need a shower.”
“Oh.”
“Look, I’ll see you at breakfast okay?”
“Yeah, sure.” Merlin sighed quietly and suddenly became very interested in his hands which were picking at the sheets in his lap.
Arthur knew Merlin was right, he was running away, but he had no fucking clue what to say to Merlin right now. Nothing was making sense in his head and he needed some time to sort it all out. Once in the bathroom, Arthur stripped off his t-shirt and pajama bottoms, stepped under the scalding water, and jerked off for the second time that weekend to thoughts of Merlin.
The day just got progressively more awkward from there. Arthur kept finding himself inadvertently staring at Merlin and whenever Merlin would catch him looking, Arthur would turn bright red and fumble through some excuse about why he had to leave the room suddenly. Merlin tried on more than one occasion to talk to Arthur about what had happened that morning but Arthur kept dodging him. In one instance, which he was not at all proud of, he had actually hidden behind Percy in an attempt to avoid Merlin. He was pretty sure the rest of their friends had realized that something was going on with the two of them, Lance and Elyan had both asked Arthur multiple times if he was alright, but Arthur just couldn’t bring himself to talk to any of them about it. Somehow Arthur and Merlin made it through the entire day without being alone in the same room together, which Arthur was both relieved and upset by. He hated avoiding Merlin; he didn’t think he’d ever gone a day without talking to Merlin since they’d met and he kept finding himself turning to tease Merlin about something or laugh about some inside joke and then remembering. It was just temporary, he kept telling himself, just until he got it all figured out in his head, then they could fix things, go back to the way they were. And everything seemed to be going okay. That is, until Gwaine suggested drinking games, then it all went to hell.
***
“We’re playing Never Have I Ever,” announced Gwaine, as he strode into the living room with a handle of rum in one hand and a two liter bottle of Coke in the other.
Lance groaned, “Gwaine, seriously? You remember you suck at drinking games right? You got so plastered last time we almost had to take you to the hospital.”
“Yeah,” said Elyan, “and we’re out in the middle of nowhere now so who knows where the nearest hospital is.”
Gwaine ignored them both and set about pouring drinks. When he had finished and had handed them all out, he stood in the middle of the circle and raised his hands above his head to get their attention.
“Alright, so, rules.”
“Gwaine, we already know how to play,” interrupted Percy.
Gwaine shot him a look, but continued, “Each person says, ‘never have I ever’ and then something they haven’t done, and if you have done whatever they say you have to take a drink, and then first person to finish their drink loses. Got it?”
“Yes Gwaine, we got it before you explained,” said Arthur from where he was sprawled on the couch. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Merlin smirk and it gave him a weird twisty feeling in the pit of his stomach.
“Alright then Pendragon, if you’re so smart then you can go first.”
Arthur rolled his eyes at his friend, but obediently tried to think of something to start the game off with.
“Uh, never have I ever…been stung by a bee.”
“Lame,” said Gwaine, “Come on Arthur, spice it up a little.”
“You’re just mad because you have to take a drink,” Percy said, taking a sip of his own drink.
Gwaine just scowled and downed a bit of his rum and coke.
They continued on like that until everyone was pretty buzzed and nearing the actually drunk stage. None of the answers were really a surprise; they knew each other too well for that. He knew that Lance was the only one of them who was still a virgin (he was very zen about it, but Gwaine teased him relentlessly), he knew that they had all broken a bone except for Percy, and he knew that Elyan had somehow managed to have a threesome with two girls from school, (which Gwaine was exceedingly jealous about). He did learn some things about Gwaine’s sex life that he would have preferred not to know, but nothing any of them were the least bit shocked by.
“Alright,” slurred Gwaine, “Last question: never have I ever kissed another dude.”
Arthur felt his heart jump up into his throat and tried to will away the blush he knew was creeping up his cheeks. Before he could stop himself, his eyes flashed towards Merlin, who was staring back at Arthur, an unreadable expression on his face. Arthur’s eyes widened, trying to convey, no, don’t say anything, don’t tell them without alerting the rest of their friends. Merlin’s eyes narrowed slightly and then Arthur’s whole world seemed to shift into slow motion. Arthur saw Merlin raise his glass, still staring pointedly across the circle at Arthur. He saw him tip the cup glass back and take a sip, and he watched Merlin’s Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed. And then time caught back up and began to move normally again.
“Alright Emrys!” Gwaine bellowed, lurching forward to high five Merlin. Merlin put out his hand to oblige Gwaine, but he was still staring at Arthur. Arthur could feel his own heart pounding in his chest. He looked down at his hands and then back up at Merlin, who hadn’t dropped his gaze. What exactly did Merlin want him to do? He didn’t actually expect Arthur to take a drink also did he? Arthur could see Lance looking at him with a concerned look on his face, and Percy and Elyan were exchanging a slightly confused look. No one really seemed to know what to say.
“Arthur,” Merlin mouthed, looking pointedly at the cup in Arthur’s hand and then back up towards his face. Arthur shook his head minutely. He couldn’t. Arthur could see a flash of something in Merlin’s eyes, and he could tell from the tight set of Merlin’s jaw that he was upset. Then Merlin stood up abruptly, his chair jumping backwards with the force of it. His eyes met Arthur’s once more and then he turned on his heel and walked out of the room. A second later Arthur heard the front door slam. No one moved for a moment, and in any other situation Arthur would have found the shocked expressions on their faces laughable.
“What the fuck just happened?” Elyan asked. Percy just shrugged his shoulders.
“Apparently Emrys has been kissing guys,” offered Gwaine.
“Shut up Gwaine,” said Lance harshly. He turned towards Arthur, concern plain on his face. “Are you alright Arthur? You look like you’re about to puke.”
Arthur cleared his throat and shook his head in an attempt to clear it.
“Um, no, no I’m fine. I - I just need some water. I’ll be right back.” Arthur pulled himself off the couch, his legs felt kind of wobbly and he had to hold onto the back of the couch to make his way across the room to the kitchen. Once in the kitchen, he turned on the faucet and splashed some water on his face and then just stood there, leaning against the counter, feeling the coolness of the granite seep into his palms. He took a few deep breaths, attempting to slow down his racing heart. What was Merlin thinking? That kiss from this morning barely counted, it wasn’t really a kiss, surely that hadn’t been what he was referring to just now? But then that brought up images of Merlin kissing guys other than him, which made Arthur feel slightly queasy.
Alright, thought Arthur, that was it. They needed to talk about this. Whatever this was. It was going to drive both of them crazy if they didn’t and he didn’t want to spend their last two weeks in the same state awkwardly avoiding each other. Before he could change his mind, Arthur turned and followed Merlin out the door.
From the cabin’s porch Arthur could see Merlin sitting down on the dock, not moving. Arthur felt panic rise in his chest and he fought back the urge to turn around and go back inside with the rest of his friends. Where he knew what was going on. Where his head wasn’t yelling a hundred different things at him, where he knew who he was and who they were and what they were to each other. This thing with Merlin was taking up so much space in his head he felt like his brain was trying to claw its way out of his skull. No, he needed to figure this, them -if there even was a them- out. So he stepped off the porch and headed down towards the water.
When he reached the dock, Merlin was sprawled out on his back, one hand trailing circles in the water below him. He didn’t look up when Arthur stepped onto the dock, but Arthur could see Merlin’s body tense up as the platform shifted under Arthur’s weight. Arthur took a deep breath, trying to figure out what the fuck he was going to say to Merlin once he reached the end of the dock. Merlin continued staring straight up at the sky, as if he hadn’t noticed Arthur at all, which was doing nothing to help Arthur’s inner freak out. When he got to Merlin, Arthur dropped down and sat next to him, staring straight ahead, eyes looking out over the water.
For what felt like an eternity to Arthur, but was probably only a minute or two, neither of them said anything. The only sound was that of the water gently rocking the dock and small waves breaking against the rocks on the shore. Arthur stared intensely at the moonlight reflecting off the water as if it could give him some secret insight into his situation and the inner workings of his own mind. It didn’t.
Fuck it, one of them had to say something.
“Merlin, I-”
“It’s weird isn’t it, to think that next year we’ll all be at different schools? I mean, hell, we won’t even be in the same states,” Merlin said, apparently not even noticing that Arthur had spoken.
Arthur, caught off guard, took a second to answer. “Yeah, it is, fucking weird.”
Arthur looked over at Merlin, but he was still staring up at the stars and absently moving his hand in the water. “We’ll still see each other though.”
Merlin’s hand stopped moving and just hung off the edge of the dock. “But it won’t be the same will it?”
Arthur felt his chest tighten, that familiar feeling that came on whenever he thought about his friends, and Merlin in particular, splitting up and leaving him alone at a new school with all new people.
“No, I guess it won’t be.”
Arthur unfolded his legs and lay down, stretching out alongside Merlin. He felt something bump his arm and then Merlin’s hand slid into his, squeezing tightly when Arthur didn’t pull away. Arthur glanced down at their hands before fixing his gaze on the bright star straight above them.
“It’ll be different but we’ll still talk. And New Haven isn’t that far from New York City, so I can come and visit and you can introduce me to all your hipster art school friends.”
Merlin gave a little laugh at that, but Arthur could feel Merlin’s fingers curl even more tightly around his hand, as if he was afraid Arthur was going to slip out of his grasp and be lost forever. Arthur gave a quick squeeze back, the feeling of Merlin’s hand in his was helping to loosen the tightness in his chest. It was nice, lying here together on the dock, just the two of them. Arthur didn’t want to ruin the moment, but he had to say something, he couldn’t just leave things the way they were between them, confusing and unsaid and absolutely fucking terrifying.
“I’m sorry,” he said, voice almost a whisper, “for, you know, this morning, and then just now with the game, I just - I -”
“It’s okay,” Merlin said, finally turning his head to look at Arthur. “I shouldn’t have walked out, that was stupid. I shouldn’t have pushed you, I think this whole college thing is just messing with my head,” Merlin paused and Arthur could see him swallow the way he always did when he was nervous. “And…you. Leaving you is messing with my head too.”
It was silent again for a moment while Arthur tried to work out what to say. Nothing immediately came to mind that didn’t sound completely idiotic and so he may have actually given a sigh of relief when Merlin spoke again.
“It’s alright, you - you don’t have to say anything, it’s okay if you don’t feel the same way. I just figured I better say something before we all left you know? Just in case. And then with everything that happened last night and this morning…I thought maybe…”
Arthur cleared his throat, suddenly accurately aware that Merlin’s shoulder was pressed up against his own and that he could feel Merlin’s bony hip jutting into his above their still-clasped hands. This was made even worse by the fact that Merlin was now squirming nervously next to him.
“So…are you…gay?” Arthur’s voice involuntarily dropped to a whisper on the last word. He could feel his own face flush and his palm grow sweaty where it touched Merlin’s.
Merlin turned his head away from Arthur and back up towards the sky before answering. “Yeah.”
“Oh.”
Silence again.
Then Merlin lifted their clasped hands off the dock and gave a little nod towards them.
“Thanks for letting me do this. We don’t have to if it’s freaking you out.”
Without really meaning to, Arthur clasped Merlin’s hand even harder, tugging them back down to rest on the dock. “It’s not freaking me out.”
“Ok.”
Neither of them said anything for a couple minutes, and Arthur closed his eyes and just listened to the sound of his own breathing, trying to match it with the rhythm of Merlin’s breaths. He focused on the feeling of Merlin’s hand in his, on the spots where their bodies were touching. He could smell Merlin, that familiar Merlin smell he was so used to, now tinged with alcohol and lake water. If he concentrated he thought he could feel Merlin’s pulse on the inside of his wrist beating against Arthur’s fingers.
“I think I am too.”
Arthur kept his eyes closed, but he could feel Merlin tense up momentarily and turn his head to look at Arthur.
“Gay?”
“Yeah.”
“Oh. So, um.” Arthur could hear Merlin swallow again.
Arthur took a deep breath; he might as well just get it all out now. “I think I like you. Like, you know, in more than a friend way.”
“Oh.”
Arthur opened his eyes and turned to look at Merlin who was staring at him with a kind of shocked/hopeful expression on his face. “Yeah.”
“Is this a new thing or…”
Arthur gave a little laugh, this whole conversation was just so far from any conversation he thought he’d be having this weekend. This weekend was supposed to be full of booze and beaches not crises of sexual orientation.
“I honestly don’t know. I guess not. I just know that thinking about you leaving in a couple weeks is not something I like doing, that I liked what happened in the lake last night and kissing you this morning and holding your hand right now, and that I can’t imagine my life without you in it.”
Merlin smiled and squeezed Arthur’s hand again, sliding a little closer so that they were pressed against each other along the entire length of their bodies.
“I think I had been avoiding the fact that we’re all leaving, that you’re leaving, and it just sunk in this weekend. And - and I really don’t want you to leave.”
Merlin sat up, pulling his knees into his chest and wrapping his free arm around them. He brought their clasped hands up towards him and pressed a kiss against the back of Arthur’s hand.
“I can’t imagine my life without you either and I hate the idea of us not living across the street from each other, but like you said, it’s not like we’ll never see each other again.”
Then Merlin unwrapped his arm from his legs and swung a leg over Arthur’s so he was straddling his hips. “You can’t get rid of me that easily,” he said, grinning.
Arthur smiled back up at him, then reached up and pulled Merlin down towards him and kissed him. It was soft and tentative at first, like the kiss from that morning, but it quickly deepened and took on an almost desperate quality. Merlin slowly lowered himself down so he was stretched out on top of Arthur, pressing his weight into him little by little. Arthur slid his hands down Merlin’s sides to his hips, tugging him down so their bodies were flush against each other. Merlin gave a little gasp and Arthur could feel that Merlin was hard against his leg. Arthur felt a pool of warmth gathering in his stomach. He could still hear a little voice in the back of his head saying What are you doing? He’s your friend, you shouldn’t be doing this but Arthur pushed it away and kissed Merlin even harder. He knew they still had a lot to talk about, to work out, but this, what they were doing now, felt right. Merlin gave a little roll of his hips and Arthur groaned. Merlin giggled and Arthur knew he was blushing.
“You like that huh?”
“Shut up and do it again,” growled Arthur, but he smiled up at Merlin as he pulled him down for another kiss.
Arthur was hard and straining against his jeans, and the friction of Merlin’s cock on his, even through many layers of clothing, was almost more than he could handle. Arthur let his knees fall to the side, and Merlin quickly slotted himself between them, giving another few experimental rolls of his hips.
“Faster,” choked out Arthur as slid his hands down Merlin’s back and into his back pockets, cupping his ass through his jeans. “Faster, please.”
Arthur thought briefly about trying to rid himself and Merlin of the extra clothing, but he didn’t relish the idea of getting splinters in his ass, plus, undressing would mean they had to momentarily stop what they were doing and Arthur did not like the sound of that at all.
Merlin sped up and Arthur bucked his hips, meeting his thrusts, needing more. Then Merlin reached a hand between them and pressed it against Arthur’s crotch, as he had done the other night in the lake. Arthur attempted to bite back a moan, but the combination of Merlin’s hand and Merlin’s hips moving against his own was too much.
“Oh god, yes, Merlin, oh god -”
Arthur could tell from Merlin’s erratic thrusts and the way he was gripping Arthur’s arms that he was feeling just as desperate and hungry for this as Arthur was. Neither of them were going to last very long. Arthur stuck his hand down next to Merlin’s and somehow managed to undo the button and the zipper on Merlin’s jeans. When Arthur’s fingers wrapped around Merlin’s cock, Merlin shuddered and slowed his hips for a moment. Arthur lifted his own hips and pulled Merlin down towards him with his free hand.
“Keep going, I’m - I’m close.”
Merlin started moving again, rubbing Arthur’s dick through his jeans in time with the movement of his hips. It wasn’t long before Arthur felt himself tipping over the edge.
“I’m gonna - I’m -” Arthur managed to choke out.
And then he came, eyes closed, head thrown back against the dock. Merlin gave a couple more thrusts and then followed him, Arthur could feel the stickiness of Merlin’s come on his fingers as he pulled his hand out of Merlin’s pants.
“That was amazing,” Merlin said softly. He had collapsed again Arthur’s chest, and Arthur could feel his heart pounding through his t-shirt. Arthur let his arms fall to his sides and sighed.
“Yeah.”
Merlin shimmied up Arthur’s body until he was lying with his chin resting on Arthur’s shoulder.
“I love you,” he whispered into Arthur’s ear.
Arthur didn’t even have to think before saying, “I love you too.”
And Arthur knew that he meant it. It just felt so natural say, as if he’d said it a million times before. Arthur smiled and wrapped his arms around Merlin, ignoring the widening wet spot forming on this jeans and the fact that he had no idea how they were going to explain all this to their friends.
“What a weekend,” murmured Merlin against Arthur’s neck.
Arthur laughed. “God, you can say that again.”
“We really do have the worst timing though don’t we?” Even though he knew Merlin was trying to laugh it off, Arthur could hear a note of sadness in Merlin’s voice.
“Better late than never though right?”
“Yeah,” Merlin answered.
“We’ll figure it out,” said Arthur, even though he was not at all sure how they were going to do that. He didn’t even know what was going to happen past this moment, once they left this dock and rejoined their friends, let alone when they were hundreds of miles apart living completely separate lives. But he didn’t want to think about any of that right now, they could deal with that later.
“We will,” said Merlin, pressing a kiss to Arthur’s cheek. And from the way he said it, Arthur completely believed him. They still had one whole day left of their weekend and they could figure out the rest as it came. For now, Arthur just wanted to savor this time with Merlin and the rest of his friends. Merlin had always been a part of his life and now Arthur knew that was not going to change any time soon.
*The End*