Sorry for This Message, Merlin ficlet

[ourspacesongs]

Title: Sorry For This Message (lyrics from Scott Alan's 'Now')
Rating: R
Pairing: Merlin/Arthur
Summary: Arthur leaves Merlin a voicemail after they've broken up.


Hey, you've reached Merlin, leave a message after the beep.

BEEP.

um hi
Its Me. Or, I mean, its Arthur.
I just wanted to call and say that-
I found that hat you were looking for...and...I know I-

Fuck.

I'm just...I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry for everything that happened. And I know I have no right to call you, and I know that I'm the last person you want to hear from, but I just needed you to know that. I miss you so much.

I miss you watching me brush my teeth in the morning and-
I miss your awful coffee and your burnt toast
I miss you running your fingers through my hair while we watched tv
I miss your mouth
I miss you teasing me about my driving
I miss watching you light up when you talk about your work
I miss you calling me 'A'
I miss calling you from work to complain about my crazy boss

I miss-
I miss us.

I hate that I hurt you. The idea of you in even a fraction of the amount of pain I am in kills me. I know you probably hate me. Maybe knowing that I am suffering will make this easier for you. I hope so.

I know it was selfish of me to call, that this probably helps me more than you, but-
I don't think I can get through this without you. You got me through so much M, and I just...I need you to get through this too.

But I know I can't have you. I know he gets you now.
I'm sorry. I shouldn't have called.

I'm sorry.

I love you.

BEEP