"In church today they asked us to write down the people who have impacted our lives the most and furthered our walk with God... .you were the first name and only name I put down... i love you so much Diana. You've helped me grow and everyday continue to help"

when you say things like that, it makes me want to stop hating you. i mean, i don't hate ( Read more... )

you say your hurting is over. it feels like you're back from the dead. but still, i can't believe it's over, and i can't get your sight, your scentt from my head. it seems like these moments are lasting forever, the times when we felt alive. you carried my heart in the midst of this battle in your hands. two lives, two books of illusions, a chapter ( Read more... )

I JUST WON A TRIP TO POWERCHORDACADEMY FOR A WEEK SESSION.

if you don't know wtf i'm talking about, find out here. :]]]]

so i went to my psychologist today, like my mom scheduled a on monday.

diagnosis: i went from bipolar ii to bipolar i

in english: i'm having more mixed states (rather than a period of depression THEN a period of mania, they're both happening at once & more frequently), which results in a higher risk of me trying to kill myself, hurt myself, and drug ( Read more... )

"every word you said tonight broke my heart. i really hope you're okay. i'm worried."

i didn't mean any of it, or at least i didn't want to.

i did hurt myself though, and i am ashamed. it was the only relief i seemed to get last night.

it took a lot of the pain from my heart and my mind away,

even if it was only for one night, it was a break,

i am so ( Read more... )

as i was trying to sleep last night, i remember that one day back in september. we talked to each other for over 13 hours; from when we got home from school until four a.m. i constantly asked you, "aren't you sick of me yet?"  and you'd always answer "no." or "i'd never get sick of you." guess things changed.

And when we get home, I know we won't be ( Read more... )

sarah made me a new layout :D. check it, bitches.

i had the weirdest dream ever. we were at a park, and a lot of people were in it, but the ones that stand out the most are macon, becky, and brian. macon and becky were holding hands, and some random person came up to them and asked them if they were together. becky started crying, and ran away. i ( Read more... )

i finally wrote song last night. nothing amazing, but it's something.

i'm glad i was finally able to, but i didn't get any feelings of relief, of exposure, of anything.

and it's really hurting me to know that i've gotten to this point where music isn't helping anymore.

on friday, i went to vanessa's, and kasmira was there. we were trying to figure out what to do, so we went to the mall and picked up vanita on the way. we sat in target arguing on what to do, and we finally decided to just rent movies and watch them at vanessa's. we went to hollywood video and we rented she's the man & the quiet.

so i went into my ( Read more... )

i'm not okay.

my eating habits went to hell, my sleep is non-existent, and i don't know who i am.

talk about a pre-midlife crisis.