[ FINAL FANTASY VII ] Give Anything
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They’ve been travelling for something that feels close to weeks now. Zack’s been incessantly yapping on about nothing in particular the whole way, and sometimes Cloud feels like he should respond more animatedly to the man. Grunts just don’t cut it anymore, and while Cloud enjoys the sound of the ex-SOLDIER’s voice, he’s worried Zack will stop smiling and chatting soon enough.
“Cloud? You doing okay there, buddy?”
Zack smiles at him, eyes inquiring, and Zack’s smile is so alive, so bright even though everything just seems bleak, bleak, bleak. Cloud would give the world to respond to that. He’d do anything to nod his head and smile, reassure the other that he’s absolutely okay, tell him he’s sorry for being such a dead weight, and maybe even tell Zack that he talks too much. He tries to do one of the four, any of the four, but he can’t. Nothing comes out; nothing works the way it should. His mouth doesn’t even move, and his eyes can’t even bring themselves to make contact with Zack’s.
Zack continues to smile anyway, as if Cloud’s just spoken, and it’s like Zack knows what Cloud would say. “Yeah, don’t worry about it.” He says flippantly, “You’ve been holding out great. Though you could stand to lose a few pounds - lugging you around everywhere is a real workout.”
Cloud wants to laugh at that. He’s as skinny as a stick, and he has no muscle on him - none like Zack’s, anyway - and what he could stand to do was gain about 100 pounds, let alone lose any. Cloud wants to smirk, wants to tell the guy that hey, he’s a SOLDIER, so he gets no allowances of complaints. Then he wants to feel Zack grab him in a rough headlock, messing up his hair in revenge for that smartass remark. It’s funny how Cloud used to hate how Zack would do that. Now he wants it more than anything.
Zack’s still speaking with that affectionately teasing tone in his voice. “I mean, you thought SOLDIER training was intense? Ain’t got nothing on carrying you around, spike.”
And Cloud wants to smile so bad and hit Zack for that. He tries to force his body to do something, anything that resembles acknowledgement or objection at the playful jibe. What comes out are tears.
They slide down his cheeks, unbidden and warm against his cold face. Cloud tries to get them to stop. It’s his first reaction since the bloody mako and he just wants them to stop. Infantrymen aren’t meant to cry like this, but even through his goddamn mako addiction the tears just keep coming. Zack’s face is alarmed now, and then… sad.
Zack looks sad, Cloud realizes through his daze, and there’s this apologetic look on his face.
Don’t be sorry, why are you sorry? I should be the one apologizing.
And Zack kneels down in front of his subordinate - no, his friend - and gently wipes away the tears with his thumb. His hand caresses Cloud’s cheek, and Cloud is regretful, sad, ashamed and helpless all at once.
“I’m sorry, spike… If I were stronger, this wouldn’t have happened.” Zack whispers in Cloud’s ear, calloused thumb lightly tracing his cheekbone. Cloud thinks he hears a tremor in Zack’s voice, but that could just be his warped mind throwing more hallucinations at him. “I dragged you into this, so I promise I’ll get you out of it.”
Just a few months ago, Cloud would’ve been mortified at being so close to this perfect warrior. Now all he can think is, Why are you apologizing!? I don’t want you to see me like this. I believe in you. We’ll be fine.
Zack leans back to look at Cloud and tries to smile again, tries to look reassuring, but the smile comes out broken. Zack closes his eyes, and then opens them again.
“We’ll be fine. So… don’t cry, alright?”
And it destroys Cloud to hear a sudden choked sob coming from his hero, his mentor, his peer, his first friend. It completely ruins him to see that always-smiling, always-confident face gone. It tears at his heart when Zack’s face is buried in his shoulder, and there’s nothing he can do to comfort him. He can’t even reach out a hand, can’t even embrace him and tell him that guys - especially SOLDIERs - don’t cry.
Cloud would give anything to respond, but all that comes is this soft sigh. It’s so faint, so quiet that Cloud doesn’t think Zack hears it - but it’s at that sigh that Zack laughs pitifully and pulls away to look at him again. Zack’s eyes are slightly moist, but there’s this soft, sad smile on his features.
“I’m sorry.” He whispers, and leans forward and gently kisses Cloud on the lips.
Cloud’s thoughts are suddenly flooding at the words, and his mind is screaming from the action. All this emotion, all at once, and Cloud’s never been kissed before, let alone by a guy, let alone by his hero, let alone by Zack. And all of a sudden it feels like farewell; it feels sad and empowering and he doesn’t ever want to be without Zack, this guy who’s taken care of him for no reason except friendship, this guy who’s so goddamn perfect, this guy who’s always been there when Cloud’s striving to reach his dreams.
You don’t have to apologize. Just don’t ever leave me.
He doesn’t care how clingy or childish it sounds. Cloud would give the world to say it.
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A/N: Short, but a very compulsive thing that came to me just before I was meant to go to bed. So, I stayed up for an hour and wrote it out. As always, enjoy!