It all started on Saturday. A birthday party for a 5 year old. I thought I had planned well, I ate a healthy lunch just before we were to go, the plan was to be full of healthy food so I wouldn't eat junk
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Did you eat before the party? While it may not be the healthiest meal, 2 slices of pizza and some chips really isn't that much. I can understand if you've been making an effort to avoid processed foods it probably felt like an overload.
I guess I feel that if you deny yourself something, you are going to crave it. You say you are driven to eat--but you need to eat. Food disorders are so difficult to control because unlike something like alcohol or nicotine or drugs, you do need to eat, you can't just avoid it and stay away from situations where food is served.
I don't really have any advice, but you aren't the only one who reacts this way to food, I've heard other people talk about feeling as though they are addicted to food.
When I said I felt driven to eat it was the feeling of hysteria that was out of control. It's not the same as being driven to eat because of hunger, it's more like trying to squash bad feelings before they get out. It feels like an emergency, some type of fight or flight responce. The thing is ... after the fact I can figure that out ... while it's going on I have no idea why I'm doing what I'm doing.
I think this is why you have such a hard time, because it's so much more than just food. And until you figure out something that can take the place of what that eating resolves for you, it might always be there. It's kind of like a person who cuts themselves getting rid of all the knives and razor blades and sharp objects in the house. They aren't cutting because there is nothing to cut with, but the feeling of wanting to might still be there. And until that feeling goes away, the problem really isn't taken care of.
As usual, I can only offer theories, no real solutions. And I am sure this is probably all stuff you know anyway--which can be equally frustrating, I know sometimes I feel like "I know why I act this way, and yet I still do, WHY?"
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I guess I feel that if you deny yourself something, you are going to crave it. You say you are driven to eat--but you need to eat. Food disorders are so difficult to control because unlike something like alcohol or nicotine or drugs, you do need to eat, you can't just avoid it and stay away from situations where food is served.
I don't really have any advice, but you aren't the only one who reacts this way to food, I've heard other people talk about feeling as though they are addicted to food.
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The thing is ... after the fact I can figure that out ... while it's going on I have no idea why I'm doing what I'm doing.
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As usual, I can only offer theories, no real solutions. And I am sure this is probably all stuff you know anyway--which can be equally frustrating, I know sometimes I feel like "I know why I act this way, and yet I still do, WHY?"
Reply
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