Sporking : Crono's Heart Trigger Chapter 1 (part 2)
Let's just get right to it for part two!
~~~
"I'm getting married, Lucca," Crono said.
Michael: Oh right, this is fanfic land where romance is the only thing that matters to those wimmin folk.
"What? To who? Marle?"
Michael: No, his mother.
Of course! her thoughts began to race.
Michael: But only about romance - what else would she think about?
"Well, yeah. Who else, Lucca?"
Michael: Something selfish I’d…
Me, you idiot! Me!
Michael: Assume…
You know, you’ve turned someone who may be one of my favorite character video game characters of all time and the one who made me like smart girls in a sappy lovelorn bitch.
You can imagine I am not very fond of you…
"I haven't even told her, yet. You're my closest and longest friend, so I wanted you to know first."
Michael: My closest and longest friend? Um, is this a different kind of fanfic than I thought?
She doesn't know? Kiss him, Lucca! Kiss him! There's still time! No ring, no contract! Come on, girl. Just one burning kiss will make him forget all about that Ice Princess. Fire does burn ice, after all. Pure science!
Michael: That was really close to something I might say as a joke - dangerously close. Are you under the impression I’m nice? I hope you know I’m a huge Tsundere if not a flat out case of Good is not Nice meets Jerkass with a Gold Heart. If you’re making the “nice shy wallflower” sound like me then you have seriously screwed up characterization!
Do you really not notice she sounds like a complete bitch!
Speaking of which - the closest Lucca gets to “shy wallflower” is when she first meets Marle and is acting humble because Marle’s their princess. Otherwise Lucca is kind of - well she’s a bit egotistical really. I mean, she looks like Bulma for a reason…
"Lucca? Are you okay?" Crono asked, looking his friend over. She blushed and turned her head away.
"Yeah..."
Michael: I’m getting really sick of wallflower!Lucca!
"Lucca, I thought you'd be happy! We always supported each other. Aren't you glad?"
"What? Yes! You know that I am! I just can't understand why you'd tell me first, rather than her."
"Because you girls scare me!" Crono said, rather boyish.
Michael: And what would Lucca know about being “girlish?”. The game even makes a few jokes that she’s boyish and won’t admit it! (Take her to the jungle party - Marle wants to dance - Lucca wants to drink - a lot.) Lucca is hardly what I’d call traditional feminine! She’s like the cool big sis character - hell they even basically use that characterization for her in Cross based on how Kid talks about her!
"Oh?" she said, raising an eyebrow in a playful manner, "So you're confiding in one, then? A girl that the mighty Crono is scared of? That's a logical fallacy."
Michael: A logical fallacy? Not really… You’re trying to sound smart like Lucca and failing - badly.
She finished the sentence with a friendly smile, and scooted closer to him on the bench overlooking the glistening ocean. Yeah, but so is love, Lucca...
Michael: No, love is a case of chemicals in the brain and hormones… you know what - fuck off. And where the hell is this bench? I know Lucca’s family seems to own their own island, but how about not jumping back and forth to different places and time with no transition what so ever! I thought they where in Lucca’s house at first!
Now Crono was the one blushing, as she moved even closer to him and touched his hand with hers.
Michael: …based on what we’ve seen Chrono is now a high school jock in my mind. He’s certainly acting like one…
You want to play with fire, Crono?
Michael (as Lucca): Well ya can’t, you use Light magic remember! Geez dude, you can be so thick at time.
"So," Lucca said, breaking the now awkward silence, "Have you two...well...err...you know..."
Michael: What, painted the castle?
Seriously what have you done to my fairly blunt Lucca, what have you done!?
"Had sex?"
Her face turned bright red. "You don't need to say it so bluntly!"
Michael: Lucca is such a prude… [eye roll]
"Heh, you asked it, Lucca."
"Well? Have you?"
Michael:…
I have no idea what the author is trying to say.
"She's tried, and believe me, she really has. It's almost impossible to resist someone like her, too."
Michael: The virgin/whore complex at it’s finest…
"Yeah, I bet..." Lucca said softly under her breath.
Mikey: As opposed to you who only wishes death upon her for daring to be more forward than you.
"Well, no. We haven't. I told her that I wanted to save something like that for marriage, that it'd mean so much more."
Michael: Saving yourself for marriage? Virgin/whore complexes? Treating a more forward sexually proactive girl as bad? Wallflower submissive girl being depicted as the better choice? A man being held at a higher “moral” standard and controlling the sex life because a women can’t? All of this being the effect of massive character derailment!?
I dare accuse this fanfic of being horribly sexist!
No way! I don't believe it! Here's my chance! But, no, wait... Crono's my best friend, I'm pretty close to Marle, too. I can't just betray her like that. But still... I'm kinda feeling...
Michael: Close to Marle - you wanted to off her before but where just to much of a wallflower to do so!
And based on how much you obsess over Marle, I’d say you just want to do her.
Her hand, still on his like back in their childhood days,
Michael: W-what? Ewwww!
found its way inbetween his fingers, locking them together with a very firm grasp. It was one of those holds that screamed out in desperation, "No! Don't leave! Don't go! I'm here! Right now! Look at me!"
Michael: What the fuck is going on in this thing!?
Do you want to play with fire, Crono? she thought to herself again. A dangerous thought, she knew, but it didn't mean that she'd be the one getting burned.
Michael: What? Are you really planning to fight Marle? I hope Marle kicks yer ass and then finds the real Lucca!
This type of thinking was strange for her; she was acting like Marle in a way.
Michael: No, you’re acting like a bitch! Marle was just a bit spoiled and the worst she did was pout, whimper, and whine about things. She never whined at Chrono or the her other friends - only at her father and the servants at the castle - you know - the people who spoiled her in the first place! She’d never have acted the way you are not-Lucca.
Perhaps her jealously of that woman caused her to adopt some of her mannerisms.
Michael: Her mannerisms? So first you need to get your dad put on trial, then you need to jump through a stained glass window with evidence to prove his innocence. Then you can kill the mastermind behind this whole rigged trial. Then you can run up to your dad and call him daddy for the first time since you where a child to show him you do love him?
That is so sweet! First you’ll need to off your mother as Marle’s mother was dead which was a central part of the thing that caused her and her dad to drift apart.
I’m sure not-Lucca here is fine with killing her mother - as long as it gets Chrono to notice her.
Were these really her deepest and darkest desires now rising to the surface? Possibly, she always had those certain fantasies with this man. In fact, his getting married kind of made them burn even greater and higher.
Michael: Making her a home-wreaker, a sociopath, and making it seem like she only wants what she can‘t have.
She was a scientist! Not a seductress! Or even some love-struck dimwit!
Michael: How are those things in anyway mutually incompatible? Also that’s all we’ve seen you do! Not once have we seen you do anything science related or even inventor related! Lucca in name only people!
What was she really feeling, and did this mean that even the shyest and quietest girl could switch herself to the direct opposite?
Michael: What version of Chrono Trigger did you play? Neither one had her anything less than a showman! She had no less than two exhibits at the festival, one of which was the teleport pad event she personally hosted!
And the other was a bi-pedal singing robot!
This is the girl who broke into prison to save Chrono and still took time to friggin’ brag about her newest gun she made!
She was constantly bragging! She pretty much worshiped herself (okay, I‘m exaggerating a little, but she was always quick to say how awesome she was)!
She wasn’t quite as upbeat or forward as Marle and sometimes it seemed like she was insecure and compensating for traits she felt she lack, but she wasn’t a shrinking violet no matter how hard you try to sell her as one. You have seriously misread the few “emotional” scenes she did have (like her mother and the machine that crippled her) so you can have Lucca be the “proper” girl you seem to think all girls should be.
It’s true she didn’t seem to have “many” friends, but I certainly don’t think that has anything to do with being shy and more to do with being the kind of person who was probably willing to test inventions on friends!
This character is officially so disconnected from Lucca that I’m going to call her Accul instead.
And then fling herself into it full-force without any type of limitation or reservation only because the thrill of something foreign and new ignited a brushfire? More like an explosion; he bent his fingers with hers and gave a genuine smile.
~~~ I am now going to spare you any more horror and sum the rest up~~~
Accul:
Oh what should I do, Crono has returned my gesture of affection or something. If only I had a backbone and adventurous spirit, but alas scientists lack that!
Crono:
You grabbed first, it reminds me of us as kids!
Accul:
Apparently we are eighteen, wait - we saved the planet as fifteen or sixteen?
Michael:
I just don’t see the timeline here…
Crono:
I laughed at you when your stuff blew up - this is apparently supposed to be cute and not cruel.
Michael:
One moment - I want you to see this next part as it was typed.
~~~
"Yeah, I know. I hated you for that." But it also kept me going. Even at that young age, I really wanted to impress you. You were the only boy who ever came to visit.
"So, when's the wedding date, Crono?"
~~~
Michael:
Yeah, all of Lucca’s great inventions - for Chrono.
Not her love of science.
Not her dad’s influences.
Not the fact that when she was a child she saw one of her father’s inventions deform and cripple her mother’s legs making her realize that science and progress are both useful and dangerous if people aren’t careful and as an intelligent young women it is her responsibility - nay - her duty - to be a scientist (You know the canon reason!).
And yet…
And yet!
Everything- it’s all just…
It’s all now just to land the right man…
This fanfic ignores all her deep character motivations and her character developments that made her a fan favorite and says it was always about fucking Chrono and being his wife.
Sorry to rant, but this is so fucking stupid!!! Not to mention sexist!
Accul:
Repeats thought of playing with fire like she’s some deranged pyro.
Crono:
I prose tomorrow then the whore will want to marry in a week or so. (probably so we can mate like rabbits and have lots of babies because she‘s a whore and all)
Michael:
Oddly specific - he really does say “She’d probably want to get married within the week after that.”
It’s also highly unlikely given the wedding we do see in canon and the fact that Marle is Princess Nadia and thus her marriage would be a huge deal that would take months of planning!
Accul:
Act like a passive aggressive bitch and has more creepy fire thoughts.
Crono:
Ignores Accul’s feelings, making him a total asshole, but we love him of course - the story tells us we should.
Accul:
Asks if his love it tru wuv or just lust for Marle’s hottie whore-ness!
Michael:
I know I just did this, but
~~~
"Yeah, I love all of her, Lucca. The way she looks, the way she talks, the part of her that makes me feel so worthless compared to her... I can look into her soul, and see her for who she really is. I can see all of her. Well, not just yet." Crono smiled and brought his punkish attitude back into place. "I'll have to wait for the wedding to see the rest."
~~~
Michael
: Nice to know Marle is being treated fairly in this story…
Accul:
Pretty much asks him if he wanted to add a notch on his belt for her too. (Because that’s what a woman is good for after all)
Crono:
At one time - and that’s why we’re close. Not that whole being friends since we had been little kids thing! I’ve wanted to bang you since I was like two!
Michael:
Think I’m exaggerating?
~~~
"Hmm? I did, once," he said with a slight chuckle. "Probably why we're so close."
"No fair! Doesn't count! We were only 2 when our moms put us in those baths!"
~~~
Michael:
Nice use of 2 instead of two, doesn’t look lazy at all.
Chrono jokes so Accul imagines murdering him - she’s quite homicidal. Her thing seems to be pushing people off high places. Chrono should probably avoid “nice boats” with this girl… that jokes is probably a bit out of date.
She then pretty much says she wants to bang him and kisses him, but as a powerful moral man he resists her women wiles. Also apparently they haven’t been standing up because he pushes her away and gets up…
And yet he invites this murderous psychopath who just kissed him and probably murdered the real Lucca to the wedding, because that’s what you do after a girl plants a kiss on yer lips - invite her to your wedding…
And she agrees too - my assumption is she wants to kill Marle by pushing her off one of the bridges at the castle.
And he kindly takes a moment to remind us of Marle being a bitch.
~~~
"You know I will. I've always supported you. Always will."
"Glad to hear it. I should leave now, Marle's probably destroying the castle trying to find me."
"Yeah, go." And thanks for completely avoiding the question, Crono! Gah!
~~~
Michael:
If events are moving in the way they seem to be he probably isn’t even sure what the question was anymore!
She watches him fade away into the distance - I’d like to assume he has ceased to exist, but I am wrong.
And time jumps a year - or was that a flashback. A flashback within a flashback, within like two other flashbacks! I’ll assume she spent the whole year singing “On My Own” from Les Miserables because that puts a smile on my face.
Accul goes through a pity party about how evil Marle never let’s Crono visits and she…
Wait, why wouldn’t Lucca be invited to the castle! Did Marle find out about what Accul did because I’d want to keep her away from my man too. That or she knows that Accul can’t possibly be Lucca…
Anyway Accul says that Crono wouldn’t want a lowly scientist. Marle would probably complain about Lucca being so unusually hard on herself, but not Accul - Accul’s an idiot.
Accul once again talks about Marle having the goods - then says that Accul is a genius and why doesn’t that matter anymore!
Maybe because you’re a jerk?
…Wait a minute!
~~~
Marle had the goods, and had a lot of them, but Lucca had the genius! Didn't that ever mean anything anymore? You never hear about the hero in storybooks taking a nerdy, four-eyed girl into his arms. No, they were usually blond, not brunette like her, and of course, they always displayed all of those other features...
~~~
Look at this picture for about a minute and then look up, if you don’t see the problem then read below…
.
..
…
Ready?
Lucca isn’t a fucking brunette, you didn’t play this game at all did you! She’s got purple hair! She wears a brown hat you idiot! She looks kind of like Bulma from Dragon Ball with purple hair, glasses, and a brown hat. If you’ve ever seen Bulma you’d know that Lucca is an attractive girl - it’s her personality and general lack of interest in dating that seems to keep her single you dope.
~
"I haven't seen you in a while, Crono, but you're still the only boy who ever comes to visit. Maybe next time, we could spend the night together like we always used to a long time ago."
~
Michael:
This comes right after the last part and I have no idea what it means.
~~~
I am so confused…
Anyway I better hurry on to >chapter 2<, see ya soon!
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