CFUW kill game essay!
I had a lot of trouble deciding how to play Cielo in the CFUW kill game!
When it comes down to it, Cielo has…okay, not separate personalities, but two distinct faces that he presents to the world. Three in camp, but mostly because I had to figure out how he'd deal with people who are neither enemies nor comrades! It's not like there's a lot of examples of in-between in DDS. If they're remotely friendly in DDS, they tend to get adopted into the tribe, but that's a tad impractical for half of camp.
When it comes down to enemies, Cielo shows very little of his real emotions. He'll flail some if surprised! But the only time he really lets himself come show serious upset when there's an enemy around is when Heat's betraying them, and Madame's going on about how she's going to turn humanity into demons and turn Sera into an eternal singer to keep them under control. Oh and the woman who was hurting Sera back in the Junkyard is also her mother and father. And…well there were lots of unpleasant revelations! None of which made Cielo happy. But his strongest reaction was "So dat why you farmed out Fred's buddies…" Which…okay yes wasn't something Cielo was real thrilled about! But it wasn't the thing he was most upset about at the moment. This has to do with Cielo's tendency to deflect his upset onto something else.
The scene I remember most for him not reacting is as Varin is dying, his expression is just…if it were different circumstances, I'd say he almost seems indifferent. Except considering Varin's saying that they all are dead in Nirvana, and some by Serph's hand, and it was Sera's fault, and the fact that he's the one who snapped a little once Varin was dead and Sera had disappeared…he was so not indifferent. He was…man there were so many complicated emotions going on in him (well, them all really but that's for them to essay on!) at the moment that I don't even know what to say. With Varin's death, they'd won the war that was the only thing they really knew. It should've been the moment of their greatest triumph. But the sheer wrongness of the Junkyard had become evident and Varin's statements about Nirvana being where they'd all died before couldn't be ignored. Especially since I would guess that they all kind of instinctively knew he was right.
…Why did I sidetrack on that? Okay, so. Cielo doesn't tend to show a lot of emotion in front of enemies! He'll show flailing, indignation, anger with enough provocation, grief with extreme provocation. He might break down later, but in front of enemies, he's too wary of it being taken advantage of to do so without extremely extreme provocation.
To Cielo, he was dealing with two enemies. One, the shepherd. Who he pretty much figured could see everything, although probably paid less attention to private posts with sheep. Two, Bat. Man, if there's anyone who offends against Cielo's idea of "THIS IS WHAT YOU JUST DON'T DO, MON" it's Bat. I mean. He betrayed his comrades and his tribe for nothing more than personal gain. He devoured his leader. He stabbed Heat. He kidnapped Sera. He hurt Argilla. In camp, he ripped off Cielo's arm. He attempted to rape Kuhn. (Well, it's more complicated than that, but that's how Cielo thinks of it.) He just. I'm fairly sure the only thing he could do to make Cielo dislike him more is destroy humanity.
And he was on his team! There are not enough words in the world for how much Cielo hated that. Bad enough to be stuck in a brutal killing game where he had to lie and betray people to protect his …let's just say people for now. Bad enough that the shepherds' were creepy bastards who created situations on par with anything he'd seen, and cannibal demons from dystopias being destroyed by God for sucking too hard have seen a lot of really bad things! But one of the people he was betraying people for was a traitor who deserved to die and Cielo. Just. I don't think I can even say how that made Cielo feel.
If it had just been him and Bat on a team, he might've just told some people he was a wolf. Especially with the possibility that if the wolves win, all the sheep die. (Especially since once someone pointed it out, he honestly kinda finds it more plausible, as optimistic as he'd have tried to be if he'd had the opportunity. I blame Angel destroying the Junkyard.) Maybe not, because Cielo hates the idea of abandoning his comrades like that, and it would've hurt the other wolf teams. And, frankly, of the three people he liked most in the game who weren't on his team, two of them were wolves.
But Cielo is not temperamentally suited to talking to people and then betraying them! Well okay, most people aren't. But Cielo's capable of keeping himself from being emotionally involved in the first place. I mean. He's been in war for as long as he can remember before coming to camp. It's not like he has a lot of moral qualms about killing people! …Well actually that's really the wrong way to phrase it. At least he doesn't let his moral qualms stop him I guess? Sure, he doesn't like it, and does deeply believe that if you're going to live your life off the sacrifices of others, you'd better make damn sure that your life is worth the cost. And he reckons the cost of the life of a cannibal demon as extremely high. He thinks it's worth it for now but…in a non-camp environment, I don't see him surviving peacetime very long. DDS may be the only game I've played where I actually think that killing off all the main characters is less depressing than the alternative. He doesn't excuse the non-cannibals from this calculation, though! Their lives still cost even if the only thing they kill are animals, or even just plants. Just, you know. Less. But Cielo does reckon his life worth the cost. He has comrades to fight alongside.
But the thing about the Junkyard people is how quickly they're capable of identifying with enemies when there's an opportunity for actual interaction. Look at Jinana/Argilla and Lupa/Gale. Gale…knew Lupa for what, an hour at most? And he still just utterly fell in love with him and ended up defining himself by him so strongly. Cielo's not the type to love like that! He's more the make lots of weaker connections type. But when he started going out and talking to people, for the most part, he liked them. He liked Ari. He liked America. He even felt a little sorry for Shuri, which considering how many of his Karma City-type pings Shuri hits is kinda impressive. Cielo REALLY dislikes the Karma City people and that tends to reflect on how he feels about Shuri
But this is a game where he was a wolf, and so he had to betray them. If it had been…oh I dunno, Serph on his team, he could've done it without hesitation. If it had been Bat alone…he would've said he was a wolf. Not, maybe, the day he got voted out. But eventually, yes. Had he been on his own…it depends on the judgments he made of his fellow players. Since he liked the wolves more than the sheep, he'd have been mostly okay I think.
But he was with…a comrade of sorts and an enemy. Kuhn's presence helped him play at first! He had a comrade at his side that he…relatively trusted even with his thing with Bat. And that Heat loved and so he wouldn't let Kuhn die if he had a choice. But first Kuhn just wasn't around much during the game. It was that, and Kuhn's relationship with Bat, that made him relatively okay with being voted out. He still did his best to stop it, but…honestly Cielo was rather relieved at being voted out, at least for his own sake. He's been in a killing game of sorts before. He'd endure it again if he had to, but man he didn't want to. And the shepherd's tendency towards gruesome deaths…okay he'd seen worse! Or as bad at least. Thank you, DDS. But it didn't help matters.
And then Kuhn spent the vast majority of his time in jail snuggling Bat and being traumatized! And occasionally trying to stop Bat and Cielo from fighting. Bat probably spent his time snuggling Kuhn and picking fights with Cielo! (If I'm wrong here, feel free to correct me ♥) And Cielo…would actually have been relatively understanding of the trauma. He wasn't in a terribly good mental spot himself! And he can understand why Kuhn would handle it more poorly, considering he just doesn't have the experience with death and trauma that Cielo does.
But he clung to Bat in that. And Bat is just. YEAH I'M NOT GOING TO REPEAT MYSELF HERE. But essentially, before that, Cielo was willing to accept it as…essentially a Gale/Angel kinda thing. In other words, yeah, Kuhn could care for Bat, but only while he acknowledged Bat's fuckedupness and put the Embryon in front of him, priority-wise. And in the jail that they were stuck in for a week, Kuhn essentially ignored Cielo for Bat for the most part. To Cielo, part of what comrades are are the people you're emotionally dependent on. THe fact that he clung to Bat and ignored Cielo told Cielo that Kuhn was now Bat's comrade, and was not Cielo's.
And that left Cielo alone. Cielo…is not temperamentally suited for isolation. He can endure it. But it's not something that he's had terribly good experiences with in the past, and under the circumstances he wasn't in a terribly good situation for handling it well from the beginning. But he's an extrovert who…while more mature and emotionally stable than he sometimes comes off as, also depends fundamentally on his comrades being there for his mental health. But I've essayed about that before in his "…was that a suicide run or extreme forgetfulness" essays, so I'll try not to repeat myself. It's not something he'll let show much! Even alone, he'd rather force himself be cheerful for his own sake. And with Bat around, he wouldn't let it show anyway because Bat's the type that would take advantage of weakness showing.
But the fact that Kuhn clung to Bat during jail…both kept Cielo from having any source of emotional support when he really needed some and kept him from offering it to Kuhn! Because well, it's Bat. And Cielo is not having a deep and sincere conversation with Kuhn of any sort when he's had to be around him snuggling Bat for the last several days. Especially when even if Kuhn pried himself off Bat, he'd still have to be within hearing distance, because, well, jail.
Basically, Kuhn's S.Link with Cielo just reversed! SORRY KUHN. Bat's S.Link remains the same, but then I kinda doubt they'll ever go past zero. If there was anyone else he largely viewed as a comrade because he knew his comrades did and he didn't seem too bad, their relationships with him would probably be a little hurt too. But fortunately Canaan's the only one I can think of who fits that description and he was there when Cielo woke up and even brought soup~ Therefore no reversal there. CIELO IS TOTALLY BRIBEABLE WITH FOOD OKAY
But what this also means is that Cielo…lied to people, some of whom he rather liked, for someone who he can't…really think of as a comrade anymore and someone he despises, and was left with that knowledge alone for five days while the game went on and people kept dying. If he hadn't on average liked the wolves more than the sheep, he would not be in a good space mentally! As it is…he feels a little betrayed that he played as he did partially on behalf of Kuhn, and Kuhn just proceeded be Bat's comrade, not his. I mean, from the perspective of a non-Embryon, you can't entirely blame Kuhn, because Cielo never mentioned or even gave any indications of playing partially to defend Kuhn. From the perspective of the Embryon, comrades are just... The people you expect to fight alongside and die alongside and do your best to keep alive. And so that Kuhn didn't realize that isn't something that would ever even occur to Cielo.
In short, Cielo's going to be...not terribly obvious about being emotionally needy for the next little while in camp. Well, there might be times that it'll come out, but it depends on the circumstances! But I would highly doubt that he'll let himself be alone for the next week or so. In the fallout post, he's too busy being seriously happy about being back with his comrades to let the emotional strain from the past week come out much! I mean, Cielo is seriously :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDing at the moment because being back with his comrades makes him happy! But that doesn't mean that all of his issues from the past week have just disappeared.
I have the vague feeling that I'm forgetting something, but I dunno what and over 2,200 words for an essay dealing with the fallout from a single event is about my limit. Any questions/comments/corrections/mocking welcome!
Edit: There's really two things I forgot that I wanted to mention. One of the things Cielo decided rather rapidly was that he would not vote for children to be out of the game, whether as a sheep or as a wolf. This was basically me going off what felt right and I had to think later about why he decided it.
Cielo came from a world where there were no children into a world that ate children, both literally and metaphorically. He doesn't have a lot of experience with children! The only baby I think he's ever met is uh Mammon. Which I'm not sure counts! But Cielo...feels strongly that it is the job of the adults to protect the children. And jokes about him being a five year old shoutademon aside, Cielo views himself as an adult and acts as one. You see this a lot in his interactions with Fred, although it's rather more complicated than that because Fred's well along the path of becoming an adult and Cielo fully acknowledges that and expects him to...well, lead the remaining humans after they're all dead.
It also...gave him a firm line that he wouldn't cross. Cielo's had enough experience with situations somewhat like that that knowing what kind of lines he wouldn't cross both gave him some sort of security in letting him know how far he'd let himself be pushed and also, in a way, loosened the shepherd's power. The Karma Temple and the shepherds can only control you as long as you let yourself be controlled, and Cielo knows that.
Two is that Cielo...honestly doesn't quite get why the sheep seem to feel less responsible for the oustings than they blame the wolves for eating. In his head, okay yes, in sheep oustings, the responsibility is more diluted, and the wolves have to participate in more killing. But he doesn't have a lot of patience for people who try to hide egregious acts behind a mask of moral superiority, and some of the sheep were pretty much "damn wolves". How Cielo tends to view his enemies is complicated and I don't want to figure it out right now, but the fact that the sheep voted out the wolf team containing Anastasia is something that...honestly removes any sort of moral superiority they might try to claim for him. He'd have felt the same way if the wolves had voted to eat Ritsuka's team. He wouldn't stop them, necessarily, because cannibal demons learn not to judge too hard and everyone has the right to decide what they'll do for their own survival. But he wouldn't have participated in it and he'd have killed Bat if he tried to. (Well. He'd have tried to kill Bat! Damn midboss XD)
When it comes down to it, Cielo has…okay, not separate personalities, but two distinct faces that he presents to the world. Three in camp, but mostly because I had to figure out how he'd deal with people who are neither enemies nor comrades! It's not like there's a lot of examples of in-between in DDS. If they're remotely friendly in DDS, they tend to get adopted into the tribe, but that's a tad impractical for half of camp.
When it comes down to enemies, Cielo shows very little of his real emotions. He'll flail some if surprised! But the only time he really lets himself come show serious upset when there's an enemy around is when Heat's betraying them, and Madame's going on about how she's going to turn humanity into demons and turn Sera into an eternal singer to keep them under control. Oh and the woman who was hurting Sera back in the Junkyard is also her mother and father. And…well there were lots of unpleasant revelations! None of which made Cielo happy. But his strongest reaction was "So dat why you farmed out Fred's buddies…" Which…okay yes wasn't something Cielo was real thrilled about! But it wasn't the thing he was most upset about at the moment. This has to do with Cielo's tendency to deflect his upset onto something else.
The scene I remember most for him not reacting is as Varin is dying, his expression is just…if it were different circumstances, I'd say he almost seems indifferent. Except considering Varin's saying that they all are dead in Nirvana, and some by Serph's hand, and it was Sera's fault, and the fact that he's the one who snapped a little once Varin was dead and Sera had disappeared…he was so not indifferent. He was…man there were so many complicated emotions going on in him (well, them all really but that's for them to essay on!) at the moment that I don't even know what to say. With Varin's death, they'd won the war that was the only thing they really knew. It should've been the moment of their greatest triumph. But the sheer wrongness of the Junkyard had become evident and Varin's statements about Nirvana being where they'd all died before couldn't be ignored. Especially since I would guess that they all kind of instinctively knew he was right.
…Why did I sidetrack on that? Okay, so. Cielo doesn't tend to show a lot of emotion in front of enemies! He'll show flailing, indignation, anger with enough provocation, grief with extreme provocation. He might break down later, but in front of enemies, he's too wary of it being taken advantage of to do so without extremely extreme provocation.
To Cielo, he was dealing with two enemies. One, the shepherd. Who he pretty much figured could see everything, although probably paid less attention to private posts with sheep. Two, Bat. Man, if there's anyone who offends against Cielo's idea of "THIS IS WHAT YOU JUST DON'T DO, MON" it's Bat. I mean. He betrayed his comrades and his tribe for nothing more than personal gain. He devoured his leader. He stabbed Heat. He kidnapped Sera. He hurt Argilla. In camp, he ripped off Cielo's arm. He attempted to rape Kuhn. (Well, it's more complicated than that, but that's how Cielo thinks of it.) He just. I'm fairly sure the only thing he could do to make Cielo dislike him more is destroy humanity.
And he was on his team! There are not enough words in the world for how much Cielo hated that. Bad enough to be stuck in a brutal killing game where he had to lie and betray people to protect his …let's just say people for now. Bad enough that the shepherds' were creepy bastards who created situations on par with anything he'd seen, and cannibal demons from dystopias being destroyed by God for sucking too hard have seen a lot of really bad things! But one of the people he was betraying people for was a traitor who deserved to die and Cielo. Just. I don't think I can even say how that made Cielo feel.
If it had just been him and Bat on a team, he might've just told some people he was a wolf. Especially with the possibility that if the wolves win, all the sheep die. (Especially since once someone pointed it out, he honestly kinda finds it more plausible, as optimistic as he'd have tried to be if he'd had the opportunity. I blame Angel destroying the Junkyard.) Maybe not, because Cielo hates the idea of abandoning his comrades like that, and it would've hurt the other wolf teams. And, frankly, of the three people he liked most in the game who weren't on his team, two of them were wolves.
But Cielo is not temperamentally suited to talking to people and then betraying them! Well okay, most people aren't. But Cielo's capable of keeping himself from being emotionally involved in the first place. I mean. He's been in war for as long as he can remember before coming to camp. It's not like he has a lot of moral qualms about killing people! …Well actually that's really the wrong way to phrase it. At least he doesn't let his moral qualms stop him I guess? Sure, he doesn't like it, and does deeply believe that if you're going to live your life off the sacrifices of others, you'd better make damn sure that your life is worth the cost. And he reckons the cost of the life of a cannibal demon as extremely high. He thinks it's worth it for now but…in a non-camp environment, I don't see him surviving peacetime very long. DDS may be the only game I've played where I actually think that killing off all the main characters is less depressing than the alternative. He doesn't excuse the non-cannibals from this calculation, though! Their lives still cost even if the only thing they kill are animals, or even just plants. Just, you know. Less. But Cielo does reckon his life worth the cost. He has comrades to fight alongside.
But the thing about the Junkyard people is how quickly they're capable of identifying with enemies when there's an opportunity for actual interaction. Look at Jinana/Argilla and Lupa/Gale. Gale…knew Lupa for what, an hour at most? And he still just utterly fell in love with him and ended up defining himself by him so strongly. Cielo's not the type to love like that! He's more the make lots of weaker connections type. But when he started going out and talking to people, for the most part, he liked them. He liked Ari. He liked America. He even felt a little sorry for Shuri, which considering how many of his Karma City-type pings Shuri hits is kinda impressive. Cielo REALLY dislikes the Karma City people and that tends to reflect on how he feels about Shuri
But this is a game where he was a wolf, and so he had to betray them. If it had been…oh I dunno, Serph on his team, he could've done it without hesitation. If it had been Bat alone…he would've said he was a wolf. Not, maybe, the day he got voted out. But eventually, yes. Had he been on his own…it depends on the judgments he made of his fellow players. Since he liked the wolves more than the sheep, he'd have been mostly okay I think.
But he was with…a comrade of sorts and an enemy. Kuhn's presence helped him play at first! He had a comrade at his side that he…relatively trusted even with his thing with Bat. And that Heat loved and so he wouldn't let Kuhn die if he had a choice. But first Kuhn just wasn't around much during the game. It was that, and Kuhn's relationship with Bat, that made him relatively okay with being voted out. He still did his best to stop it, but…honestly Cielo was rather relieved at being voted out, at least for his own sake. He's been in a killing game of sorts before. He'd endure it again if he had to, but man he didn't want to. And the shepherd's tendency towards gruesome deaths…okay he'd seen worse! Or as bad at least. Thank you, DDS. But it didn't help matters.
And then Kuhn spent the vast majority of his time in jail snuggling Bat and being traumatized! And occasionally trying to stop Bat and Cielo from fighting. Bat probably spent his time snuggling Kuhn and picking fights with Cielo! (If I'm wrong here, feel free to correct me ♥) And Cielo…would actually have been relatively understanding of the trauma. He wasn't in a terribly good mental spot himself! And he can understand why Kuhn would handle it more poorly, considering he just doesn't have the experience with death and trauma that Cielo does.
But he clung to Bat in that. And Bat is just. YEAH I'M NOT GOING TO REPEAT MYSELF HERE. But essentially, before that, Cielo was willing to accept it as…essentially a Gale/Angel kinda thing. In other words, yeah, Kuhn could care for Bat, but only while he acknowledged Bat's fuckedupness and put the Embryon in front of him, priority-wise. And in the jail that they were stuck in for a week, Kuhn essentially ignored Cielo for Bat for the most part. To Cielo, part of what comrades are are the people you're emotionally dependent on. THe fact that he clung to Bat and ignored Cielo told Cielo that Kuhn was now Bat's comrade, and was not Cielo's.
And that left Cielo alone. Cielo…is not temperamentally suited for isolation. He can endure it. But it's not something that he's had terribly good experiences with in the past, and under the circumstances he wasn't in a terribly good situation for handling it well from the beginning. But he's an extrovert who…while more mature and emotionally stable than he sometimes comes off as, also depends fundamentally on his comrades being there for his mental health. But I've essayed about that before in his "…was that a suicide run or extreme forgetfulness" essays, so I'll try not to repeat myself. It's not something he'll let show much! Even alone, he'd rather force himself be cheerful for his own sake. And with Bat around, he wouldn't let it show anyway because Bat's the type that would take advantage of weakness showing.
But the fact that Kuhn clung to Bat during jail…both kept Cielo from having any source of emotional support when he really needed some and kept him from offering it to Kuhn! Because well, it's Bat. And Cielo is not having a deep and sincere conversation with Kuhn of any sort when he's had to be around him snuggling Bat for the last several days. Especially when even if Kuhn pried himself off Bat, he'd still have to be within hearing distance, because, well, jail.
Basically, Kuhn's S.Link with Cielo just reversed! SORRY KUHN. Bat's S.Link remains the same, but then I kinda doubt they'll ever go past zero. If there was anyone else he largely viewed as a comrade because he knew his comrades did and he didn't seem too bad, their relationships with him would probably be a little hurt too. But fortunately Canaan's the only one I can think of who fits that description and he was there when Cielo woke up and even brought soup~ Therefore no reversal there. CIELO IS TOTALLY BRIBEABLE WITH FOOD OKAY
But what this also means is that Cielo…lied to people, some of whom he rather liked, for someone who he can't…really think of as a comrade anymore and someone he despises, and was left with that knowledge alone for five days while the game went on and people kept dying. If he hadn't on average liked the wolves more than the sheep, he would not be in a good space mentally! As it is…he feels a little betrayed that he played as he did partially on behalf of Kuhn, and Kuhn just proceeded be Bat's comrade, not his. I mean, from the perspective of a non-Embryon, you can't entirely blame Kuhn, because Cielo never mentioned or even gave any indications of playing partially to defend Kuhn. From the perspective of the Embryon, comrades are just... The people you expect to fight alongside and die alongside and do your best to keep alive. And so that Kuhn didn't realize that isn't something that would ever even occur to Cielo.
In short, Cielo's going to be...not terribly obvious about being emotionally needy for the next little while in camp. Well, there might be times that it'll come out, but it depends on the circumstances! But I would highly doubt that he'll let himself be alone for the next week or so. In the fallout post, he's too busy being seriously happy about being back with his comrades to let the emotional strain from the past week come out much! I mean, Cielo is seriously :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDing at the moment because being back with his comrades makes him happy! But that doesn't mean that all of his issues from the past week have just disappeared.
I have the vague feeling that I'm forgetting something, but I dunno what and over 2,200 words for an essay dealing with the fallout from a single event is about my limit. Any questions/comments/corrections/mocking welcome!
Edit: There's really two things I forgot that I wanted to mention. One of the things Cielo decided rather rapidly was that he would not vote for children to be out of the game, whether as a sheep or as a wolf. This was basically me going off what felt right and I had to think later about why he decided it.
Cielo came from a world where there were no children into a world that ate children, both literally and metaphorically. He doesn't have a lot of experience with children! The only baby I think he's ever met is uh Mammon. Which I'm not sure counts! But Cielo...feels strongly that it is the job of the adults to protect the children. And jokes about him being a five year old shoutademon aside, Cielo views himself as an adult and acts as one. You see this a lot in his interactions with Fred, although it's rather more complicated than that because Fred's well along the path of becoming an adult and Cielo fully acknowledges that and expects him to...well, lead the remaining humans after they're all dead.
It also...gave him a firm line that he wouldn't cross. Cielo's had enough experience with situations somewhat like that that knowing what kind of lines he wouldn't cross both gave him some sort of security in letting him know how far he'd let himself be pushed and also, in a way, loosened the shepherd's power. The Karma Temple and the shepherds can only control you as long as you let yourself be controlled, and Cielo knows that.
Two is that Cielo...honestly doesn't quite get why the sheep seem to feel less responsible for the oustings than they blame the wolves for eating. In his head, okay yes, in sheep oustings, the responsibility is more diluted, and the wolves have to participate in more killing. But he doesn't have a lot of patience for people who try to hide egregious acts behind a mask of moral superiority, and some of the sheep were pretty much "damn wolves". How Cielo tends to view his enemies is complicated and I don't want to figure it out right now, but the fact that the sheep voted out the wolf team containing Anastasia is something that...honestly removes any sort of moral superiority they might try to claim for him. He'd have felt the same way if the wolves had voted to eat Ritsuka's team. He wouldn't stop them, necessarily, because cannibal demons learn not to judge too hard and everyone has the right to decide what they'll do for their own survival. But he wouldn't have participated in it and he'd have killed Bat if he tried to. (Well. He'd have tried to kill Bat! Damn midboss XD)