Fragile: Handle With Care - Part 7

Jun 29, 2014 23:00

     
trigger warning for depression


She remembered how difficult it had been in the beginning. How despite Emma’s best intentions, her hand would twitch nervously, and her gaze would bounce from one passerby to another, fearing the worst whenever they were out together like this.

Now look at her, Jenny wanted to tell the world, as Emma held her hand for countless city blocks, showing no desire or intention of letting go, even with the crowds of people filling up the sidewalks with their early evening plans. She glanced at Emma’s profile as they walked, and thought of Ruben’s words to her. Emma did love with all she had, and while she was still unsure if she deserved it, Jenny knew that she was immensely lucky to have that love directed at her. She closed her eyes for a fleeting moment and prayed not to lose her.

As they walked, the wind blew through her with much the same relentlessness that it had the previous evening, but she didn’t want to stop. The cold nipped at her skin and made her shiver. Her head felt just as heavy.

She tried to think of what to say.

She searched her brain for something, anything, but came up empty, as she had for the last few streets. She felt it still, that familiar pull. It was the same one that suggested she cower away from the world before things got bad again, the one that promised her that she wasn’t strong enough to face it, as it showed her each and every possible way she couldn’t make it work. No matter how much she’d struggled and managed for the first couple of blocks to be herself, or some passing imitation, with every breath she took, she felt the internal swell of panic rise in her gut. She looked over at Emma, to see if she sensed it too, but couldn’t find it in her softened features. Her gaze slipped down again to their entwined hands, and she took another breath, because if she couldn’t find what to say, staying calm was the only other option she had.

She closed her eyes as the wind picked up and tossed her hair back over her shoulders messily. She’d hoped to be rid of this feeling by now, of that crawl beneath her skin. She didn’t want that heavy sadness around anymore, but it wouldn’t leave her. As Emma’s thumb stroked over her skin slowly, she took in a silent gasp of air. The warm, calm movement had her eyes filling with tears, and the crawly feeling beneath her skin notified her that her hand was moments away from jerking away from Emma’s touch, because it was too kind, too welcoming, and the fear of ruining it was much too great.

She squeezed Emma’s hand to keep it from happening, hoping to fasten herself to safety before she’d float off into her head again. Her gaze lowered to the sidewalk in front of her when Emma’s thumb soothed over her skin again in reply.

When Emma came to a stop, Jenny looked up, rising from her thoughts. “This is where we’re going to save the world?” she asked, forcing lightheartedness into her voice as she studied the familiar building.

Emma smiled to herself for a moment and shook her head. “This place already saves the world on a daily basis,” she answered back with a faraway look in her eyes. Their captivating golden green color had Jenny holding her breath when Emma turned to look at her. “We’re just borrowing a couple of tools for this mission,” she revealed, seeming delighted to hold onto that secret of hers.

She forced a smile when Emma tugged on her hand, and dutifully followed her through the large doors of the public library. She did her best to ignore the fact that she was slipping, despite herself, back into quiet. It was easier than she thought, moving backwards, into the familiar chaos in her head. She pushed the feeling down as best she could as they crossed the front hall, took the stairs to the correct floor, and coasted by various shelves stocked with books.

Emma pulled out the list that had led them throughout their day, and turned it over, where Jenny noticed a recent addition penned in messy handwriting. Emma ran her fingertips over the spines of different books, arranged neatly on the shelf, until she seemed to find what she was searching for. She pulled out two books with similarly designed spines, and ran her hand over the covers, lingering in the top right-hand corner of each, where a number 5 and a number 6 were printed respectively. She grinned triumphantly at Jenny, pressed their lips together in a quick kiss, and glided to the checkout desk.

The books Emma handed to the young woman behind the desk revealed more of the mission they were on, and it made Jenny excited, deep down under that disheartening emotion curling around her cold shoulders. Emma’s hand slipped back against her own as they left the library, and she played with it as traces of color slowly disappeared from the world around them.

“Want to go in with me?” Emma asked in a voice trying to mask over her concern, as they came to a stop in front of a familiar apartment building.

She wondered how much of it Emma had noticed; the uncertainty sneaking silently back into her body, the sadness lingering unwantedly beneath her skin. She took in air through her nose as she worried her lip, unsure why she felt nervous. “Yes,” she replied quietly, and nodded in confirmation. Her heart beat louder and fuller in her chest with each step she took, until they reached the right apartment.

They were greeted with a smile that ran in Emma’s family; an open, honest, enveloping one, that always seemed to remind Jenny that there was good in the world when she otherwise failed to find it. Emma’s aunt kissed each of their cheeks while ushering them into the house, and the warmth from the heating in the room washed over them. “You two are freezing,” the older woman exclaimed, with levels of over-concern that constricted Jenny’s heart for a moment; it felt nice to be on the receiving end of such parental affection. “Come in, quickly,” she insisted, “before your mother has my head for leaving you both out in the cold.”

Emma chuckled as she unbuttoned her coat.

“How are you feeling?” Jenny asked as Emma took her coat and hung it up along with her own on the coat rack.

Emma’s aunt replied by sighing through a tired, loving smile. “Exhausted,” she confessed in a breath. “It should be any day now,” she continued as she stroked a hand on the side of her swelling stomach. “I’m ready, I just wish that he was,” she added, regarded her unborn child with the soft plea.

Jenny smiled softly in return.

“We found it,” Emma said to her aunt cryptically, and the older woman seemed to take a few moments to understand.

Once she did, she reached forward and squeezed both of their hands. “You did. Oh, you’re wonderful! She’s going to be so excited. She’s been dwelling on it all day,” she explained in warmhearted delight. “I’m afraid she feels quite under the weather. Hopefully you two can cheer her up a bit.”

Jenny shuffled her feet where she stood. She didn’t like that her favorite four-year-old didn’t feel well. It tugged her heart down into her knotted stomach.

“Claudia?” the older woman turned and called into the quiet living room. “Honey, come and see who stopped by to visit us,” she insisted as she motioned the girls toward the living room. “You’re just in time,” she said to them softly, “we’ve just finished up in the bath.”

Claudia rounded the corner in her little monster pajamas, damp hair curling slightly at her shoulders, Mr. Bear in one hand, and a small blanket in the other, the light fabric dragging behind her on the floor. She came into the room with tired eyes and flushed cheeks, looking just shy of miserable. Jenny melted a little at the sight, as Claudia shuffled in with her thick wool socks. The little girl’s gaze was down as she walked, and her chest shook when she coughed loudly into the room, the sound wet and deep. She rubbed at her eyes as she sniffled. She looked younger to Jenny, smaller somehow, and quite sad. The little girl’s expression changed slowly as she looked up and took in the sight before her. It departed from a pout, to a frown, to shock, and finally, to a slow little smile.

“Emma,” she cheered quietly, as her socked feet left the ground in a small leap, leaving locks of her hair to fly in all directions. She coughed throatily twice more, and pushed her hair off of her face before shuffling closer. “Jenny,” she added with another small jump.

Jenny’s heart swirled in her chest. It wasn’t every day that someone leapt at the sight of her, even if it looked like Claudia jumped as if by pure force of will, determined to rise above the crummy sickness holding her down. Her lips pulled up in a delighted smile as she leaned down to envelop the little girl in a hug. Claudia’s arms wrapped tightly around her neck, as an overly-warm forehead pressed into her cheek. The little girl clutched her close in greeting, and rested her head on Jenny’s shoulder before coughing again and curling in further.

“Hi,” Claudia said into her neck, all small and clingy, with one of her fists full of Jenny’s sweater.

Jenny ran her hand down the thin fleece fabric of the little girl’s pajama top and pulled her closer, wanting to brighten her mood. “Hey, honeybee,” she whispered in reply.

When Claudia pulled away, there was a small but genuine smile on her lips, though it was easy to tell she felt quite rotten. “You came to see me,” she announced quietly as she stepped back and wrapped herself around one of Emma’s legs.

“We did,” Emma replied, stroking her light hair soothingly. She looked over to see Jenny’s sweetened smile. “And we brought you a surprise,” she added.

Even with only a fraction of her usual energy, at those words, Claudia’s eyes widened. “A surprise?” she echoed in a voice that almost suggested that she was out of breath, as she clutched Mr. Bear tighter from excitement. “What is it?” she asked, and Jenny knew that her heart was thawing fast at the adorable, clingy, cuddliness that was Claudia when she was sick.

She felt excited, though she knew exactly what Claudia’s surprise was. She looked at Emma to find her smiling back at her, telling her something important with only a small nod; Emma was letting her present it. She looked down when Claudia tugged at her sweater, waiting impatiently, and ducked her head shyly as she reached behind Emma and sifted through her bag. She bit down her smile as she presented the two books they’d picked up at the library. Claudia’s eyes managed to grow even bigger as she hungrily took in the covers.

“The books,” she cheered quietly as she stepped up to Jenny and inspected them. Jenny bent down beside her as she ran her little fingers over the illustrations on the covers, much like Emma had done earlier. “You found them.”

“What do you say, little one?” her mother prompted patiently after a moment.

Claudia continued her careful inspection, as though she was making sure they were really there, before she took the books in her hands and leaned herself into Jenny’s embrace again. “Thank you,” she spoke softly, with her gaze still on the colorful illustrations. It took a little longer than usual, but her smile finally came out.

“You’re welcome, munchkin,” Emma replied in a warm, delighted voice as Claudia settled against Jenny like she didn’t want to be anywhere else. When Jenny stroked her arm, Claudia turned to face her and hopped off the ground, wrapping her legs around Jenny’s waist, and pressing the books flat against Jenny’s back to hold on tightly.

Jenny held her close as she smelled the gentle scent of her kiddie shampoo from the still-damp hair tickling her neck. When Claudia whimpered and wrapped her arms tighter around her neck, she squeezed her close and felt something like joy radiate from the emotional mess inside her chest. She felt Emma squeeze her arm comfortingly as a quick kiss was pressed to her cheek.

“Oh, honey, it’s alright, you don’t have to hold her. I don’t want you getting sick as well,” the older woman said softly as she took a step toward them.

“No, it’s alright,” Jenny assured her quickly. She didn’t care if she would get sick after this, because she hadn’t realized until that very moment exactly how much she needed a hug from this little human being. Her eyes closed for a moment as a smile pushed across her lips.

When Claudia coughed again, Jenny felt it vibrate painfully across the little girl’s back. Claudia curled her shoulders inward with the unhappy beginnings of another whimper escaping her lips. ”Mama,” she pouted, pulling back only enough to touch a small hand to her throat. “It hurts,” she mumbled with tears in her eyes.

The older woman took a slow, full breath and glanced at the delicate watch on her wrist. She stroked a warm hand down her daughter’s back. “We need to take some medicine again,” she replied.

“No,” Claudia whined, digging her forehead into the crook of Jenny’s neck when Jenny tried to put her down. “No, I don’t want to,” she pleaded, and Jenny’s heart nearly broke at how anguished those words were.

“Then what would you like, sweetheart?” her mother asked patiently, even as she went over to the shelf by the window and took a small dark bottle from one end.

Claudia shrugged sadly as one hand clung again to Jenny’s sweater. “I want to, I, I wanna show Emma and Jenny my stamps,” she mumbled sadly. A few wayward tears fell from her eyes when she coughed again, and she tugged on Jenny’s sleeve until Jenny put her down again so she could run to her room to get them.

Jenny stopped the little girl from escaping with hands on her shoulders, and felt Emma squeeze her arm again, before a kiss was pressed to the back of her shoulder. It offered more comfort than Emma might have realized. After a day like it had been, her emotions were so raw on her skin that she felt tears begin to collect behind her own eyes.

“Alright, so first we’ll take the medicine quickly, and then you can show the girls your stamps.”

Claudia pouted and pressed herself weakly against Emma’s legs. She shook her head even as an achy cough escaped her throat, crumbling the brightness they’d managed to return to her eyes.

“Then how are we going to make that cough go away?” her mother inquired patiently.

“We’ll ask it very nicely,” the little girl suggested through pouting lips and droopy eyes. Jenny’s heart went out to her, she really was miserable inside her sickness.

“Okay,” her mother agreed, and Claudia looked up at her questioningly. “We’ll ask the cough nicely, but the fever needs medicine to leave.”

Claudia huffed sadly. She looked up when Jenny rested a hand on her forehead, and waited for her opinion.

“I think she’s right,” Jenny whispered, keeping the conversation just between them.

Claudia coughed again, and the burn in her throat made her shoulders curl inward and her eyes water. “Fine,” she relented in a near-sob. “But I want Jenny to give me the medicine.”

“As long as you actually swallow it,” was the warning parental reply.

Claudia nodded and sniffled back the heavy tears. Jenny would have done anything at that moment to comfort her. “Okay, but you and Emma go to the living room, and wait for us there,” the little girl instructed as she wiped the tears from her cheeks and calmed herself.

Claudia’s mother sighed, with a look in her eye that showed that she was carefully considering this whole proposition. After a moment of deliberation, she stroked her young daughter’s hair. She then rested a finger on the cap of the dark medicine bottle and met Jenny’s gaze. “One spoonful,” she instructed, before hooking her arm with Emma’s and shuffling out of the kitchen. She squeezed Jenny’s arm on her way out and wished her a quiet, “Good luck.”

Jenny looked down at the little girl in the now-quiet kitchen and gave her the most reassuring smile she had to offer. Claudia, in turn, lifted her arms up in a simple, needy request. Jenny picked her up again and ran her hand up and down the little girl’s back in a soothing motion as she coughed into the room. She sat her down on the kitchen counter beside the medicine bottle and took off the cap.

“Jenny?” Claudia asked quietly, hanging her head in tired defeat.

“Yeah, cutie,” she murmured when Claudia leaned against her and sniffled.

“I feel yucky. My throat hurts.”

Jenny put down the spoon to give the girl her full attention. “I know,” she replied apologetically as she soothed her thumb over the little girl’s flushed, warm cheek.

“I don’t want to take the silly medicine again,” Claudia began to protest as Jenny steadied the spoon underneath the bottle’s opening. “Really, Jenny, I don’t,” she pleaded her case.

“I know, Claude, but we have to,” Jenny replied quietly.

“Mama says that it’s supposed to help, and I heard her tell Papa, on the phone earlier, that my fever, that it isn’t going down.”

Those words made her sad. Claudia was meek and hurting, and it was upsetting her greatly.

“Mr. Bear is sick, too, like me,” Claudia continued, as she played with the fur on the bear’s left paw. “I took him with me when me and Mama went to the doctor yesterday, and the doctor put the cold heart-checker to his heart after mine,” she explained, flattening her free hand to use as a makeshift stethoscope, before pressing it to Jenny’s sweater above her heart to demonstrate. Jenny smiled as she listened carefully to her story. “Then the doctor said that we both had fevers, and that I couldn’t go to school.” She made sure to shake her head for effect until it made her dizzy. “I couldn’t even go to the library, because I was really tired, so Papa went to the library for me, because yesterday was Tuesday, and I always go the library on Tuesdays.”

“I know,” Jenny breathed sweetly as she tucked Claudia’s wavy hair behind her ear.

“But Papa got the wrong books, so I couldn’t tell Mr. Bear what happened to the rabbits in the story, and he really wanted to know.” Jenny melted a little when Claudia patted the bear’s head soothingly. “I think his fever is back too,” she said sorrowfully.

“Do you give him medicine to make him better?” Jenny asked as she positioned the spoon underneath the bottle’s opening again and concentrated on not spilling it everywhere.

Claudia’s socked heels tapped out a quiet rhythm on the cabinet doors. “Yeah, he even has his own special spoon for his medicine, like me,” she explained as she watched Jenny work. “We can go give him the medicine after. It’s in my room, in a little bottle that’s only this big,” she explained, leaving the bear on her lap and cupping her hands to approximate the size. “Do you have to take medicine when you’re sick too?” she wondered then, with her eyes big and tired above flushed cheeks.

“I do,” Jenny confirmed with a nod as the dark liquid stretched to fill the curved surface of the spoon.

“Mine’s grape,” she added flatly before coughing again and wincing backwards slightly in her spot.

“Yum,” Jenny smiled as she set the bottle down, successful at not spilling it. “Okay, open up, honeybee.”

Claudia studied her smile, and after a moment, brightened a little. She seemed to like the idea that Jenny thought her medicine tasted good. She tightened her hold on Mr. Bear’s paw and opened her mouth, slightly tipping her head back and shutting her eyes, readying herself. Jenny’s hand cupped her chin once the spoon settled on her tongue, keeping her lips from opening to spill out the medicine, and she courageously swallowed the syrup before coughing into the room.

“Good job,” she whispered when Claudia leaned forward, resting her forehead against Jenny as she rubbed her eyes. She soothed her back as she placed the spoon in the sink. “I’m proud of you,” she added, before leaving a kiss in the little girl’s hair. She helped her and Mr. Bear back down to the ground before being lead out of the kitchen.

“That’s it?” the older woman asked as they stepped into the living room.

Claudia’s head bobbed up and down as Jenny’s hands came to rest on her shoulders again.

“And you drank the whole thing?”

Claudia’s head bobbed up and down again. Jenny’s did too, when the parental gaze moved onto her for confirmation.

“We should have Jenny give it to you more often then, huh?” she suggested happily to the room, to which Claudia replied with a shy grin. “It normally takes us thirty minutes of negotiations and she still manages to cough some out.”

Jenny looked away bashfully and saw Emma gazing at her with sweetness in her eyes.

“Have some water please, little one,” the older woman instructed, and Claudia reached for the bright, sparkly water bottle on the table. She took a few sips dutifully before putting it down.

“We need to go give Mr. Bear his medicine now,” she stated to the room before turning on her heels.

Jenny saw Claudia’s mother smile at her daughter’s slowly retreating form, before she felt a tug on her arm as Claudia pulled her along. She smiled to herself when she heard Emma chuckle behind her.

When they reached Claudia’s bedroom, the little girl headed over to her desk and took a small bottle off of the shelf above it. She held it up for Jenny to see before climbing onto her bed. “Sit here,” she instructed as she patted the bed beside her. As soon as Jenny took a seat at the foot of the little bed, Claudia pushed Mr. Bear onto her lap. Jenny watched her work silently, twisting off the top of the empty shampoo sampler bottle and positioning a small pink spoon from her plastic tea set under the opening.

“What flavor is Mr. Bear’s medicine?” she asked as she watched the little girl concentrate on her task.

“Cherry,” Claudia replied after a moment. “But it isn’t always. Sometimes it’s vanilla flavored, and sometimes it’s even green bean flavored.”

“Is that right?”

“Yeah, Mr. Bear likes green beans. Sometimes I give him some of mine because he likes them so much.”

“That’s very nice of you,” Jenny replied as her heart lightened in her chest for a moment. “And what about you, do you like green beans?”

“Only sometimes,” the little girl admitted as she set the tiny bottle down and carefully held the small spoon filled with invisible medicine. She coughed into the room, and her shoulders rolled in uneasily, so Jenny reached over to brush the hair out of her face. “Don’t be scared,” Claudia whispered to her favorite friend as she moved the spoon in his direction. “Open up, Mr. Bear,” she instructed the stuffed animal, with much the same intonation Jenny had used earlier. The little girl lifted his chin with one hand, and pressed the spoon against the thick thread that made up the curve of his mouth with the other. When she decided that all the medicine was gone, she lifted her gaze to Jenny’s and smiled.

“That’s it?” Jenny whispered to her.

Claudia nodded, and then leaned forward to press a kiss to the top of the bear’s head. “We’re proud of you, Mr. Bear,” she said to the stuffed animal before coughing into the room.

“You’re so good with him,” Jenny mentioned quietly as she soothed the girl’s hair.

Claudia nodded, like she already knew that. “Now his fever will go down, and then he won’t be sick anymore,” she stated proudly. She rubbed at her eyes and yawned, and even that simple action seemed to cause a wave of uneasiness to course through her little body.

“Maybe we’ll get you into bed?” Jenny asked carefully, noting that her cheeks were flushed.

“I don’t want to,” Claudia protested in a small, unhappy voice. She set down the spoon and looked up at Jenny with those big, captivating eyes of hers. “Want to see my new stamps?” she asked, cleverly changing the subject, though her voice was still tainted with the earlier trail of whine.

“I would love to see your new stamps,” Jenny replied with a small smile.

“They’re on the desk,” Claudia pointed across the room. Where normally she would have scurried off the bed and skipped over to the desk, she now sat limply in defeat. She rubbed at her eyes again and struggled to hold in a cough.

“Should I go and get them?”

Claudia turned around and wrapped her thin arms around Jenny’s neck before nodding. “I’ll go with you,” she whispered.

Jenny smiled, thinking of the amused look on Emma’s face had she seen this scene play out, and hugged Claudia closer. She stood up carefully and walked them to the desk before bending enough for the little girl to pick up the cardboard box. “Now back to the bed?” she wondered when Claudia had the box safely in her grip. With a single nod, she crossed the small room once more and sat them down on the soft surface.

Claudia seemed content with her position, and settled in on her lap. As Jenny’s arms wrapped around her waist securely, she opened the small box of stamps.

“Wow,” Jenny whispered as she looked at the neatly arranged stamps.

“Yeah,” Claudia replied in equal wonder.  She ran her small fingers over the caps of the stamps, where the picture of each stamp was printed. “See? There’s a butterfly, and a flower,” she began to describe, pointing to the stamps in the right order, when Jenny noticed Emma leaning at the doorway of the bedroom. “Emma, come over here,” Claudia insisted as she patted the spot on the bed beside Jenny.

Emma took a seat where she was shown as Claudia resumed her explanation.

“So there’s a butterfly, and a flower, and a sun,” she began again patiently.

Jenny smiled as Emma leaned over and kissed her cheek. The playful kiss made her warm inside. There was something wonderfully unrelenting in the way Emma kept her feet firmly planted on the ground, lest she disappear inside her sadness.

“And a cloud, and a tree,” Claudia continued, when Emma leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her cheek as well, but the little girl pretended to ignore her, even as a small smile crept onto her lips. “And a moon, and a bird, and this one, this one makes three stars, all at once,” she explained, before twisting her head up to see the girls’ reactions.  Even without her usual, bubbly energy, a fraction of familiar brightness returned to her young eyes at the prospect of her new playmates. “Do you want me to show you how to use them?” she wondered in an angelic voice.

“Of course we do,” Emma answered, with Claudia’s signature eye-roll at how obvious the answer to that question was, making the little girl hiccup a single giggle despite her crummy mood.

Claudia lifted one of the stamps out of the box and turned it over in her little hand. “You take this off first, that’s the cover. Then you turn it over, and press it down on something,” she explained as she reached for a small note from inside the box. “See?” she presented the paper proudly after moving the stamp away, and pointed to the little butterfly outline left on the paper.

“That’s very cool,” Jenny replied with a soft smile on her lips.

“Yeah,” Claudia replied nonchalantly. She spilled all of the stamps out into the lid of the cardboard box. “Here, you try,” she instructed as she handed Jenny the little note.

Jenny took one of the stamps Claudia offered her and pressed it down beside the butterfly.

“You can stamp them on top of each other too,” the little girl continued, reaching for another stamp from the collection on her bed. “Or if you want to, you can make a trail of suns, or a trail of flowers, or whatever you’d like,” she explained, creating a dotted trail of flowers at the bottom of the paper.

Jenny tried to follow along, but she felt the bed dip a little more beside her as Emma moved closer, and then the hair was swept off of her cheek and tucked behind her ear, and a quick kiss was pressed to her shoulder.

“Emma, you’re not paying attention,” Claudia whined sadly, jolting the two of them from their moment.

“I am, I am, I promise,” Emma replied, and Jenny felt a chuckle climb up the length of her throat at the defensive tone in her voice, having been caught by a four-year-old. Claudia pouted, her eyes doubtful, until Emma pulled her onto her lap and reached for a stamp to show her just how much she’d learned.

Claudia watched Emma work for a few moments. Jenny saw her look curiously between the stamp in her little hand and Emma’s arm resting on her tummy to hold her in place. Claudia seemed to think carefully about her next move, before finally pressing the stamp to Emma’s arm. As she moved the stamp away again, she smiled at the small flower she’d left on the skin, and then carefully looked up at Emma to gauge her reaction.

“What are you doing, silly?” Emma whispered to her as Claudia’s little fingers grabbed hold of another stamp.

She tried to hide her sneaky grin. “Nothing,” she replied innocently, batting her long lashes at Emma a few times for good measure. She looked down at her hands, uncapped the new stamp, and marked Emma’s skin again, this time with a set of stars. “Did you know that you can use the stamps on other things except for paper?” she added, as though turning her sneakiness into some kind of educational lesson as she reached for Jenny’s hand and stamped a butterfly on her arm, just above her wrist.

“We do now,” Emma replied, and Jenny caught her mirthful gaze as she worked on hiding a smile at Claudia’s sweetness.

Claudia smiled up at Emma and stamped her arm with a butterfly too, clustering it close to the others. Her smile vanished as she coughed again, and she mumbled Emma’s name as she unhappily squirmed in her arms.

“Claudia,” her mother’s voice carried through from the hallway.

“Mama,” Claudia called back as she ran her hands across her flushed face and fought the sleep gathering in her eyes. “We’re playing with the stamps,” she explained, forcing cheerfulness into her mood so that her playmates wouldn’t be sent home.

“Are you showing the girls how we use the stamps on paper?” her mother asked, emphasizing that last word in a way that suggested they’d had that conversation before.

Equipped with another stamp and Emma’s arm in her grasp, Claudia reworked her expression into the picture of innocence. “Yes,” she called back, her voice only slightly wavering. Jenny giggled quietly to herself as Claudia tugged Emma’s sleeve down over the marked skin and reached for a new piece of paper from the box. “Shh,” she directed at Jenny, with her eyes bright at their secret, just before her mother reached the doorway.

“How’s it going in here?” the older woman asked as she leaned on the door frame, holding the sparkly water bottle from earlier.

Claudia brushed the hair off of her face and defiantly leaned against Emma. “Good,” she replied in a pleading tone, as though she could tell which words were coming next.

“Honey, it’s bedtime, and the girls have to be getting home,” Claudia’s mother said with a bit of a sigh.

“Already?” the little girl asked with sad eyes.

“Already. You’ve barely slept, and you need your rest,” her mother explained.

“Not yet,” the little girl pouted, pressing one cheek to her shoulder in tired protest as her entire demeanor seemed to wilt. Jenny sat still, but felt like protesting too, because they’d just gotten there. When Claudia coughed again into the room, Jenny reached over to smudge away the tear that fell from those young eyes. “Please, Mama?”

The older woman sighed quietly and stepped into the room, with her hand extending toward her daughter’s forehead in a practiced move. “Has your fever gone down at all?” she wondered aloud as she felt the hot skin while Claudia looked up at her with big, sad eyes. She shook her head and stroked her daughter’s cheek soothingly, before handing her the water bottle.

Claudia took a couple of sips before handing it back. “Can Emma and Jenny read me a story before I go to sleep?” she asked as she pulled away from her mother’s touch. She tried to keep in another cough as she pressed Mr. Bear to her stomach. “We need to find out what happens to the rabbits,” she explained slowly.

“You’d have to ask them, little one,” she replied. Jenny saw the softness in her motherly eyes. It did strange things to her heart.

“Jenny,” Claudia said, tugging lightly on her sleeve to get her attention. “Will you and Emma read me a story?”

“O-of course we will,” she replied, offering the little girl a smile before taking in a slow breath to fight the fog filling her mind.

As Emma turned the corner out of the room in search of the library books they’d brought with them, Claudia hugged Mr. Bear, and rested her chin on his head. Her thin shoulders rolled inward, and the sight was indescribably sad to Jenny. She reached over and stroked the little girl’s cheek, feeling lost as to how she could help, and accepting that her current state of emotional rawness made little things seem bigger, and heavier to hold.

“Do you want to lie down?” Jenny suggested, when the little girl yawned fully into the room.

Claudia pouted and shook her head, fighting the drowsiness brought on by the illness gripping her. She coughed again a moment later into the bear’s head, and moved herself sluggishly through the short distance between them. She climbed into Jenny’s lap and leaned back, and Jenny was glad she did. She wrapped her arms around Claudia’s small frame and hugged her close.

They were quiet for a little while. Perhaps it was only a few moments, but they felt monumental. For the second time since coming into the warm house, she felt the need to hug as much as she felt that she needed a hug, and Claudia seemed happy to comply.

That was how Emma found them, as she returned with one of the books. Claudia patted the spot next to them on the bed, and leaned her head back on Jenny’s chest as the front cover was opened.

Emma’s voice was soothing. It balanced easily between being lively enough to carry the story, giving each character their own distinctive voice, and being soft enough that Claudia’s eyelids started drooping heavily after only the first few pages. Claudia still twisted her head up every little while to make sure that Jenny was listening to the story, and Jenny couldn’t help but admire her dedication. She squeezed her closer for a moment, and Claudia smiled with her gaze still on the book. Claudia felt smaller in her arms, curled like she was.

By the time they reached the last page, concluding another fanciful adventure for the band of impetuous rabbits, Claudia was almost asleep, and trying hard not to give in. She rubbed at her eyes when Emma closed the book, and reached over to run her fingertips slowly over the illustrations on the back cover.  Before Emma could remind her that they had to go, she twisted her head up to look at them. “Will you come back and read it tomorrow?” she asked in the sweetest voice.

“We’ll see,” Emma replied, before pressing a kiss to her cheek and rising from the bed.

“Hug,” Claudia demanded, raising both of her arms up.

“Hug, please,” Emma rephrased, sweeping the little girl off the bed and twirling her around, making her giggle sweetly.

“Thank you,” she answered politely after Emma dropped her back on the bed.

“Sleep well, munchkin,” Emma wished her as they high-fived, before making her way out of the small bedroom.

Jenny held the blanket open as Claudia crawled in, and then tucked it around the little girl and her bear so they’d both be warm.

“Thank you for coming to see me,” Claudia spoke up as she reached over so Jenny wouldn’t leave.

“I love coming to see you,” she replied as she thumbed the edge of Claudia’s blanket, and Claudia smiled up at her like she was back to her old self for a moment. Returning her smile, Jenny rose from the bed, but a little hand wrapped around her own before she could move away.

“Jenny, can I have another hug?” the little girl asked innocently.

She felt tears behind her eyes. She leaned down again, and Claudia rose up from her pillows to meet her embrace. Little hands wrapped around her neck and held on tightly, not wanting to let go. She felt her heart seams tighten back into place in those few moments. “Sweet dreams, honeybee,” she whispered as a warm forehead pressed against her ear.

The little girl fell back against her pillows and placed a small hand on either side of Jenny’s face. She seemed to study her for a moment, and Jenny wondered what it was that she saw with those big, bright eyes of hers. “Sweet dreams, honeybee,” Claudia echoed after a moment, and then dipped her head to smile at her own cleverness.

Jenny tickled her for a moment before rising from the bed. “Feel better,” she wished her as she reached the doorway. “You too, Mr. Bear.”

Claudia giggled through a cough. “We will,” she promised before Jenny turned the corner.

She made her way back to the living room with a small smile she couldn’t shake from her lips. Emma rose up from the couch when she came in, her eyes aglow, excited from the mere fact that she’d walked into the room.

“It’s 7 o’clock,” the older woman announced after a quick glance at her watch. “It’s 7 o’clock and Claudia’s in bed. I can’t remember the last time that happened,” she mused. “You two need to put her to bed every night.”

Jenny smiled politely, lowered her gaze in a bashful move, and squeezed Emma’s hand as it slid along her own.

“We really do have to get going,” Emma said at her side. She gave her aunt a quick hug and a kiss to her cheek before moving them to the entrance.

“You girls stay warm out there,” the older woman instructed as they reached the front door.

“We will,” Emma promised.

“Have a good evening,” Jenny added, wishing she didn’t feel so out-of-place with herself all the time.

“You too, my dear,” she replied with the same softened smile she’d greeted them with.

Emma held the door open for her as they left the warm apartment, and before they’d gotten to the staircase, Jenny felt those mixed emotions rise within her again. No matter how much she tried, they seemed to come back. She smiled sweetly when Emma’s fingers slid between her own by the third stair, but felt it falter as soon as Emma looked away. Releasing a slow breath, she gripped the hand in her hold as they fell into step on the street.

“Thank you,” she said after a minute. Seeing Claudia had brightened her mood, even if it seemed to be slipping away again.

Emma looked over at her, and her lips tilted into a small but brilliant smile, reminiscent of the one she’d been wearing more or less since the library. “You’re welcome,” she replied after a beat. Her smile grew over a few long moments as they continued to walk.

“What?” Jenny finally had to ask, her voice coming out in a shy murmur as something that felt an awful lot like happiness quirked the corners of her lips.

Emma snuck another glance at her before smiling down at the sidewalk. She shook her head slightly before stopping suddenly and turning so they stood face to face. Jenny watched her, trying not to fidget underneath that indescribable gaze. She reacted slowly as Emma reached forward, both hands pinching the material of Jenny’s jacket, and pressed a kiss to her lips. Her own lips began to move into the kiss a moment before Emma leaned back, hands still keeping her close. “You make me happy,” Emma finally replied.

Jenny closed her eyes as the words reached her. She took a breath, and for that moment, it was simply that easy.

to be continued…

emma, fanfic, jenny

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