The way men think
Found this somewhere, thought you might think it's interesting....it's what men think women should do....gawd there's a lot....
Please note:
They are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl.
If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it
down. You don't hear us bitching about you
leaving it down, do you?
1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you.
Learn to live with it.
1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the
changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are
never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on
this one -- subtle hints do not work! Strong
hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work!
Please, just come right out and say it!
1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays
&anniversaries on a calendar and (this is very
important), remind us frequently beforehand.
1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes -- tops.
What makes you think we'd be any good at
choosing which pair, out of thirty (or more),
would look good with your dress?
1. "Yes" and "No" are perfectly acceptable
answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you
want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that last for 17 months is a problem.
See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is not admissible
in an argument. In fact, all comments become null
and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret
girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't
even ask us. We refuse to answer that question.
1. If something we said could be interpreted more
than one way, and one of the ways makes you sad
or angry, please... automatically assume we meant
the other one. Contrary to popular belief, we do
not seek out or enjoy arguments and hostility.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us
how you want it done... not both. If you already
know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you
have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions,
and neither do we.
1. The relationship is never going to be like it was
the first two months we were going out. Get over
it, and quit whining to your girlfriends about it.
1. ALL men see in only 8 colors, like Windows
default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not
a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no freakin
clue what the heck mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. We are not mind readers and we never will be.
Furthermore, our lack of mind-reading ability is
not proof of how little we care about you.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing,"
we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you're
lying, it's just not worth risking an argument over.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer
to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely
anything you want to wear is fine with us. Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless
you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel
lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
1. You have enough clothes. Honest.
1. You have too many shoes. Yes, really.
1. Peanuts in the shell are as exciting for us as
handbags are for you.
1. I am in shape. ROUND is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I'll
be sleeping on the couch tonight. But did you
know we really don't mind? It's like camping.
1. Guys are basically color co-ordinatinated handicapped. So unless it's a simple white shirt goes with black suit or dark blue suit, we just can't see it. You want it more matching with your clothes, pick the outfit for us. Most of the time we'll wear it and never notice the difference. Please don't slip in any pink or purple shirts. The other guys look at us funny.
1. The best chefs in the world are guys. So when he says he's gonna make something special and he begins grabbing strange, dusty, unused cans from the cupboard. DON'T STOP HIM! This is called GENIUS at WORK! Heh, at least try it. It may become your favorite dish.
1. Just because it's moldy, don't through it away. How do you think they make cheese? Most guys'll just knock off the mold and throw it in the micro. Then they'll enjoy a great TIME CURED meal, while you're going "Yuck, ugh!" Let the guy be the guinea pig. Who knows, a new type of cheese may appear.
1. Guys normally don't notice minor dirt around the house, unless it's on their Snap On Tool Set, so try gently to explain such obtuse ideas as "Spring Cleaning" and "House needs to be clean before my mother arrives". What will her mother do, disown her?Also remember, that only the motels and hotels change their linen "EVERY DAY".
1. When you have a serious problem, and you ask a guy for his advice, please try your best to explain to the guy that "This question and your answer are part of a survey that I'll be taking from several hundred people. Then I'll take a census and hopefully follow what the majority has advised me to do". If you don't do this, and the guy finds out you asked 200 other people the same question, he'll never answer another census question of yours. You see, he thought you valued his time and his opinion, not the New York Times questionaire.
1. Men are never lost. Some simple questions will prove the point. "What continent are we on? What country are we in? Which state are we in? (This one is a little tricky, but the guy usually reads a road sign that tells the state and the road number). So, the guy may not know exactly where you are, but he's not lost. Besides, at the next crossroads, he'll probably turn, and that'll make you feel better. Also, always let him know the exact name of the the micro village that you're heading for. If he sees the sign for Lynnville before he sees the sign for Lynnport, you know what'll happen. RIGHT! You will see Lynnville, before you see Lynnport.
1. Ladies please remember that some things are totally outside the realm of your guy's capabilities. If they made fun of him in coloring class, this guy will never adapt into a house painter or an artist, so don't ask him to paint anything. You're courting disaster! Or if he burned up a rebuilt '57 Chevy in auto shop, and they laughed and kicked him out of the class, don't expect him to want to change the oil or the plugs. He has difficulty with pumping gas, let alone lifting the hood.
1. On the other hand, if he's good and he likes a particular job or field, encourage him. Some guys are great on the computer. Turn them loose. They may become doctors and teach computer science at universities, or become another Bill Gates. Some are natural salesmen and may start huge multi-level companies. Whatever it is, encourage them to do it. This way their dreams become reality, they become happier, and they are much easier to live with, which makes you happier.
1. If he wants to walk through the mud some days, walk with him. It'll prove to him that you're made of more than perfect, prices shoes and have to always clean outfits. It's also fun once in a while, just to walk a different path.
1. GREAT SECRET #14-Learn something mechanical that will impress him. For instance, knowing the right oil filter name and number for you car, or the right heating/air conditioner filter number, or the difference between a socket wrench and a crescent wrench, and who makes the best one of each. Guys look at you as a treasure to keep hold of. Another thing, ask his opinion about which tools are the best, or which cars are the best, or which computers are the best, and then just listen. You may gain some insights and he will be happy talking about something he knows and enjoys. It's also called communication.
1. Soap operas are NOT reality! They are virtual reality. Don't expect him to understand your crying about why Peter left Ann on Days of Nobodies Lives, when he's facing the reality of downsizing or the car is needing a new transmission and money is short or the city wanting $5,000 to redo the sidewalk and there's only $725 in the account.
1. Only approach him with the serious stuff AFTER you've fed him a good meal, the dishes are washed, the kids had their baths and are in bed, and you still have about 1 to 2 hours before you go to bed. This will give him enough time to argue and still to make up before bedtime.
Please note:
They are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl.
If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it
down. You don't hear us bitching about you
leaving it down, do you?
1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you.
Learn to live with it.
1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the
changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are
never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on
this one -- subtle hints do not work! Strong
hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work!
Please, just come right out and say it!
1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays
&anniversaries on a calendar and (this is very
important), remind us frequently beforehand.
1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes -- tops.
What makes you think we'd be any good at
choosing which pair, out of thirty (or more),
would look good with your dress?
1. "Yes" and "No" are perfectly acceptable
answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you
want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that last for 17 months is a problem.
See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is not admissible
in an argument. In fact, all comments become null
and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret
girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't
even ask us. We refuse to answer that question.
1. If something we said could be interpreted more
than one way, and one of the ways makes you sad
or angry, please... automatically assume we meant
the other one. Contrary to popular belief, we do
not seek out or enjoy arguments and hostility.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us
how you want it done... not both. If you already
know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you
have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions,
and neither do we.
1. The relationship is never going to be like it was
the first two months we were going out. Get over
it, and quit whining to your girlfriends about it.
1. ALL men see in only 8 colors, like Windows
default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not
a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no freakin
clue what the heck mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. We are not mind readers and we never will be.
Furthermore, our lack of mind-reading ability is
not proof of how little we care about you.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing,"
we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you're
lying, it's just not worth risking an argument over.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer
to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely
anything you want to wear is fine with us. Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless
you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel
lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
1. You have enough clothes. Honest.
1. You have too many shoes. Yes, really.
1. Peanuts in the shell are as exciting for us as
handbags are for you.
1. I am in shape. ROUND is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I'll
be sleeping on the couch tonight. But did you
know we really don't mind? It's like camping.
1. Guys are basically color co-ordinatinated handicapped. So unless it's a simple white shirt goes with black suit or dark blue suit, we just can't see it. You want it more matching with your clothes, pick the outfit for us. Most of the time we'll wear it and never notice the difference. Please don't slip in any pink or purple shirts. The other guys look at us funny.
1. The best chefs in the world are guys. So when he says he's gonna make something special and he begins grabbing strange, dusty, unused cans from the cupboard. DON'T STOP HIM! This is called GENIUS at WORK! Heh, at least try it. It may become your favorite dish.
1. Just because it's moldy, don't through it away. How do you think they make cheese? Most guys'll just knock off the mold and throw it in the micro. Then they'll enjoy a great TIME CURED meal, while you're going "Yuck, ugh!" Let the guy be the guinea pig. Who knows, a new type of cheese may appear.
1. Guys normally don't notice minor dirt around the house, unless it's on their Snap On Tool Set, so try gently to explain such obtuse ideas as "Spring Cleaning" and "House needs to be clean before my mother arrives". What will her mother do, disown her?Also remember, that only the motels and hotels change their linen "EVERY DAY".
1. When you have a serious problem, and you ask a guy for his advice, please try your best to explain to the guy that "This question and your answer are part of a survey that I'll be taking from several hundred people. Then I'll take a census and hopefully follow what the majority has advised me to do". If you don't do this, and the guy finds out you asked 200 other people the same question, he'll never answer another census question of yours. You see, he thought you valued his time and his opinion, not the New York Times questionaire.
1. Men are never lost. Some simple questions will prove the point. "What continent are we on? What country are we in? Which state are we in? (This one is a little tricky, but the guy usually reads a road sign that tells the state and the road number). So, the guy may not know exactly where you are, but he's not lost. Besides, at the next crossroads, he'll probably turn, and that'll make you feel better. Also, always let him know the exact name of the the micro village that you're heading for. If he sees the sign for Lynnville before he sees the sign for Lynnport, you know what'll happen. RIGHT! You will see Lynnville, before you see Lynnport.
1. Ladies please remember that some things are totally outside the realm of your guy's capabilities. If they made fun of him in coloring class, this guy will never adapt into a house painter or an artist, so don't ask him to paint anything. You're courting disaster! Or if he burned up a rebuilt '57 Chevy in auto shop, and they laughed and kicked him out of the class, don't expect him to want to change the oil or the plugs. He has difficulty with pumping gas, let alone lifting the hood.
1. On the other hand, if he's good and he likes a particular job or field, encourage him. Some guys are great on the computer. Turn them loose. They may become doctors and teach computer science at universities, or become another Bill Gates. Some are natural salesmen and may start huge multi-level companies. Whatever it is, encourage them to do it. This way their dreams become reality, they become happier, and they are much easier to live with, which makes you happier.
1. If he wants to walk through the mud some days, walk with him. It'll prove to him that you're made of more than perfect, prices shoes and have to always clean outfits. It's also fun once in a while, just to walk a different path.
1. GREAT SECRET #14-Learn something mechanical that will impress him. For instance, knowing the right oil filter name and number for you car, or the right heating/air conditioner filter number, or the difference between a socket wrench and a crescent wrench, and who makes the best one of each. Guys look at you as a treasure to keep hold of. Another thing, ask his opinion about which tools are the best, or which cars are the best, or which computers are the best, and then just listen. You may gain some insights and he will be happy talking about something he knows and enjoys. It's also called communication.
1. Soap operas are NOT reality! They are virtual reality. Don't expect him to understand your crying about why Peter left Ann on Days of Nobodies Lives, when he's facing the reality of downsizing or the car is needing a new transmission and money is short or the city wanting $5,000 to redo the sidewalk and there's only $725 in the account.
1. Only approach him with the serious stuff AFTER you've fed him a good meal, the dishes are washed, the kids had their baths and are in bed, and you still have about 1 to 2 hours before you go to bed. This will give him enough time to argue and still to make up before bedtime.