Comments | oxthumbelinaxo: Hello emoness

oxthumbelinaxo

Hello emoness

Nov 28, 2006 17:08

Okay so I decided to try for this scholarship where I had to write a story about people impacted by HIV/AIDs. So my rough draft is done. Anyone wanna read and give me feedback?

Dear Diary/Journal/Blog/I’m not sure what to call you, 10-04-04
Hi. I’m Allie, and I don’t believe we have met. Well, I guess I can’t really meet you seeing as ( Read more... )

Comments 10

My 16 cents... drama_chikk November 29 2006, 01:37:14 UTC

Oh. My. Gosh. I'm crying, not joking. I love how you put things in there that i recognize, like the pirate costume, home town buffet, the wheelchair races, and Anne Frank...wow. And the end, with Sarah adding the last entry...thats what got me.

The only thing i'd suggest is to let us inside her head more. Let us get to know her , her dreams, her hopes, her hurts...it'll make the end more powerful.

you're an amazing writer Emmy, don't ever give it up!

Re: My 16 cents... oxthumbelinaxo November 29 2006, 04:33:45 UTC

yeeah see, I totally would except for the fact that I used up the max amount of room possible. I would have added a LOT more if I didn't have a restriction, but I do, and that's it.

but thanks. I'm glad I made you cry. that was the point. Now hopefully I can win $2500 from this.

Re: My 16 cents... drama_chikk November 29 2006, 05:38:54 UTC

can you take parts out? or delete "enter"s or anything? anyway to get it to be longer? the more the better

lifeisrad_soami November 29 2006, 04:31:56 UTC

Wow. That was amazing. I'm sitting here like.... Devastated. I agree with Angela.... Elaborate a bit more. Tell us more of her thoughts and feelings.... But otherwise.... Amazing.

oxthumbelinaxo November 29 2006, 04:34:58 UTC

aw thanks. yeah I reached my max amount of pages...5, and I can't go over. =/ I hate restrictions.

again thanks. I'm glad I made you depressed [well not really...I don't want a devestated Coco but for the sake of the story...yeah you get what I'm saying].

joyfulsquared November 29 2006, 23:39:49 UTC

wow, I didnt cry, but wow. Thats pretty good. It seems so short to be 5 pages. hm.

oxthumbelinaxo November 30 2006, 00:07:13 UTC

it's cause of all the formatting stuff.

drama_chikk November 30 2006, 00:31:36 UTC

i would say take the formating out and get as many words in as you can. the formating all goes away anyway right? I'd deffinetly add as much detail and insight as i could.

I really hope you win it!

oxthumbelinaxo November 30 2006, 01:28:05 UTC

I added in like three more entries now and made some longer...I'll send it to you when I get home.

Thread 5