(no subject)
why am i up so late...? right, iron chef... too bad i missed inuyasha.
what else? oh yes... she definately is scaring me... this is insane... WHO WRITES STUFF LIKE THIS AFTER ONE DATE!?!?
i feel like I should run while I can... yet, my instincts tell me its a test. I like tests... lets see whos got the cojones..
Pablo,
Hmmm...I dunno know how to say what I have to say. I'm still uncertain about
everything. Sorry but I just have to be sure about things and everything is
still kinda hectic right now for me. Oh, hope I didn't get you sick. I'm just
getting over mine. Tell me I didn't get you sick.
About meeting my sister...well, she and I are very close. So much that we need
the other's approval in order for anything to progress with whoever we're
dating. Would she be dating Vinh if it weren't for me? I doubt it. I'm not
saying that if she hated someone, I wouldn't go out with them, but I do value
her opinion. Didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable.
If I was sending you mixed signals that Sunday, well, I can say that I was
unsure about what I was feeling. Things were pulling me in different
directions. Since I don't want to postpone all this mystery about me and
relationships, I'll just lay it here, in a nutshell cus I hate suspense too.
OK. I've had 1 bf and up til now, only dated guys for a few weeks or up to a
month. That 1st bf was freshman year, we were young and inexperienced but we
were in love. It didn't work for many reasons. Part of them was because I was
a mess and didn't feel like he could handle it. But we're ok now. We're not
friends but we're civil. Next guy...hate him. Disrespectul to me (and my
body) and was a lazy ass & negligent. I thought he had a big heart. Go
figure. Next guy, it was fine...then he went on a trip to Cali, found a girl.
Has since dumped her but I am less forgiving then he wants me so that was over.
Next few guys...well, I never really connected with them so it had to end
because there was no future with them; either they weren't serious or we
weren't ready. The last person I dated ended half a year ago. And now comes
you.
Then in HS, a man who married my aunt started
sending me love letters and wanted a romantic relationship with me. Oh, and I
have to live with the fact that my fragile father is not only a changed man but
could die on us at any day (though he could very well outlive me, who knows).
Let's just say my view on MEN is very very skewed at this point in my life.
I've been intimate before. I don't have a problem with that. I'm quite a
feline, actually (jk) so all these experiences don't affect me that way that
much...but I do have hesitations with people I haven't been able to trust. Add
to the fact that I've had to deal with family issues, personal issues that have
left me really down but that I do rise from (no, not clinically depressed..just
melancholy). I mean, drama everywhere. I'm like nothing compared to some
other extended family members. I'm not saying that it affects anyone outside.
A lot of my best friends and people I've dated don't even know about the issues
sometimes. Like I said, I don't like involving people with my drama. But just
letting you know that sometimes (of course, I can have fun and relax and be
care-free) I have a lot on my mind and that a sig. other will be another thing.
But I find that being in a serious relationship is a wonderful thing and I'm
not scared by it at all. I just don't know if now is a good time for me. I'm
in this state of transition right now (not just career-wise). Ah, this e-mail
isn't enough.
I think that you are drawn to me (thanks for all the compliments...it's nice
that you notice those things about me) also because I'm a challenge, which is
not only rare but admirable on your part.
I have to go. If worst comes to worse, I still gotta invite out. Maybe we'll
go to a dance or something, haha. You seem like quite a guy to get to
know, friend or more.
Ive read the things ive written... theve been nothing like this... its insane... Ive been almost neutral in them, simply been saying that im interested in getting to know her better.. and BAM! ... now i know her better...
welll... i did answer it.. the gist of it was "ive got an open mind, if you can deal with that, i can too." ... so she hasnt answered yet, and if she doesnt, good riddance, this is crazier than i ever expected. its a roller coaster. yet, im sure it will turn our aright... it always does. if she does answer, im not writing a thing untill a while goes by.. i need to process the bombshell.
a couple of friends have said run for cover... sage advice? still need to think about it. Im sick of being used. Maybe I should just stay by myself for a while longer.. I know I dont want another relationship like the last... she was kind, considerate, caring, and beautiful, but she sucked the life out of me, and made me utterly miserable. ...and we dont want that again...do we my precious...?
what else? oh yes... she definately is scaring me... this is insane... WHO WRITES STUFF LIKE THIS AFTER ONE DATE!?!?
i feel like I should run while I can... yet, my instincts tell me its a test. I like tests... lets see whos got the cojones..
Pablo,
Hmmm...I dunno know how to say what I have to say. I'm still uncertain about
everything. Sorry but I just have to be sure about things and everything is
still kinda hectic right now for me. Oh, hope I didn't get you sick. I'm just
getting over mine. Tell me I didn't get you sick.
About meeting my sister...well, she and I are very close. So much that we need
the other's approval in order for anything to progress with whoever we're
dating. Would she be dating Vinh if it weren't for me? I doubt it. I'm not
saying that if she hated someone, I wouldn't go out with them, but I do value
her opinion. Didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable.
If I was sending you mixed signals that Sunday, well, I can say that I was
unsure about what I was feeling. Things were pulling me in different
directions. Since I don't want to postpone all this mystery about me and
relationships, I'll just lay it here, in a nutshell cus I hate suspense too.
OK. I've had 1 bf and up til now, only dated guys for a few weeks or up to a
month. That 1st bf was freshman year, we were young and inexperienced but we
were in love. It didn't work for many reasons. Part of them was because I was
a mess and didn't feel like he could handle it. But we're ok now. We're not
friends but we're civil. Next guy...hate him. Disrespectul to me (and my
body) and was a lazy ass & negligent. I thought he had a big heart. Go
figure. Next guy, it was fine...then he went on a trip to Cali, found a girl.
Has since dumped her but I am less forgiving then he wants me so that was over.
Next few guys...well, I never really connected with them so it had to end
because there was no future with them; either they weren't serious or we
weren't ready. The last person I dated ended half a year ago. And now comes
you.
Then in HS, a man who married my aunt started
sending me love letters and wanted a romantic relationship with me. Oh, and I
have to live with the fact that my fragile father is not only a changed man but
could die on us at any day (though he could very well outlive me, who knows).
Let's just say my view on MEN is very very skewed at this point in my life.
I've been intimate before. I don't have a problem with that. I'm quite a
feline, actually (jk) so all these experiences don't affect me that way that
much...but I do have hesitations with people I haven't been able to trust. Add
to the fact that I've had to deal with family issues, personal issues that have
left me really down but that I do rise from (no, not clinically depressed..just
melancholy). I mean, drama everywhere. I'm like nothing compared to some
other extended family members. I'm not saying that it affects anyone outside.
A lot of my best friends and people I've dated don't even know about the issues
sometimes. Like I said, I don't like involving people with my drama. But just
letting you know that sometimes (of course, I can have fun and relax and be
care-free) I have a lot on my mind and that a sig. other will be another thing.
But I find that being in a serious relationship is a wonderful thing and I'm
not scared by it at all. I just don't know if now is a good time for me. I'm
in this state of transition right now (not just career-wise). Ah, this e-mail
isn't enough.
I think that you are drawn to me (thanks for all the compliments...it's nice
that you notice those things about me) also because I'm a challenge, which is
not only rare but admirable on your part.
I have to go. If worst comes to worse, I still gotta invite out. Maybe we'll
go to a dance or something, haha. You seem like quite a guy to get to
know, friend or more.
Ive read the things ive written... theve been nothing like this... its insane... Ive been almost neutral in them, simply been saying that im interested in getting to know her better.. and BAM! ... now i know her better...
welll... i did answer it.. the gist of it was "ive got an open mind, if you can deal with that, i can too." ... so she hasnt answered yet, and if she doesnt, good riddance, this is crazier than i ever expected. its a roller coaster. yet, im sure it will turn our aright... it always does. if she does answer, im not writing a thing untill a while goes by.. i need to process the bombshell.
a couple of friends have said run for cover... sage advice? still need to think about it. Im sick of being used. Maybe I should just stay by myself for a while longer.. I know I dont want another relationship like the last... she was kind, considerate, caring, and beautiful, but she sucked the life out of me, and made me utterly miserable. ...and we dont want that again...do we my precious...?