(no subject)
Everyone needs to read my story. Its really long, like 8 pages, so it might take a while. But i wrote it last year, during 3rd period, whenever i was bored, and i had a printed copy..fortunately. However i lost the disk, so i had to re-type it all, and it took forever. sO READ IT! puh puh puh pleassssseee.
The Story Of Two Foes
I used to be called Jimmy. But I thought that was too weird so I called myself Ralph. Now Ralph was a fun name to be called because it is what I like to be called. So whenever I am called Ralph I say “hey thanks” but if people call me Jimmy, I punch them in the face and say, “hey what the hell?” and then I punch them in the face. And they say “ouch that hurt” so I’m like “yeah I know” and then they go pout and I say, “well don’t call me Jimmy”. So they don’t call me Jimmy.
Well now I am going to the store, so I can buy a piece of paper that says Ralph on it. Because Ralph is my new name so I have to have Ralph on my papers, for I am Ralph and no one else. But on my way to the store a big monkey with his brain hanging out came up to me and said to me like this “hey I am big scary monkey with my brain hanging out, you better be careful, for I am a monkey thus forth my brain is hanging out, so you better be careful of me, because I am scary and so I am worthy of your carefulness.” And I says to him this. “HEY now monkey boy, you aint shit you come storming in front of me like I’m supposed to be scared and then you are like talking like me in a from of speech that resembles mine entirely which I find most profound because it is not good. And then you try and strike fear in my heart like you own this place and you have the ability to put some scared in me, well you most definitely do not, because this is most definitely my place to walk, so back up my monkey nemesis who is not my friend” And then his eyes get all yellow and green and such and he gets big hair on his brain which is no longer so much exposed as to hidden, as a matter of fact it is most hidden under lots of monkey hair. Well after his monkey transformation he says something along the lines of this (I cannot directly translate since he is a monkey and they talk cool, and only I can understand them) “I am the all might Apple muncher Vohlewmay!!” And I am then suddenly thinking in my head “oh shit it is Vohlewmay” And then in a form of voice that can be heard by the monkey man I say “well nice to see you” and then I yell loudly and my hair turns big and yellow, and lots of wind goes around me and then my eyes turn green and I have lots of mucus in them. “but you must realize I am the all-mightier Etalocohc, and because I am mighty I happen to be mightier than you my monkey foe, so it appears we must compete in a very mighty duel, for we are both mighty and we both have the instinct to duel, because we feel anger towards each other”
So then Vohlewmay, and myself Etalocohc begin in a very strong duel, but we seem to be equally matched for we are both mighty, and it appeared that I was not mightier as I would have liked to have thought. So with my mass intelligence I challenge him to a game of wits for his is a monkey and I am a man, and man is superior to monkey or so I thought. Dun Dun Dun. The Dun Dun Dun exist simply to foreshadow that I am incorrect and the monkey happens to have some damn good wits.
Me and the monkey then began a game of trivial pursuit 20 years version, and since I am a youngin’ Vohlewmay happens to know more about human society than me, so I proceed to ash him a question for that is the rules in trivial pursuit to ask questions. SO I ask him a question that contains the following words and nothing more “Who is better, Man or Monkeys” and he answers the word that only has seven letters in it this word is “monkeys” so I am like turning over the card to see if he is right which will get him a piece of pie, not apple pie, nor pumpkin pie, but something that is nicknamed a name called trivial pursuit pie, after the long dreading flip of the card, I see that it is monkeys so I says to him such “hey you are wrong it is man” and he says “NO IT IS NOT!, Monkeys are soooo much smarter and stronger than man, let me see that card!!!” so I am thinking “hmm better run” so I am running in a gradual distance away from the monkey who is titled so oddly Vohlewmay, which considering I am Etalocohc I suppose it is not so oddly named. But I am still proceeding to evacuate. Once I reach a destination in which I can no longer flee for there is a wall, which so often happens in these situations, I turn around and there is a monkey by me. And he is Vohlewmay. So I tell him he was the right answerer of the question which contained no more, no less than the words “who Is better man or monkeys” and he says to me “HA! I Win! I am victorious!” and he begins to dance in a form that no human could ever comprehend for it is so oddly done, and I myself am thinking “pfft, monkeys” the dance looks somewhat like a jig, in the way that all he is really doing is moving one leg in the air and leaving one on the ground, and constantly shifting them while he claps his monkey hands. But after a time of longness (about 5 minutes) I tell him, you have not won yet, you are yet to be victorious, for I am still in the opportunity to have the winning of the game we are still in the process of.
So we return to the setting in which we used to be playing trivial pursuit and I offer the monkey some tea, not knowing they were allergic to tea. He then said “I am angry!, how dare you insult me, Do you mean to KILL me?!!!” and then I am like saying this “what are you saying I was just showing some hospitality to my favorite foe” And he gets them scary eyes again and his brain becomes covered, for the whole time we are playing trivial pursuit we had powered down because we were scared of the house breaking and he needs his brain exposed to think for he is playing a brain game and he needs to use his brain lucky him hmm I wonder if he is cheating. And after all this setting talk and inner dialogue he says to me “I am sorry I forgot you were a stupid human” and him being a monkey and saying that I must have impressed him so this is how I respond with a word of gratitude “thanks” Then we have a game of trivial pursuit and three days later we tie with no more questions left for we have both answered all of the, three times, but neither of us were smart enough to realize until now that there was not enough pie to full up our cake bowls.
After the long game of trivial pursuit which was actually far from trivial and more missing pie-ial, we sat and I said “maybe we shall no longer be foes, for it is obvious that we are evenly matched in strength and intelligence so what do you say? And then he says something that I know meant “yes I would like that” and then I say “in the form of friendship and not rivalry let us go play some Mario Party 4” and as everybody knows that game is the devil for it was invented to screw me over and it always gives me bad luck and caused mass anger inside of me. He tells me “yes I’d like to do that” and him saying this is very satisfactory, I like it very much in fact, it is a nice thing to hear, and it makes me happy, then I’m like wow that was a nice thing to have said to me. And a tear creeps across my face.
So now we are playing Mario Party 4, and during this game of Mario Party 4 we chose to eat some chips, and ice cream, for monkeys can eat these things. And I get my star stolen and I say “f this game!” and I throw my controller at the ground, and now I have only 6 stars where Vohlewmay has 7, and we have equal coins and we were on teams every mini-game except for two I which each of us won one. And then there was only one turn left and we both had landed on 3 happening spaces, so I am like “oh jeez I need a happening square, so he goes and he gets a mushroom which does not give him coins, nor happening square points. So I am rolling my video game die and I hit a 3 then I land on the question mark an I am like “YES!!!” and then withouth thinking I begin to do the dance which was earlier done by Vohlewmay, and I made fun of him yet now I am participating in it myself. And it seemed that even on Mario Party 4 we were equally matched because the last mini-game also happened to put us on a team, so we both got the coin star, and the mini-game star, and I got the happening star so we were on a equal score and we got a tie. And then we were happy friends.
Chapter 2
The next day Vohlewmay and I, Etalocohc decided that we would go shopping together for it is nearly Snowday thus we must do some shopping in order to be able to have presents for the people who are our friends. Because if we were to not do such a thing this would imply we were not good friends to those who are our friends. And this would not be a very pleasant thing for we like to have friends such as each other which is a most unusual event since we used to be not such good friends such a thing that was called rivals and or foes because we wanted to duel but we were so even we said “ok let us no longer be rivals” so we are going to have to get each other presents but we cannot do that today for we are with each other and that would ruin the surprise of Snowday gifts. So on our causal walk to the store I says to Vohlewmay this “so dude what do you want for Snowday” and he responds to me with his brain hanging out something called this “well ya know I would love to tell you but there is a BIG GIANT RED MORPHING DONKEY chasing at us!!!” and then I get my head sunk reallll low and lift it back up and say this “oh shit it’s the BIG GIANT RED MORPHING DONKEY again!!” and I sigh in that sentence which is most important to acknowledge for it tells you that I have encountered BIG GIANT RED MORPHING DONKEY before and I am most distraught by this once again encounter with the annoying foe. Fortunately for him Vohlewmay has not yet been cursed with the challenge of BIG GIANT RED MORPHING DONKEY previously and it is good for him because it would really suck if he had. But then after my long description of character I tell Vohlewmay some words that contain these forthcoming words “hey man I think I should inform you that BIG GIANT RED MORPHING DONKEY is a most disgusting and annoying foe and I have never been able to best him before only bore him until he left for a while. And as you know I am the great Etalocohc!” and Vohlewmay is preparing to say the following sentence “Oh shit you don’t mean the BIG GIANT RED MORPHING DONKEY!? Do you?? Well I guess we’d better prepare.” But he is not able to say this out loud only think it and not only can I understand monkeys I can also read their minds. Oh yes, back to why he was not able to say the words that were earlier quoted but never actually said, he could not say such words for the BIG GIANT RED MORPHING DONKEY was smashing his BIG GIANT RED MORPHING DONKEY horns into Vohlewmay. Vohlewmay was experiencing mass pain so I gave him a small yellow bean which restored his health earlier. But I had to get this bean from a mouse/cat thing…in the sky. SO then Vohlewmay does the super hairy thing and his brain isn’t exposed any longer and his monkey body grows to a strength containing body. Then I get lots of wind around me and my hair gets big and then I decide to make my eyes turn green and contain lots of mucus. Not to mention for some reason my eyebrows decide to disappear. After our transformations we are saying to the BIG GIANT RED MORPHING DONKEY “hey you BIG GIANT RED MORPHING DONKEY we are going to whip out our used to be foe turned friend teamwork skills on you ass!” And then he is saying back to us “Oh yeah well you can’t for I am the BIG GIANT RED MORPHING DONKEY” and I looks at him and shake my head nice and heavy and I says to him this “yeah no shit!. But we will still defeat you and after the day is no longer bright and shiny there will be nothing but a battle field and what used to be remains of BIG GIANT RED MORPHING DONKEY” And he says something like “yo watch your back cause ima comin’ to beat you up real bad!!” and then me and Vohlewmay look at each other all weird like in the way that people do when they are saying to each other “pfft BIG GIANT RED MORPHING DONKEYs” and at the same time they are saying “lets get im” so then they go to the BIG GIANT RED MORPHING DONKEY and they begin in a huge duel. And the BIG GIANT RED MORPHING DONKEY felled me, Etalocohc once again and because of this I am laying on the floor in a pool of “I have been felledness” and then I tells this to Vohlewmay “hey dude its all up to you….elch…..” And I can here him saying “RAWR!!” and getting all angry like, then he goes to the BIG GIANT RED MORPHING DONKEY and punches him like a thousand times a second. And then he is winning and I’m thinking(well, the most similar thing one can do to think while laying in a pool of bestedness) “wow Vohlewmay sure is a good friend, I mean look at him, working all hard to save me, if I wasn’t laying here in this pool of loser I would cry” so then Vohlewmay ends up winning the duel with stupid BIG GIANT RED MORPHING DONKEY who thought he could take both me and Vohlewmay at the same time so that was awful stupid, in fact it was very much lacking in smart, it was indeed so un-intelligent I would say asinine. So after beating the BIG GIANT RED MORPHING DONKEY, Vohlewmay gives me one of them yellow beans so I am all healthy and stuff. Then we says to each other “damn I suppose all of the stores are probably closed now guess we’ll have to go shopping tomorrow” and then we walks back home and i says to Vohlewmay “hey you know that was a great Snowday gift man, that’s all I need from ya, like they say it’s the thought that counts. And that was damn thoughtful of you.” And he says back to me “ok buddy you too I had fun fighting that BIG GIANT RED MORPHING DONKEY with you it was definitely worth it.”
Chapter 3
Vohlewmay and I the great Etalocohc, continue our adventure on this blustery day. The world has experienced mass destruction…for there is a building no longer containing the power to defy gravity..it hath fallen to a neglected doom. It no longer rises above the skies. IT is no longer impressive in the ability to scrape the sky. It now only resides among the gravel within this broken sidewalk this building is the home of my arch enemy…(well yeah, Vohlewmay was my arch enemy too, but this is the other one.OK?!) his name is…Ekok Yrrehc!! And he shall no longer stand among giants..now he hath been brought down among those of us who dwell upon the land!! He shall no longer strike fear in the hearts of those who stand for justice!! He WILL feel the wrath of I, Etalocohc and my bestest buddy Vohlewmay! For we are making the team of ass kicking. We will destroy him in this moment of hope, in this moment of pure destiny!!! He is now available at a level in which he can no longer hide away, he can no longer be fearing our immense power, the surprising ability to kick ass that my partner and I possess will finally strike down upon thee! (Heh, heh, heh..I got a little carried away there. Sorry about that..well..uh back to the story now.)
So the building is not scraping the sky, and is very strongly being still upon the ground. Vohlewmay and I continue our trek toward the middle of this obliterated isle of edifice, thus we are approaching our rival…my heart begins to beat in a method that expresses minor fear. For it has been long since I have faced a foe as cunning as Ekoc Yrrehc. As strong and fearsome as Ekok Yrrehc. However I am not letting myself be scared…Thud, Thud, Thud, Thud. “SHUT UP!!”
“What, What the hell did I do?” That hath been emitted from Vohlewmay.
“What do you mean?, Why’d you ask that?” I respond… and then it hits me…I was talking out loud, aww I probably hurt his feelings saying that I haven’t encountered somebody as cunning or strong as Ekoc Yrrech, He must be jealous. Poor guy I just didn’t want to acknowledge that we used to be enemies.
“oh my bad.. I am sorry Vohlewmay, you are far more cunning and strong than Ekoc Yrrehc, I just don’t want to be your enemy any longer…oh yeah, and I was talking to my heart not you, you weren’t even talking jackass.”
“how you gonna call me a jackass when you think out loud to….YOUR HEART!!”
“Uhh, I was just kidding bro..No need to flip.”
“alright then, lets go kick some Ekoc Yrrehc ASS!”
“hell yeah!”
So then we are going to the middle of the rubble, where I may or may not have mentioned, Ekock Yrrehc resides…We arrive at our destination in about two seconds, for we were but a step away from it. I think to me this “hmm where is he?!” and I scratch my head.
“There Ekoc Yrrehc is buried under the rubble” replies Vohlewmay. ( I must have been thinking out loud again)
This however I purposely say very much out loud “ HA HA HA, it seems we have the advantage”
And then I am wrong.
BOOM!! Ekoc Yrrehc flings from the ground spewing wreckage in all directions, thankfully I am able to deflect a massive piece of stone that is flying in my general direction, however I notice another piece flying towards my great friend Vohlewmay, so I the great and brave Etalocohc dive towards him pushing him to the side and nearly taking the stone in the head…..Phew that was close.
“WHO HAS THE ANVANTAGE NOW?!!” booms Ekoc Yrrech.
“not you!” I am saying for at that moment I punch him in the head and he falls.
So he says this “ I GUESS NOT!”
“does this bastard always talk in all caps” emits Vohlwemay.
And then I am laughing for he joked. Now Ekoc Yrrech is in a fury. So he jumps back up smashing Vohlewmay against a remaining standing wall. Crushing the wall atop Vohlewmay. This makes me very angry so I use my super powers against Ekoc Yrrech and we begin to fight.. at first it seems as if Ekoc Yrrech is too strong for my abilities, however I soon begin to fight truly, and in this decision my skills are brought out I begin to slowly defeat Ekoc Yrrech. By the time I have defeating him my orange pants are have ripped off and my shirt is gone. So I change my eyes back to normal and grow eyebrows once again..i am in pain…Ekoc Yrrech was quite the fighter…Oh SHIT!! Vohlewmay! I must find him and give him a yellow bean,,
“Vohlewmay!!!”
“Vohlewmay!!!!!”
And then I find him under the debris he is very hurt he says at me thus
“Good fight”
and I says “Eat this!!”
So he does and all is better again.
Chapter 4
Dun Dun Dun. That shall be the beginning of chapter 4. For chapter 4 possesses much conflict, and Dun Dun Dun will be representing an attempt at foreshadowing. Henceforth is the chapter of conflict, the moment in which a new secret is revealed.
My companion and I begin our day once again by walking in a general direction which is now expected to bring upon danger and destruction. For it seems danger and destruction have a habit of following me. They seem to pop up outta nowhere, like ninjas on a foggy Japanese night. They sneak upon in attempts to slit your unsuspecting throat. For ninja are stealthy mo fo’s. As is danger and destruction.
Danger and destruction have not yet struck their wrath upon me, so I begin to hum like such..
“Hmm, hummmm, hmmmmmmmm, hummm!!!” And Vohlewmay, the partner whom was earlier mentioned, only then he was entitled as my companion, for a companion is much similar to a partner, partners and companions have quite a lot in common, in fact I would call them such a word as “twins” because they are so intensely possessing similarities. Damn they is similar. Any way, Vohlewmay says at me such
“Quiet your mouth!” And I think to my own brain “hmm could he mean to be saying ‘be quiet’, damn I am having the trouble translating from his language de la monkeys” and I hum some more, only now I hum like such “hmmm, hmm, hmm, hum hum hum, hmmmmm” and then I am saying “OUCH” and my face is burning with some of the pain, for Vohlewmay hath strucketh me across the part of my body more commonly known as my face. Boy that hurt. So I looks him in his own eyeballs, the anatomical device which allows one to see, the crazy things that get red lines when you are tired, and then he looks back and says at me this “BOO!” and I do not jump, for I am not scared of him, because he is not having the ability to strike fear in me like he once did, no longer am I ascared of him and his big bully like antics. So he then proceeds to say “fine then be that way!” and I am like “I’d be glad to” so we stare at each other in anger for some time and then we walk away from each other. I thinks at my self this “Man my face stings though…ugh oh well” and then in my outside voice that others can hear as well as opposed to the previous voice which resides inside my cranium, hiding from other people, being somewhere that only I the great Etalocohc can understand, this voice is different then that one, Vohlewmay can hear this voice, I says “Sorry” and then I am taken aback, for Vohlewmay has said it at the same exact moment as me, but then we are happy with each other.
So we then proceed with our journey towards danger. And as we get further along, I begin to think “egghmm! Where are da bad guys?” And then I am realizing that there is a giant monkey running at a significantly speedy like speed towards Vohlewmay and myself, and his speed is all fast like, he seems to be gaining on us at a ridiculous speed. Oh Shit Son..That is the thought that I think because this giant monkey looks ridiculously angry. His anger is at a high degree, he possesses such a thorough amount of anger that I might even consider him to be in a state of utter fury.
Now he hath arrived upon an area, which is very close to me, it is in fact so close that he is right in front of my face. The distance between him and I is no larger that the amount of space sometimes referred to as small. This small distance is not large, it is in fact rather lacking in largeness, for it is small, thus forth not big, nor large, nor huge, or gigantic, only small. I am looking at him thinking. “whoa” I am thinking “whoa” because his brain is hanging out much like Vohlewmay’s. In fact he looks much like Vohlewmay… “What is going on here?” are the words that I ask Vohlewmay.
“I do not know. I am somewhat fearing this foe, for he looks too much similar to me.”
I ask him such: “Did you not tell me that your planet was eradicated, along with all your people?, I thought you were the last monkey with his brain hanging out in the entire universe! DID YOU NOT TELL ME THIS?!!!!!”
“Yes I did tell you I suppose I was mistaken, I am very surprised. I do not know how one of my kind survived.”
“he looks EXACTLY like you, do, or sorry “DID” you all look alike or what?!”
“Yes that is true, he looks quite similar to me, his features resemble me thoroughly some might even say ‘the resemblance is uncanny!’”
And then I am saying “Damn!” and I am producing these words because the monkey who so thoroughly resembles Vohlewmay has embedded his monkey head into my stomach causing me great pain, I believe it is known as a “head-butt”. Boy that hurts. Now I says to Vohlewmay these words and nothing but these words: “So, uhh, should we kick some poser ass?” and he responds this:
“yes we shall”
And then Vohlewmay and I the great Etalocohc begin to fight a battle against a foe who seems to be quite challenging. “BANG!” “BOOM!” “SMASH!” “CRACK!” Those are the sounds of the battle that we are enduring. However we are winning, for we outnumber him two to one. Damn we done good. And now the battle is over, and we hath defeated the foe who looks so strongly like Vohlewmay. However he is still talking to us meaning he hasn’t yet been thoroughly defeated. He says at us “Stop!” “please listen to me!” So I looks at Vohlewmay, and he looks at me, and we saying at the same time, meaning simultaneous, meaning at times coinciding with one another, :
“then speak”
So then the monkey says this at us “Vohlewmay…eghmm eghmm, I have come far away and traveled a painful journey to arrive here. I wanted to let you know that…elch….I am…your ..b..rot…..her….eclh…” and then he is dead. Dun Dun Dun,
*Narrators Note*
“did I not tell you that chapter four had conflict, can you believe that Vohlewmay had a long lost brother, and we just killed him, oh my goodness”
And Vohlewmay starts to drip some liquidy stuff from his eyes, and I am like “oh my friend, I am so sorry that we have defeated your brother, however he came here threatening us, he was dangerous, if only he had said something earlier!!! Damn it!! We could have stopped!!!, I am a terrible person. Vohlewmay, we shall go sulk together” And then he and I begin to sulk, and the day continues on with us experiencing mass depression. For we called Vohlewmays long lost brother, and the only remaining non Vohlewmay version of his species. That poor guy.
The Story Of Two Foes
I used to be called Jimmy. But I thought that was too weird so I called myself Ralph. Now Ralph was a fun name to be called because it is what I like to be called. So whenever I am called Ralph I say “hey thanks” but if people call me Jimmy, I punch them in the face and say, “hey what the hell?” and then I punch them in the face. And they say “ouch that hurt” so I’m like “yeah I know” and then they go pout and I say, “well don’t call me Jimmy”. So they don’t call me Jimmy.
Well now I am going to the store, so I can buy a piece of paper that says Ralph on it. Because Ralph is my new name so I have to have Ralph on my papers, for I am Ralph and no one else. But on my way to the store a big monkey with his brain hanging out came up to me and said to me like this “hey I am big scary monkey with my brain hanging out, you better be careful, for I am a monkey thus forth my brain is hanging out, so you better be careful of me, because I am scary and so I am worthy of your carefulness.” And I says to him this. “HEY now monkey boy, you aint shit you come storming in front of me like I’m supposed to be scared and then you are like talking like me in a from of speech that resembles mine entirely which I find most profound because it is not good. And then you try and strike fear in my heart like you own this place and you have the ability to put some scared in me, well you most definitely do not, because this is most definitely my place to walk, so back up my monkey nemesis who is not my friend” And then his eyes get all yellow and green and such and he gets big hair on his brain which is no longer so much exposed as to hidden, as a matter of fact it is most hidden under lots of monkey hair. Well after his monkey transformation he says something along the lines of this (I cannot directly translate since he is a monkey and they talk cool, and only I can understand them) “I am the all might Apple muncher Vohlewmay!!” And I am then suddenly thinking in my head “oh shit it is Vohlewmay” And then in a form of voice that can be heard by the monkey man I say “well nice to see you” and then I yell loudly and my hair turns big and yellow, and lots of wind goes around me and then my eyes turn green and I have lots of mucus in them. “but you must realize I am the all-mightier Etalocohc, and because I am mighty I happen to be mightier than you my monkey foe, so it appears we must compete in a very mighty duel, for we are both mighty and we both have the instinct to duel, because we feel anger towards each other”
So then Vohlewmay, and myself Etalocohc begin in a very strong duel, but we seem to be equally matched for we are both mighty, and it appeared that I was not mightier as I would have liked to have thought. So with my mass intelligence I challenge him to a game of wits for his is a monkey and I am a man, and man is superior to monkey or so I thought. Dun Dun Dun. The Dun Dun Dun exist simply to foreshadow that I am incorrect and the monkey happens to have some damn good wits.
Me and the monkey then began a game of trivial pursuit 20 years version, and since I am a youngin’ Vohlewmay happens to know more about human society than me, so I proceed to ash him a question for that is the rules in trivial pursuit to ask questions. SO I ask him a question that contains the following words and nothing more “Who is better, Man or Monkeys” and he answers the word that only has seven letters in it this word is “monkeys” so I am like turning over the card to see if he is right which will get him a piece of pie, not apple pie, nor pumpkin pie, but something that is nicknamed a name called trivial pursuit pie, after the long dreading flip of the card, I see that it is monkeys so I says to him such “hey you are wrong it is man” and he says “NO IT IS NOT!, Monkeys are soooo much smarter and stronger than man, let me see that card!!!” so I am thinking “hmm better run” so I am running in a gradual distance away from the monkey who is titled so oddly Vohlewmay, which considering I am Etalocohc I suppose it is not so oddly named. But I am still proceeding to evacuate. Once I reach a destination in which I can no longer flee for there is a wall, which so often happens in these situations, I turn around and there is a monkey by me. And he is Vohlewmay. So I tell him he was the right answerer of the question which contained no more, no less than the words “who Is better man or monkeys” and he says to me “HA! I Win! I am victorious!” and he begins to dance in a form that no human could ever comprehend for it is so oddly done, and I myself am thinking “pfft, monkeys” the dance looks somewhat like a jig, in the way that all he is really doing is moving one leg in the air and leaving one on the ground, and constantly shifting them while he claps his monkey hands. But after a time of longness (about 5 minutes) I tell him, you have not won yet, you are yet to be victorious, for I am still in the opportunity to have the winning of the game we are still in the process of.
So we return to the setting in which we used to be playing trivial pursuit and I offer the monkey some tea, not knowing they were allergic to tea. He then said “I am angry!, how dare you insult me, Do you mean to KILL me?!!!” and then I am like saying this “what are you saying I was just showing some hospitality to my favorite foe” And he gets them scary eyes again and his brain becomes covered, for the whole time we are playing trivial pursuit we had powered down because we were scared of the house breaking and he needs his brain exposed to think for he is playing a brain game and he needs to use his brain lucky him hmm I wonder if he is cheating. And after all this setting talk and inner dialogue he says to me “I am sorry I forgot you were a stupid human” and him being a monkey and saying that I must have impressed him so this is how I respond with a word of gratitude “thanks” Then we have a game of trivial pursuit and three days later we tie with no more questions left for we have both answered all of the, three times, but neither of us were smart enough to realize until now that there was not enough pie to full up our cake bowls.
After the long game of trivial pursuit which was actually far from trivial and more missing pie-ial, we sat and I said “maybe we shall no longer be foes, for it is obvious that we are evenly matched in strength and intelligence so what do you say? And then he says something that I know meant “yes I would like that” and then I say “in the form of friendship and not rivalry let us go play some Mario Party 4” and as everybody knows that game is the devil for it was invented to screw me over and it always gives me bad luck and caused mass anger inside of me. He tells me “yes I’d like to do that” and him saying this is very satisfactory, I like it very much in fact, it is a nice thing to hear, and it makes me happy, then I’m like wow that was a nice thing to have said to me. And a tear creeps across my face.
So now we are playing Mario Party 4, and during this game of Mario Party 4 we chose to eat some chips, and ice cream, for monkeys can eat these things. And I get my star stolen and I say “f this game!” and I throw my controller at the ground, and now I have only 6 stars where Vohlewmay has 7, and we have equal coins and we were on teams every mini-game except for two I which each of us won one. And then there was only one turn left and we both had landed on 3 happening spaces, so I am like “oh jeez I need a happening square, so he goes and he gets a mushroom which does not give him coins, nor happening square points. So I am rolling my video game die and I hit a 3 then I land on the question mark an I am like “YES!!!” and then withouth thinking I begin to do the dance which was earlier done by Vohlewmay, and I made fun of him yet now I am participating in it myself. And it seemed that even on Mario Party 4 we were equally matched because the last mini-game also happened to put us on a team, so we both got the coin star, and the mini-game star, and I got the happening star so we were on a equal score and we got a tie. And then we were happy friends.
Chapter 2
The next day Vohlewmay and I, Etalocohc decided that we would go shopping together for it is nearly Snowday thus we must do some shopping in order to be able to have presents for the people who are our friends. Because if we were to not do such a thing this would imply we were not good friends to those who are our friends. And this would not be a very pleasant thing for we like to have friends such as each other which is a most unusual event since we used to be not such good friends such a thing that was called rivals and or foes because we wanted to duel but we were so even we said “ok let us no longer be rivals” so we are going to have to get each other presents but we cannot do that today for we are with each other and that would ruin the surprise of Snowday gifts. So on our causal walk to the store I says to Vohlewmay this “so dude what do you want for Snowday” and he responds to me with his brain hanging out something called this “well ya know I would love to tell you but there is a BIG GIANT RED MORPHING DONKEY chasing at us!!!” and then I get my head sunk reallll low and lift it back up and say this “oh shit it’s the BIG GIANT RED MORPHING DONKEY again!!” and I sigh in that sentence which is most important to acknowledge for it tells you that I have encountered BIG GIANT RED MORPHING DONKEY before and I am most distraught by this once again encounter with the annoying foe. Fortunately for him Vohlewmay has not yet been cursed with the challenge of BIG GIANT RED MORPHING DONKEY previously and it is good for him because it would really suck if he had. But then after my long description of character I tell Vohlewmay some words that contain these forthcoming words “hey man I think I should inform you that BIG GIANT RED MORPHING DONKEY is a most disgusting and annoying foe and I have never been able to best him before only bore him until he left for a while. And as you know I am the great Etalocohc!” and Vohlewmay is preparing to say the following sentence “Oh shit you don’t mean the BIG GIANT RED MORPHING DONKEY!? Do you?? Well I guess we’d better prepare.” But he is not able to say this out loud only think it and not only can I understand monkeys I can also read their minds. Oh yes, back to why he was not able to say the words that were earlier quoted but never actually said, he could not say such words for the BIG GIANT RED MORPHING DONKEY was smashing his BIG GIANT RED MORPHING DONKEY horns into Vohlewmay. Vohlewmay was experiencing mass pain so I gave him a small yellow bean which restored his health earlier. But I had to get this bean from a mouse/cat thing…in the sky. SO then Vohlewmay does the super hairy thing and his brain isn’t exposed any longer and his monkey body grows to a strength containing body. Then I get lots of wind around me and my hair gets big and then I decide to make my eyes turn green and contain lots of mucus. Not to mention for some reason my eyebrows decide to disappear. After our transformations we are saying to the BIG GIANT RED MORPHING DONKEY “hey you BIG GIANT RED MORPHING DONKEY we are going to whip out our used to be foe turned friend teamwork skills on you ass!” And then he is saying back to us “Oh yeah well you can’t for I am the BIG GIANT RED MORPHING DONKEY” and I looks at him and shake my head nice and heavy and I says to him this “yeah no shit!. But we will still defeat you and after the day is no longer bright and shiny there will be nothing but a battle field and what used to be remains of BIG GIANT RED MORPHING DONKEY” And he says something like “yo watch your back cause ima comin’ to beat you up real bad!!” and then me and Vohlewmay look at each other all weird like in the way that people do when they are saying to each other “pfft BIG GIANT RED MORPHING DONKEYs” and at the same time they are saying “lets get im” so then they go to the BIG GIANT RED MORPHING DONKEY and they begin in a huge duel. And the BIG GIANT RED MORPHING DONKEY felled me, Etalocohc once again and because of this I am laying on the floor in a pool of “I have been felledness” and then I tells this to Vohlewmay “hey dude its all up to you….elch…..” And I can here him saying “RAWR!!” and getting all angry like, then he goes to the BIG GIANT RED MORPHING DONKEY and punches him like a thousand times a second. And then he is winning and I’m thinking(well, the most similar thing one can do to think while laying in a pool of bestedness) “wow Vohlewmay sure is a good friend, I mean look at him, working all hard to save me, if I wasn’t laying here in this pool of loser I would cry” so then Vohlewmay ends up winning the duel with stupid BIG GIANT RED MORPHING DONKEY who thought he could take both me and Vohlewmay at the same time so that was awful stupid, in fact it was very much lacking in smart, it was indeed so un-intelligent I would say asinine. So after beating the BIG GIANT RED MORPHING DONKEY, Vohlewmay gives me one of them yellow beans so I am all healthy and stuff. Then we says to each other “damn I suppose all of the stores are probably closed now guess we’ll have to go shopping tomorrow” and then we walks back home and i says to Vohlewmay “hey you know that was a great Snowday gift man, that’s all I need from ya, like they say it’s the thought that counts. And that was damn thoughtful of you.” And he says back to me “ok buddy you too I had fun fighting that BIG GIANT RED MORPHING DONKEY with you it was definitely worth it.”
Chapter 3
Vohlewmay and I the great Etalocohc, continue our adventure on this blustery day. The world has experienced mass destruction…for there is a building no longer containing the power to defy gravity..it hath fallen to a neglected doom. It no longer rises above the skies. IT is no longer impressive in the ability to scrape the sky. It now only resides among the gravel within this broken sidewalk this building is the home of my arch enemy…(well yeah, Vohlewmay was my arch enemy too, but this is the other one.OK?!) his name is…Ekok Yrrehc!! And he shall no longer stand among giants..now he hath been brought down among those of us who dwell upon the land!! He shall no longer strike fear in the hearts of those who stand for justice!! He WILL feel the wrath of I, Etalocohc and my bestest buddy Vohlewmay! For we are making the team of ass kicking. We will destroy him in this moment of hope, in this moment of pure destiny!!! He is now available at a level in which he can no longer hide away, he can no longer be fearing our immense power, the surprising ability to kick ass that my partner and I possess will finally strike down upon thee! (Heh, heh, heh..I got a little carried away there. Sorry about that..well..uh back to the story now.)
So the building is not scraping the sky, and is very strongly being still upon the ground. Vohlewmay and I continue our trek toward the middle of this obliterated isle of edifice, thus we are approaching our rival…my heart begins to beat in a method that expresses minor fear. For it has been long since I have faced a foe as cunning as Ekoc Yrrehc. As strong and fearsome as Ekok Yrrehc. However I am not letting myself be scared…Thud, Thud, Thud, Thud. “SHUT UP!!”
“What, What the hell did I do?” That hath been emitted from Vohlewmay.
“What do you mean?, Why’d you ask that?” I respond… and then it hits me…I was talking out loud, aww I probably hurt his feelings saying that I haven’t encountered somebody as cunning or strong as Ekoc Yrrech, He must be jealous. Poor guy I just didn’t want to acknowledge that we used to be enemies.
“oh my bad.. I am sorry Vohlewmay, you are far more cunning and strong than Ekoc Yrrehc, I just don’t want to be your enemy any longer…oh yeah, and I was talking to my heart not you, you weren’t even talking jackass.”
“how you gonna call me a jackass when you think out loud to….YOUR HEART!!”
“Uhh, I was just kidding bro..No need to flip.”
“alright then, lets go kick some Ekoc Yrrehc ASS!”
“hell yeah!”
So then we are going to the middle of the rubble, where I may or may not have mentioned, Ekock Yrrehc resides…We arrive at our destination in about two seconds, for we were but a step away from it. I think to me this “hmm where is he?!” and I scratch my head.
“There Ekoc Yrrehc is buried under the rubble” replies Vohlewmay. ( I must have been thinking out loud again)
This however I purposely say very much out loud “ HA HA HA, it seems we have the advantage”
And then I am wrong.
BOOM!! Ekoc Yrrehc flings from the ground spewing wreckage in all directions, thankfully I am able to deflect a massive piece of stone that is flying in my general direction, however I notice another piece flying towards my great friend Vohlewmay, so I the great and brave Etalocohc dive towards him pushing him to the side and nearly taking the stone in the head…..Phew that was close.
“WHO HAS THE ANVANTAGE NOW?!!” booms Ekoc Yrrech.
“not you!” I am saying for at that moment I punch him in the head and he falls.
So he says this “ I GUESS NOT!”
“does this bastard always talk in all caps” emits Vohlwemay.
And then I am laughing for he joked. Now Ekoc Yrrech is in a fury. So he jumps back up smashing Vohlewmay against a remaining standing wall. Crushing the wall atop Vohlewmay. This makes me very angry so I use my super powers against Ekoc Yrrech and we begin to fight.. at first it seems as if Ekoc Yrrech is too strong for my abilities, however I soon begin to fight truly, and in this decision my skills are brought out I begin to slowly defeat Ekoc Yrrech. By the time I have defeating him my orange pants are have ripped off and my shirt is gone. So I change my eyes back to normal and grow eyebrows once again..i am in pain…Ekoc Yrrech was quite the fighter…Oh SHIT!! Vohlewmay! I must find him and give him a yellow bean,,
“Vohlewmay!!!”
“Vohlewmay!!!!!”
And then I find him under the debris he is very hurt he says at me thus
“Good fight”
and I says “Eat this!!”
So he does and all is better again.
Chapter 4
Dun Dun Dun. That shall be the beginning of chapter 4. For chapter 4 possesses much conflict, and Dun Dun Dun will be representing an attempt at foreshadowing. Henceforth is the chapter of conflict, the moment in which a new secret is revealed.
My companion and I begin our day once again by walking in a general direction which is now expected to bring upon danger and destruction. For it seems danger and destruction have a habit of following me. They seem to pop up outta nowhere, like ninjas on a foggy Japanese night. They sneak upon in attempts to slit your unsuspecting throat. For ninja are stealthy mo fo’s. As is danger and destruction.
Danger and destruction have not yet struck their wrath upon me, so I begin to hum like such..
“Hmm, hummmm, hmmmmmmmm, hummm!!!” And Vohlewmay, the partner whom was earlier mentioned, only then he was entitled as my companion, for a companion is much similar to a partner, partners and companions have quite a lot in common, in fact I would call them such a word as “twins” because they are so intensely possessing similarities. Damn they is similar. Any way, Vohlewmay says at me such
“Quiet your mouth!” And I think to my own brain “hmm could he mean to be saying ‘be quiet’, damn I am having the trouble translating from his language de la monkeys” and I hum some more, only now I hum like such “hmmm, hmm, hmm, hum hum hum, hmmmmm” and then I am saying “OUCH” and my face is burning with some of the pain, for Vohlewmay hath strucketh me across the part of my body more commonly known as my face. Boy that hurt. So I looks him in his own eyeballs, the anatomical device which allows one to see, the crazy things that get red lines when you are tired, and then he looks back and says at me this “BOO!” and I do not jump, for I am not scared of him, because he is not having the ability to strike fear in me like he once did, no longer am I ascared of him and his big bully like antics. So he then proceeds to say “fine then be that way!” and I am like “I’d be glad to” so we stare at each other in anger for some time and then we walk away from each other. I thinks at my self this “Man my face stings though…ugh oh well” and then in my outside voice that others can hear as well as opposed to the previous voice which resides inside my cranium, hiding from other people, being somewhere that only I the great Etalocohc can understand, this voice is different then that one, Vohlewmay can hear this voice, I says “Sorry” and then I am taken aback, for Vohlewmay has said it at the same exact moment as me, but then we are happy with each other.
So we then proceed with our journey towards danger. And as we get further along, I begin to think “egghmm! Where are da bad guys?” And then I am realizing that there is a giant monkey running at a significantly speedy like speed towards Vohlewmay and myself, and his speed is all fast like, he seems to be gaining on us at a ridiculous speed. Oh Shit Son..That is the thought that I think because this giant monkey looks ridiculously angry. His anger is at a high degree, he possesses such a thorough amount of anger that I might even consider him to be in a state of utter fury.
Now he hath arrived upon an area, which is very close to me, it is in fact so close that he is right in front of my face. The distance between him and I is no larger that the amount of space sometimes referred to as small. This small distance is not large, it is in fact rather lacking in largeness, for it is small, thus forth not big, nor large, nor huge, or gigantic, only small. I am looking at him thinking. “whoa” I am thinking “whoa” because his brain is hanging out much like Vohlewmay’s. In fact he looks much like Vohlewmay… “What is going on here?” are the words that I ask Vohlewmay.
“I do not know. I am somewhat fearing this foe, for he looks too much similar to me.”
I ask him such: “Did you not tell me that your planet was eradicated, along with all your people?, I thought you were the last monkey with his brain hanging out in the entire universe! DID YOU NOT TELL ME THIS?!!!!!”
“Yes I did tell you I suppose I was mistaken, I am very surprised. I do not know how one of my kind survived.”
“he looks EXACTLY like you, do, or sorry “DID” you all look alike or what?!”
“Yes that is true, he looks quite similar to me, his features resemble me thoroughly some might even say ‘the resemblance is uncanny!’”
And then I am saying “Damn!” and I am producing these words because the monkey who so thoroughly resembles Vohlewmay has embedded his monkey head into my stomach causing me great pain, I believe it is known as a “head-butt”. Boy that hurts. Now I says to Vohlewmay these words and nothing but these words: “So, uhh, should we kick some poser ass?” and he responds this:
“yes we shall”
And then Vohlewmay and I the great Etalocohc begin to fight a battle against a foe who seems to be quite challenging. “BANG!” “BOOM!” “SMASH!” “CRACK!” Those are the sounds of the battle that we are enduring. However we are winning, for we outnumber him two to one. Damn we done good. And now the battle is over, and we hath defeated the foe who looks so strongly like Vohlewmay. However he is still talking to us meaning he hasn’t yet been thoroughly defeated. He says at us “Stop!” “please listen to me!” So I looks at Vohlewmay, and he looks at me, and we saying at the same time, meaning simultaneous, meaning at times coinciding with one another, :
“then speak”
So then the monkey says this at us “Vohlewmay…eghmm eghmm, I have come far away and traveled a painful journey to arrive here. I wanted to let you know that…elch….I am…your ..b..rot…..her….eclh…” and then he is dead. Dun Dun Dun,
*Narrators Note*
“did I not tell you that chapter four had conflict, can you believe that Vohlewmay had a long lost brother, and we just killed him, oh my goodness”
And Vohlewmay starts to drip some liquidy stuff from his eyes, and I am like “oh my friend, I am so sorry that we have defeated your brother, however he came here threatening us, he was dangerous, if only he had said something earlier!!! Damn it!! We could have stopped!!!, I am a terrible person. Vohlewmay, we shall go sulk together” And then he and I begin to sulk, and the day continues on with us experiencing mass depression. For we called Vohlewmays long lost brother, and the only remaining non Vohlewmay version of his species. That poor guy.