Tasteless Jokes and Something Like Guilt [Isaac/Johnny]
It doesn't even feel wrong anymore.
There was a point when it did-- lost somewhere in the archives of Johnny's memories. Johnny says he forgets it on purpose, subconsciously. Isaac calls it senility-- usually with a stone face, so that Johnny cannot tell if he's joking. Johnny doubts that he is.
But it still doesn't feel right.
The difference-- the one Johnny subconsciously pins everything to-- is the strange sense of equality between them. Johnny is older than Isaac, and Isaac is too much of an asshole to let Johnny really get away with anything he shouldn't. It is nothing like it was witrh Steven; it was different with Steven. Johnny was young, and something like naive. Then Steven was something else-- Johnny still can't quite stick an adjective to him; he's not trying hard enough.
"What's the difference between acne and a priest?" This is Isaac asking. It's some night, in some city, on some tour, and they've gotten into the ritual of sex-- always followed by a joke of some sort (Isaac says he stole the idea from Pulp Fiction. Johnny doesn't remember the movie well enough to know what he means.) Isaac is seated on the edge of the bed, with a cigarette in one hand, and another one perched on the lip of the ashtray. The smoke is thick enough to make Johnny feel as if he's in some sort of stoner comedy. Isaac's jokes don't fit the theme of frat boy humour. They aren't safe for public consumption.
"Acne waits until after puberty to come on a boy's face."
Johnny doesn't want to be finding parallels to his life in the joke, so he doesn't mention it. He gets the feeling Isaac would enjoy being likened to acne.
The last thing Johnny wants to do is blame love. That's the word that ruins everything. It ties him to people, because he loves them and they love him. So Johnny never calls it love, and that's okay. Isaac makes it difficult enough for that, anyway. Isaac establishes what they do as fucking, even if he never says it.
"What's the most popular pick-up line at gay bars? Can I push your stool in."
"What's the worst part about having sex with a nine year-old? Cleaning the blood off your clown suit. "
"How can you tell if your room mate is gay? He gets hard when you fuck him."
"A father takes his daughter in to get birth control. They ask him 'Is your daughter sexually active?' He says 'Nah, she just lays there like her mother.'"
Isaac just lays there. He never tops-- they tried once; it didn't work. It's a better system this way. There's a contrast to Steven that means Johnny doesn't have to think about him. Steven had to be on top, no questions. He had to assert some sort of masculinity. Johnny was too compliant. He still is. But he's not allowed to blame youth for that one; it's his character.
The two cigarettes are still going, like smoke machines, giving the room some sort of mood: stoner comedy, tacky porno. Johnny takes the one from the ashtray, simply because he can, and Isaac spasms with excitement.
"I just remembered a really good one. We have to do this again, soon. Later tonight, or tomorrow, or something."