It's What They Do-Chapter 19
“Damn it, Noah.”
11:50: PM- Rachel looked at the time again and rolled over, bunching her pillow up in frustration. Despite how tired she’d been, she’d been unable to fall asleep. Noah’s actions had brought all of her frustration back and his “no masturbating” order made it worse. Being a little edgy was one thing; she could always decide to handle it or just ignore it and go to sleep. Being forbidden to do anything about it kept it hovering there like an itch she just couldn’t scratch.
Rachel felt conflicted, as she had with a number of things since they started The Game. The fact that Noah had control over such an intimate aspect of her life-the fact that she’d given him that control-was frustrating. At the same time, it was completely arousing. Several times, she’d inched her hand down her stomach, never going further than just under the top of her panties. She’d finally stopped and gripped both hands around her pillow to avoid the temptation. Rachel didn’t know if Noah would be listening or if he would catch her in the act but even if he didn’t, she didn’t want to compound their issues by disobeying him again. She was also fairly certain that he would ask her in the morning and she wouldn’t lie about it.
No, best to avoid it completely. Think about something else-music, songs-uuggghhh
After another 15 minutes of tossing and turning, Rachel stopped even trying to pretend to sleep. Her room was soundproofed and she couldn’t hear the television but she knew he’d only be about halfway through the movie. She could go down and watch the rest of the movie with him-he hadn’t ordered her to bed, she was allowed to leave her room. She didn’t think she could stand the smirking knowledge she knew would be all over his face if she did that. She tried to count sheep, sing songs in her head, think about anything besides the that low ache and the fact that she could feel the wetness between her own legs and-
Damn!!!
Rachel threw the covers off and got out of bed. She refused to go downstairs and let Noah see that he’d gotten to her but she knew that if she stayed in her bed, she’d wind up in more trouble than she was already in.
More trouble, more-trouble-the letter-he didn’t set a time frame but -why not? It’s not as if I’m going to get any sleep anyway.
Rachel sat down at her vanity desk, stationary in front of her, pen in hand, trying to collect her thoughts. She’d anticipated having trouble writing; this wasn’t anything she was used to, in any way. She’d never written a letter of apology (she’d apologized to people, just never in writing) and she wasn’t even sure if this letter would meet that description anyway. What kind of letter was this, exactly-how much experience does anyone have writing a request for punishment??
Rachel put the pen to paper and to her surprise, the words just started flowing. She figured she could always write down whatever came to mind first and go back and edit it later. Noah hadn’t put a time limit on this and she knew he wouldn’t mind her editing. He wanted her to clarify her thoughts and she knew they both assumed that it might take her a while and a few attempts to come up with something satisfactory. She stopped a few times, struggling over the wording a bit, but for the most part it just spilled out onto the paper. When Rachel looked at her phone again, it was about 12:30 in the morning and she’d been writing for a solid 45 minutes. She knew Noah would be coming to bed soon and she read over her letter again. To her immense surprise, she didn’t think it really needed editing.
Lost in her ruminations and re-reading the letter several times, she didn’t hear him open the door. Puck didn’t say anything, just watched her. He’d known Rachel would be frustrated, that’s what he wanted. He hadn’t anticipated that she’d start her letter-that’s what he assumed it was, he didn’t think she’d be writing for another reason at this time of night. He cleared his throat and watched her whirl around to face him, sheets of stationary in her hand. Puck didn’t approach her, just lifted one eyebrow and quirked his head at what she held.
“I-My-I -I couldn’t sleep. I decided to write your letter. I’m-it’s -it’s done. Would you like to read it now?”
That surprised him. Rachel was a perfectionist. He’d figured she’d want to write, edit, and re-write that letter at least 4 or 5 times before even thinking about showing it to him. Puck held out his hand for the papers and sat down on the bed. Rachel stayed at her desk, unconsciously moving into sitting position. She didn’t need to ask now; it was obvious they were in The Game. She waited for his response.
When Puck finished reading the last page he handed it back to Rachel with a terse, “Read it to me.” Her facial expression wasn’t challenging, just confused and when, despite her confusion, she picked up the papers to begin immediately he decided to indulge her curiosity. “I want to hear it from your mouth, Baby. I want you to hear yourself. Out loud, in your own words.”
Rachel wondered briefly if she had known he would make her do this, would she have edited what she wrote? She was glad she hadn’t known. She looked down at the papers and began.
“Dear Noah,
I should probably say Dear Sir, but I believe Noah fits best at this point. It’s Noah who is my friend and my lover. It’s Noah who has always made me feel safe enough to confide my dreams and desires. It’s Noah who loves me more than I ever thought possible and has never wanted to change one thing about me. It’s also Noah who I approached about my fantasy. My fantasy which has now turned into this thing we are calling The Game. Sir will make an appearance in a little while but for this part, I’m speaking to Noah.
The first thing I want to say is how very much I love you. I adore every single thing about you-your warmth, caring, loyalty, generosity, talent, drive and everything that makes you who are you. I’ve loved you for what feels like forever. I’ve thought about that a lot over the years and I know it must be true because when we started this relationship, I was willing to get beyond everything that had happened in our pasts. I don’t think there’s another human being on the planet that I would have been willing to do that for or with. As a matter of fact, I know there isn’t.
I know that you know all of this-the fact that I love you isn’t any surprise. I just felt the need to put it on paper for this.
Noah, when I first brought this idea to you, you were partially right. I hadn’t given a lot of thought to how far it might go or where we might take it. I say partially because the complete truth is that I had thought about it. I’ve imagined all of this for a very long time. I think I imagined The Game for as long as I knew there were things like this out there. I found the Story of O in my teens and from that point on, I was completely enthralled. I read the Sleeping Beauty books so often that I had entire passages memorized. I don’t know why, I’ve tried to figure it out many times over the years. Maybe because it’s a world completely different than the one we live in day to day. In our real lives, in the life I’ve chosen, I have to be in control. The competition is too fierce and the chance of success is too tenuous to let anyone else dictate anything. Maybe that was what appealed to me-I honestly don’t know. I do know that it’s been in my mind for years.
I debated telling you so many times over the years but the opportunity just never seemed to be there. I’d barely acknowledged the feelings to myself when we still lived here in Lima and I just couldn’t bring myself to expose that part of me here. After that, we either lived with roommates or one of us was out of the country or the state, or, or, or, or, or…. Do you see what I’m saying? Like I told you the other night-I also worried that you might say no. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust you with it-it was just that if I’d spoken it, made it real and then we couldn’t or you wouldn’t-well, it just seemed safer to keep it inside.
I know you picked up hints, I left some along the way like a trail of breadcrumbs, but I wasn’t entirely honest. I knew you thought I just had an interest in a little spanking or that sort of thing. I’m reasonably certain that you didn’t know how deep my interests went or how dark my desires are. That’s my fault and I’m sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t completely honest with you.
I know we’re partially in this place right now because of that. I know you’ve felt like you were maybe dragging me into something that was more than what I wanted. You aren’t and it isn’t. I want all of it. I want the domination, the submission, the pain, the pleasure, the humiliation, the sex, the punishment-all of it. So much. I think I’ve been, balking was the word you used, because I thought that if you knew how much I wanted it or honestly, how deep I wanted to go, you might balk yourself. It’s one thing to know that your lover likes spanking games; it’s an entirely different animal to want to go to the depths I want.
I’ve not been fighting The Game, Noah- I’ve been fighting wanting so very much more within it.
I did mean what I said about our real lives, I don’t want this to be our all-the-time lifestyle but I do want it to be a huge part of our lives. Every bit of it-as far and dark and deep as we can take it.
All my love always,
Rachel
This next part of this letter is for Sir-
I’m very, very sorry about what happened today. I want this, I truly do-I hope I made that clear in the first part of this letter. That said, wanting something and living with the reality of it are very different things.
It embarrassed me to purchase those items but truthfully, it was more than that. It embarrassed me to be completely turned on by that kind of task and by the fact that you weren’t letting me get away with it. I don’t know if I’m making any sense but I hope I am.
Today was difficult. Seeing Levi Kauffman standing in that line was a moment I don’t think I’ll ever forget. Seeing you standing in the doorway was worse-and better. You putting me in my place in the store made me feel small, submissive, humiliated and as you determined yourself at the lake, aroused.
I was wrong today. If I’d been honest about my feelings for The Game from the beginning, today might not have happened-but it did, and I was wrong. You were within your rights to do everything you did and you are within your rights to punish me however you think I deserve.
I can’t promise that I’ll never disobey again. I’d like to promise that but I think we both know I’d be lying. Obedience is probably the single hardest part of this for me. It’s also the part that gives me the deepest sense of contentment when I do well and I know you’re proud of me.
I know you weren’t proud of me for most of today and I’m sorry. You asked me what I learned from today. I learned that your opinion matters to me more than the opinion of anyone else, friend or stranger. They might have been amused at my expense. You were disappointed. Your disappointment hurts more.
Please forgive me and know that I’m ready to take whatever punishment you mete out. I’m fully aware that it will be a real punishment and that it will not be easy and that you will not be lenient. I’m expecting that it will quite painful and that it will stay in my mind for a long time. I also understand that is the point of punishment; to act as both a consequence for negative actions and a deterrent to future negative behaviors.
I await your decision.
Respectfully,
Rachel”
Puck had closed his eyes during Rachel’s recitation and kept them closed for a few seconds after she finished. Rachel was already nervous and the silence did nothing to alleviate that. She wasn’t sure what his response would be and wouldn’t even begin to hazard a guess. She’d admitted to wanting The Game but also to lying to him about how much and how long it had all been a part of her thoughts. She knew he would understand why but she didn’t know how would feel about the fact that she’d lied at all.
Feeling like he was living in another mind reading moment, Puck looked at Rachel’s expression and knew he needed to speak. “It’s okay, Baby. It wasn’t really a lie/lie and I get why it’d be tough to get out. Just no more from here on out, ‘k?” He gave her his trademark Puck smirk, chortled and continued, “we’ve missed years where I could be warming up that ass.”
Game or no Game, Rachel bounced off the chair and launched herself into his arms, laughing along with him. “Agreed. No more lies, or half-lies or partial truths or whatever we want to call them, Noah. None.” They stood together in the center of the room, his larger body enveloping her small one and just enjoyed the feeling of knowing that no one else would ever know them better than the other person.
Puck was the first to break their embrace and he gestured for Rachel to sit back down at her vanity.
“Now, we need to decide something. I’m actually giving you a choice here Baby. I know it’s late and it’s been a long ass day. We can either deal with your punishment now and get it out of the way or we can put it on hold till after we wake up.”
Rachel’s feelings were mixed. The very fact that he was giving her the option let her know that it was going to be even worse then she’d imagined. Getting it over with sounded like a good plan. On the other hand, she was tired-mentally and physically and she didn’t want to let either of them down again. Still, she didn’t think she’d get much sleep with it hanging over her head.
“Thank you for giving me the choice, Noah. If it really doesn’t matter to you, I think I’d like to take care of it now-I’d like to put this whole episode behind us as soon as possible.”
The relief that both of them felt was palpable.
“Let’s get to it then. I’ll be right back. Use the bathroom, do whatever you’ve got to do. When I come back, I expect to find you completely undressed and sitting on your chair in position.”
Puck walked out of the room and Rachel stripped. Washing her hands in her bathroom, she looked at her face in the mirror. She was tired but she felt lighter than she had in days. It was all out, no more secrets; they could be in The Game with nothing hidden.
Rachel perched on the edge of her chair as she waited for him to return. Her heart started to race as she heard him pounding up the stairs two at a time.
Puck walked into the room with several bags. He placed the bags on the floor and handed Rachel a slip of paper. She recognized it as the receipt from the Webster Street CVS.
“What is the total on that receipt?” His voice was clipped and she knew there would be no easing into this.
“$76.48, including tax.”
“76 dollars and 48 cents extra that I had to pay in order for you to finish your task correctly. Is that right?”
“Yes, Sir”
He stood almost directly in front of her, his arms crossed over his body, his mouth in a hard line.
“What do you think would be an appropriate punishment for me wasting 76 dollars?”
Rachel remained silent for a moment, unsure if he was being rhetorical or if he actually expected her to answer. When he kept staring, she presumed an answer was required.
“I-I don’t know. Whatever you decide is best.”
Nice try Baby, but no-
“I thought that 1 stroke per dollar might be fair. Does that sound fair to you?”
Rachel’s eyes widened like saucers.
He can’t-I know I said-but-that many I-I -he can’t-I -I know he can- but
That got your attention, didn’t it Baby?
Puck wasn’t an idiot. BDSM blogs might be hot and raunchy and talk about things like 100 stroke beatings but for this, no. Not now. Not this soon into things. If he only planned on giving her a hand spanking, 66 swats wouldn’t be too harsh, but for what he had planned it would be way too much, way too soon. He had every intention of lowering the number but he liked fucking with her head, keeping her on edge.
After giving Rachel some time to absorb the thought of that many strokes but before she could completely dissolve into a panicked mess, Puck spoke again.
“However, just as you know that negative behavior will be punished, I think it’s equally important for you to know that good behavior will be rewarded. At some point, hopefully you can just get a reward in and of itself. Right now-your reward will be a reduction in your punishment.”
Rachel didn’t feel magically better at his words but they did still some of her deeper panic.
“So, we start with 76 strokes. I’ll take 10 strokes off the total for each thing you did well…you did an excellent job at Santana’s. That takes us to 66. You handled yourself very well out at the lake; that gets it down to 56. I’ll take 10 off for calling me to ask about Kaufmann. I know how difficult it was facing someone we know, but you still called me. That takes it down to 46 strokes. I’m also taking 10 off for telling me the truth in your letter. You didn’t have any idea if you would get punished for lying to me but you told the truth anyway. That brings us to 36. I have one more question for you…did you touch yourself after I told you not to?”
Rachel had been expecting that question, just not so soon, but she answered honestly.
“I started to-I-I-I didn’t ever go under my panties-it’s why I wrote the letter. I didn’t want to disobey and I knew if I stayed in bed I’d be tempted so I got up and once I was up I-well- I needed something to distract me so I started the letter.”
Regardless of how much she wanted this or how many books she’d read, Rachel had no real preparation for standing in front of Noah discussing things like masturbation restrictions. Her face flamed as she finished her explanation and she kept her head down.
“Eyes on me, Rach” Her head came up and the flush on her face deepened as he continued.
“So, you thought about disobeying and you started to but you stopped yourself?”
“Y-y-yes, Sir.”
“I won’t take off the whole 10 since you did start. I’ll take your stopping and your honesty into account though and take off 5. That leaves you at 31 strokes. You’ll get them with a variety of implements and in a variety of places. Same rules-no moving away, no trying to avoid strokes, no reaching your hands back to cover or rub your ass, no clenching your ass and no words-except one if you need it. No others-no asking me to stop, no “it hurts”, nothing. If I tell you to count, you count. If I ask you a question, you answer but no other words.”
Rachel wasn’t surprised by any of that. Those were the rules she’d expected. Puck elaborated a little more.
“Also- If you do anything I’ve told you not to, that stroke won’t count and you’ll get another. If you do something again, not only will that stroke not count and have to be repeated, you’ll get another punishment-either an additional stroke or an entirely separate punishment. The easiest way for you to get through this is for you to do exactly what I tell you.”
That’s always going to be your best choice, Baby
Extra punishments? He really does mean to do this the way all the books I’ve read say-
“Any questions? If you have any, you better ask now ‘cause once we start, we don’t stop until it’s done. I’ll ask you once more-do you have any questions about your punishment, the requirements, anything at all?”
“No Sir, no questions.”
“Good girl-over my lap just like the last time.”