Chance Comes Knocking (Yokoo/Nikaido; NC-17)
Title: Chance Comes Knocking
Pairings/Characters: Yokoo/Nikaido
Rating: NC-17
A/N: I'm sure Nikaido has a dog called Momo, but he has two or three dogs if I'm not mistaken. I was thinking about the Labrador here, but I really don't remember if its name was Momo. Forgive me if it's not correct information.
Summary: Nikaido can't hold back his feelings for Yokoo anymore.
--
Nikaido couldn’t believe it was over. He had spent so much time rehearsing for this stage show, so much effort bringing on stage all the things he had learnt and it was all finished in the blink of an eye. The last curtain call slid away from his life as he spent most of it glancing at Yokoo’s back.
As if he didn't spend almost all the period of time of their stage show staring at it. He didn’t want to be caught glancing at him, that’s why he was always staring at his back. He was sure that if their eyes would meet, he would not escape so easily. When they occasionally did meet, he could only avert his look and stare at his stupid feet or his stupid fingers or anything else around, trying not to show what he was feeling inside, but he was sure that his efforts usually failed. His forced demeanour apparently amused Yokoo a lot, maybe he thought he was trying not to be found in some of his mischievous activity, like, not putting the lid back on the bottles. Although that wasn’t the real reason why he acted that way in front of him.
He was frightened by Yokoo. The other members believed it was because of the years Yokoo spent telling him off and forcing him to keep his spaces tidy, to clear all his junk and be polite. Yokoo usually spoke in his frightening, patronizing tone, and everyone could see that Nikaido would just pretend not to listen, but that in the end he grew up and transformed from a grumpy brat into a polite young man. Or a well trained dog.
But what Nikaido felt now, wasn’t only the fear of Yokoo telling him off. He was scared that Yokoo could read him with his black, deep eyes, those eyes that seemed to burn his soul with their profound gravity. Nikaido didn’t want him to know. He didn’t want to admit that to himself first of all, but he was really scared that Yokoo would be disappointed and maybe that he would start to loathe him, or worse, pity him.
How can I be so stupid, Nikaido often thought, to fall in love with a colleague?
When they told them about the new stage show, how they would be the main characters and stage leaders together, Nikaido could only think about all the new amount of time he was now allowed to spend with Yokoo. He smiled, Yokoo smiled, they celebrated, because both of them liked this job and they decided to give their best, put even more effort than before.
Only later Nikaido was assaulted by doubts and insecurities. How could he spend so much time with Yokoo without exposing himself and his feelings?
Yokoo never showed him particular affection or anything that would allow him to think he was entitled to receive a special treatment compared to others. He was friendly with him, yes, but Nikaido was pretty sure he could see him only as a colleague. He was tired of hiding his feelings, but Yokoo never encouraged him to step further so Nikaido just hid in the shadows, waiting to catch a glimpse of his smile. It was particularly hard to control his blood to colour his cheeks scarlet whenever Yokoo walked around the dressing room half naked, with his casual smile and familiarity. Nikaido didn’t want to be caught staring at him taking off his clothes, however he couldn’t help but doing it. He wanted to see more, he wanted to know what it would feel like to be seized in a hug by his arms and how his skin would feel against Yokoo’s chest once he had encircled his thin waist with his arms. What would be Yokoo’s body warmth like?
Yokoo didn’t have problems touching Nikaido. Whenever he was talking with him, he casually stroked his arm, or leg, and Nikaido would treasure the touch, trying to make his body remember the shape of Yokoo’s hands and their warmth. But all he could do in reply was trying to stay as still as possible, trying not blush, trying not to mess up his replies because he could barely think of anything else but the fact he touched him. Nikaido never saw that as an encouragement though, he knew that Yokoo was like that with almost everyone. His notion of personal space must have been really vague, because he kept invading other people’s space with his arms, hands, smile and sometimes his whole body. Nikaido was kind of jealous because Fujigaya would get all the hugs. He was really jealous when they started to act like a married couple and even though he didn’t really think they were, he definitely felt like his feelings would somehow disrupt their relationship and the relationships of his entire group. That’s why he had always resorted to keep quiet about them.
If Nikaido had to be honest, he actually didn’t know when he fully realized about his feelings for Yokoo. Maybe during their junior days he thought Yokoo was treating him in a special way because he always scolded him. He didn’t like that of course, but he turned its meaning into “he scolds me because he cares”. And it was true, Yokoo definitely cared, but it was just for the sake of the group, Nikaido realized. After debut, he realized that he was bound with him together, the contract was sealed and kis-my-ft2 would never fear to be disbanded and tore apart anymore. Nikaido hadn’t fully realized how debut made him happy also because that meant he would be close to Yokoo forever, or until his idol life lasted, and he wished that it would last a long long time.
Concerts together were fun, but he spent most of the time with his friend Senga. Yokoo looked so secretive, always in his room with Fujigaya. Those two were together most of times, but Nikaido wished Fujigaya was only what Senga was for him, a best friend, nothing more. Nevertheless, this wish made him realize that his feelings towards Yokoo had changed. Without noticing, his admiration for him had been replaced by something else and now he was fond of him and he liked having him around or looking at him for a different reason than before. He didn’t know what the reason was, but he could feel it when his heart started beating faster at the sound of Yokoo’s voice addressing him.
The stage show made him really realize what he was feeling. He spent so much time with Yokoo and he realized that the other was so much what Nikaido was wishing for. First of all, Yokoo had this adult aura around him, like he was always sure of what was the right thing to do. Nikaido was nothing like that. Yokoo kept on failing during rehearsal, messing up his words while reading the script, but still, he stood there like an obstinate column, fierce and sure that no storm could pull him down. Nikaido really admired him. He admired him when he encouraged the other actors, when he listened seriously to the advices of the director and the other more experienced actors. He tried to be like him, he tried giving his best, but he felt like he could never reach his level of seriousness about work. Nikaido really cared about work of course, but his nature was always carefree and cheerful and he started to think that Yokoo did not believe he was doing his best. But Nikaido was, and he was doing his best not to bother Yokoo with his feelings too.
One day, after rehearsal ended, Nikaido was still in the changing room, after the others had already left, trying to put all his stuff inside his bag. It was sort of a difficult task, because somehow all his things had scattered everywhere in the dressing room even though Nikaido was sure he didn’t took out his Nintendo DS to play. Or maybe yes. Maybe he had even took out his phone charger and his sunglasses and he was in a certain urge to find everything and put it back in so that he could go home. Yokoo arrived next to him, glancing from below his black baseball cap, his black mask covering only his chin, but ready to be worn over his mouth. He was already holding his bag, casually shoved over his shoulder, and looked pretty much ready to go.
“Are you free too tomorrow morning?” Yokoo asked in a casual way.
“Mm yes, free until rehearsal in the evening.” Nikaido answered, grabbing his hat that had somehow managed to end up under the makeup table.
“How about a ride? I wanted to take my dogs for a nice walk, and tomorrow there’s plenty of time. The weather will be sunny too, so I was thinking to go to the beach.”
Nikaido must have looked pretty confused because Yokoo sighed and plopped his bag on a chair.
“You always make so much mess, why don’t you keep your stuff in your bag and not all over the room?” he said, unplugging Nikaido’s phone charger and handing it to him.
“Thanks.” Nikaido nodded.
“So, will you come?”
“Where to, you said?”
“I wanted to go see the ocean. My dogs love it.”
“But it’s so cold...” stupid! stupid! Nikaido screamed inside his brain. He didn’t know why Yokoo was inviting him all of a sudden, but he realized he was acting like going with him would be a bother.
“It’s okay, I can go by myself then.” Yokoo shrugged and picked up his bag, ready to walk away.
“Wait!” Nikaido shouted.
“No need to shout, I’m still here.” Yokoo said.
“Is this a date?” Nikaido asked, and he didn’t even know why he asked. He felt the building trembling beneath him and hoped the ground would crack and swallow him. But it was just his imagination, no earthquake came to the rescue so he dared to look up again at Yokoo’s expression turning from perplexed to smiling.
“Well, it’s time for our dogs to meet, don’t you think?”
Nikaido felt like he had come up from under the water and suddenly his ears could feel the sounds clearly again.
“Ah... ah right. Mm well, I have nothing better to do, so I guess we can go.”
“Great, I’ll pick you up at your place.”
Nikaido felt immensely stupid and immensely confused. Wasn’t this just an excuse to spend unnecessary time together? Or was it just that Yokoo really wanted their dogs to meet? Maybe he didn’t want to go alone, maybe all his friends were busy. Nikaido couldn’t sleep that night, thinking of all the implications Yokoo’s invitation might or might not have. In the end he spent most of the night trying to talk his dog into being quiet and sit still in a car without making a mess. He seriously hoped his sister or his dad had done that before, because, Nikaido just realized, he had never managed to teach Momo anything. When he tried to ask her to sit down, she would just stare at him like she was pitying him for his efforts.
When the next day he saw her responding to Yokoo’s commands and actually do what she was told to do, he couldn’t believe it.
“Your dog is well trained, I sort of didn’t expect it.” Yokoo said, smiling towards Nikaido and closing the car door.
“Yes... ahem. She is.” Nikaido preferred not to reveal that it wasn’t thanks to him if his dog was now sitting quietly in the back of the car on the mat Yokoo had prepared for her, next to Baron and Papiko’s cage.
“What are you doing? Let’s go.” Yokoo said opening the door for Nikaido. “You don’t want to sit with the dogs in the back right?”
As they drove in the cold, but sunny day, Yokoo put on music on the car stereo and did almost all the talking. Nikaido replied when he had to, but couldn’t come up with anything intelligent to say. He felt so stupid, but he was just baffled by the entire situation and by Yokoo’s hands on the steering wheel. Dazzling sun rays bathed his face, but he wasn’t bothered by it. He was wearing only a pair of big spectacles with clear lenses, and they kept on sliding down his nose if he looked down to check the map on his phone. One of his long fingers would reach for the bridge of the glasses to push them up.
“We are close now, look. The sea.” Yokoo said pointing at the blue surface that was getting closer and closer. Nikaido looked at the sea, then he looked at Yokoo looking at the sea, and he thought that he was so much better than every sea in the world to look at.
He shook all the thoughts about Yokoo away as they arrived at the beach. It was deserted, apart for some couples that were walking snuggled together in the cold winter air. The sea in winter is boring, Nikaido thought, but his dog was having fun and so were Yokoo’s dogs. Yokoo looked like he was having a good time too. Nikaido wanted to play with the dogs, run on the beach challenging Yokoo, or just walk side by side telling him whatever came into his mind, but he felt restrained, because every move would now just acquire a different meaning. His mouth wouldn’t shut up and would let it all out if he only let his guard down.
It was clear from the beginning that Yokoo didn’t see anything special in that day. It wasn’t a date or anything, it was just two colleagues, hopefully two friends, walking the dogs together. There wasn’t even the remote chance of Yokoo looking at him in a different way. Not a chance of him wanting to kiss Nikaido, not a chance of him wanting to let him run his hands under his shirt and, why not? into his trousers. Nikaido blushed just thinking about it, then shook his head as to send away the thought from his mind.
But what if I try? Nikaido wasn’t the type to let go of occasions like this. If Yokoo hadn’t been part of his group, he would have already let it all out and kissed him there on the spot.
Without thinking, Nikaido moved his fingers to catch Yokoo’s. He didn’t want him to stop walking, he just really wanted to feel the touch of his hand. To see how the other would react. But Yokoo stopped nonetheless. The look on his face was worried about something Nikaido couldn’t foresee.
“Nikaido, recently you seem so quiet. It looks like something is bothering you.” Yokoo said, his fingers still in contact with Nikaido’s.
“I’m worried about you.”
“Why? I am fine...” Yokoo said, the trace of a smile on his lips.
“You’re shivering.” Nikaido pulled Yokoo into his arms and hugged him.
It felt like time froze for the next twenty seconds they spent in each other’s arms. It felt like the world started revolving around them and the landscape was spinning fast, so fast Nikaido felt dizzy. Then Yokoo pushed him back.
“They can see us.”
Nikaido backed off and saw Yokoo nervously biting his lower lip.
“Sorry, I don’t know what...”
“I know. You know. Don’t pretend you don’t.” Yokoo said. His words tasted sour and he sounded cranky to Nikaido’s ears. “Nika I saw you. I saw the way you look at me. Do you think you’re so subtle?”
Nikaido was at loss for words, he couldn’t imagine Yokoo knew already.
“All this time... I thought you admired me because, I don’t know why but... oh well. I noticed it wasn’t like that.”
“Sorry, I... ”
“What are you saying sorry for?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m thinking and I have no idea of what to do. I didn’t think about anything.”
“That’s why you hugged me? Because you weren’t thinking?!” Yokoo sounded astonished.
Nikaido nodded. “You looked like you were feeling cold.”
“I don’t need you to protect me against the cold. You’re not my coat!” Yokoo bellowed.
Nikaido realized that if he could, if he was allowed to, he would protect him from everything. He knew how Yokoo worked hard, he knew how he put all the weight on his shoulders, he knew he didn’t feel confident enough sometimes even if he didn’t show it much, and Nikaido wanted to push him, or yell at him to believe in himself, because he knew he was cool, and smart, and good at what he did. And Nikaido couldn’t even remotely compare to the elegance with which Yokoo moved across his daily life.
“What’s wrong with wanting to protect you?”
Yokoo’s expression froze in amazement then he changed it into a stern face. “Nika, we are in kisumai. All we have is kisumai. You don’t have to protect me. Don’t even think about it. We have to protect the group.”
“But what’s wrong if I like-”
“Shhh” Yokoo placed a finger in front of Nikaido’s mouth.
“Don’t give me this shit. Just say you don’t like me.” Nikaido said, staring at the side not to meet Yokoo’s unmoved eyes.
“What can I say? I like you but...”
Nikaido frowned, and looked at the sand at his feet. His dog was playing with Yokoo’s dogs not far behind them, digging in the sand and splashing in the waves on the foreshore.
“You like me as you like a brother, a friend, your dogs.” Nikaido sounded bitter.
“I like you as a member. And I know I can count on you.”
Nikaido’s lower lip trembled. Rejection never felt so cruel. “I’m only a member for you. I knew that. I knew it but I couldn’t help but ruining it.”
“You didn’t ruin it... I did. I shouldn’t have forced you to come here. Maybe I gave you ideas.”
He surely didn’t know how many ideas he gave Nikaido, and how many of them weren’t suitable to be said out loud, but that was not the point now. The point was that now Yokoo knew how he felt and he was rejecting him.
“Why did you ask me to come then?”
“Can’t I just ask a groupmate to hang out? Is there something wrong?”
“We meet every day for rehearsals recently. I don’t get why you wanted to take me here.”
Yokoo remained silent for five long seconds. “I’m sorry. I called you here on purpose. To see how you would have reacted. I know I’m a jerk. I felt flattered by your behaviour with me and I wanted to know if I was right and...”
“Turns out you are.”
Yokoo nodded then he tilted his head to the side, towards his shoulder. “Why me of all the people?”
Nikaido didn’t know what he was feeling in that moment. He could have answered why not? Why wasn’t he supposed to like him? It was again Yokoo underestimating himself or was he just curious?
“Just because. I don’t know.” Nikaido shrugged. “You don’t feel the same way so it’s pointless to discuss this now.”
“Sorry... it’s just that, I can’t see you like anything more than just a workmate. And a friend.”
Nikaido saw that Yokoo was still shivering while moving the sand at his feet with his shoe.
“I won’t give up.”
Yokoo raised his face to stare at him, a questioning face with hints of surprise on it.
“I won’t let you say this.” Nikaido persisted.
“Nika I...”
“You said that you never thought about me like anything more than a colleague and a friend right? Well, I’ll make you look at me in a different way.”
“Interesting. And how are you going to do it?”
Nikaido expected Yokoo to be upset about his stubbornness, but instead he showed him a cheeky smile.
“For instance, now you know my feelings. You’re bound to think about me with different eyes.”
“Point taken.”
“Second. Your rejection is not nearly convincing enough.” The way Yokoo had loitered in his arms had been surprisingly revealing that he didn’t quite dislike the contact with the other.
“Nika...”
“Stop calling me Nika. Didn’t I tell you to use my name?”
“You didn’t, but I don’t see how that will change things...”
“Say my name.”
“Takashi.”
Nikaido smiled then shook his head and his smile transformed into a laugh. “You sound so awkward saying it!”
“No I don’t! Takashi! Here I said it.” Yokoo replied seriously worried, but then he saw that Nikaido’s laughter didn’t stop and he started to laugh too.
“I’m sorry, this is all so awkward,” Nikaido said, still laughing. It was a good way to conceal the tears that were coming out unwanted from his eyes.
“We should head back, or we’ll be late for rehearsals.” Yokoo pointed out, always the precise one.
“You’re right. Let’s go.” Nikaido smiled. He had to smile, because he wouldn’t give up. He would certainly manage to make Yokoo look at him in a different way.
--
Nikaido brushed his teeth and took off the top of his pajama, used as he was to sleep naked, and he was ready to slip inside his bed, when the phone on his side table started vibrating. He answered it without realizing who the caller was. He jolted with surprise when he heard the familiar voice in his ear.
“Yokoo-san?”
“Hi, did you go home alright?”
The day of their first show had been tiring and Nikaido was exhausted, but Yokoo’s voice soothed him and gave him some new energy he could spend chatting on the phone.
“Yes, sure. Always checking if everyone’s fine? You really are the mum-character after all.” From the other end of the conversation came a muffled laugh.
“I don’t do it with everyone.”
“Anything in particular you wanted to talk about, mama? I know I shouldn’t forget my lip balm tomorrow. I also bought a new one for you to replace the one you gave me.” Nikaido said, assuming a comfortable position on the pillows.
“Oooh so responsible. I’m astonished.” Yokoo replied, sardonically.
“I feel so old when you appreciate me doing this kind of things.”
“Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll forget something else tomorrow.”
“And I’m sure you will have like ten of its likely in your bag.”
They both laughed and then a silence as heavy as lead fell between them, just before Yokoo could break it.
“I need to talk to you about something.”
“Now?”
“I can’t wait anymore.”
“What is it about?” Nikaido asked, a bit wary because Yokoo’s voice sounded suddenly serious.
“It’s about the beach date we had some time ago.”
--
Nikaido was tapping his foot in the elevator and moving constantly his arms as if that could make it go faster. He stared at the indicating lights till they reached the right floor and as the door open he flung himself in the corridor and stopped in front of a door that opened almost immediately.
“Try to be quiet please. You’ll wake up everyon-”
Nikaido jumped on Yokoo and pushing him back inside the house, he shut him up with a kiss. Nikaido wanted to keep on kissing him, going deeper and deeper, but Yokoo didn’t open his mouth, instead he regained control of the situation by forcing Nikaido to break the kiss and step back.
“Come inside, someone might see us.”
Nikaido stepped in and took off his shoes in the narrow entrance of Yokoo’s flat.
“You said that before. On the beach. Someone might see us.”
“You’re such a reckless brat! That’s exactly why we shouldn’t be doing this.”
“You called me!”
“But you wanted to come over no matter what!”
“How could I stay put after what you said?!” Nikaido said, a mix of pain and happiness in his voice.
“I know. It’s my fault. I’m the one who stepped on the landmine.”
“And you killed us both.”
“Just because you are the mine.”
Nikaido couldn’t believe what was happening. He touched his lips that had tasted Yokoo’s and tried to remember what he had tasted like, but he could just barely remember how soft the kiss had felt. His eagerness had make their first kiss burst. Maybe he really was a mine.
Just one hour before, he was talking to Yokoo on the phone and his jaw was dropping in disbelief while his mind tried to realize what the other was saying. He didn’t understand much of what he said. Nonsense about him realizing how much Nikaido had been important for him lately, and how when the stress of the rehearsals had faded into the joy of the actual stage show, he had felt that his mind was clearer of uncertainties. But Nikaido understood the most important thing among all the things that the other spluttered over the phone. Yokoo said he liked him.
“Why didn’t you say you liked me on the beach?” Nikaido asked, without even waiting to be in the living room.
“Would you like something to drink?” Yokoo asked, ignoring Nikaido’s question.
Nikaido didn’t want to drink. He wanted to know why they were still chatting and why all this chat wasn’t even happening in the bedroom. But maybe it wasn’t Yokoo’s style to rush things, so Nikaido patiently waited for him to do the talk.
“I’m sorry Ni- Takashi.” Yokoo’s voice sounded sweet to Nikaido’s ears. Especially the way he said his name. “I’m so stupid.”
“You are.” Nikaido muttered, then waited for Yokoo to strike back, but he didn’t say anything, he wasn’t even angry at him. “What happened? Why did you change your mind about me?”
“I didn’t change my mind,” Yokoo answered. “I’ve always liked you. Well, maybe not always. But at some point I realized that I really do like you and that when you hugged me on the beach I was already thinking about you... that way. I just didn’t know yet.”
“Then why did you lie!?” Nikaido asked, half shocked half relieved.
“Because the group, the fear of screwing it all up. The fact that I didn’t quite realize myself that what I was feeling was much more than mere attraction. I think I seriously freaked out that day.” Yokoo said everything like he was hardly breathing between words. The same way he said his stage show lines, uttering them in the only way he could, focusing not to mess up the sounds in them and scramble all of them together in an unintelligible muttering.
Nikaido drew closer to the chair Yokoo was sitting on. Yokoo looked up to him while Nikaido leaned towards him, pressing his hands on his shoulders. Yokoo raised a hand to touch one of his arms and stared into his eyes.
“So you are telling me that I am allowed to have feelings for you?”
Yokoo clasped his hands behind Nikaido’s neck and pulled him down on his lips, that were demanding, much more demanding than Nikaido’s had been a few minutes before in the hallway.
“I grant you my permission.” Yokoo whispered in a chuckle, breathing out air on Nikaido’s lips. “Of course, if it’s not too late, but the fact you ran here in the middle of the night gives me reasons to think it isn’t late.”
“You fucker...” Nikaido said pouting and tilting his head to accept Yokoo’s kiss once again. His tongue seemed to be eager to discover what Nikaido’s tongue felt like. Nikaido didn’t let him wait and opened his mouth to accept his tongue inside it, and it felt warm, warmer than anything else, the sensation wrapped his body with threads of pleasure. Yokoo kept moving his mouth, exploring all the possible spots to kiss Nikaido and Nikaido responded to the determined brush of his tongue, trying to get more of it. His hands were firmly still on Yokoo’s shoulders and he could feel the nerves contracting when Yokoo moved his hands to start stroking his back and to drag him closer. Suddenly he got up and without parting from the other’s body, he dragged him, and kissed him all the way to the bedroom, his hands daring to strip off Nikaido of his coat and t-shirt. The second it took Nikaido to take off his t-shirt, seemed incredibly long because their lips were already so used to stay together that didn’t accept the separation so easily.
“Come.” Yokoo grabbed him and pressed their lips together again while Nikaido pushed him onto the bed.
They kissed for a while with Yokoo on his back and Yokoo kept running hands on Nikaido’s skin, face, anywhere he could reach. Nikaido’s hands were now in Yokoo’s hair, where they kept his head steady to kiss him. Nikaido wasn’t even sure what was happening, but being so close to Yokoo had his body scream in pleasure in every point his skin touched the shape of the other’s body.
“How about touching me? Or helping me undress.” Yokoo said breaking the kiss to breathe and give suggestions.
“Eh? You’re right, sorry, I was just...”
“Why are you sorry?” Yokoo slid from under Nikaido’s body and propped on his elbows. “Have you ever done this before?”
“Sure! Sure I did. It’s just that now it seems... different.”
Nikaido had sex before with other people, but he had never felt like this. Like the only thing he could do was waiting to be told what to do, like the most important thing was keep on holding Yokoo for fear that he would disappear.
“Come here!” Yokoo said, smiling and calling him to the top part of the bed, where he was sitting. When Nikaido shifted closer to him, Yokoo grabbed his arm and yanked him down on the mattress with a sudden movement, then he sprawled on top of him, a bold smile coloured his face and a glint flickered in his dark eyes.
“You look good from up here.”
“That’s what I thought about you before.” Nikaido replied. “You look good where you are too,” he added quickly because he didn’t want Yokoo to move again, not yet. But Yokoo didn’t move, not too much at least. He took off his t-shirt and entwined their legs together, leaning down for another kiss.
“Yet, you wouldn’t touch me.”
“That’s because... I don’t know why. Maybe I’m not quick with this sort of things.” Nikaido muttered, slightly embarrassed he couldn’t live up to the expectation. His own expectations. He thought it had all worked with the plan, especially the part in which he kissed Yokoo first. Then he had started to feel baffled and silly while Yokoo was such a grown-up and knew exactly what to do in this kind of situations.
“Do you want me to stop?” Yokoo hovered his hand over Nikaido’s chest.
“NO” Nikaido shouted, he often shouted without realizing. Yokoo just chuckled.
“That’s the correct answer,” he said, bringing his hand down on Nikaido’s trousers to feel the hard bulk pressing up against them. Nikaido squirmed at the touch, but then he lay still and waited till Yokoo’s fingers finished the job of undoing the button of his jeans and unzipping him free. Nikaido wriggled out of his jeans with Yokoo’s help. Then Yokoo took off the rest of his clothes and he was ready to lay on top of Nikaido again. His bare skin was warm and the weight of of his body was almost unreal. He only pressed the upper part of his body on Nikaido’s chest, but then he propped on his arm again, after a sweet, melty kiss.
“You can touch me, if you want.” Yokoo said, probably noticing how Nikaido didn’t know what to do with his limbs and seemed to need encouragement to start using them.
At those words, Nikaido raised a hand and brushed his knuckles against Yokoo cheek, then he brought his palm down on Yokoo’s neck, shoulder line, back on the collarbone again and down on his chest. He stopped on his stomach, just to wonder for a minute what touching him lower than that would feel like. Yokoo started brushing his fingers lightly on Nikaido’s chest, playing with his nipples and drawing on his skin, with confidence. He had all the reasons to be confident, because every little teasing touch had Nikaido twitch and moan.
“Are you shy, Takashi? You don’t come out as the shy one usually.” Yokoo grabbed Nikaido’s hand. “Or maybe you’re just a tease?” He brought his hand on his cock and Nikaido unleashed his fingers and wrapped them around Yokoo’s length with the other’s guidance.
“Mm so you’re just shy actually, I can tell.” Yokoo moaned as Nikaido started to move his hand, exploring his reactions as well as how his body worked and what he liked.
“I’m not, it’s just that there is too much I want to explore and I don’t know where to start.”
“I say that the place you are touching now is a good starting point... Mm!”
The sound of Yokoo moaning was amazing, it was more a growl rather than a moan, like if the sensation was so good it was upsetting him. Nikaido didn’t realize Yokoo had shifted his hand quickly to grab his cock and now he was stroking him, thumbing his head slowly with circular movements that sent shivers through all of Nakaido’s body. Yokoo entwined their legs again and his cock brushed against Nikaido’s, who instinctively raised his hips to feel more.
Nikaido liked sex, but he felt too confused to think about anything else apart from Yokoo’s excited expression and his hand jerking him off, so he lost the rhythm and seemed unable to control his hand around Yokoo’s cock.
“Yok- Wataru-san!”
Yokoo stopped jerking him off and stared at Nikaido troubled face.
“Maybe you should... uh.”
“I should what, Takashi?” Yokoo asked, his lips bent upward on the right side of his mouth.
“You know. Do it.”
“Do what? I want to hear it.”
“Go inside me.” Nikaido said, answering bluntly to Yokoo’s attempt of tease. It wasn’t like he was afraid of talking dirty or saying things directly, he just didn’t expect Yokoo enjoyed that sort of things too. “I can’t focus on my hand if you touch me, and I want you to feel good too.”
“Are you sure? Does it feel good for you that way?” Yokoo asked, seriously concerned.
Nikaido had tried it before, and even if it wasn’t his favourite thing, he didn’t dislike it, he just happened to have had more partners who liked being passive, so he just wasn’t used to it. But it felt somewhat different with Yokoo. He felt like he would do anything with him and if now that was the way he wanted to feel him closer, he didn’t want to hesitate.
“I want you, Wataru-san.”
“Drop that “san”, would you?” Yokoo smiled, then he crawled on the bed to reach his bedside table and took out a lubricant bottle and a condom. He stared at Nikaido while spreading the lube on his fingers, then he bent over to steal a quick kiss from his lips. “Relax, okay?”
Nikaido felt sincerely glad that Yokoo was such a caring person. He started touching the rim of his hole and spreaded lube generously, before inserting a finger. Nikaido squirmed, but then Yokoo’s eyes told him to relax and he got used to the feeling of Yokoo’s finger going in and out of him.
“Are you okay?” Yokoo asked.
“Mm yes, yes I am.”
He really was starting to enjoy the feeling, moving his hips so that Yokoo’s finger could reach deeper and maybe touch the right spot. When Yokoo’s finger actually found his prostate, Nikaido’s cock twitched and he felt pleasure spreading under his skin. Yokoo put in another finger, working him open slowly and gently, and until he was sure Nikaido was ready for another finger to go in, he didn’t stop stretching him. Soon Nikaido was pushing down on Yokoo’s fingers, enraptured by the pleasure those were giving him. He felt disappointed when Yokoo pulled them out to unroll the condom on his cock and squirt some more lube on it, just in case it wasn’t enough.
Nikaido didn’t feel pain when Yokoo pushed inside him. He entered him slowly, giving his muscle time to adapt.
“Mm you feel so good inside.” Yokoo muttered as he thrust deeper into Nikaido’s body. Nikaido raised his legs to encircle Yokoo’s waist and Yokoo dug his hands on his hips to pull him more towards him. He leaned on him again for a kiss and Nikaido responded stretching his neck up to touch his lips. Then Yokoo started to thrust faster, and Nikaido could feel every thrust and his body moved on its own, wanting more of Yokoo, while he emitted moans and breathed hard.
“You really feel good...” Yokoo hummed, his expression ravished by the sensations he was feeling and making Nikaido feel as well. Nikaido loved every bit of it. He loved Yokoo’s eyes, how they would run across his body with passion and then get lost in the pleasure he was feeling. His voice groaning in pleasure from time to time was hot, as hot as his body was feeling against Nikaido and as his cock was pushing more and more inside him, Nikaido felt like he couldn’t stop the pleasure anymore. He wanted to touch himself and relieve himself, but he knew he could dare to ask for more.
“Please, touch me.” He whispered, but Yokoo pretended not to hear. Or maybe he really didn’t hear, enraptured as he was in the pleasure Nikaido’s body was giving him.
“Please, touch my cock.” Nikaido said again, louder, and Yokoo shifted a hand from his hips to fist his cock and started stroking him, at a slightly faster rhythm than his own thrusts inside him.
“Don’t stop moving!” Nikaido moaned because that felt so good, and Yokoo reached the right spot inside him, making him shiver in pleasure. Then he actually trembled and in a matter of a few strokes, he came spilling on Yokoo’s hand, and on his stomach. Nikaido was barely regaining the sense of reality after the orgasm hit him, when he noticed Yokoo was licking away what he still had on his fingers, after he brushed them against Nikaido’s stomach. And he was staring at him while doing so and that was hot. Yokoo was hot and Nikaido didn’t expect him to be, not so much. He also knew what he was doing, he knew the effect he had on Nikaido, the reactions he caused. Nikaido felt a shiver of fear and excitement at the thought that if Yokoo wanted, he could make him do anything. And Yokoo definitely wished to abuse this power he had on him, as his fingers digging possessively again on Nikaido’s side suggested.
“Can I go on?”
At the same time he was so caring. Nikaido felt warm inside and confused by the contrasting personality the other showed him.
“Sure. You can.”
“I could go on for longer but...” Yokoo said starting to thrust faster, making Nikaido’s body jerk on the mattress.
“I don’t mind... Mm!” Nikaido moaned.
Yokoo continued thrusting inside him, and it really didn’t take long before he came too and collapsed on Nikaido right after. It had been a good show watching Yokoo’s face flush in pleasure, as he arched and threw his head back when coming. Nikaido was running his fingers among Yokoo’s hair, listening to his heart beating fast against his chest and then calm down as his breath did. Yokoo emitted a sigh and then pulled out of him. Nikaido stretched on the bed to grab a box of tissues and helped him throw the condom away and clean up his own body and anything else that needed to be wiped.
“Takashi?”
“Yup?”
“Kiss me.” Yokoo said leaning to press his lips sweetly on Nikaido’s. Then he lay next to him on the bed, his head on Nikaido’s arm, and remained silent looking at the ceiling.
Nikaido felt his mind drifting off, but he clenched on the rivers of reality, lingering just a bit longer, just a bit more, so that he could feel Yokoo’s breath become deeper and regular as he fell asleep in his arms.
Nothing to fear anymore, or maybe a new set of fears was ready for him now that they had exposed themselves and their relationship had changed so much. Nikaido didn’t care though. There was nothing to talk about anymore, nothing to hide and nothing to conquer, it was just him and Yokoo and he wanted to protect him, and wanted to feel protected. He wanted Yokoo to trust him and wanted to be trusted. He wanted to find out all the sides of him he had never seen before and he wanted to expose more of himself. But there would be time for that. Now it was just time to close his eyes and wake up in another dream.
--
Comments are really appreciated ♥
Pairings/Characters: Yokoo/Nikaido
Rating: NC-17
A/N: I'm sure Nikaido has a dog called Momo, but he has two or three dogs if I'm not mistaken. I was thinking about the Labrador here, but I really don't remember if its name was Momo. Forgive me if it's not correct information.
Summary: Nikaido can't hold back his feelings for Yokoo anymore.
--
Nikaido couldn’t believe it was over. He had spent so much time rehearsing for this stage show, so much effort bringing on stage all the things he had learnt and it was all finished in the blink of an eye. The last curtain call slid away from his life as he spent most of it glancing at Yokoo’s back.
As if he didn't spend almost all the period of time of their stage show staring at it. He didn’t want to be caught glancing at him, that’s why he was always staring at his back. He was sure that if their eyes would meet, he would not escape so easily. When they occasionally did meet, he could only avert his look and stare at his stupid feet or his stupid fingers or anything else around, trying not to show what he was feeling inside, but he was sure that his efforts usually failed. His forced demeanour apparently amused Yokoo a lot, maybe he thought he was trying not to be found in some of his mischievous activity, like, not putting the lid back on the bottles. Although that wasn’t the real reason why he acted that way in front of him.
He was frightened by Yokoo. The other members believed it was because of the years Yokoo spent telling him off and forcing him to keep his spaces tidy, to clear all his junk and be polite. Yokoo usually spoke in his frightening, patronizing tone, and everyone could see that Nikaido would just pretend not to listen, but that in the end he grew up and transformed from a grumpy brat into a polite young man. Or a well trained dog.
But what Nikaido felt now, wasn’t only the fear of Yokoo telling him off. He was scared that Yokoo could read him with his black, deep eyes, those eyes that seemed to burn his soul with their profound gravity. Nikaido didn’t want him to know. He didn’t want to admit that to himself first of all, but he was really scared that Yokoo would be disappointed and maybe that he would start to loathe him, or worse, pity him.
How can I be so stupid, Nikaido often thought, to fall in love with a colleague?
When they told them about the new stage show, how they would be the main characters and stage leaders together, Nikaido could only think about all the new amount of time he was now allowed to spend with Yokoo. He smiled, Yokoo smiled, they celebrated, because both of them liked this job and they decided to give their best, put even more effort than before.
Only later Nikaido was assaulted by doubts and insecurities. How could he spend so much time with Yokoo without exposing himself and his feelings?
Yokoo never showed him particular affection or anything that would allow him to think he was entitled to receive a special treatment compared to others. He was friendly with him, yes, but Nikaido was pretty sure he could see him only as a colleague. He was tired of hiding his feelings, but Yokoo never encouraged him to step further so Nikaido just hid in the shadows, waiting to catch a glimpse of his smile. It was particularly hard to control his blood to colour his cheeks scarlet whenever Yokoo walked around the dressing room half naked, with his casual smile and familiarity. Nikaido didn’t want to be caught staring at him taking off his clothes, however he couldn’t help but doing it. He wanted to see more, he wanted to know what it would feel like to be seized in a hug by his arms and how his skin would feel against Yokoo’s chest once he had encircled his thin waist with his arms. What would be Yokoo’s body warmth like?
Yokoo didn’t have problems touching Nikaido. Whenever he was talking with him, he casually stroked his arm, or leg, and Nikaido would treasure the touch, trying to make his body remember the shape of Yokoo’s hands and their warmth. But all he could do in reply was trying to stay as still as possible, trying not blush, trying not to mess up his replies because he could barely think of anything else but the fact he touched him. Nikaido never saw that as an encouragement though, he knew that Yokoo was like that with almost everyone. His notion of personal space must have been really vague, because he kept invading other people’s space with his arms, hands, smile and sometimes his whole body. Nikaido was kind of jealous because Fujigaya would get all the hugs. He was really jealous when they started to act like a married couple and even though he didn’t really think they were, he definitely felt like his feelings would somehow disrupt their relationship and the relationships of his entire group. That’s why he had always resorted to keep quiet about them.
If Nikaido had to be honest, he actually didn’t know when he fully realized about his feelings for Yokoo. Maybe during their junior days he thought Yokoo was treating him in a special way because he always scolded him. He didn’t like that of course, but he turned its meaning into “he scolds me because he cares”. And it was true, Yokoo definitely cared, but it was just for the sake of the group, Nikaido realized. After debut, he realized that he was bound with him together, the contract was sealed and kis-my-ft2 would never fear to be disbanded and tore apart anymore. Nikaido hadn’t fully realized how debut made him happy also because that meant he would be close to Yokoo forever, or until his idol life lasted, and he wished that it would last a long long time.
Concerts together were fun, but he spent most of the time with his friend Senga. Yokoo looked so secretive, always in his room with Fujigaya. Those two were together most of times, but Nikaido wished Fujigaya was only what Senga was for him, a best friend, nothing more. Nevertheless, this wish made him realize that his feelings towards Yokoo had changed. Without noticing, his admiration for him had been replaced by something else and now he was fond of him and he liked having him around or looking at him for a different reason than before. He didn’t know what the reason was, but he could feel it when his heart started beating faster at the sound of Yokoo’s voice addressing him.
The stage show made him really realize what he was feeling. He spent so much time with Yokoo and he realized that the other was so much what Nikaido was wishing for. First of all, Yokoo had this adult aura around him, like he was always sure of what was the right thing to do. Nikaido was nothing like that. Yokoo kept on failing during rehearsal, messing up his words while reading the script, but still, he stood there like an obstinate column, fierce and sure that no storm could pull him down. Nikaido really admired him. He admired him when he encouraged the other actors, when he listened seriously to the advices of the director and the other more experienced actors. He tried to be like him, he tried giving his best, but he felt like he could never reach his level of seriousness about work. Nikaido really cared about work of course, but his nature was always carefree and cheerful and he started to think that Yokoo did not believe he was doing his best. But Nikaido was, and he was doing his best not to bother Yokoo with his feelings too.
One day, after rehearsal ended, Nikaido was still in the changing room, after the others had already left, trying to put all his stuff inside his bag. It was sort of a difficult task, because somehow all his things had scattered everywhere in the dressing room even though Nikaido was sure he didn’t took out his Nintendo DS to play. Or maybe yes. Maybe he had even took out his phone charger and his sunglasses and he was in a certain urge to find everything and put it back in so that he could go home. Yokoo arrived next to him, glancing from below his black baseball cap, his black mask covering only his chin, but ready to be worn over his mouth. He was already holding his bag, casually shoved over his shoulder, and looked pretty much ready to go.
“Are you free too tomorrow morning?” Yokoo asked in a casual way.
“Mm yes, free until rehearsal in the evening.” Nikaido answered, grabbing his hat that had somehow managed to end up under the makeup table.
“How about a ride? I wanted to take my dogs for a nice walk, and tomorrow there’s plenty of time. The weather will be sunny too, so I was thinking to go to the beach.”
Nikaido must have looked pretty confused because Yokoo sighed and plopped his bag on a chair.
“You always make so much mess, why don’t you keep your stuff in your bag and not all over the room?” he said, unplugging Nikaido’s phone charger and handing it to him.
“Thanks.” Nikaido nodded.
“So, will you come?”
“Where to, you said?”
“I wanted to go see the ocean. My dogs love it.”
“But it’s so cold...” stupid! stupid! Nikaido screamed inside his brain. He didn’t know why Yokoo was inviting him all of a sudden, but he realized he was acting like going with him would be a bother.
“It’s okay, I can go by myself then.” Yokoo shrugged and picked up his bag, ready to walk away.
“Wait!” Nikaido shouted.
“No need to shout, I’m still here.” Yokoo said.
“Is this a date?” Nikaido asked, and he didn’t even know why he asked. He felt the building trembling beneath him and hoped the ground would crack and swallow him. But it was just his imagination, no earthquake came to the rescue so he dared to look up again at Yokoo’s expression turning from perplexed to smiling.
“Well, it’s time for our dogs to meet, don’t you think?”
Nikaido felt like he had come up from under the water and suddenly his ears could feel the sounds clearly again.
“Ah... ah right. Mm well, I have nothing better to do, so I guess we can go.”
“Great, I’ll pick you up at your place.”
Nikaido felt immensely stupid and immensely confused. Wasn’t this just an excuse to spend unnecessary time together? Or was it just that Yokoo really wanted their dogs to meet? Maybe he didn’t want to go alone, maybe all his friends were busy. Nikaido couldn’t sleep that night, thinking of all the implications Yokoo’s invitation might or might not have. In the end he spent most of the night trying to talk his dog into being quiet and sit still in a car without making a mess. He seriously hoped his sister or his dad had done that before, because, Nikaido just realized, he had never managed to teach Momo anything. When he tried to ask her to sit down, she would just stare at him like she was pitying him for his efforts.
When the next day he saw her responding to Yokoo’s commands and actually do what she was told to do, he couldn’t believe it.
“Your dog is well trained, I sort of didn’t expect it.” Yokoo said, smiling towards Nikaido and closing the car door.
“Yes... ahem. She is.” Nikaido preferred not to reveal that it wasn’t thanks to him if his dog was now sitting quietly in the back of the car on the mat Yokoo had prepared for her, next to Baron and Papiko’s cage.
“What are you doing? Let’s go.” Yokoo said opening the door for Nikaido. “You don’t want to sit with the dogs in the back right?”
As they drove in the cold, but sunny day, Yokoo put on music on the car stereo and did almost all the talking. Nikaido replied when he had to, but couldn’t come up with anything intelligent to say. He felt so stupid, but he was just baffled by the entire situation and by Yokoo’s hands on the steering wheel. Dazzling sun rays bathed his face, but he wasn’t bothered by it. He was wearing only a pair of big spectacles with clear lenses, and they kept on sliding down his nose if he looked down to check the map on his phone. One of his long fingers would reach for the bridge of the glasses to push them up.
“We are close now, look. The sea.” Yokoo said pointing at the blue surface that was getting closer and closer. Nikaido looked at the sea, then he looked at Yokoo looking at the sea, and he thought that he was so much better than every sea in the world to look at.
He shook all the thoughts about Yokoo away as they arrived at the beach. It was deserted, apart for some couples that were walking snuggled together in the cold winter air. The sea in winter is boring, Nikaido thought, but his dog was having fun and so were Yokoo’s dogs. Yokoo looked like he was having a good time too. Nikaido wanted to play with the dogs, run on the beach challenging Yokoo, or just walk side by side telling him whatever came into his mind, but he felt restrained, because every move would now just acquire a different meaning. His mouth wouldn’t shut up and would let it all out if he only let his guard down.
It was clear from the beginning that Yokoo didn’t see anything special in that day. It wasn’t a date or anything, it was just two colleagues, hopefully two friends, walking the dogs together. There wasn’t even the remote chance of Yokoo looking at him in a different way. Not a chance of him wanting to kiss Nikaido, not a chance of him wanting to let him run his hands under his shirt and, why not? into his trousers. Nikaido blushed just thinking about it, then shook his head as to send away the thought from his mind.
But what if I try? Nikaido wasn’t the type to let go of occasions like this. If Yokoo hadn’t been part of his group, he would have already let it all out and kissed him there on the spot.
Without thinking, Nikaido moved his fingers to catch Yokoo’s. He didn’t want him to stop walking, he just really wanted to feel the touch of his hand. To see how the other would react. But Yokoo stopped nonetheless. The look on his face was worried about something Nikaido couldn’t foresee.
“Nikaido, recently you seem so quiet. It looks like something is bothering you.” Yokoo said, his fingers still in contact with Nikaido’s.
“I’m worried about you.”
“Why? I am fine...” Yokoo said, the trace of a smile on his lips.
“You’re shivering.” Nikaido pulled Yokoo into his arms and hugged him.
It felt like time froze for the next twenty seconds they spent in each other’s arms. It felt like the world started revolving around them and the landscape was spinning fast, so fast Nikaido felt dizzy. Then Yokoo pushed him back.
“They can see us.”
Nikaido backed off and saw Yokoo nervously biting his lower lip.
“Sorry, I don’t know what...”
“I know. You know. Don’t pretend you don’t.” Yokoo said. His words tasted sour and he sounded cranky to Nikaido’s ears. “Nika I saw you. I saw the way you look at me. Do you think you’re so subtle?”
Nikaido was at loss for words, he couldn’t imagine Yokoo knew already.
“All this time... I thought you admired me because, I don’t know why but... oh well. I noticed it wasn’t like that.”
“Sorry, I... ”
“What are you saying sorry for?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m thinking and I have no idea of what to do. I didn’t think about anything.”
“That’s why you hugged me? Because you weren’t thinking?!” Yokoo sounded astonished.
Nikaido nodded. “You looked like you were feeling cold.”
“I don’t need you to protect me against the cold. You’re not my coat!” Yokoo bellowed.
Nikaido realized that if he could, if he was allowed to, he would protect him from everything. He knew how Yokoo worked hard, he knew how he put all the weight on his shoulders, he knew he didn’t feel confident enough sometimes even if he didn’t show it much, and Nikaido wanted to push him, or yell at him to believe in himself, because he knew he was cool, and smart, and good at what he did. And Nikaido couldn’t even remotely compare to the elegance with which Yokoo moved across his daily life.
“What’s wrong with wanting to protect you?”
Yokoo’s expression froze in amazement then he changed it into a stern face. “Nika, we are in kisumai. All we have is kisumai. You don’t have to protect me. Don’t even think about it. We have to protect the group.”
“But what’s wrong if I like-”
“Shhh” Yokoo placed a finger in front of Nikaido’s mouth.
“Don’t give me this shit. Just say you don’t like me.” Nikaido said, staring at the side not to meet Yokoo’s unmoved eyes.
“What can I say? I like you but...”
Nikaido frowned, and looked at the sand at his feet. His dog was playing with Yokoo’s dogs not far behind them, digging in the sand and splashing in the waves on the foreshore.
“You like me as you like a brother, a friend, your dogs.” Nikaido sounded bitter.
“I like you as a member. And I know I can count on you.”
Nikaido’s lower lip trembled. Rejection never felt so cruel. “I’m only a member for you. I knew that. I knew it but I couldn’t help but ruining it.”
“You didn’t ruin it... I did. I shouldn’t have forced you to come here. Maybe I gave you ideas.”
He surely didn’t know how many ideas he gave Nikaido, and how many of them weren’t suitable to be said out loud, but that was not the point now. The point was that now Yokoo knew how he felt and he was rejecting him.
“Why did you ask me to come then?”
“Can’t I just ask a groupmate to hang out? Is there something wrong?”
“We meet every day for rehearsals recently. I don’t get why you wanted to take me here.”
Yokoo remained silent for five long seconds. “I’m sorry. I called you here on purpose. To see how you would have reacted. I know I’m a jerk. I felt flattered by your behaviour with me and I wanted to know if I was right and...”
“Turns out you are.”
Yokoo nodded then he tilted his head to the side, towards his shoulder. “Why me of all the people?”
Nikaido didn’t know what he was feeling in that moment. He could have answered why not? Why wasn’t he supposed to like him? It was again Yokoo underestimating himself or was he just curious?
“Just because. I don’t know.” Nikaido shrugged. “You don’t feel the same way so it’s pointless to discuss this now.”
“Sorry... it’s just that, I can’t see you like anything more than just a workmate. And a friend.”
Nikaido saw that Yokoo was still shivering while moving the sand at his feet with his shoe.
“I won’t give up.”
Yokoo raised his face to stare at him, a questioning face with hints of surprise on it.
“I won’t let you say this.” Nikaido persisted.
“Nika I...”
“You said that you never thought about me like anything more than a colleague and a friend right? Well, I’ll make you look at me in a different way.”
“Interesting. And how are you going to do it?”
Nikaido expected Yokoo to be upset about his stubbornness, but instead he showed him a cheeky smile.
“For instance, now you know my feelings. You’re bound to think about me with different eyes.”
“Point taken.”
“Second. Your rejection is not nearly convincing enough.” The way Yokoo had loitered in his arms had been surprisingly revealing that he didn’t quite dislike the contact with the other.
“Nika...”
“Stop calling me Nika. Didn’t I tell you to use my name?”
“You didn’t, but I don’t see how that will change things...”
“Say my name.”
“Takashi.”
Nikaido smiled then shook his head and his smile transformed into a laugh. “You sound so awkward saying it!”
“No I don’t! Takashi! Here I said it.” Yokoo replied seriously worried, but then he saw that Nikaido’s laughter didn’t stop and he started to laugh too.
“I’m sorry, this is all so awkward,” Nikaido said, still laughing. It was a good way to conceal the tears that were coming out unwanted from his eyes.
“We should head back, or we’ll be late for rehearsals.” Yokoo pointed out, always the precise one.
“You’re right. Let’s go.” Nikaido smiled. He had to smile, because he wouldn’t give up. He would certainly manage to make Yokoo look at him in a different way.
--
Nikaido brushed his teeth and took off the top of his pajama, used as he was to sleep naked, and he was ready to slip inside his bed, when the phone on his side table started vibrating. He answered it without realizing who the caller was. He jolted with surprise when he heard the familiar voice in his ear.
“Yokoo-san?”
“Hi, did you go home alright?”
The day of their first show had been tiring and Nikaido was exhausted, but Yokoo’s voice soothed him and gave him some new energy he could spend chatting on the phone.
“Yes, sure. Always checking if everyone’s fine? You really are the mum-character after all.” From the other end of the conversation came a muffled laugh.
“I don’t do it with everyone.”
“Anything in particular you wanted to talk about, mama? I know I shouldn’t forget my lip balm tomorrow. I also bought a new one for you to replace the one you gave me.” Nikaido said, assuming a comfortable position on the pillows.
“Oooh so responsible. I’m astonished.” Yokoo replied, sardonically.
“I feel so old when you appreciate me doing this kind of things.”
“Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll forget something else tomorrow.”
“And I’m sure you will have like ten of its likely in your bag.”
They both laughed and then a silence as heavy as lead fell between them, just before Yokoo could break it.
“I need to talk to you about something.”
“Now?”
“I can’t wait anymore.”
“What is it about?” Nikaido asked, a bit wary because Yokoo’s voice sounded suddenly serious.
“It’s about the beach date we had some time ago.”
--
Nikaido was tapping his foot in the elevator and moving constantly his arms as if that could make it go faster. He stared at the indicating lights till they reached the right floor and as the door open he flung himself in the corridor and stopped in front of a door that opened almost immediately.
“Try to be quiet please. You’ll wake up everyon-”
Nikaido jumped on Yokoo and pushing him back inside the house, he shut him up with a kiss. Nikaido wanted to keep on kissing him, going deeper and deeper, but Yokoo didn’t open his mouth, instead he regained control of the situation by forcing Nikaido to break the kiss and step back.
“Come inside, someone might see us.”
Nikaido stepped in and took off his shoes in the narrow entrance of Yokoo’s flat.
“You said that before. On the beach. Someone might see us.”
“You’re such a reckless brat! That’s exactly why we shouldn’t be doing this.”
“You called me!”
“But you wanted to come over no matter what!”
“How could I stay put after what you said?!” Nikaido said, a mix of pain and happiness in his voice.
“I know. It’s my fault. I’m the one who stepped on the landmine.”
“And you killed us both.”
“Just because you are the mine.”
Nikaido couldn’t believe what was happening. He touched his lips that had tasted Yokoo’s and tried to remember what he had tasted like, but he could just barely remember how soft the kiss had felt. His eagerness had make their first kiss burst. Maybe he really was a mine.
Just one hour before, he was talking to Yokoo on the phone and his jaw was dropping in disbelief while his mind tried to realize what the other was saying. He didn’t understand much of what he said. Nonsense about him realizing how much Nikaido had been important for him lately, and how when the stress of the rehearsals had faded into the joy of the actual stage show, he had felt that his mind was clearer of uncertainties. But Nikaido understood the most important thing among all the things that the other spluttered over the phone. Yokoo said he liked him.
“Why didn’t you say you liked me on the beach?” Nikaido asked, without even waiting to be in the living room.
“Would you like something to drink?” Yokoo asked, ignoring Nikaido’s question.
Nikaido didn’t want to drink. He wanted to know why they were still chatting and why all this chat wasn’t even happening in the bedroom. But maybe it wasn’t Yokoo’s style to rush things, so Nikaido patiently waited for him to do the talk.
“I’m sorry Ni- Takashi.” Yokoo’s voice sounded sweet to Nikaido’s ears. Especially the way he said his name. “I’m so stupid.”
“You are.” Nikaido muttered, then waited for Yokoo to strike back, but he didn’t say anything, he wasn’t even angry at him. “What happened? Why did you change your mind about me?”
“I didn’t change my mind,” Yokoo answered. “I’ve always liked you. Well, maybe not always. But at some point I realized that I really do like you and that when you hugged me on the beach I was already thinking about you... that way. I just didn’t know yet.”
“Then why did you lie!?” Nikaido asked, half shocked half relieved.
“Because the group, the fear of screwing it all up. The fact that I didn’t quite realize myself that what I was feeling was much more than mere attraction. I think I seriously freaked out that day.” Yokoo said everything like he was hardly breathing between words. The same way he said his stage show lines, uttering them in the only way he could, focusing not to mess up the sounds in them and scramble all of them together in an unintelligible muttering.
Nikaido drew closer to the chair Yokoo was sitting on. Yokoo looked up to him while Nikaido leaned towards him, pressing his hands on his shoulders. Yokoo raised a hand to touch one of his arms and stared into his eyes.
“So you are telling me that I am allowed to have feelings for you?”
Yokoo clasped his hands behind Nikaido’s neck and pulled him down on his lips, that were demanding, much more demanding than Nikaido’s had been a few minutes before in the hallway.
“I grant you my permission.” Yokoo whispered in a chuckle, breathing out air on Nikaido’s lips. “Of course, if it’s not too late, but the fact you ran here in the middle of the night gives me reasons to think it isn’t late.”
“You fucker...” Nikaido said pouting and tilting his head to accept Yokoo’s kiss once again. His tongue seemed to be eager to discover what Nikaido’s tongue felt like. Nikaido didn’t let him wait and opened his mouth to accept his tongue inside it, and it felt warm, warmer than anything else, the sensation wrapped his body with threads of pleasure. Yokoo kept moving his mouth, exploring all the possible spots to kiss Nikaido and Nikaido responded to the determined brush of his tongue, trying to get more of it. His hands were firmly still on Yokoo’s shoulders and he could feel the nerves contracting when Yokoo moved his hands to start stroking his back and to drag him closer. Suddenly he got up and without parting from the other’s body, he dragged him, and kissed him all the way to the bedroom, his hands daring to strip off Nikaido of his coat and t-shirt. The second it took Nikaido to take off his t-shirt, seemed incredibly long because their lips were already so used to stay together that didn’t accept the separation so easily.
“Come.” Yokoo grabbed him and pressed their lips together again while Nikaido pushed him onto the bed.
They kissed for a while with Yokoo on his back and Yokoo kept running hands on Nikaido’s skin, face, anywhere he could reach. Nikaido’s hands were now in Yokoo’s hair, where they kept his head steady to kiss him. Nikaido wasn’t even sure what was happening, but being so close to Yokoo had his body scream in pleasure in every point his skin touched the shape of the other’s body.
“How about touching me? Or helping me undress.” Yokoo said breaking the kiss to breathe and give suggestions.
“Eh? You’re right, sorry, I was just...”
“Why are you sorry?” Yokoo slid from under Nikaido’s body and propped on his elbows. “Have you ever done this before?”
“Sure! Sure I did. It’s just that now it seems... different.”
Nikaido had sex before with other people, but he had never felt like this. Like the only thing he could do was waiting to be told what to do, like the most important thing was keep on holding Yokoo for fear that he would disappear.
“Come here!” Yokoo said, smiling and calling him to the top part of the bed, where he was sitting. When Nikaido shifted closer to him, Yokoo grabbed his arm and yanked him down on the mattress with a sudden movement, then he sprawled on top of him, a bold smile coloured his face and a glint flickered in his dark eyes.
“You look good from up here.”
“That’s what I thought about you before.” Nikaido replied. “You look good where you are too,” he added quickly because he didn’t want Yokoo to move again, not yet. But Yokoo didn’t move, not too much at least. He took off his t-shirt and entwined their legs together, leaning down for another kiss.
“Yet, you wouldn’t touch me.”
“That’s because... I don’t know why. Maybe I’m not quick with this sort of things.” Nikaido muttered, slightly embarrassed he couldn’t live up to the expectation. His own expectations. He thought it had all worked with the plan, especially the part in which he kissed Yokoo first. Then he had started to feel baffled and silly while Yokoo was such a grown-up and knew exactly what to do in this kind of situations.
“Do you want me to stop?” Yokoo hovered his hand over Nikaido’s chest.
“NO” Nikaido shouted, he often shouted without realizing. Yokoo just chuckled.
“That’s the correct answer,” he said, bringing his hand down on Nikaido’s trousers to feel the hard bulk pressing up against them. Nikaido squirmed at the touch, but then he lay still and waited till Yokoo’s fingers finished the job of undoing the button of his jeans and unzipping him free. Nikaido wriggled out of his jeans with Yokoo’s help. Then Yokoo took off the rest of his clothes and he was ready to lay on top of Nikaido again. His bare skin was warm and the weight of of his body was almost unreal. He only pressed the upper part of his body on Nikaido’s chest, but then he propped on his arm again, after a sweet, melty kiss.
“You can touch me, if you want.” Yokoo said, probably noticing how Nikaido didn’t know what to do with his limbs and seemed to need encouragement to start using them.
At those words, Nikaido raised a hand and brushed his knuckles against Yokoo cheek, then he brought his palm down on Yokoo’s neck, shoulder line, back on the collarbone again and down on his chest. He stopped on his stomach, just to wonder for a minute what touching him lower than that would feel like. Yokoo started brushing his fingers lightly on Nikaido’s chest, playing with his nipples and drawing on his skin, with confidence. He had all the reasons to be confident, because every little teasing touch had Nikaido twitch and moan.
“Are you shy, Takashi? You don’t come out as the shy one usually.” Yokoo grabbed Nikaido’s hand. “Or maybe you’re just a tease?” He brought his hand on his cock and Nikaido unleashed his fingers and wrapped them around Yokoo’s length with the other’s guidance.
“Mm so you’re just shy actually, I can tell.” Yokoo moaned as Nikaido started to move his hand, exploring his reactions as well as how his body worked and what he liked.
“I’m not, it’s just that there is too much I want to explore and I don’t know where to start.”
“I say that the place you are touching now is a good starting point... Mm!”
The sound of Yokoo moaning was amazing, it was more a growl rather than a moan, like if the sensation was so good it was upsetting him. Nikaido didn’t realize Yokoo had shifted his hand quickly to grab his cock and now he was stroking him, thumbing his head slowly with circular movements that sent shivers through all of Nakaido’s body. Yokoo entwined their legs again and his cock brushed against Nikaido’s, who instinctively raised his hips to feel more.
Nikaido liked sex, but he felt too confused to think about anything else apart from Yokoo’s excited expression and his hand jerking him off, so he lost the rhythm and seemed unable to control his hand around Yokoo’s cock.
“Yok- Wataru-san!”
Yokoo stopped jerking him off and stared at Nikaido troubled face.
“Maybe you should... uh.”
“I should what, Takashi?” Yokoo asked, his lips bent upward on the right side of his mouth.
“You know. Do it.”
“Do what? I want to hear it.”
“Go inside me.” Nikaido said, answering bluntly to Yokoo’s attempt of tease. It wasn’t like he was afraid of talking dirty or saying things directly, he just didn’t expect Yokoo enjoyed that sort of things too. “I can’t focus on my hand if you touch me, and I want you to feel good too.”
“Are you sure? Does it feel good for you that way?” Yokoo asked, seriously concerned.
Nikaido had tried it before, and even if it wasn’t his favourite thing, he didn’t dislike it, he just happened to have had more partners who liked being passive, so he just wasn’t used to it. But it felt somewhat different with Yokoo. He felt like he would do anything with him and if now that was the way he wanted to feel him closer, he didn’t want to hesitate.
“I want you, Wataru-san.”
“Drop that “san”, would you?” Yokoo smiled, then he crawled on the bed to reach his bedside table and took out a lubricant bottle and a condom. He stared at Nikaido while spreading the lube on his fingers, then he bent over to steal a quick kiss from his lips. “Relax, okay?”
Nikaido felt sincerely glad that Yokoo was such a caring person. He started touching the rim of his hole and spreaded lube generously, before inserting a finger. Nikaido squirmed, but then Yokoo’s eyes told him to relax and he got used to the feeling of Yokoo’s finger going in and out of him.
“Are you okay?” Yokoo asked.
“Mm yes, yes I am.”
He really was starting to enjoy the feeling, moving his hips so that Yokoo’s finger could reach deeper and maybe touch the right spot. When Yokoo’s finger actually found his prostate, Nikaido’s cock twitched and he felt pleasure spreading under his skin. Yokoo put in another finger, working him open slowly and gently, and until he was sure Nikaido was ready for another finger to go in, he didn’t stop stretching him. Soon Nikaido was pushing down on Yokoo’s fingers, enraptured by the pleasure those were giving him. He felt disappointed when Yokoo pulled them out to unroll the condom on his cock and squirt some more lube on it, just in case it wasn’t enough.
Nikaido didn’t feel pain when Yokoo pushed inside him. He entered him slowly, giving his muscle time to adapt.
“Mm you feel so good inside.” Yokoo muttered as he thrust deeper into Nikaido’s body. Nikaido raised his legs to encircle Yokoo’s waist and Yokoo dug his hands on his hips to pull him more towards him. He leaned on him again for a kiss and Nikaido responded stretching his neck up to touch his lips. Then Yokoo started to thrust faster, and Nikaido could feel every thrust and his body moved on its own, wanting more of Yokoo, while he emitted moans and breathed hard.
“You really feel good...” Yokoo hummed, his expression ravished by the sensations he was feeling and making Nikaido feel as well. Nikaido loved every bit of it. He loved Yokoo’s eyes, how they would run across his body with passion and then get lost in the pleasure he was feeling. His voice groaning in pleasure from time to time was hot, as hot as his body was feeling against Nikaido and as his cock was pushing more and more inside him, Nikaido felt like he couldn’t stop the pleasure anymore. He wanted to touch himself and relieve himself, but he knew he could dare to ask for more.
“Please, touch me.” He whispered, but Yokoo pretended not to hear. Or maybe he really didn’t hear, enraptured as he was in the pleasure Nikaido’s body was giving him.
“Please, touch my cock.” Nikaido said again, louder, and Yokoo shifted a hand from his hips to fist his cock and started stroking him, at a slightly faster rhythm than his own thrusts inside him.
“Don’t stop moving!” Nikaido moaned because that felt so good, and Yokoo reached the right spot inside him, making him shiver in pleasure. Then he actually trembled and in a matter of a few strokes, he came spilling on Yokoo’s hand, and on his stomach. Nikaido was barely regaining the sense of reality after the orgasm hit him, when he noticed Yokoo was licking away what he still had on his fingers, after he brushed them against Nikaido’s stomach. And he was staring at him while doing so and that was hot. Yokoo was hot and Nikaido didn’t expect him to be, not so much. He also knew what he was doing, he knew the effect he had on Nikaido, the reactions he caused. Nikaido felt a shiver of fear and excitement at the thought that if Yokoo wanted, he could make him do anything. And Yokoo definitely wished to abuse this power he had on him, as his fingers digging possessively again on Nikaido’s side suggested.
“Can I go on?”
At the same time he was so caring. Nikaido felt warm inside and confused by the contrasting personality the other showed him.
“Sure. You can.”
“I could go on for longer but...” Yokoo said starting to thrust faster, making Nikaido’s body jerk on the mattress.
“I don’t mind... Mm!” Nikaido moaned.
Yokoo continued thrusting inside him, and it really didn’t take long before he came too and collapsed on Nikaido right after. It had been a good show watching Yokoo’s face flush in pleasure, as he arched and threw his head back when coming. Nikaido was running his fingers among Yokoo’s hair, listening to his heart beating fast against his chest and then calm down as his breath did. Yokoo emitted a sigh and then pulled out of him. Nikaido stretched on the bed to grab a box of tissues and helped him throw the condom away and clean up his own body and anything else that needed to be wiped.
“Takashi?”
“Yup?”
“Kiss me.” Yokoo said leaning to press his lips sweetly on Nikaido’s. Then he lay next to him on the bed, his head on Nikaido’s arm, and remained silent looking at the ceiling.
Nikaido felt his mind drifting off, but he clenched on the rivers of reality, lingering just a bit longer, just a bit more, so that he could feel Yokoo’s breath become deeper and regular as he fell asleep in his arms.
Nothing to fear anymore, or maybe a new set of fears was ready for him now that they had exposed themselves and their relationship had changed so much. Nikaido didn’t care though. There was nothing to talk about anymore, nothing to hide and nothing to conquer, it was just him and Yokoo and he wanted to protect him, and wanted to feel protected. He wanted Yokoo to trust him and wanted to be trusted. He wanted to find out all the sides of him he had never seen before and he wanted to expose more of himself. But there would be time for that. Now it was just time to close his eyes and wake up in another dream.
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Comments are really appreciated ♥