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Bullets Dodged
If your ex sends you a message that says “Merry Christmas and Happy New Year”, even if you take offense at this message, you have several reasonable outlets for recourse. You could ignore the message. You could exclaim in an insulted manner amongst your friends about how your ex wished you a Merry Christmas even though you hate that bitch and ( Read more... ) -
Kitten Update
The little guy didn't make it. His bladder ruptured and he had to be put to sleep at the emergency vet on October 8. Of all the pets I've lost in the last few years, this has hit me the hardest, maybe because I feel like I should have been able to do more for him. He was such a sweet baby, and I feel like I let him down. I can still see his little ( Read more... ) -
My Kitten is Cuter Than Your Kid
In the past week, I have spent an obscene amount of money on a two-month-old kitten. I didn’t buy a fancy designer kitten, but rather spent the money on vet bills to keep alive a plain, garden-variety stray kitten. He’s not even the cutest kitten in the litter, but some would argue he is the sweetest and most gentle-natured. He’s one of four ( Read more... ) -
All the King's Horses
I've been spending a lot of time recently trying to figure out what went wrong. Whenever people hear what happened, they always want to know why. They expect a short, pat answer, like I have this all neatly dissected and tidied up in a brief summary report. I guess maybe I expect that, too. Shouldn't things be tidied up by now ( Read more... ) -
Stoner logic
Friend A (upon walking into bathroom where Friend B was taking a shower): Why is there a bong in the bathroom?
Friend B: Because I can't take a shower and smoke a bong in the living room, now can I? -
The Old Timey Miner Cookbook
This is going to be my next get-rich-quick scheme. I'm going to come up with recipes using only items for which we find evidence on archaeological sites. It's marketing genius! Now all I have to do is figure out what you can make from evaporated milk, lard, baking powder, canned bacon, and liquor.
Bacon biscuit martini, anyone? -
Planes, Trains, and Ponies
People are always bemoaning the sad state of the American high school student, that pathetic dullard who can't place the Civil War in the right century and can't tell Neil Armstrong from Louis Armstrong. But how can we blame them when newspaper journalists can't even be bothered to get their facts remotely right? Here is a direct quote from an ( Read more... ) -
Worst year ever
Another thing to add to the list of things I've learned the hard way.
It doesn't matter how much you love someone or how much they say they love you. They can still just leave. -
National tragedies
There's nothing like a "national tragedy" like the recent school shooting in Connecticut to bring out the self-righteous citizenry eager to foist their opinions upon us about why this happened and What It All Means. A sophisticated understanding of the facts is not necessary for this endeavor, which requires only knee-jerk reactions and gratuitous ( Read more... ) -
It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World
All my Mom wants for Christmas this year is a John Denver cd. Easy enough, I think. Ha! Turns out that all my Mom wants for Christmas this year is the rarest Hope Diamond of a crazy-expensive John Denver cd. The cheapest new version that I could find anywhere on the entire planet is $200. For a cd! A plain old cd! Full of nothing but the mind- ( Read more... )