Look up the lyrics to Gotta knock a little harder (which is an amazing song btw) from the Cowboy bebop movie. It's basically the same thing you just said in that last big paragraph, cause it's rediculous how similar I am to you in that aspect. Well, look it up most likely at animelyrics.com cause the song reflected upon me alot and it's why I have the "still knockin but haven't quite broken down the door just yet" at the top of my journal. See if it speaks to you as well as it did to me.
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