poems have possibilities [4/6]
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PART THREE
Jared
The following Sunday, Jared took Jensen out to brunch, as he promised, as a thank you. His hand was no longer in a sling, and even though it ached, he was able to cut up his pancakes himself.
“Look, Ma!” Jared pointed at his pancakes with his knife in his left hands, tongue caught between his teeth. Jensen laughed.
“I’m so proud of you,” he said, smiling. Jared felt a warm flush from head to toe, felt it settle in his chest. He wanted to keep it there. He slid his foot against Jensen’s under the table, rubbed the back of Jensen’s calf. He delighted in the light pink blush that dusted Jensen’s cheeks. There was some maple syrup caught on the corner of his lips and Jared leaned forward, wiped it away and licked it off his thumb. The heat in Jensen’s eyes made him shudder, a promise that spoke of later.
Jared couldn’t wait.
~*~
Sunday became part of their routine. It became their day, just the two of them and the dogs. Always the same diner in town, pancakes with maple syrup. They played footsie and it was simple and affectionate. It felt good to have that kind of open affection, to have someone so delighted in being there with him. Jensen laughed at his jokes and listened when he had something to say. Jared had run away and arrived in a place where someone saw him for who he was, who didn’t judge him for it. It hurt, but only in the best of ways, pins and needles before you got the feeling back in your feet and when you took that first step, it always felt like you were walking for the first time.
Afterwards, with bellies full and their hearts not far behind, Jared and Jensen would take the dogs to the local park, watch Harley run in circles, chasing his own tail while Sadie waited patiently for Jared to throw the ball she knew he had in one of his pockets. They ran the dogs ragged, flopping down on the grass with them, out of breath and laughing. Jared held Jensen’s hand, thumb rubbing soothingly across the skin beneath it when Jensen got anxious and fidgety. Propped up on his elbows, Jared would lean over and pepper kisses across Jensen’s cheeks until he ended up smiling and slapping at Jared’s shoulders. Sometimes, Jared could get away with tugging Jensen to his feet and pulling him behind a bush or a tree where they made out like teenagers, getting high off the thrill of maybe getting caught.
Hours later, they would end up at Jensen’s and cook their dinner together, eating in front of the television as often as not. The night ended in cuddles, their favourite position of Jensen tucked under Jared’s arm, pressed up tight, and Jared heading back to his apartment, feeding the dogs and crashing in his own bed.
It was their routine.
Sometimes, on those Sundays - but not that often, Jared couldn’t complain - Jensen opened the door with red-rimmed eyes and a face pale with a hangover. Jared felt a cold weight sink in his stomach even before Jensen opened his mouth.
“Out with my friends last night,” he said. He leaned heavily against the door frame. “Way too hung over to do anything right now. And the idea of food.” Jensen began to look at little green around the edges.
“No problems, man.” Jared shrugged. His fingers twitched against his thigh and he bounced a little on the balls of his feet. “Maybe dinner later, then, if you’re feeling up to it?”
Jensen nodded, moaning a little at the movement and shuffled like a zombie back into his apartment. Jared went back into his apartment, flopping on the couch while the dogs used him like a climbing frame. Jensen never made mention of Jared meeting these friends, not once. That was fine, he thought, scratching Harley’s neck. They weren’t even two months into this thing of theirs, and Jared wasn’t going to push. He didn’t want to ruin it by bulldozing in. Besides, Jared was still flying high from the thrill of it all. He got kisses in the morning and in the evening after eating dinner together, sometimes more, and then Sunday was their day just for themselves, even if it got side-tracked.
It made life predictable. Jared knew what the plan was every week but he wanted to fly by the seat of his pants, jump headlong into things and question it all later. But Jensen needed that predictability. He needed structure, needed to keep busy. He created this new routine around Jared, with Jared. Jared kept up with it happily, a sense of belonging pervading everything. He had a sense that things were finally going his way. He couldn’t quite squash the hope that this was his happy ending.
On Fridays, Jensen visited his father’s grave, sometimes with his mother, sometimes not. Jared was never asked to come but never asked to be included. He didn’t want to intrude. Jared enforced that distance, so that Jensen wouldn’t ask about Jared, about -
Jared stood up, Harley grunting in indignation as being so abruptly losing his pillow. Jared grabbed himself a glass of water. He tapped his fingernails against the glass. He put it down, and braced himself on the counter.
The dark bags Jensen had under his eyes when Jared first met him became lighter, his hunched shoulders smoothed out. He gave smiles more freely and more frequently. When those smiles were directed at him, Jared basked in their glow. Jensen was moving on, patching up the wound, letting it heal, and Jared loved Jensen for that, for his ability to move forward.
Jared scrubbed his hand through his hair. He was envious because Jared couldn’t do it himself.
He couldn’t do it because he still woke up in cold sweats most mornings. There were emails he hadn’t read, phone calls and texts he never answered. He figured, when he left home, clean break. Cut out the infection before it spreads. Sure, he was left with a severed limb. He could feel its phantom moving, but he was still walking. Sometimes, he shouted loud enough that Harley whined at him and Sadie refused to talk to him.
Jared pulled at his hair. He was wound tight with tension that never seemed to disappear completely. He often stood with fists clenched at his sides or slammed his feet into the pavement on his runs, trying to out-run his anger.
But he had a routine. He had Jensen. He would get over himself.
~*~
Jared’s big interview at Samsung Telecommunications was on Friday morning and he was so nervous, palms sweating, knees jumping, nerves jittering. It was too early to get a good luck kiss from Jensen, although he’d gotten one a few days before, when he told Jensen the interview was coming up.
Jared loved working at the shelter, he did, the people he worked with were fantastic. Lucy made him laugh, Matt’s silent company helped him work through things, and Charles had no time for any bullshit Jared might have tried to spew. But the job did not pay well. It might as well have been a volunteer position, and his savings were running out. He needed the job at Samsung. Imagine his shock when not a few hours after, during his lunch break, he had received a call, telling him he had a second interview, that it was predominately a formality. Samsung loved him, they wanted him.
He ran shouting into the office at the shelter, picking up Lucy and swinging her around. She was the receptionist and from the first day she had made a point of getting to know Jared.
She slapped him across the shoulders. “Put me down, you giant oaf,” she yelled. Charlie and Matt, Jared’s other two co-workers, came running in at the commotion.
Jared dropped Lucy to the floor and laughed at the cross look she gave him. “I got a second interview! I basically have it in the bag!”
The small office descended into chaos, all three of them telling him congratulations, slapping him on the back. The dogs in the kennels became howling along and, after a light punch to the shoulder and a smile, Matt and Charlie went to take care of it, leaving Lucy and Jared behind.
Lucy’s red hair had unravelled somewhat and her grey eyes twinkled. “I am taking you out to dinner to celebrate.”
Jared shook his head. “You shouldn’t, honestly, Luce -”
“Ah!” Lucy held up a hand. “Do not even say it.”
Dinner was great, steaks and a cold beer, couldn’t beat it, but when she invited him out to drinks on the Saturday, he declined. She looked at him knowingly.
“Don’t want to mess up your Sundays, huh.”
He nodded and blushed. She pecked him on the cheek.
“I hope he knows how lucky he is.”
It wasn’t that early on that Sunday morning when Jared crossed the hallway to knock on Jensen’s door, but early enough that he still got no reply. He waited for several long minutes. Knocked again and still nothing. He pressed his ear against the door and could hear no movement. Disappointment had his breath catching a little in his throat as he wandered back into his apartment. Jared sent one text, then two, and still received no answer.
“Well, shit.” Jared’s voice was too loud, and Sadie yipped. “Sorry, girl,” he said soothingly as he leaned down to scratch her behind the ears. Harley woofed from the couch, indignant of the fact that Sadie had gotten neck scritches and he hadn’t. Jared managed a small chuckle.
“All right, all right, plenty of me to go around, big fella.”
He dropped down onto the couch and Harley flopped down over his thighs, whining pitifully.
“You think you’re so clever, doncha, boy?”
Harley was soon satisfied. Sadie lay down by Jared’s feet. He felt comforted by their presence, tightness in his shoulders unwinding.
“He was just out with his friends last night, ain’t that right?” he said to the dogs. Their ears twitched and Jared sighed. “Out having fun and getting drunk, like I shoulda been.”
His phone beeped. As he pulled it from his pocket, his heart started hammering in his chest. Jared licked his lips, swallowed, but the text wasn’t from Jensen. He let himself sink back into the couch, Harley snuffling on his lap from the movement. Jared sighed.
misd u lst nite, shuda com out! disapntd, my yung padawan :P
Jared huffed a light laugh at the text from Lucy. Her texts were always on the verge of incomprehensible.
probably. turns out sunday plans were a bust, he replied. Almost immediately after, his phone started ringing. He made a face at the name on the screen.
“Listen, Lucy, it’s not that bad, I don’t know why you’re ringing me.”
“I could feel your sad, pouting face pouring down the phone. Honestly, Jared.”
He rolled his eyes. “I am not pouting.”
“Yuh-huh,” she said, clearly not believing a word he said. “Are your dogs piled on top of you, trying to cheer you up? Do you have that damned book of poetry right beside you?”
Jared glanced over at where Winchester’s anthology sat piled on the rickety table by the couch, waiting for him to open one up and get lost for an hour or two.
“How did you -”
“I didn’t, but now I do.” Her voice was incredibly smug. “So why did he cancel?”
“He didn’t cancel, Luce, he just didn’t answer the door. Or my texts.” He shrugged. “He goes out with his friends on a Saturday night, he’s probably hungover. He’s done it before. He’ll probably do it again. It’s no big deal.”
There was silence on the other end of the phone for a long time. Jared found himself holding his breath.
“Jared,” Lucy said slowly. “It kind of seems like it might be a big deal to you.”
Jared bit his lip. “I just don’t like being ignored, that’s all. I keep my Sundays free because it’s our day or whatever, but if he’s going to cancel or forget because he went out the night before, I would like an advance warning. It would’ve been fun to go out with you last night, is all.”
“Hmmm. Have you told him this?”
He cleared his throat. “No,” he muttered. “Not really.” He picked at the hem of his t-shirt before rubbing a hand down Harley’s back.
“Jared.” She sounded exasperated.
“I know!” Jared couldn’t help but feel incredibly defensive. “I know, okay, but sometimes he gets kind of shifty and I don’t want to push the boat. It’s still early days.”
“All right,” Lucy said soothingly. “You can’t do much about it now, if he still hasn’t texted you back. If you’re so stressed about it, go for a run, and we can still talk about then, if you want to.”
“Thanks, Luce.” She had given him an out and he was incredibly grateful. Besides, a run sounded exactly like what he needed.
“I’ll talk to you tomorrow either way, okay?”
As soon as the phone call ended, goodbyes said, Jared was in his bedroom and pulling on his running gear. He grabbed the leashes on the hook beside the door and the dogs came running, scrabbling over each other in their excitement. Jared laughed, hooking the leashes to the collars, and letting them pull him out the door and the apartment building. He didn’t look behind him, at Jensen’s big bay window. Jared put in his earphones, put on his iPod, and let the music and his feet slapping the pavement pull all his anger out of him.
~*~
Dripping sweat and feeling lighter, his muscles trembling and the dogs panting, he came up to the apartment building. Harley and Sadie flopped down onto the grass, chests heaving. Jared considered doing the same but something caught his eye and he looked up to see Jensen sitting at his desk, typing furiously on his desktop, frown lines between his eyebrows. Jared was riveted by the look of concentration on his face as he began to cool down from his run.
For long moments, Jared watched, fingers crossed behind his back that Jensen would look up. Eventually, Jared sighed and began to run through his post-run stretches. Near the end, as he stretched his arms over his head, he caught Jensen looking at him, a hunger in his eyes. Their gazes locked and Jensen expression shifted from one of desire to one of apology. ‘Sorry’ he mouthed, and smiled sheepishly. Jared couldn’t help but smile back.
By the time he got inside, there was a text waiting for him on his phone.
im an asshole. dinner @ 6?
sure. as long as you apologise properly ;)
Jared threw his phone on the bed, grinning, as he stripped off for his shower. Only a few more hours. His cock was hard and he was tempted, as the water from the shower ran over his head and down his back, but there would be time enough for that later. He cleaned himself perfunctorily, ignoring his groin, and was done in minutes. With a towel wrapped around his waist and another around his hair, he came out of the bathroom in time to hear his phone beep.
im sure ill think of sth
“Fuck yeah,” Jared breathed and shot off a text to Lucy before he forgot, telling her that everything was going very well indeed.
Jared spent the next few hours reading through Winchester’s poetry distractedly, finding himself reading some lines disinterestedly, mind wandering elsewhere, and others with rapt attention, licking his lips in anticipation.
Six o’clock came around and saw Jared running his hands through his hair one last time before he left his apartment to knock on Jensen’s door. There was a heavy warmth sitting low in his gut, a banked fire that would hopefully burn red hot later on. Unlike the last time, Jensen opened the door almost instantly after Jared knocked, as if he had been waiting right by the door. Jared smiled brightly at Jensen, felt a flush at the sight of Jensen’s bare feet.
“Hi,” Jensen said, slightly breathless. He pulled Jared through the doorway, hand wrapped tight around Jared’s wrist. “Jared, I am so sorry about earlier. I completely forgot. I really am an asshole.” His fingers rubbed circles on his wrist and Jared shivered, just a little. Jared cleared his throat before he could speak.
“Hey, it’s okay. Being hungover will do that to you.”
Jensen looked at him in confusion. “Hungover? I wasn’t hungover.” He let go of Jared’s wrist. Jared felt very cold.
“Oh. I just thought you went out with your friends.” Jared shrugged, looking away from Jensen. “You sometimes do that on a Saturday night.”
“Right. Umm.” There was a flicker of something on Jensen’s face, unreadable. “Hey, I hope pizza is okay for dinner? I was too lazy to do anything else,” he said very quickly, moving into the kitchen. Jared followed. He could smell melting cheese and pepperoni.
“You got pepperoni? My favourite!”
Jensen looked at him fondly. “I know.” Jared watched Jensen carefully. That look from before was gone, as if it was never there. All Jared could see was affection, soft and sweet. He twitched his hands, shaking the suspicious feeling off. He moved over to Jensen, close enough to feel body heat.
“So, I have some news.”
Jensen raised his eyebrows. “Oh?”
“Mmmhmm,” Jared hummed as he ghosted his nose along Jensen’s jawline. He pressed a quick kiss to Jensen’s cheekbone. “Remember the interview I had?”
“Uh.” Jensen’s hands were wrapped up in Jared’s top, fingers sliding up the skin of his belly. Jared had to fight not to make a sound.
“With Samsung?” Jared pressed another kiss to the other cheekbone, sliding a hand down around Jensen’s side, leaving it to rest just above the curve of his ass. Jensen made a stifled noise.
“Yes. Right, of course,” he muttered, clearly distracted.
“I have a second interview next Monday. I’ll probably get the job.” Jared breathed across Jensen’s ear, arousal flooding through him as Jensen shuddered in him arms. He brought his hand down to squeeze Jensen’s ass, fingers curving to press under and in.
“Cool,” Jensen gulped. “Jesus Christ.” He brought his hands up to tangle in Jared’s hair, tugging his head back. His cheeks were flushed and his eyes dark. He licked his lips and Jared mirrored him, relishing the moment when Jensen’s gaze dropped to watch. Then he blinked, eyes clearing.
“Wait. Jared, what?” He grinned up at Jared. “You have a second interview? For real?”
“Yeah, for real.”
“C’mere, then. That deserves a reward,” Jensen leered. He nipped at Jared’s lower lip and when Jared opened his mouth on a gasp, Jensen licked inside, heavy and absolutely fucking filthy. Their tongues slide together, lips gliding across each other. Jensen had gotten so much at that. Jared’s scalp tingled where Jensen tugged on his hair. He pressed his hips closer and was rewarded with Jensen groaning into his mouth. He pulled away with a slick sound, both of them panting.
“You,” Jensen said, “go sit on the couch while I turn off the oven. Pizzas are probably done.” Jared flushed as Jensen’s eyes travelled down his chest to his groin, where his hard cock was pressing up against the zipper of his jeans. Jensen moved forward and rubbed a hand up the length. Jared moaned as Jensen bit a sucking kiss into the hinge of his jaw. “Don’t start without me,” he breathed.
Jared stumbled into the main room, loving this more confident side of Jensen, one that he rarely got to see. He practically fell onto the couch, legs sprawled. He couldn’t help run his hands up and down his thighs, getting closer to his dick with each pass, listening to Jensen in the kitchen. The most breath-taking thing about them was the ease of their relationship, the intensity of feeling, how with one kiss, a flick of a tongue and Jared was spinning, didn’t know up from down.
When Jensen came in, he immediately went to kneel between Jared’s open legs.
“Oh, fuck.” Jared’s dicked twitched in his jeans almost painfully. “Oh, fuck, please.”
Jared’s fingers shook as Jensen popped the button on his jeans, pulled the zipper down slow, his eyes on Jared’s the whole time. There was a wet spot on Jared’s boxers already, and he blushed, embarrassed at how much he wanted Jensen to suck him off.
Jensen pulled his boxers down and then wrapped a hand around Jared’s cock. He swiped his thumb across the head and Jared bit his lip, grunting.
Jensen cleared his throat. “So, do you want this to be fast or slow?” He leaned forward, lips brushing the glistening head as he spoke.
Jared’s blush moved down his chest, his cheeks on fire. “I’m not going to last long enough for slow, baby.”
Jensen’s eyes got darker. “Good,” he murmured, and licked gently across the glans. He looked at Jared’s dick and swallowed almost nervously. Before Jared could say anything, Jensen was swallowing him down.
Jared locked his body tight, squeezed his eyes shut. Pleasure spiked through him, leaving him breathless. Jensen fluttered his tongue against the length of his cock as he pulled up and Jared felt fireworks spark under his skin. Jensen sucked on the bundle of nerves below the glans and Jared’s hips jerked upwards.
“Shit, sorry, sorry,” he mumbled, scattered. “It’s so good, Jen, so good.”
Jensen reached for one of Jared’s hands and placed it on top of his head. Jared flexed his fingers, fingertips gliding over the silky stands of his hair. “I want you to fuck my mouth.”
“Are you sure?”
Jensen licked his lips, locking eyes with Jared. “I am very sure.”
Jared nodded, his voice now stolen and his heart speeding up in his chest. His balls drew up as Jensen took him in his mouth again. He brought his other hand to cradle Jensen’s head and tentatively thrust upwards. Jensen hummed encouragement and Jared slammed his head back, gasping and moaning at the vibrations. He thrust up again and again, rolling his head forward to watch Jensen take it. Spit dripped from his mouth and there were tears in the corner of his eyes. In a rush, Jared felt his orgasm pool in his groin and he fucked into Jensen’s mouth harder, faster.
“Gonna come,” he gasped. “Gonna-”
Heat exploded out of him, rushed through his arms and legs. His toes pushed up against the floor as he thrust once, twice more into Jensen’s mouth.
“Fuck,” he groaned, long and loud. Jensen brought up a hand to milk his orgasm out of his, swallowing his come. The muscles in Jared’s legs and stomach jumped with aftershocks. Jared swore, hand on heart, that Jensen was able to suck his brain out through his cock. He was gasping, almost incoherent as the last of his orgasm fizzled through him.
Eventually, he was able to return the favour. Needless to say, the pizza was cold by the time they got to it, but it tasted as delicious as ever.
~*~
Jared dashed across the hall to Jensen’s, knocking on the door, bright and early Monday morning, fresh out of the shower after his run with Sadie and Harley, and Jared had left his phone behind last night, left it sitting on the coffee table. Got distracted, his mind left lingering on the redness of Jensen’s lips, the feel of them around his cock. He stumbled back into his own apartment, falling into bed, and fell asleep between one breath and the next. Jensen opened the door, a smile and a kiss for him, his phone in one hand.
“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” Jared mumbled between kisses, quick and feather light.
“You’re late,” Jensen laughed. “Gonna miss the bus.” His eyes sparkled and Jared had to kiss him again, just one more, a harder press of mouth, a swipe of tongue, deep and dirty, leaving them both breathless and Jensen dazed. Jared winked at him. Couldn’t help it, kissed him again, and ran out of the apartment building with Jensen’s laughter ringing in his ears.
He caught the bus with one minute to spare, the heat causing him to sweat, t-shirt sticking to his skin. His gaze caught on the business suits people wore, smart and sharp. His second interview for Samsung was this coming Monday. Jared knew he was good for it, almost one hundred per cent sure. He wiped at the sweat on his brow, wishing the air conditioner would push out colder air. He thought of ice, beer in a cooler, lounging on the deck in a lazy sprawl, Jensen by his side. Jared ran his hand through his hair, pushing it back and tucking behind his ears as best he could. Maybe a pool, if he climbed up the corporate ladder. A new place with a large yard, so he could have the space for it and for the dogs to run around. A new place to start a new life. Jared tapped his fingers on his leg. A new life with Jensen.
In the cooled air of the bus, Jared let himself drift as he imagined it. A home. Felt soothing warmth splash in his chest, around his heart. It’s all he’d ever wanted, really. His family, in their house, so happy together all five of them. His memories of summer were some of his favourite. His Mom and Dad, bickering over the barbeque, the same argument about Dad being the man of the house, and Mom rolling her eyes and wrestling the tongs from him, claiming all he ever did was burn the meat and burn himself in the process. Jared remembered running inside to get the first aid kit because of his Dad’s stubbornness on more than one occasion. Megan, Jeff and Jared hollering and screeching in swimsuits, water guns in hand, absolutely drenched and having the best of times. Mom kissing the boo-boo’s when one of them inevitably slipped on the wet concrete. It was always Jared because Jeff didn’t realise being bigger meant being stronger. Jared had scars on both of his knees from skinning them when Jeff pushed him for stealing the better water gun.
He wanted that. He wanted kids who fought over meaningless things. He wanted to kiss their boo-boo’s better. Jared sighed, smiled apologetically at the woman beside him as he shifted around in his seat, his arm knocking into her shoulder. In the age old cliché, Jared had thought that a family began with a man and a woman, that a happy home started there. Foolish. He had tried though. Tried to have it with Christine because that’s how a family worked.
Something had never fit right, though. Jared rubbed his hands up and down his legs, remembering boys in college talking about nothing but girls and him not getting it. And then, in the last year of college, he stumbled across D.S. Winchester in his hunt through contemporary literature in an attempt to distract himself from finals. It was a discovery. Jared saw the words on the page and realised that what he wanted was a variation of the same theme. He could have a family still, kids and a house and dogs, and love a man. Love wasn’t just for men and women, but for every combination thinkable. There was a passion that Winchester spoke of and Jared knew it was something he would never have with Christine.
Of course, getting drunk at his graduation party and making out with Christine’s older brother in his bedroom was probably not the best way to find that passion. He lied to Jensen about that, omitted it at the very least. Jared couldn’t stand to tell him that he cheated, with her brother, of all the stupidest things. He clenched his fists on his knees, cheeks burning red in the heat and anger and humiliation. Jensen had a purity or an innocence about the cruelty of men that even his father’s death couldn’t quite exterminate. He was optimistic and believed in the best of people. It would be a while yet before Jared would be able to gather the willpower to burst that bubble.
Jensen looked at Jared with such wonder, like Jared was his saviour. Maybe he thought Jared couldn’t see it, but he did. He caught those looks and when they became too much to bear, he covered Jensen in kisses. He helped make that light darker and heated, changed it into something he coped with better. There was too much love in Jensen’s eyes, even though that was part of the intensity of who they were as a couple, that passion, that Jared adored.
The bus trundled along, caught up in the Richardson eight o’clock traffic and Jared would be late. He looked out the window, watching people on the sidewalk, driving past him in their cars. It seemed to him like everybody was rushing to get somewhere, or running to get away.
~*~
He arrived at the animal shelter at nine, rather than half eight. He apologised to Charles as he ran in, dumping his stuff in the office, where Lucy was lying in wait. He ground to a halt at the look on her face. Jared envisioned her as a fierce lioness stalking her prey, and even though there was most than a foot in height difference between them, he hunched his shoulders to appear smaller. If she couldn’t see him, than she wouldn’t ask.
“Well, look who the cat dragged in. Late night?” She waggled her eyebrows, grinning salaciously. Jared kept his face blank but couldn’t help the light flush that confirmed everything he wasn’t yet ready to talk about.
Lucy clapped her hands together. “Jared, you got laid!” Charles popped his head around the door, clearly intent on listening in. “Charles,” Lucy said, “our little boy is all grown up.” She wiped away an imaginary tear.
“Is he now.” Charles raised an eyebrow. Jared could feel the weight of judgment coming from it. He pressed his hands to his face and shook his head helplessly. “By the way,” Charles said, “it’s your turn to clean out the kennels.” And with that, he disappeared from the office.
“Why is this my life,” Jared groaned, muffled behind his hands.
“Oh hush now.” Lucy pulled on his elbow, getting him to move his hands. “C’mon, Jared, look at me.” Jared reluctantly, slowly, opened his eyes. “Was it everything you hoped it would be?” She blinked angelically. “Where there -” she paused dramatically and then lowered her voice to a whisper “ - fireworks?”
“You,” Jared said, poking her with a finger, “are an asshole.”
Lucy rolled her eyes and flicked her hair over her shoulder. Jared grinned, moved in to give her a hug.
“You didn’t hear it from me.”
Lucy huffed. “So, did you talk to lover boy?” At Jared sheepish look, she slapped him lightly on his upper arm. “Jared! How can you fix anything if you don’t talk about it?”
“I know!” Jared rubbed his arm. “It’s just. He was acting all shifty and he wouldn’t tell me why he didn’t text me back or whatever in the morning. I - we - got distracted.”
“He’s done that before, hasn’t he?” Jared shrugged, looking down at the floor. Lucy frowned. “I hate to say it, but that sounds odd and kind of suspicious.”
Jared pulled on the hem of his t-shirt. “I don’t want to talk about it.” He turned around to leave the office, his shoulders tense and squared off. Something in his stomach heaved.
Lucy sighed. “Jared, don’t run away-”
“I have work to do, Luce, okay?” he said sharply and left, grabbing the fork from the shed on the way to the kennels. Just his luck that he had to clean them out today. He was angry now, fingers gripping the handle of the fork too hard, muscles locking. Jared didn’t want to be asked questions, he didn’t want to think about this. He wanted to go with the flow and not question, let it all fold out by itself. He didn’t want to ruin it by asking the wrong thing.
Jared inhaled and grimaced at the smell. He loved dogs, loved his own beyond all measure, but this part he fucking hated. He couldn’t wait for his interview, could feel his brain shrivelling from disuse. He wanted the solid answers of equations, of there being a right and wrong answer. Numbers didn’t force him to overanalyse, they just were.
He sighed and began working, same old, same old. Every Monday morning for the past two months.
Jared needed to get out of here.
~*~
Jared arrived back by five, opened the door and was welcomed enthusiastically by Sadie and Harley.
“Hey, guys,” he said, a yawn stretching out the words, cracking them around the edges. He closed the door behind him with a swing of his foot and stretched, back popping pleasantly before dropping to his knees to receive his kisses. Sadie snuffled against his neck, licked once, twice, before settling down by his knees, curling around him, the heat from her body pouring into him. Harley slobbered all over his face. It was all Jared could do, just scrunch up his face and close his eyes and mouth, breath through his nose. Eventually, Harley settled down and Jared wiped his face with the hem of his tee, chuckling while making disgusted faces.
He puttered around in the kitchen for a while, not really doing anything, just putting away the dishes he’d cleaned that morning. He took a shower, a long one, as long as the hot water lasted, just to have something to do.
Six o’clock and he was sitting on his couch. It was old and worn but still comfortable. Sadie and Harley were draped across him. Their combined warmth mixed with the heat of Texas during early August had Jared wearing only his boxers, damp hair curling around the nape of his neck, getting too long now. He needed a haircut, especially with his upcoming interview, but Jared couldn’t afford one. He couldn’t afford anything, really, finally hitting the bottom of the barrel on his savings. His refrigerator was empty save for a gallon of milk, some bread and a few fixings for a sandwich. He was relying on Jensen to feed him half the time.
Jared had nothing to do. He had the friends he’d made at the shelter - Lucy, Matt, and Charlie, all the dogs and cats. But they had their own lives, rooted deep, and he couldn’t bring himself to disrupt that. All his family and other friends were back in San Antonio. He hadn’t spoken a word to any of them since he left. He cleared his throat and Sadie propped her head up, cocked enquiringly.
“I’m alright, girl,” he soothed, rubbing a hand down her neck. She settled back down again and Jared stifled his sigh. Maybe he had left too soon. Maybe he hadn’t given them enough of a chance. Then again, the shame had been too great. All of them coming back to see him in his dorm making out with his roommate had been too much. Just one look at Christine’s devastated face, the sound of his Mom’s heaving sobs and his Dad’s quiet, thunderous anger, and Jared couldn’t stay anymore. He packed his bags and ran away.
Whatever. He was moving on, moving up. He reached over to grab one of Winchester’s books, thumbed through it. He had a new job in his sights and a boyfriend. He had Jensen.
Except for when he didn’t. His rustling through the well-thumbed pages stopped. He wasn’t invited out on Saturday night’s for drinks in the local bar to meet his friends. Jared saw Jakob the once, or presumed it to be Jakob as he walked by the bookstore. Who else could it have been but Jensen’s oldest friend, who had Jensen’s shoulders shaking with laughter?
Jared dropped his head back against the back of the couch, let it rest there. It was fair, he mused. Jared didn’t really tell Jensen about his old friends, four hundred and fifty miles south west of here. A whole world apart now. That was how he justified it: that was then and this was now, two worlds and ne’er the twain shall meet.
It was in these silent hours, after work, before hanging out with Jensen, that his whole world looked grim, that he felt as alone as he did. Nothing to be done about it. Stay busy, keep moving. Jump from one thing to the next.
Half six came and went, seven o’clock, half seven. Jared tapped his fingers on his bare knee, felt the stretch of scar tissue in his left hand. Then it was eight and he shifted, lifted himself off the couch as gently as possible, trying not to wake the two sleeping dogs, their ribs moving up and down. He lingered watching them, emotion rising up in his throat and making his eyesight blurry. No matter what, he would always have his dogs and their unconditional, absolute love. He couldn’t consider himself lonely with them around, not truly. But Jared couldn’t keep them cooped up in here much longer. He needed more space for them, as obedient as they were in this small apartment. It was not fair to them. To him.
He went into his bedroom, grabbed a clean t-shirt out of his wardrobe and made his way back, snagged his keys off of the table by the door, opened it, checked to see if the coast was clear. Closed it, three steps, Jensen’s door. That close. Some days Jared though he would suffocate from that proximity, rare as they were. Days like today, he loathed those three steps, wanted none between him and Jensen, two bodies wrapped up in each other on cool, clean, crisp sheets, the feel of Jensen breathing beneath his hands.
One day, if Jared played his cards right.
Jared knocked on the door, three times, long and lazy, slow drag of knuckles against the wood. Christ, he was tired. His stomach gurgled. And hungry.
Minutes came and went before Jared heard anything, and then, just as he made his way to leave, weighed down, lonely and disappointed, he heard the scrape of a chair against the floor, soft murmur of a voice and the shuffle of feet across the floor. The door opened and Jared saw Jensen’s eyes widen in surprise to see him there, watched as realisation dawned.
“Oh, shit, Jared, I’m so sorry.” And he looked it, he really did, his lips pulled down at the corners, almost a pout, sincere, apologetic. But he didn’t let Jared in, kept the door half-closed. “I forgot, I was working. Someone -“ and Jensen’s voice petered out, went quiet. Jared was so confused.
“That’s fine, I guess. Let me know next time, alright?” Jensen nodded and Jared reached out a hand, cupped Jensen’s cheek, pulled him in for a soft kiss, and there, all was forgiven, say hello, I’m home now. Jensen hummed gently into Jared’s mouth and he couldn’t help but smile. Jensen had that effect on him sometimes. Jared swept a thumb along Jensen’s cheek, saw his smile and laid a kiss at the corner of it.
“You need any help? It’s for the bookstore, right?”
A pause, a flicker of his eyes, his smile dropped. “Yes, that’s right.” A rough swallow, Jensen’s throat working. A lie caught up in there somewhere. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay?” He gave Jared a brief kiss, a quick, impersonal smack and then Jensen closed the door. Jared stood there for long moments, wondering what just happened.
This had happened before. Last week, the week before that. At first only once but now sometimes twice a week, Jared was left to do his own thing without any warning, suddenly cut off from communication. There was a limit and for all his happiness with Jensen, he didn’t know how much more he could take. His conversation with Lucy echoed in his mind. There was a forced distance and isolation here. And Jared couldn’t stand that, no one to laugh with, celebrate with, to just be with. Bad enough that Jensen was cautious around him, never going too far, never pushing for anything. Didn’t he understand that Jared wanted everything? This hole in his heart when Jensen wasn’t there, this irrational, irredeemable, unstoppable, consuming thing that was Jensen’s and Jensen’s alone? No matter how terrified Jared was of this, not having it terrified him more.
Jared laid a palm flat against the door, so lightly he could barely feel the grain of the wood beneath his fingertips. He walked away and let himself into his apartment. Sadie and Harley brushed up against the bare skin of his calves, warm and so familiar but in that moment, not even close to enough. He walked through the kitchen, ignored the humming of the refrigerator, the growling of his stomach. In his bedroom, he pulled his tee off and threw it into the corner. He crawled onto the bed, his dogs curling up beside him, whining, snuffling against his skin.
Jared still slept with empty hands.
~*~
Jared woke up that morning in a cold sweat, panic lingering in his throat, an edge of terror running through his mind. He lay there, gasping for breath, willing for his heartbeat to calm down. He couldn’t remember the dream, the images immediately slipping through his fingers, irredeemably lost. He threw the best covers off and pushed his hair off his forehead. The alarm went off minutes later and with great reluctance he went for his run with Harley and Sadie. His breakfast was an unsatisfying sandwich, made up of the leftovers in his fridge.
When he left to go to work, he didn’t knock on Jensen’s door to say good morning, didn’t meet him on the stairs or on the sidewalk on the way to the bus. Jared didn’t look for him, nursing his hurt in his chest, feeding it slowly throughout the day so it kept burning. Lucy gave him a wide berth and he felt like an asshole. He went over to her before his lunch break and apologised. One look at his face and catching the sound of his rumbling stomach, she took him out to lunch.
The sooner he got this job, the better. He hated being so reliant on others like this.
On the bus on the way home, he got a text from Jensen, saying he had a meeting and wouldn’t be able to do dinner this evening again.
really am sorry, it read. ill miss u x
Jared scoffed at his phone. “Yeah, okay,” he murmured, disbelieving. Suddenly, it felt like all Jensen ever did was work. He didn’t give Jared specifics, couldn’t tell Jared what he was doing, all secrecy and darting eyes. And Jared was the odd one here, he knew it. He wanted to know everything about Jensen, every detail. He wanted all or nothing. He wanted a future, a home.
Next day. Repeat. Every other day, home by five, cereal for dinner. Exchanged inane texts with Jensen, did the same with Lucy and Matt. He recognised the need to extend, branch out. As much as he wanted it, it’s wasn’t healthy for someone to be his entire world. Especially when it appeared that he was being shut out. He walked on eggshells around the apartment. He devoured his Winchester books over and over, needing to feel that source of connection. Jensen’s face had lit up when Jared had talked about them. Tracing those well-read words with his eyes was a way of convincing himself he felt less unsure. He tried to prepare himself for his interview on Monday, but he wasn’t stressing over it. He felt confident about it, but not cocky.
Finally, it was Sunday again. He got a text that morning asking to push their breakfast back to a lunch. His heart sank but he shrugged it off. It was something he should be used to by now. Jared spent the next few hours pacing the apartment and playing with his dogs, their licks and kisses finally pulling a smile out of him.
At around one, he picked himself up from floor and forced himself out of his apartment. He paused before he knocked on the Jensen’s door. There was this feeling in his chest, a vice squeezing his lungs. What if Jensen was too tired? What if-
His knuckles rapped hard enough that pain reverberated through his hand and up his arm. It took a while for Jensen to answer and Jared kept himself occupied by counting the tiles on the floor. He’d counted the tiles in the hallway twice by the time Jensen opened his door.
“Hey, Jared,” he yawned. His hair was a mess and the bags under his eyes were the worst Jared had ever seen.
“Hi. You okay?” Jared asked, concerned. “You look exhausted.” He swallowed, and even though it killed him, he said, “We can postpone if you wanna catch some z’s, man.”
Jensen dropped the hand he was rubbing across his eyes in surprise. “What? No! I haven’t seen you all week. I’m not miss hanging out with my -. Umm, with you just because I’m tired.” He smiled blearily up at Jared. Jared was torn by conflicting emotions. He ignored them.
“Cool.” Jared could be casual. “Do I get no hello kiss?”
Jensen leaned up and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. Jared didn’t have it in him to ask for more. He would take what he was given and be more than grateful for it. Most of them time.
They had lunch in their usual place and it felt strained, awkward in a way it had never been. Jensen was tired and barely eating. He downed coffee like it was air, vital to his continuing existence. Jared ordered too much food and forced himself to eat. He nudged his foot up against Jensen’s but got no response.
Walking back to the apartment seemed to revive Jensen, or else the coffee had finally kicked in. When Jared went to get the dogs, Jensen spent a few moments playing with them on the lawn in front of the apartment building. Hearing Jensen’s laughter eased a tension in Jared’s gut, loosened his shoulders. When Jensen sprang up and, after a furtive glance around, kissed him quickly on this lips, it seemed like the day could only get better from here on out.
Harley being the rowdier of the two dogs, Jared held his leash while Jensen held Sadie’s. They wandered around Richardson for an hour, talking about nothing. The weather, the best places to eat, Harley’s over-enthusiastic and friendly nature when he decided to sniff or lick an unsuspecting bystander. But what Jared enjoyed most was people-watching and making up stories about their lives. Jensen had a scary good, and really trashy, imagination. It was hilarious.
“That woman,” he said, pointing at a woman walking quickly down the street, “is on her way to see her secret lover who’s in the hospital after being injured in a car crash that was her fault.”
“Oh, God. You’re ridiculous.” Jared slapped a hand across Jensen’s chest. “Go on, tell me why.”
Jensen grinned over at him. “Well, she’s wearing a deep red lipstick, hence lover, but with that over-sized hat and giant sunglasses, she doesn’t want to be recognised so it’s a secret affair.”
“Oh, but of course.” Jared nodded, mock-serious. Jensen elbowed him.
“She’s heading in the direction of the hospital but it’s far enough away that she should be driving or getting a taxi but she’s walking -”
“Because she’s terrified to get in a car after causing the accident that caused the injuries. That’s amazing. Honestly Jensen, you should be writing soap operas with that brain of yours.” He laughed and poked Jensen in the head.
“You are such an asshole!” Jensen tried to shove Jared’s hand away but without success. They had a little scuffle there on the pavement. It was only when Harley started barking and trying to join in that they stopped, breathless and giddy.
“C’mon,” Jared said. “Let’s head over the park.”
He kept glancing over at Jensen’s bright eyes, the soft smile that refused to leave his face. Jared’s heart grew three sizes, suddenly far too big for his chest. It was evening now, the summer sun high in the sky. The dogs ran around their legs, dashing off and then darting back. Jared carried their leashes in one hand. They walked close together, shoulders brushing, knuckles bumping and Jared wrapped his hand around Jensen’s. He made himself let go of the rest of the tension he’d been carrying since this morning. They moved off the path and into the small woods where the it was cooler.
“What are you -” Jensen started to say, but Jared cut him off with a kiss, something small and chaste.
“What about -” and Jared cut him off again with another kiss. He wanted to make this day a good one. He wanted to play around with his dogs and kiss Jensen when he smelled like sunshine and coffee and a little bit of sweat.
“Jensen, it’s okay. Nobody can see us,” he murmured. “Jensen.” He said it as if that was all that mattered and in that moment, it did. He breathed the name out, watched it fan over Jensen’s cheek, his green eyes blinking wide open.
“Oh,” Jensen said. He kissed Jared back, jolting into him when Harley jumped up against him, paws on his back, standing on hind legs. Jared laughed, fell to his knees. He received an armful of overexcited dog, rolled around in the grass with him, and Jensen joined in, Sadie soon after. Covered in leaves and grass stains, Jared was alight, a bubble of laughter bursting from his mouth and out into the warm summer evening air. It was a good day. He knew it would be, eventually.
Harley dashed off into the lush green trees and brought back a dried out stick, maybe half a meter long. He dropped it at Jared’s feet, bouncing around expectedly. He handed it to Jensen and played with his favourite girl as Jensen tossed the stick. Jared smiled as Harley ran off like a mad thing, came back panting. He had fallen in love with Jensen the first time Jensen had thrown something that Harley could chase. It always made Jared laugh when Harley leapt up and covered Jensen in his enamoured doggy kisses. The look of shock, surprise and disgust at that first swipe of his tongue never got old, Jared folded over in half, tearing up with the strength of his laughter.
Eventually, they ended up on the grass again, Jensen lying beside him. His white tee and jeans were wonderfully and horribly grass stained, his cheeks flushed and his eyes sparkling. It was a good look on him. Jared loved how relaxed Jensen got at the end of their Sunday’s, comfortable in himself and around Jared. Harley and Sadie lay slumped over their legs, panting. Jared felt the expansion of their ribs against his shins, connected and thrumming with it.
They held hands, leaning close into each other, thighs and shoulders touching. Jared leaned over and kissed Jensen on the cheek, moved down to his lips. Jensen pulled back. Jared leaned up on one elbow and brought his other hand up to rest on Jensen’s neck. He licked his lips as Jensen swallowed heavily.
“We’re tucked away,” Jared said, moving closer. “Stop worrying.” He closed the final few inches and brushed his lips across Jensen’s. “Besides,” and his lips didn’t move from Jensen’s catching on them with each word. “We won’t be doing more than this.” He kissed Jensen gently and he relaxed, bringing his arms up to wrap around Jared’ shoulders. They made out for a long time under the trees. Jared never pushed for anything more or anything deeper, allowed himself only a flicker of tongue. He swallowed Jensen’s sighs and light little moans, swallowed them down and locked them deep inside his chest, his to keep forever.
Eventually, they settled back down on the grass, Jensen’s head on Jared’s shoulder, while Jared rested a hand on his chest. They watched the sky turn darker and darker, light pinks slowly faded to the most beautiful midnight blue. Jared was happy.
‘This is my perfect day,’ he thought. And then his stomach grumbled.
Jensen laughed and shifted up to stand, brushing pieces of grass and leaves off his ass. He flushed when he caught Jared’s eyes tracing the curve of it.
He gave Jared his hand, said, “Come on, you horndog, time we head home.” Jensen pulled him up, one swift movement that brought them chest to chest, warmth bleeding from him to Jared. Jared lent down, captured those plump lips with his own, kissed them and nipped at them, sucked them until they were red and swollen, slick with spit. Jared sighed happily, wrapped his arms around Jensen, tucked his face in the curve of his neck, the bend where neck met shoulder and just breathed him in.
“Missed you,” he mumbled and Jensen gave a weak laugh. “I was never gone, Jared.” Jared shrugged, didn’t call him on the lie. Jensen gently pulled away from Jared. Something cold and hard sunk down his throat and into his gut.
“I’ve got to go, I have to wo-“
“You have to work, yeah, yeah, I know, Jen.” Jared pulled away completely. He turned around, whistled at the dogs. “You’re always working these days.” He couldn’t hold back the bitterness in his tone, felt that coldness spread up through his, down to his fingertips.
“That’s not fair, Jared, I’m just busy.” Jensen looked at him with eyes that were hidden in the half-light and Jared couldn’t tell what he really meant, watched as he opened his mouth to say something more but Jared got there first.
“And you’ll have more time next week, or the week after, or even the week after that.” The words came out faster and faster, dropping out of his mouth like two-tonne stones, shattering the perfect peace that had surrounded them mere moments before. “You’ll remember to have time for me then, right? Remember to miss me, remember that I even exist, right?” The anger he tried to pound out against the pavement was rearing its ugly head. He wanted to dump it all on Jensen, leave it behind him and just run. He’d done it before, after all. There was a twisting feeling in his gut, barbed wire and acid in his veins, that chilling cold burning through him. He watched Jensen’s face go white with shock and hurt. He saw how he’d cracked something and relished it, a little tit for tat. He didn’t stop even then.
“Is that what you were going to say?” And he flung his arms out wide even as his chest ached, split open and something vital was slipping through his fingers, pouring out of him and into the ground. “Can you just please tell me?!”
His words echoed over the now empty park, a sudden darkness enveloping them, deeper than he had expected it to be. Jensen turned away from him, saying nothing, his shoulders a hard line. He started walking away. Jared couldn’t let him. They weren’t finished.
“Jensen,” he called and his voice cracked. His throat was scraped raw by his words, by their vicious tone. He knew there were more, lying in wait. He had a wound that wouldn’t heal because he picked at it, his dirty fingers filling it with infection. He wanted to hurt Jensen the way he hurt.
“Jensen,” Jared called again, so desperately sorry, hoping Jensen could hear it in his voice. “Wait, I need -“
Jensen whirled around, a spark of anger in him, brutal and vicious and so surprising. “What, Jared, what else do you need?” The dogs cowered behind Jared’s legs, Harley’s head peaking around to gaze up at Jensen beseechingly.
“Oh, Christ,” Jensen murmured, scrubbing his fingers through his hair, dragging a hand across his eyes.
Jared took a step towards him, reached out with a hesitant hand, laid it gently on the side of Jensen’s neck, swallowed at the strained look in his eyes. “I’m sorry,” Jared said, straight-forward, trying to ease this whole thing as best he could, one quick swipe filling in the gaps.
“I am sorry, Jensen, I don’t really know where that came from.” Lie, lie, lie. “I think I’m just stressed about my interview tomorrow. I have so much riding on it. The rest of my life, maybe, my future here in Richardson. It’s a really big deal.”
And then Jensen opened his mouth, confusion writ across his face, and said, “Interview?”
Jared had to take a deep breath, tried to let it go. “Yeah, remember I told you I have that second interview? It’s tomorrow.”
“Oh shit, that’s right.” Jensen scrubbed his hands through his hair. “I forgot, sorry. I’ve been-” Jensen paused, licked his lips. “I’ve been busy, I guess.”
“I understand.” Jared shrugged, looking away from Jensen. He scratched his throat, digging his nails in a little. There was this huge feeling bubbling up viciously under his skin. He pushed it down instead. It was a bitter thing to swallow, to leave it sitting in the pit of his gut to fester. But to release it meant destroying this moment of a fragile truce. Jared pushed forward into Jensen’s space, cupped his cheek with the other hand. He felt Jensen’s come to rest on his hips, natural there, a perfect fit.
“I guess we’ve both had a stressful few days,” Jared said.
“Yeah,” Jensen sighed. He drew the word out, a drawling sound that ran down Jared’s spine, invisible fingers smoothing down the skin. “It’s okay, Jared. No, really, it is,” he said, shaking his head when Jared opened his mouth to correct him.
Harley chose that moment to bark, Sadie joining, and Jensen let out a low chuckle at their antics. “Let’s get them home, okay?” Leaning up, he pressed a kiss into Jared’s lips, said against them, “We can worry about this tomorrow, after our celebration.”
“Celebration,” Jared repeated, slow, unsure.
“Yeah,” Jensen grinned up at him. “Celebration. For when you get the job. We’ll do something, go somewhere, I don’t know. Jared, we’ll figure it out.”
Jared didn’t miss the double meaning of those words. Worried the whole walk home, the both of them wrapped up in their own separate silences. He got a long, deep kiss at his door, hands fisted in cotton. Just before he closed the door, Jensen said, “Good luck tomorrow.”
Jared went to bed wrapped up in dreams of hope, hugging a pillow to his chest to distract himself from the continued emptiness of his hands.
~*~
Jared got up earlier than usual in the following morning, his interview at ten and on the far side of Richardson. He went for a run, saw Jensen at his bay window illuminated by his desk light, scribbling furiously on something. There was a fierce twist in his stomach. Jared knew, in a burst of clarity, that he loved this man. He just couldn’t take being on the outside looking in, not after what Jensen had given him: the possibility of a future together. He loved Jensen and knew it to be too soon, but maybe this once, he could have his fairytale.
Pushing it all back, Jared took the dogs inside, had a shower, shaved, dressed in his only suit. He packed up his briefcase. His breath stuttered as he brushed his hands over the leather, his graduation present from his parents. He shoved it to the back of his mind and made his way to the nearest bus top, nervous and scared, heart hammering so loudly Jared thought the whole world could hear. The bus arrived and he hopped on, early enough still for it not to be crowded. His phone buzzed in his pocket with good luck texts from Lucy, Matt, and even Charlie. Jared smiled gratefully at his phone and shot off replies. He waited for one more text, but there was nothing.
Jared realised that this fear, this apprehension, curling in his gut and contorting everything was not because of the interview but because of Jensen. He’d do fine in the interview, excellent, even. He was charming and intelligent, and a certain exec had hinted at the previous interview that he was the main favourite, a shoe-in. Jared didn’t have anything to worry about. And still he worried.
He watched the scenery drift by, minute after minute passing, the roads steadily filling up, the pavements slowly invaded by morning joggers, others walking, mothers with their babies in strollers. The world kept on turning.
Jared felt like he was finally done waiting.
He walked into the Samsung Telecommunications building head held high, fifteen minutes early, and walked out four hours later, a new member of the software engineering team, but stomach just as twisted and tied up, hoping for the best and bracing for the worst. The first thing he did was send a text to Jensen.
I got it! Ttyl dinner @7?
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