My artwork
It seems this last year I have not been so inspired to paint. One might say it is because I am "happier" these days, and while that is true, I do feel that all in all I just have been stagnant as far as creativity goes. I have had periods like this before, I know they are temporary. I just have felt my creativity is minimum levels these days. In work, home and my artwork. I see myself being lazy and my mind not working as hard as it used to. Perhaps I have become to comfortable in my roles or perhaps I am just being a lazy girl.
The Friday before last, I decided to paint again. I had the itch for awhile. I painted a bit on my yet to be finished burning city number whatever (I think this is 5?) and moved on to a portrait of a girl out of my head (she is nicknamed Freaky Lady). My composition sucks, it is the standard girl portrait, a girl with a round face, a bit warped features, eyes wide, staring out at the viewer. I painted the background black/violet, she is naked though you can only see her shoulders and a bit of chest. At first I thought she was ugly/freaky as all hell, but working on her more this last weekend and briefly tonight she is coming along. The composition still sucks and is minimalistic but I suppose I should be happy that I am painting and not completely hating the work I am doing.
So tonight my brother calls up and tells me he had his real estate agent over and she inquired about some of my paintings he and his wife have in their apartment. She asked if I sold or did contract work. For one, as he tells me this, I am kinda shocked as the pieces he has are old ones from my teens and early 20's. I noted that and he said he told her that and explained my style had evolved a bit more and was more impressionistic these days, which she didn't seem to mind. She mentioned she had a painting in particular she would be interested in contracting me for, the subject a polka dot dress that she has various artists paint while worn by various people. The photo she would want me to paint would be a man in said dress, sitting down and smoking in the morning hours (interesting composition by the sounds of it).
My thing is, I have only sold to 2 people. One, a person I didn't know well and it was cheap, like $50 bucks back when I was 17 and another that I sold to a friend I had known for some years. The other thing is, I don't show my work anymore, I haven't since high school. I have left my oil painting as a hobby nowadays. I give paintings to friends and family, mainly because I know they will care for my pieces, they appreciate the work and thought I put into them and I simply don't have the space on my walls to house all the paintings I have done over the years. The idea of selling my work kinda intimidates me. Why? Is it maybe because I think the buyer will not respect/love it as much as my family/friends? Or is it that maybe I am really afraid to go out there and show/sell my work for fear of rejection?
My art teacher from H.S. that I still keep in touch with has always poked and prodded me to get out there and show my work, to sell it or go for awards...but I keep coming up with excuses like my paintings aren't framed (many need to be framed for show and it is $$), or I don't have the time, or I don't want my art critiqued by outsiders because I paint for "ME". So where as this proposition is tempting and also a huge compliment to me and my work that someone might want to have me do work for them, it is also scary and I have been held back by these fears. A part of me now thinks that perhaps this opportunity would be a good push for me to break out of my current creative block, the one where I keep painting the same girls and same cities on fire. This could also be a push to get my name out there and which might also serve to re-inspire me to do new pieces/compositions therefore getting my creative juices flowing.
I just am...I don't know, is it insecurity that makes me balk at the idea of selling a piece? Or is it the money, as I can't charge much as I am a no name artist? Is it my emotional involvement with my own artwork (which I do get very attached to my paintings, be that good or bad I do not know nor care).
In either case, obviously I am thinking about this possible job now and told my brother to get a copy of the photo or have her send me it digitally so I can see the composition for myself. Whether or not I do it is another question, but all in all what my brother had to say got me thinking about why I don't sell and what is really behind that. Insecurity. And maybe it is time to get over it.