Confusion
Okay I have been crying and praying and crying and trying to figure out why i am crying and why I can't stop for that matter. I don't know what it was about Nicci's post that triggered this, and by no means am I blaming her. It's just, I feel like I am losing it! And I don't know if it is the good kind of losing it, that God is taking over and I am losing my control over my life. Or if it's depression, and I am losing control. I am hoping that it is the first and scared to death that it's the last one. I haven't been able to concentrate on anything, it's like my channel keeps getting turned as soon as I start getting interested with or figuring out what the show is about.
Last night, M and I went to a bible study, and I really liked it and so did he, well at least that's what he claimed and then we ended up leaving. He "just wanted to go home" and I was embarassed and I was disappointed because, this was the first time that we have been in a position of meeting people our own age, that isn't just my friend or his friend, and we connected I thought....and then we leave. We made them feel like we were uncomfortable, and we missed the only purely social time of the entire evening. We've always known that I am at a different place spiritually than he is. But now I am starting to wonder how big that GAP actually is. I mean, I don't even know if in his heart, he believes in God, and relies on God. For me, believing in God is not a part time past time, it's not something that I can just turn off or on. I DEPEND on God, I could not live without God in my life. I cry out my heart to God and tell Him the things that I can not even bare to utter to myself. And I don't know, how can two people be together if they don't know where the other person is coming from? How can I go further on my walk, at the same time that he's draging his feet?
I feel as though we don't talk about any of this, I don't know if we have the same goal.
Last night, M and I went to a bible study, and I really liked it and so did he, well at least that's what he claimed and then we ended up leaving. He "just wanted to go home" and I was embarassed and I was disappointed because, this was the first time that we have been in a position of meeting people our own age, that isn't just my friend or his friend, and we connected I thought....and then we leave. We made them feel like we were uncomfortable, and we missed the only purely social time of the entire evening. We've always known that I am at a different place spiritually than he is. But now I am starting to wonder how big that GAP actually is. I mean, I don't even know if in his heart, he believes in God, and relies on God. For me, believing in God is not a part time past time, it's not something that I can just turn off or on. I DEPEND on God, I could not live without God in my life. I cry out my heart to God and tell Him the things that I can not even bare to utter to myself. And I don't know, how can two people be together if they don't know where the other person is coming from? How can I go further on my walk, at the same time that he's draging his feet?
I feel as though we don't talk about any of this, I don't know if we have the same goal.