*singing ( Read more... )

where do these thoughts come from. . its like i am no longer in control of my brain. . how do i lose function so easily. . frenzy filled flashes. . an urge of something unknown. . lucid walking days. . my dreams seem more real than this.

I've been dreaming. I was lucid. Who'd believe that it was all my own decision?

why am i so honest? any clues? its soo gonna get me in trouble.. i should learn to keep things to myself. .

my heart is locked.
there is no key.

but there is a code.


( Read more... )

you know life is funny. i had such an amazing day yesterday. jen is so helpful. jen and i drove to san marcos yesterday, we ate breakfast and talked, went to look for her an apartment which i come up with points she didnt think about. . i.e. knee surgery and stairs. . went to paper bear<3 and played with wind-up toys and stuffed animals. . went to ( Read more... )

this night has a captivating madness ( Read more... )

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"you always think somewhere else will be better, until you get there."

i dont know what to do anymore. the doubt is in my head and it wont go away. fuck. i was set and ready to go. now i just dont know.

there are so many things that disgust me.. i hate every second of this.. i am so completely over this bullshit you call life.. its worthless.. its weak.. its pathetic.. i do not fit into this equation.. the addition of my pain makes me nauseated.. i feel as if no one gets it.. i am the odd one out.. i am not like the others here.. i do not belong ( Read more... )

some of you know the happenings of the last few weeks. . i choose not to let everyone in on some of it because i dont like it. . this is not my best work but it is relavant to the situation ( Read more... )