So done.
I'm quitting my job. I'm moving away. From So Cal, to Oregon.
I gotta get out of here.
The results came back negative, but, I haven't had my period. and I'm almost two weeks late. :/
I know that stress and such can change it, but it never had before. What is this supposed to mean?
I have all the signs... But the tests keep saying negative.
I just don't want to accept that I'm not, and then turn out to actually be.
I don't want to move to Oregon, and then be like BOOM, I'm havin' a baby. How would I explain that to my mother?
I'm seriously hoping I'm not. and that this is just some freak polycystic thing. Cause the doctors told me I couldn't even conceive anyway.
I called off that relationship. There was something about him that terrifies me.
warning trigger -sexual content-
Maybe it's the fact, that he never stopped, even when I was seizing in the middle of everything. He never stopped.
He just spit in his hand and kept going. I'm trying to get him to get off of me. . . I'm crying my face off, begging him to stop... and does he listen? No.
Of course not.
I'm terrified to have his baby. I'm terrified to have anything to do with him.
I'm terrified that I really do have multiple personalities.
I'm terrified to stay here for the new year.
I have decided, that I am going up there, in two and a half weeks, and I am going to talk to my mom about everything, and see if we can't figure out a way to see if I can manage to move up there. Maybe even if my grandma and grandpa can take me in, or something? and Keep me up until I can manage to find a job, and my mom can find a bigger place to live.
I'm applying for OSU. My mom and I want to open a house, for developmentally delayed adults. I can get the education there that I need to make that happen. My mom works with the mental health department where she lives, and knows the system now, pretty well.
I just gotta get up there. I gotta make some plans to get out of this stupid, godforsaken town... Forever.
I never want to come back to this stupid place.